Did My Ex Fake Our Relationship?

There are people on this planet who enter a relationship for the sake of having a partner.

Such people can’t stand the idea of being single. They think that single life is boring and unfulfilling, so they require someone by their side all the time for their own selfish reasons.

But this doesn’t give them the right to toy with their partner’s feelings and treat him or her poorly.

People are emotional beings who need to be treated with love and care. They are so delicate that once they break, they are never the same again.

Some develop trust issues and uncontrollable anxiety, and others never love the same way again.

That’s why people who hurt others without a care in the world are very thoughtless, self-centered people.

They use and abuse others for their own amusement for as long as they can benefit from them.

But the moment someone new comes along, they forget everything their partner has done for them and leave in the most brutal way imaginable.

Some dumpers even become angry, mean, and nasty and appear completely unrecognizable to the people who know them.

They seem to become different people—as they show the world what they’re really like when they can no longer benefit from their partner.

The same thing happened to my ex-boyfriend when he ghosted me and stopped taking my calls.

He disappeared without a trace and hid from me.

Until I eventually did some digging and found out that he’d left me for someone else. That’s when everything started to make sense.

In this article, I’ll tell you a story about how my ex-boyfriend faked our relationship, cheated and ghosted me, and acted as if I didn’t exist.

My ex faked our relationship

We can say that people who date for the sake of dating alone have a reason to do what they do.

They are egomaniacs; attention-seeking, insecure individuals who use others just to feel better about themselves.

They use and use and use, and give very little in return. Oftentimes only as much as they necessarily need to give in order to keep their partner attracted to them.

Such people enter a relationship but can’t really commit to it. They’re commitment phobics with something valuable lacking in their core.

Something like empathy, sympathy, good moral values, and a healthy relationship mentality.

They just don’t care much about the relationship they’re in and the person they hurt. They can’t when they don’t care about whether their actions hurt others.

This is also the reason why they don’t fight to stay in a relationship. They have too many “me thoughts” that prevent them from asking themselves, “What can I do to give love to my partner?”

And because they don’t ask themselves how they can contribute to their partner’s life, they usually leave the moment their relationship becomes too difficult for their weak minds to handle.

In the end, everyone has the right to leave, but it’s not people’s departure that hurts the most. It’s how they carry on with their lives as if we never existed and never did anything for them.

Hours and hours of investing in them suddenly mean nothing to them. And neither does us dying from the separation anxiety.

Even if they backstab, cheat, monkey-branch, and manipulate us, they don’t care if separation anxiety destroys us from within.

They don’t know, nor care how their actions ruin our trust in others and especially, in ourselves.

Who we are and our perception of what we’re capable of takes a huge toll when they show us how little we matter.

We become absolutely worthless to ourselves. And that’s something that our exes should be held responsible for.

But surprise, surprise, there’s no punishment for those who break our heart.

You can go to the police and say that someone punched you. That person will probably get away with a fine and a warning.

But if someone smashes your heart to a million pieces and causes internal long-term bleeding, he or she isn’t held accountable.

Why? Why is a physical wound that hurts for a few days punishable by law and emotional trauma isn’t?

Well, it just so happens that we’re responsible for who we get involved with. We’re the ones who decide who we let into our lives and what strength and authority we give them.

This makes us responsible for our own emotional well-being.

People will tell you, “If you don’t like this person or if you don’t like being with him/her, you can always leave. You can walk away.”

Technically, they’re right. But it’s not always that simple.

A lot of people are too emotionally invested in a relationship and don’t have the rational strength to separate themselves from an abusive, manipulative, narcissistic partner.

They’re too emotionally dependent on him or her for various reasons.

Maybe they view themselves in poor light and don’t have the courage to leave.

Or perhaps their partner is promising them improvements, so they stick around, hoping it will get better.

But does it?

Well, it almost never does. I’d say that in most cases, people who’d lost themselves long ago never change their ways.

They’re too accustomed to their routine. And also, they don’t have the strength, nor a reason to change their deep-rooted behavior.

They don’t think that what they’re doing is wrong, so they carry on hurting others.

Usually, until they experience injustice themselves.

Getting dumped hurts, but it shouldn’t be that difficult

It hurts like hell when you get dumped by someone who isn’t in love with you.

Even if you give him or her everything you have, he or she still won’t appreciate you and reciprocate your feelings.

Not even if you beg and plead and cry your heart out. He or she just isn’t into you, so there’s nothing you can do about it.

Nothing at all.

It doesn’t matter how much you cherish this person because as long as he or she isn’t ready to love and see value in you, you can forget about loving him or her.

Love yourself twice as hard instead; once for your ex and once for you.

You need it.

But what really saddens me is that dumpers treat their ex-partners worse than animals. The way they leave them is dehumanizing—completely void of respect.

If they genuinely wanted the best for the person who deserves all the love in the world, they wouldn’t break his or her heart with a sledgehammer.

They’d do it gently with care and respect—and with a “thank you for staying with me until the end” message.

They would show their partner how much they appreciate him or her for fighting for a lost cause.

But this rarely happens.

Most dumpers seem to follow destructive patterns. They occur in this chronological order:

1. Dumpers become unhappy in a relationship.
2. They fail to find a way to express themselves.
3. As a result, they fall into a cycle of negative thinking.
4. They develop a victim mentality and consequently, contempt toward their partner.
5. They start feeling smothered and can’t stand the sight of their partner.
6. And because they don’t want to make a quick decision, they delay the inevitable until their ex tips them over the edge.

When dumpers break up with their partner, their life doesn’t get better as most dumpees think.

Dumpers instead continue to feel hatred toward their ex-partner and make sure to tell them that whenever their freedom is obstructed.

Usually, they do this in a very frank, “leave me alone” kind of way and sometimes they even ignore.

Only the more mature ones actually ask their ex if they can somehow be of service.

But the majority are too caught up in their bubble of hatred and self-victimization. They’re too angry and impatient with their ex to realize and care that their ex-partner is dying on the inside.

All that matters to them is that they get away from the person who suffocates them. Even if their ex loves them dearly.

Isn’t it strange how selfish people can be? We don’t even want, nor respect that which is abundant and genuine.

We seek shiny, new, and attractive things instead. Things that are superficial or easy to obtain, but typically don’t last very long.

If only we learned to value those who value us. And I mean REALLY value them. There would be very few breakups and noticeably fewer people who are afraid to fall in love again.

But I guess that’s wishful thinking.

My ex left me for another girl

When my ex left, I noticed that he was using me as a tool to win his ex back. He was always chatting with his ex-girlfriend and had something to say about her.

But despite that, I trusted him with my life and soul. I had good faith in him because I didn’t think he would cheat on me.

Even if I saw him talking to the girl secretly behind my back, I didn’t want to make a scene. I just kept quiet.

But one time, when he let me use his phone and I saw the girl’s message notification pop up, I told him that she messaged him again.

That’s when he got angry and incredibly defensive as if I accused him of cheating.

Perhaps I should have done that because his reaction was way out of proportion. But I just wanted to appear mature and show him that I’m okay with it—and that he needn’t worry.

Looking back at it now, I admit that I should have seen the breakup coming. I had all the proof that he was still in love with his ex even though it’s been two years since they broke up.

Two years and he was still pining after her as if she was the most important girl on the planet.

You know what? I can deal with that. She broke his heart and that really messed up with his brain and increased his feelings for her.

I get that.

But what really took me by surprise is that he was always trash-talking her in a really, really nasty way.

He always told me how bad a person she is and how poorly she treated him throughout their relationship.

But me being inexperienced with relationships, I believed him. I thought that him cursing and ranting about his ex meant that they’re done for good.

I was slightly happy about it and was glad that she was out of the picture.

But boy was I wrong.

I was too foolish to think that him talking badly about his dumper ex had nothing to do with him being in love with her.

He’d told me so himself. Multiple times, in fact—and I believed him because I had no reason to doubt him.

So what the heck? What happened? Why would he fake our relationship and leave all of a sudden as if I wasn’t good enough?

This is the self-doubting question I numbed my brain with. I put myself to sleep with such self-destructive thoughts day after day that I felt brain-dead.

I was so heartbroken I even dreamt about my ex coming back to me and apologizing for hurting me.

I thought I’d gone crazy.

This is what bad breakups do to us when we choose to invest in the wrong person. In a person who has ill intentions, can’t give and receive love, or simply isn’t mature enough to be in a relationship.

This is the part we aren’t responsible for as we don’t always know who we’re getting involved with.

But when we finally get to know him or her half a year later, it’s oftentimes already too late. We’re already emotionally attached to our boyfriend or girlfriend.

Anyway, I later found out that my ex had met up with his ex behind my back and that she had recently dumped the guy she was with.

They basically both left their partners for each other and got back together. I felt so betrayed, used, and discarded.

My ex faked our relationship and everything we went through as a couple.

The breakup permanently scarred me

Initially, the news of my ex cheating on me with his ex crushed me. It squeezed the essence out of my soul and made my daily tasks very difficult to accomplish.

It hindered my productiveness and affected my social life.

But other than my job, friendships, and family, the worst of all is the long-term damage my breakup has caused.

Due to a heartbreaking betrayal, I noticed I’ve become a lot less trusting of people I talk to.

I’m always on edge, thinking about the worst possibilities. I keep asking myself, “Will my partner cheat on me, is he talking to someone behind my back, who’s that girl liking his photos on Instagram?”

I’m not afraid to admit that insecurities have corrupted my pure mind as I no longer trust with my heart, but with my brain.

I don’t tolerate people lying and hiding things from me either.

I always make sure I keep my guard up and get to know the person I talk to before I even consider letting him into my life.

But trust issues aside, another relationship-damaging habit I picked up is that I now absolutely despise promises.

I’ve heard so many things from my ex who promised me the world and left me that I started to detest people telling me how everything’s going to have a happy ever after ending.

Whenever I hear a promise today, I immediately remember how I was let down.

The feeling of extreme disappointment rushes through my body the moment I hear someone say, “I promise…”

It sends chills down my spine, so I usually just respond the safe way, “Let’s just take it slowly. We’ll see how it goes.”

I’m aware of the fact that my past is holding me back from enjoying my life today, yet, this powerful experience from the past is warning me to be careful.

The voice in my head is saying, “Don’t be a fool again. You’d tried your best in the past and it wasn’t good enough. It won’t work this time either. It’s best to play safe and protect your heart.”

The breakup brought me back to the real world

It took me a long time, but I eventually processed the breakup and got over my ex.

I have slowly developed self-respect, care, and love for myself that I never even knew was possible when I was with my ex.

But it took me months and months of detoxication from the breakup before I was brought back to the real world – the world that I feel peaceful in.

Now I’m finally at peace with myself. I don’t want my ex back anymore. The girl he’s with can keep him to herself.

I’m not jealous one bit. There’s nothing to be jealous of because I realized that cheating on someone is one of the worst sins on the planet.

I’ll let karma take care of my ex. This includes his lies and deceit, anger issues, trash-talking, monkey-branching, and things I can’t publicly express.

He reaps what he sows.

Besides, if I’m completely honest, I feel like Karma already got my ex—and I feel bad for him. He accidentally impregnated the girl and got forced to marry her. He doesn’t seem too happy about that.

As for me, I’m happier than ever. My ex may have faked our relationship and pretended that we belong together, but I see things clearly now.

Since I spent some time apart from him and no longer feel attached to him, I know that he isn’t my ideal partner. He didn’t make me happy half the time and can’t do it today even if he tries his hardest.

My opinion of him has changed too much during the many months of self-reflection. I no longer see him as the one and only.

I see him for who he is and how he faked his relationship with me.

I’m also perfectly fine with him thinking that I’m a horrible person who doesn’t live up to his standards.

He can think and say what he wants.

His thoughts and actions don’t define me. They don’t give me value or take any away from me.

Not anymore.

I’m the one who decides how valuable I am—and I intend to keep it that way.

Here’s how you can tell if someone is faking his or her relationship with you.

My post-breakup regrets

The only thing I regret after the breakup is not realizing my worth sooner. I wish I didn’t spend all those months grieving over my ex, asking myself why he faked our relationship and why I wasn’t good enough for him.

I was so hurt that all I thought about was my ex-partner and the reason why he doesn’t love me.

So if I could redo the breakup, the only thing I’d change are the days I’d spent killing myself with worry. I’d force myself to think only about me and those who care about me.

With the strength I’d acquired thanks to my breakup, I would question myself a lot less and focus on the parts of me that needed improving.

Becoming the best version of myself would have been my main priority.

I’d read more relationship books and spend more time with my family.

As for my ex thoughts, I’d force them out of my system and get distracted with my friends and family.

They are the ones who truly matter to me.

Signs that your partner doesn’t love you

If you’re looking for a list of reasons why someone would date you but not be in love with you, here it is.

Someone who doesn’t love you would date you to:

• be your companion and ease his/her depression
• receive financial, emotional, physical support
• absorb his or her stress
• fill his/her void
• share rent money
• get pleasure and relationship benefits from you
• have someone who cares about him or her (ego, self-esteem reasons)
• satisfy sexual needs
• kill boredom
• be entertained

If your ex loves you but isn’t in love with you, your partner will stick with you for a variety of reasons.

So make sure that you always pay attention to the way he or she expresses love to you.

If your partner doesn’t give you much attention, neglects you, lies to you, makes excuses not to see you, or seems to be using you, get out of the relationship while you still can.

He or she will continue to use you and make you even more attention-hungry if you don’t.

Take it as a warning from me.

I know that leaving a person who you’re attached to is difficult, but you need to keep in mind that love is two-sided.

A relationship can’t ever work if only one person is investing in it. And as I mentioned earlier, people just don’t change unless they have a strong incentive to change.

This means that if talking to your partner about your needs doesn’t motivate him or her to invest in you, you’re better off calling it quits.

Things are very unlikely to change for the better on their own.

Most people can’t fake a relationship

It’s very hard for a person to fake a relationship.

He or she might not love his or her partner but might stick around nonetheless.

We often witness such behavior in dead marriages. People stay committed, or rather, married despite having no feelings for each other.

They work together for the sake of children, mortgage, finances, or anything that binds them together.

But on a fundamental level, their relationship is inexistent; long gone.

That’s why couples who don’t love each other rarely remain together forever. I’d say that the moment they meet another person, their marriage or relationship is over and forgotten.

They just don’t have the glue (love) to hold them together.

If you got broken up with and you’re wondering, “Did my ex fake our relationship,” ask yourself the following questions:

1. Was I my ex’s priority?
2. Did my ex continue to invest in the relationship from the beginning to the end?
3. Did my happiness matter to my ex?

If the answer to these questions is a big YES, then your ex didn’t fake the relationship with you.

He or she probably gave up due to a poor relationship mentality and other reasons dumpers usually leave.

Don’t concern yourself with why your ex left!

If you’re racking your brain, wondering why your long-term relationship came to an end, don’t go through what I did.

It’s not worth it.

There are probably answers that you don’t have. And if I’m completely honest, you don’t want them either.

You don’t need closure if you haven’t got it.

The last thing you need is your ex blaming you for his or her cheating or whatnot.

Unless you abused your ex, you need to know that your ex left on his or her own accord. It has nothing to do with you and what you bring to the table.

It’s got everything to do with your ex.

Especially if your ex is experiencing the grass is greener syndrome and left you for someone else.

In that case, rejoice that your ex is out of your life for good. Your life’s going to get much, much better soon.

No matter what happened to you, keep telling yourself that it’s all in the past. For some reason, your ex lost attraction to you and sough emotional and sexual satisfaction elsewhere.

It’s not the end of the world though!

It’s the beginning of a new chapter in your life!

You may not be with the person you want right away, but that’s okay!

Your ex has given you an opportunity to wait for someone who will give you what your ex couldn’t – love.

So be patient and wait.

When you get over the breakup, you’ll realize how silly it was that you cried over someone who doesn’t respect you.

But you have to start/continue to heal. Go/stay in indefinite no contact and cut your ex off completely.

No texting, calling and stalking online.

Ever.

It’s time you stand up for yourself and put behind everything that’s holding you back.

Starting with your ex and the mistakes you’d made in the relationship with your ex.

My breakup advice

Whatever you do, don’t wallow in despair. It’s the most self-damaging activity you can possibly engage in.

Try to accept the outcome of your relationship instead and forgive yourself if you ever hurt your ex.

Use the pain to your advantage and grow from this ordeal as much as you can.

I promise that if you take this self-improvement phase seriously that you’ll be thankful that the breakup occurred.

You’ll be grateful for learning valuable life lessons that you wouldn’t have learned if you didn’t go through a life-changing experience.

So stay open-minded and keep investing in yourself.

You’ll become self-aware, more mature, and resilient to pain and anxiety. And if you decide to take your self-improvement plan even a step further, you might also learn a thing or two about relationships and change the way you behave in them.

So focus on the things that bring meaning to your existence and be grateful for them.

One day, when you least expect it—you’ll meet a person who will make you a million times happier than your ex.

That’s when you’ll wonder why you dated your ex in the first place.

Thank you for reading until the end. Did your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend fake your relationship? How did the breakup affect you? Share your thoughts below this article. ✌

Angelie

I’m Angelie, a writer and a designer at Magnet of Success. Whether I’m writing compelling content or designing engaging pictures, I create content that resonates with our visitors and aids them on their self-improvement journey. I enjoy writing about relationship dynamics and the difficulties couples may face.