It’s impossible to answer the question “Do monkey-branching relationship last” with a quick yes or no.
The truth is that they can last very long or they can end very quickly. It all depends on what the people involved are like and how compatible they are with each other.
For example, if they aren’t compatible and lack empathy, it’s highly likely that they’ll work against each other instead of with each other and break up when things go south.
But if they’re mature and they know how to maintain a relationship, then monkey-branching relationships may not necessarily end at the first sight of trouble.
On the contrary, they could drag out for months, years, or until monkey-branchers stop feeling infatuated with each other.
No one can say if a monkey-branching relationship will last forever. Heck, no one can say if an ordinary relationship will last either.
But if a monkey-brancher lets go of the past and learns from his or her mistakes, I don’t see why a monkey-brancher shouldn’t be able to make a monkey-branching relationship work.
After all, a monkey-branching relationship is not much different from a normal relationship. The only difference is that it starts on cheating terms.
This may not be something you want to hear if you’re still trying to get back with your monkey-branching ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend, but try not to worry.
The truth is that cheaters don’t change much after the relationship. Most of them stay exactly as they are, which is why they oftentimes repeat the same mistakes in their new relationships.
They may not monkey-branch again because they still feel guilty from their last cheating, but they nonetheless tend to behave as they did before and as a result, manifest similar if not the same results.
In this article, we’ll try to answer the question, “Do monkey-branching relationships last.” We’ll also talk about the incentives behind monkey-branching and discuss whether exes come back after monkey-branching.
Why do people monkey-branch?
The reason people monkey-branch is that they get emotionally attached to someone who is new and interesting.
Due to the strong attraction the new person creates, they don’t see the new person as a person with flaws, but rather as someone who can spice their lives up.
This is why they keep on talking to the new person and continue to grow their bond. Eventually, their bond grows to the point where they feel that the new person understands everything about them, so they take it a step further and flirt.
When those flirting messages get reciprocated, they feel that they’re emotionally and physically on the same page, so they decide to cheat or sometimes leave their partner without cheating “to do the right thing.”
This is how they convince themselves that their previous relationship was at a standstill and that they deserve to be happy with someone who’s right for them.
There are many reasons why people allow themselves to monkey-branch, but the most common ones are:
- low moral values
- poor self-control
- poor relationship knowledge
- lacking understanding of their emotions
- unhealthy thinking patterns
- unhappiness in the relationship
- damaging associations toward their partner
- convincing themselves that they need to do whatever it takes to be happy
It’s important to understand that most people don’t look for a person to monkey-branch to. Most people find someone to confide in and gradually get closer to him or her.
Monkey-branching success rate
No two people are alike, which is why the monkey-branching success rate varies from person to person.
Some people monkey-branch into another relationship, spend two, three weeks in it, become unhappy, regret their decision, and quickly run back to their ex to secure their spot in the relationship.
As for the monkey-branchers who don’t return right away, you need to understand that they’re in no rush to return. They don’t always get involved with someone they’re badly incompatible with, so they stay with that person and give their relationship a fair chance.
Such monkey-branchers need months of time to see if they’re compatible with their new partner. Actually, they need at least 6 months because that’s when people normally start to show who they are and how they behave at their worst.
Taking this into account, we can say that the monkey-branching success rate depends on many factors that are out of the dumpee’s control.
But the most important ones depend on whether:
- the monkey-brancher has found someone as good/better than the dumpee
- the monkey-brancher and his/her new partner are compatible with each other
- the brancher has detached from the dumpee
Unfortunately, more often than not, the brancher loses romantic feelings and most of the attraction for his/her dumpee prior to monkey-branching.
The chatting, flirting, and having sex with the new person makes sure of it.
This leaves the quality of the relationship and overall compatibility in the monkey-branching relationship the most important factors to consider.
So if you’re wondering if a particular monkey-branching relationship will last, ask yourself the following questions and you’ll probably have the answers you’re looking for.
- Was the relationship the brancher left gratifying until the end?
- Was the monkey-brancher mature and developed as a person?
- And is the monkey-brancher compatible with the new person?
You probably won’t be able to answer the last question because you don’t have insight into their new relationship. But if you have it and you see that they’re arguing early on, it’s highly likely that they won’t last long.
They’ll most likely break up because they won’t be able to develop love, respect, and appreciation for each other.
How long do monkey-branching relationships last?
If we consider monkey-branching relationships from a rebounding standpoint, monkey-branching relationships last anywhere between two weeks to 6 months.
Anything longer than that is probably not a rebound because a person who has feelings left for you won’t be able to stay away from you.
At least not for long because nostalgia, pain, and regret will prevent a monkey-brancher from going against his or her desires.
However, If a monkey-branching relationship isn’t a rebound, then the relationship can last much, much longer. It can go on for years until the underdeveloped monkey-brancher falls into an old routine, starts taking his or her relationship for granted, and cheats or does something that destroys trust in the relationship.
Bear in mind that not all monkey-branchers cheat again. Not all of them are serial cheaters.
But a majority of them don’t believe in personal development, hard work, and relationship efforts, so they oftentimes lose the will to fight when relationships become challenging.
You can tell a monkey-branching relationship won’t last if the relationship has:
- trust issues
- poor communication
- arguments and misunderstandings from the start
- big cultural, personality, and religious differences
- a big age gap
- lots of unhealthy behavioral patterns
Here’s a picture showing how long monkey-branching relationships last.
Do exes come back after monkey branching?
The million-dollar question dumpees want to know is if exes come back after monkey-branching. Do they regret it, come back, and apologize for monkey-branching?
The best answer I can give you without giving you false hope is “sometimes.” Sometimes exes come back after monkey-branching because they realize that the person they branched to isn’t relationship material.
That person is often a player or someone who’s very good at persuasion, but not necessarily someone who has adequate relationship skills and long-term relationship potential.
Such exes indeed come back. They come running back faster than greased lightning because they aren’t happy in their new relationship.
As for branchers who are happy in their new relationship, they usually don’t come back. They don’t see a reason to, so they stay committed to their partner.
With that said, the only time monkey-branchers come back is when they:
- are unhappy in the relationship
- get hurt or dumped
- get involved with multiple men or women and get hit by karma
- or when they still have feelings for their ex
As you can tell, exes don’t come back after monkey-branching when they’re happy. They come back when they run out of options and discern that the only person who can make them happy is their ex.
Is there anything you can do to stop monkey-branching?
Unfortunately, there’s nothing you can do to stop your ex from monkey-branching.
No matter how much begging and pleading you do, your efforts will be in vain because your ex feels attracted to the new person.
He or she has developed a relationship – a bond with someone else, so any kind of “please come back” requests will not work. In fact, they’ll have the opposite effect as they’ll force your monkey-branching ex to relive guilt and shame.
And when your ex relives these unpleasant emotions, you can be certain that your ex will try to protect himself or herself from them. Your ex could do this by getting angry and blaming you for the way he or she feels.
This is a very common occurrence in cheating as cheaters often consider themselves to be victims. They say, “He/she forced me to do it! I had no choice!”
So whatever you do, don’t attempt to stop your monkey-brancher from leaving.
If your ex wants to leave, kindly gesture towards the doors and wish your ex well. This will convey to your ex that you respect yourself and that you won’t stop your cheating ex from leaving.
Another thing you shouldn’t do is talk to your ex. If you try to stay friends and talk to your ex, your ex won’t just hurt you and delay your healing. Your ex will also realize that you still think highly of him or her and that you’re not moving on any time soon.
To make your ex respect you, you have to do things that make you worthy of respect. And talking to your ex, unfortunately, doesn’t help with that. It just tells your ex that you’re willing to wait for him for a very long time.
So if you want to maximize your chances of getting back with a monkey-branching ex, start no contact and disappear off the face of the Earth. This way, you’ll focus on people who matter to you and convey to your ex that you’re strong enough to get over the monkey-branching breakup.
Monkey-branchers come back on their own!
Look, following the rules of no contact is not something I’ve come up with to give you false hope and to deceive you. No contact has actually been around for centuries.
Probably even longer.
But back then (before the internet was invented), no contact didn’t have a name. People referred to it simply as,” Be a man/strong woman and leave your ex alone. If your ex wants you back, he or she will let you know.”
Fortunately, nothing has changed since then.
When dumpers change their minds about their breakups and want their ex back, they find a way to contact their dumpee. They do whatever it takes to get back in touch and try to get back together.
Technology has made it incredibly easy for them to do that in the 21st century. All they have to do is log in to Facebook, Instagram, or whatever social media you’re using and leave a message.
So don’t think that your remorseful ex won’t find a way to contact you. If your ex is serious about you and not being with you brings him or her pain, your ex will cross deserts for you and contact a hundred people just to get your number.
But you have to leave your ex alone and regain the value that was taken away from you when you got cheated on.
What do you think? Do monkey-branching relationships last? Have you ever monkey-branched or got caught in someone else’s branches? Share your thoughts below this post.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
Hi Zan
Great read. My (M35) ex (M25) has recently monkey branched to another man (49). We were together for 2 years and lived together for 1. About 6 weeks before the breakup I caught him sexting random men while I was travelling for work. We probably didn’t address the issue well enough at the time (lesson learned) and tried to carry on. He really did a lot of “the work” on the surface in the next few weeks. He did it again a month later and got caught again. He kind of shut down. But we tried to work on it anyway. The next weekend he went away for a swim meet that I was supposed to attended but couldn’t for work reasons. Apparently that weekend he decided I’d never be able to trust him again and got up talking with a swim coach. Obviously there was attraction because the next weekend he went and physically cheated. When we finally had it out he made all sorts of usual claims, didn’t love me, wanted out, had more in common with him, swimming and they both dislike pineapple on pizza (sounds serious) etc. this from a man who 2 weeks earlier was begging for my love, booking a vacation, making plans. I guess his need for emotional security was threatened and he justified cheating to rest the branch by deciding we must be broken.
Anyway, this man didn’t know I existed until the night I finally kicked him out. My ex went to stay with a buddy and his new branch finally discovered he’d been in a committed relationship when they had slept together he then accused him of sleeping with that guy as well. Jealous type much? My ex and I talked for a few days and eventually he collected his belongings and left.
I’m now aware he’s living with the branch and that started 1 day after he finally left. That’s about 6 weeks ago.
So we have a brancher with a jealous type new man, who incidentally isn’t ‘out’, doesn’t want anyone from the swim club to know he’s gay , wanted to ‘take it slow’ before he knew the ex was in a relationship, my ex is lying to his family about the relationship and 2 days before he left was begging me to help him fix his lying and cheating. This man is also relatively recently divorced from a woman. It just screams disaster and I’m curious to get your insight. Not that I’m planing on a reconciliation but rather to prepare myself for my prediction that he’s going to come knocking soon. Thoughts?
Hi Rob.
You gave your ex multiple chances to correct his behavior and show he was sorry. He wasted all of them by continuing to engage in sexual behavior with other men. This shows he took you for granted (placed a low value on you) and continued to cheat on you. At first, it was emotional, but eventually, it turned into more (it usually does). The guy lost love for you because of cheating and eventually convinced himself he had more in common with the coach. It doesn’t sound like their relationship is built on trust, respect, and love, but rather on infatuation. You need to cut all ties with him and detach. Things will be much clearer when you regain your rationality.
Sincerely,
Zan
hi Zan,
when you say that these relationships generally last between 2 weeks-6 months to be considered monkey branching, when do you start counting?? when they started developing feelings and getting to know each other, when they finally decided to leave their previous relationship to focus on the new one, or when they made their new one official?
Hi Mar.
You start counting when a person leaves you for someone else because that’s when he or she determines the new relationship is better than the previous one.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hi Zan,
And in case of a long term relationiship, where they live in different countries and they see each other twice in three months (for four days each time), while chatting everyday online, do you also count 6 months?
Hi Silvia.
This guy clearly dumped you for his new girlfriend. He’s just afraid of admitting it because he’s trying his best to convince himself he’s innocent. He doesn’t want guilt on his conscience. If he wasn’t happy with you, he would and should have left before he got involved with someone else. Basically, he lied to you so he wouldn’t have to think of himself as a cheater.
And yes, a long-term relationship starts at about 6 months, regardless of whether it’s a physical or a long-distance relationship.
Best wishes,
Zan
I am certain my ex monkey branched me. When she dumped me she told me she didn’t love me for about 5-6 months prior to dumping me. In a matter of a month after it ended she tells me she is moving in with her mother who is an hour away. She didn’t move in with her mother, but got her own place which was close but it was even closer to where this other guy lived. He was a friend of hers on FB and suddenly starting liking her posts after our breakup. After a couple months past she changed her profile picture to one of her with him and he did the same thing. What a coincidence, you end a 5 year relationship which took you 6 months to do and then you quickly move to a location which is basically down the road from a guy who is liking your FB posts and then you are in a relationship with him. My ex must think people are blind or stupid. She only held on to me because she didn’t want to be single and once she got this guy interested, she couldn’t dump me and move away quick enough. She waits a couple of months before going public so people wouldn’t think she is a cheating piece of garbage. I know that wait had to kill her as she feel she needs to post everything on FB “to keep up with the Jones” and to rub it in my face. I gave her 5 years, and took damn good care of her and her son and the main reason she got rid of me is because I couldn’t get her a house, though I was trying. She made sure to use me for companionship, sex and being taken care of until she could find a replacement but the thought of her being alone for a minute had to be unacceptable.
Hi Ed.
Someone else might be able to give her a house, but he’ll lack in other departments. Looks like your ex prioritized superficial things. This will come back to bite her later when she realizes she can’t have it all.
It’s quite possible that she monkey-branched. I wouldn’t take someone like that back. She’d need to repent and make some serious changes for me to consider trusting her again.
Sincerely,
Zan
I’ve just realised that after four months since breakup my ex is probably seeing a guy who met recently before dumping me. I now they texted, but he was just supposed to be a friend. I would like to ask her to tell me the truth as she dumped me for some silly reasons, but I have the gut feeling that this guy was in the picture. Should I ask her for the truth? I just want a proper closure and her to be honest, not interested anymore in her back.
Thank you!
Hi Stan.
You can ask her, but know that she might not tell you the truth. Ask her only if you’re prepared to receive any response.
Sincerely,
Zan
I am confused if my ex cheated on me or got into a rebound relationship with another girl. We dated for a little over a year and it was a ldr. We tried it for a while, and yes I could’ve done things better for sure, but he is already in another relationship with girl after he broke up with me 1 month and 3 days. He also didn’t contact me during a 12 day period while we were still together. I feel like he cheated on me and found the new girlfriend. He seems pretty happy and all, but it still hurts..its been 3 months now and the pain is getting generally better, but I don’t think that I want him.back at this time. He either cheated on me, or found someome more compatible for him , which hurts like hell because he left me high and dry and made me feel unlovable and worthless. I don’t think that I ever wanna feel like that again. I guess he is happier with her than he was with me.. that is a painful lesson to learn, but I hope some day he will regret losing me for possibly foe good..
Hi Addie.
You didn’t deserve to get cheated on. I’m almost certain that the guy had met someone else, flirted with her, cheated emotionally or physically on you with her, and then left. Many guys do that. It only seems that they met someone else a month later, but when you find out about their relationship is merely the time when they announce it, not when they get together with the girl.
Whatever the case may be with your ex, do your best not to obsess about him and his new girlfriend. They appear happy together because their relationship is still new. But if you give them a few months, they’ll no longer be able to pretend to be someone they’re not.
Stay strong, Addie!
Zan
Hey zan.
I was in a 4 year long relationship with a girl in my college. We used to love each other a lot and I used to take care of her. But I got into cannabis addiction and took her for granted for too long. I used to care for her but not how much I could. She monkey branched to a senior she is 22 and the new guy is 27 year old. I couldn’t believe it. Everything happened in a month or so. Midway June she stopped saying I love you to me and became indifferent to my existence and started treating me like a hindernace. I couldn’t understand it. Kept pleading her. Asking what was going on. She didn’t say a word. After sometime I get to know that she had already been psychical with this new guy. I confronted her. And she seemed unfazed. I begger her to say and even sent her sentimental memory filled message to no avail. She dumped me and is dating the new guy. I still love her and can’t seem to move on. It’s been 2 months. She has blocked me because I ranted on her bad, 1 month back. I can’t kill the hope inside that she will come back. We had such good memories, it’s like she just remembers everything bad that I ever did and forgot everything good about me. What should I do. Please help.
I am 61 and was in a 7 year relationship, were living together and I took her through breast cancer. A old flame from 40 years earlier had reached out to her 8 months earlier and they kept talking. I now know that they were planning (both parties) to monkey branch me. He got a local number 3 weeks before I was ruthlessly thrown out. I paid for a trip to Chicago for her to see her daughter, I now know they spent the weekend together. He put his home there on the market the day after she left, she threw me under the bus in a drunken rage the day it sold, 2 weeks later. She made my last 5 days a hell on Earth. She demanded I repay her for some expenses she paid despite I had put in new carpet 3 months earlier, bought her a new car.
I spent tens of thousands on what I thought would be a marriage. In the end, he was in town and they day after I moved out, he moved in with all his furniture.
This is the most cruel, ruthless and utterly disrespectful way to treat another human. Worse, the new guy knew all along she was milking me and knew I paid for the plane ticket. What a scumbag. One doesn’t expect this crap from a 59 year old woman. No regard for the cancer I stood by her on daily. Nothing, just a GTFO now.
So to anyone who remotely thinks they want her/him back. DON’T! Who wants someone who has so little disregard for others back? Used and back?
She has never had a relationship last more than about 7 years, so it is a pattern I see now. This one won’t last either, they are toxic people who need to be avoided at all cost. He obviously was a worm and neither had a modicum of respect for me, my feelings or the economic impact this placed on me. He simply wanted my life and he took it and then sent me a email telling me to butt out and how she was faithful to me to the end. Right, to any of you people, seeing someone and establishing a new relationship before ending the old one IS CHEATING.
So I said my piece. She destroyed me emotionally and my trust in women is gone. I will never allow myself to get involved with a woman again. She needs to be in a relationship, hence monkey branching. I do not. I am financially stable and if someone is in my life, it is because i wanted them, not needed.
So 2 months on, I am still struggling but do not waver, let them go, be bitter, angry, do what you need to do but never, ever consider taking them back.
Sorry for a few typos.
Hi DT.
I’m sorry to hear your ex used and abused you. You didn’t deserve to get treated so poorly. Especially not after everything you’ve done for her. She should have been grateful for your emotional and financial support, but instead, she planned things behind your back and betrayed you when it was possible and convenient for her to do that.
I know this person has hurt you a lot, but don’t let her think all women are like that. There are lots of healthy women out there who won’t ask a cent from you. Those are the women you may want to talk to in the future once you’re able to trust again.
Kind regards,
Zan
I appreciate the comment. It has been rough but I finally reached out to a therapist who has been amazing and it’s helped a lot. I am not one to ask for help but being emotionally destroyed takes some time to heal. I recommend other victims of this crap reach out. I don’t think the new one is working out so well, not my problem. They do it once they will do it again!
Hi David,
I’m glad you were able to get help for your ex’s abuse. Keep healing and make sure not to get involved with your ex or anyone like her ever again.
Kind regards,
Zan
So guess who came crawling back from a disaster of a relationship? None other than my ex. I agreed to help her straighten out some legal and financial issues (advice only) she got saddled with and he was a scumbag but that’s it.
Just blows my mind how stupid people can be.
Hi DT.
Thanks for the update. I hope you make the right decision if you’re contemplating taking your ex back.
Best,
Zan
I have met her a few times for lunch or small talk, she is alone and quite emphatic that she was wrong and wants to try again and fix it. I have seriously considered it but given the cruelty of the matter and him moving in the day I moved out is a bridge to far. That and she is tainted goods now.
It’s hard as I still love her deeply but I just could never trust again and so for my sake, I have to just say no.
It’s her mess, I don’t want to be part of it.
Hi DT.
It was a hard decision to make, but it’s probably for the best. At least you won’t have to worry that she’ll betray you and leave you again. Now you can be 100% certain it was her fault and that you’re valuable.
Kind regards,
Zan
DK, man… I feel your pain, but you MUST let go of the anger (as do I, actually). It’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Sometimes people just do strange, unexplainable things. Not necessarily because they are bad people, but they are just weak and selfish, underdeveloped. They dont care about consequences. They chase after their own happiness. Sometimes they dont even know what they are doing and why they are doing it. It is devastating, I know. We MUST let go of the negativity but it’s damn hard to trust again.
I found out the evidence comfronted tje guy that he,s the one who destroy our relationship,,and for the past two years i was calm but not anymore,and that bitch,,,i badmouted her truth hurts
My ex swear he did not cheat but the evidence says otherwise: the girl he is with now worked around the corner from him within the same industry. And less than a month of breaking our 9 yr relationship, he was in a new one with her. They’ve been together for over a year now. I keep hanging out for some karma but I know it doesn’t come when you’re waiting -.-“
Edit. Sorry for the double reply. I thought the first one didn’t go through.
If it started as an affair, does that six month marker get hit from the time the relationship starts or is discovered?
My husband’s affair with a younger coworker (who had just ended another affair) began last May. I found out in October and he moved out at the end of November. I know it hasn’t been completely smooth sailing for them but I also think they may be compatible (kind of hard to tell since he’s really infatuated and I know, from experience, that he’ll tell you what you want to hear). I don’t really think it’s a rebound but I am also 90% sure he’s never going to work on improving himself. He cannot handle emotions and is dead set against therapy. Maybe he’d go if she asked him to but he never went when I suggested it or when his family has suggested it so hard to imagine that will change. I guess my question from above comes from the curiosity of is the six month mark realistic when during the affair they didn’t actually get to spend much time together vs six months from him moving out when they’ve been free and clear to go out without sneaking around.
My ex partner started an affair with her married Co Worker and has had a child with him, his wife is clueless to this and there not together he won’t leave his wife shocker!!!, so slightly different but what I would say is even though is hard don’t spend a second caring what they do neither of them are worth your thoughts people like them are the lowest of the low and have no idea the pain they cause people that won’t change because they can’t look beyond there own selfish view of the world, it may last it may not but what’s important is that your free to find someone who deserves you and will value you, it took me a while to look beyond the pain I felt but now I realise that I’m worth a million of both of them and it’s there own lives they’ve ruined not mine, both my ex and your ex have serious issues and those issues will affect them until they actually realise what they are and that could take forever, walk away with your head held high and enjoy life believe it or not what he’s done will be the best thing to happen to you even if it doesn’t feel like it now.
Good as always Zan. Thanks.
My ex cheated and monkey-branched a year ago to be with a girl who lives 8 hours away from him (by plane). On NY, while he was at the hospital, he called me to apologise for his behaviour and he said that he missed how I loved him, that noone has ever loved him that as I did, that many times he thought that he was an idiot for losing me, that I am the opposite to her (apparently she could be a bitch sometimes, his words) and that they fight all the time. He doesnt want me back or anything like that… he took leap of faith and it seems she is not all good.
Worth mentioning that they lived apart, they got married, they are about to have a baby and that he has been diagnosed with terminal cancer. I am devastated about the news of his illness and I just hope she truly has a heart like me and cares for him in his final months.
I believe that people should appreciate their partners before they start chasing butterflies. Love is not a feeling, is a choice we make to share our life with another person.
I’m one month into no contact with my ex after finding out he pretty much monkey branched from me to the friend he audaciously stated “I felt threatened by” for wanting him to set and respect boundaries. Wild right? He took her out on a date the day after I ended things with him entirely, about a few days in she’s posting pictures in his shirt in his room so they for sure fucked. 2 weeks after breakup he’s telling his friends they will meet his new girl and to not ask questions. His sister and mother reached out to me for answers because he lied to his mother saying we broke up cause I wanted kids? The lies and cowardness of this male. I found out about the situation because I questioned the nature of their conversations and he admitted to having inappropriate conversations with this friend (whom we actually both met at an event we went to as a COUPLE, she knew we were together) he’s only known for 5 months. Apparently she confesses her feelings for him and he even went as far as saying he fell “in love” with her and that she “just gets him”? Talking about depression that I knew nothing about because you chose to close yourself off from me to confide in and build a bond with this fucking new person and then wanna cry it just happened and you didn’t intend for it to get to where it is? When I tell you his bs reasons/excuses left me SPEECHLESS. To top it off, he doesn’t believe he cheated he just believe this was a “happenstance”. But looking back now I realize I should’ve knew he was capable. Apparently before me he had a girlfriend he was with “unhappily” for 3 years. The last 2 of those years I was his friend and I did know he had a girlfriend so I set certain boundaries but at some point he was pretty much began crossing boundaries (partaking in “little” things that a committed person just shouldn’t be doing example: hanging out/messaging past a certain time or excessively especially 1v1, almost date like scenarios) and keeping his relationship status a secret so I was unsure and naively going along and staying as true to the fact that we were just friends despite me having some feelings for him that I kept to myself. I eventually thought about pulling away because I did not want to be part of a love triangle nor cause myself confusion and he suddenly confesses his feelings for me and says he had been single for 2 weeks and knew for sure he wanted to be with me because he’s had feelings for me for the past couple months. I told him if he needed time that he was free to go on and take his time because 3 yr relationship is a minute. He was adamant on being with me and my dumbass just fell into it. Now looking back im just wondering why stay for 3 years with someone unhappy? Clearly you must’ve had them around for some sort of convenience. He had told a friend of ours the first year he was with her that he was unhappy and planned on leaving the girl YET stood with her for 2 more years, WHY? He most definitely monkey branched from his ex to me and it took me having to go through this to really see it for what it was. Fast forward now he’s 1 month in with the new girl. Me and other woman clearly moved differently from the jump. She pretty much fucked him off the jump. I waited a good 2 weeks before touching him to demand std testing/provide one He’s 25 I’m 26 and other woman 23. I indeed learned from this. I just don’t know how to feel about him as a whole moving forward
If she cheats, she’s for the streets. There’s no other way to put it. No matter how good you think you had it during the relationship.. if she cheats, then that’s who she truly is and you have to be a complete and utter moron to even contemplate taking someone like that back. Think about your self respect and what everyone you know will be thinking and saying behind your back if you ever do get back together with a cheater. That on it’s own is a death sentence to that decision. Let her go and smile at the fool (who is likely just as low value) as he plays with your trash. I know it hurts like hell when the breakup is fresh esp. if you were blindsided by it (which is often the case) but trust me, she will fall flat on her face. People like that don’t change. They’re often too stupid, damaged, and immature to even know where to start. Age isn’t a determining factor either. My ex of 10 years is divorced 48 year old with two kids and she did the same thing (lying, cheating, monkey-branching) when I had to leave overseas even though she’d been swearing high and low on the heads of everything she held dear (including her kids) for years that she would never ever do something like that. Well what do you know – turns out she’s had a history of that unknowing to me while in the relationship 🙂 I also found out that she went back to an ex that she cheated on and left over 25 years ago – again confirming that it’s usually someone of even lower value that she is. If you want even more proof that they usually leave for low hanging garbage – he took her back like a clueless. What’s worse, he’s married with kids and my ex is hiding all of these details from her own family and kids as she introduced him to be part of her life again. All that to say, if you think they’ve moved on to something much better than you, think again. 9/10 times, it’s the complete opposite. Work on yourself and improve every damn aspect of your existence and don’t waste another second thinking about someone that’s not worth a second of your time. Also keep in mind that whoever you meet next, should be a compliment to your life and never ever the main focus. So many people make that mistake. Avoid it at all costs and you will be very happy a lot sooner that you think.
Hi DK.
I can say with confidence that your ex will never change. She’s been repeating this cycle of cheating and branching for 25 years and never learned from it. So in a way, she did you a huge favor. She gave you a golden opportunity to find someone deserving of you.
You’ll see what I mean when you meet someone who respects you as well as herself.
Sincerely,
Zan
I agree. It’s still feels surreal sometimes – just when you think you know someone after all the memories.
I know how you feel, DK. But you didn’t think she’d cheat on you and leave. You loved her.
Try not to think about the memories so much and focus on the life ahead.
Zan
So most of them stay exactly as they are…
And you are so right… “you have to leave your ex alone and regain the value that was taken away from you when you got cheated on”. I gain that power little by little when I started NC. One of best articles of you Zan! Maybe I say this often but you always amaze me.
Millions of times grateful for your help!
P.S will read it again from the beginning 🤍
Hi Linda.
No contact is helping you regain your power, so stick with it. Stay away from your ex and remember that your ex monkey-branched because he wasn’t the right person for you. You deserve much better.
Thanks for reading.
Zan
Good article. My ex and I were together for 5 months but have had a close friendship for 7 years…it was long distance, but we spent a lot of time on the phone and weeks together each month. Not a clue that anything was happening…we’ve never had an argument, or serious disagreement. 3 weeks prior to him dropping the bomb, he was worried about his kids and being a good dad, first time showing ‘doubt’ about anything. He monkeybranched; he said he “wasn’t ready, but thought he was”…and right then was “in a relationship” less than a week later and 7 months later is now engaged to the girl. I’ve been in contact the whole 7 months, and living without answers to what happened that I’ll never get.
Hi Bee.
Your ex started to doubt his relationship with you because he’d been talking to someone else. Needless to say, if it weren’t for the new girl, you’d likely still be together today. But even if you were together, he’d still monkey-branch the moment some other girl piqued his interest. So all in all, he did you a favor because he showed you who he was just when things started to get serious.
Best,
Zan
Zan I’ve noticed your comments about rebounds/monkey branch relationships have changed. That’s ok of course because new research comes to light. But I was always skeptical about rebounds only lasting a few months etc. It does depend on how the relationship was, and how compatible they are with the new partner or what their expectations are. My ex has been in her “rebound” for over a year now so its probably not considered a rebound anymore. I must admit I didn’t think it would last but there you go especially when this person wanted a family and had strong feelings. What made it confusing though was she continued to contact me in secret for the first 13 months of their relationship and send me mixed signals. And agreed that we are not just friends. Eventually i did work it all out. Pretty poor start to their relationship if you ask me. Anyway i wish them all the best, i have walked away and left her alone and thankfully I’m not hearing from her anymore either. So far its been over 3 months since last contact. Keep up the good work Zan, because you have helped me immensely.
Hi J.
My thoughts about monkey-branching and rebounds have indeed changed. Before, I used to think that most of them come back. People on the internet were saying that and I had very little experience, and
I believed them. But now that I see things from my respective, the truth is that many of them don’t come back or come back as quickly as people would like.
Moreover, dumpees tend to think that since they feel connected to their ex that their ex feels connected to them as well. But this is just not true. That strong emotional connection is gone. In its stead remain other negative emotions, such as guilt, remorse, nostalgia, etc.
It’s evident that your ex is not in a rebound. If you look at the infographic – the big picture on this page, you’ll agree with me that she’s either in a “regular” or “improved” monkey-branching relationship. Her relationhip may or may not end in the future, but that really depends on their skills and overall compatibility.
Your ex probably felt bad about her monkey-branching, so she continued to contact you for 13 months to get rid of her guilty conscience. It’s a good thing that stopped, J.
You can now pull away completely and enjoy your life.
Kind regards,
Zan
The only reason she stopped was because i stopped reaching out 7 months prior. And yes she did feel guilty, however that is because i became a much better version of myself and she realized her mistake. I gathered that when i met up with her sometime after the break up. She didn’t say it to me of course, but her body language gave it away. She confessed to my mother and she nearly cried. She is not happy but she has no choice but to stay there as i pulled away. She is with someone else and telling me she misses me or its never too late for us is behind her partners back is not really acceptable behavior for me. Its cheating. I could never trust her again.
Thanks for the reply Zan
Hi Zan thanks for the reply. She only stopped because i stopped reaching out 7 months prior. Otherwise the communication would still be going. She did feel guilty yes, but it goes deeper. I turned my life around and became a better person. She saw that and then realized her mistake. She never thought in a million years I’d change. She confessed that to my mother and she nearly cried. By continuing to contact me while in the relationship tells me she is not happy either. That’s what rebounding does, you pick the first person to show interest and it usually becomes a mistake. Just like with me, she moved in with him pretty quickly too.
To be honest, telling me i miss you and its never too late for us behind her partners back is appalling behavior and I’ll never be able to trust her again. I have pulled away completely because time allows you to detach and see things very clearly.