If you got dumped and wonder if your ex-girlfriend will ever contact you again, you need to understand that many dumpers reach out after a while. Some reach out days or weeks after the breakup to get their stuff back and discuss unfinished business, while others get back in touch months after the breakup when they encounter difficulties, pain, or guilt.
Of course, some dumpers also never reach out, but such dumpers are typically too resentful to talk to their ex. They view their ex so negatively that they feel repulsed at the thought of reaching out and conversing with their ex. They’d rather stay away from their ex and focus on people they don’t despise or feel uncomfortable around.
Other people and things empower them positively, whereas talking to their ex scares, suffocates, and irritates them.
The truth is that even angry and bitter exes often reach out. They may not process the breakup in a few weeks and redevelop feelings, but they nonetheless gradually stop blaming their ex for everything and become curious. Time and space away from their ex helps them see that their ex isn’t the worst person on Earth and that he or she deserves some respect.
This inspires them to check up on their ex and try to get something from their ex. Usually, it’s information, forgiveness, or reassurance.
So if you’re wondering if your ex-girlfriend will ever contact you again, the answer depends on your ex’s ways of dealing with problems and stress, susceptibility to nostalgia, ability to reflect, emotional well-being, and past behaviors. If she has a tendency to chat with exes, especially when things go south and cause pain, chances are you’ll hear from her when she hits a snag and needs someone familiar to adore and validate her.
That someone could be you, provided she still respects you and cares about your opinion. If she thinks positively about you and feels tempted to reach out, some negative event will likely push her to muster her courage and reach out to confide in you. It’s not a guarantee, but pain and feelings of hopelessness may urge her to contact you. It happens to many dumpers as they give in to negative emotions, contact their dumpees, and ask for a chat, friendship, or reconciliation.
Your ex could also contact you out of boredom or confusion. If she has no one to talk to, feels lonely, or questions her decision, your ex could project her current emotional state onto you and use you to seek validation, happiness, or a sense of certainty. Depending on what your ex thinks and how your ex feels, your ex could reach out and make it seem like the reachout is all about you.
Don’t be deceived.
Always remember that exes reach out for themselves when it suits them. They do it to gain something or get rid of something. In other words, they need you when they need you and don’t when they don’t. If they think they have significantly more to gain than they do to lose, they reach out to their ex and avoid talking about the breakup. Non-relationship/breakup talks indicate that dumpers haven’t regained feelings and have no desire to get back together.
Most of the time, they just want to catch up and see how their ex is doing. Once they get what they need, they lose interest and go back to minding their own business.
It’s difficult for me, you, or anyone to predict if or when your ex-girlfriend will ever reach out again because she might not be a particularly nostalgic person or might never come across anything that triggers powerful enough reflection to dissociate negative beliefs from you and become curious about you.
This is especially true if you took revenge and made her life hell. Revenge destroys all respect and trust and makes dumpers think about getting a restraining order, rather than getting back in touch. If you did something serious to your ex, like breaking her window or damaging her reputation, we’ll definitely need to talk, as she probably won’t think fondly of you, even months later.
She’ll probably remember mainly your bad traits and behaviors and hold you accountable for them. The chances of hearing from her may not be 0, but they’re too low for you to keep waiting for her to forgive you and want to talk. Your ex will forgive you if she thinks you’re worth forgiving. And you’re probably not worth forgiving and befriending if you went out of your way to cause her pain and suffering.
So yes, there’s a chance you won’t hear from your ex again. The worse you reacted during or after the breakup, the smaller the chance that your ex will contact you when she cools off and becomes more rational. Exes reach out when they have something to gain from talking to their ex-partner. Whether it’s reassurance, closure, validation, or simply a wish to satisfy curiosity, the motivation is usually self-serving.
Rarely is it about reconnecting as equals (friends or partners).
When they regret leaving and want their ex back romantically, they reach out on their own, apologize, and show they’re willing to slowly win their ex’s trust back. Only impatient, uncommitted, and selfish exes force their dumpee ex to give them everything they need for free.
That’s why it’s not that difficult to tell if your ex wants you back. All you have to do is observe your ex’s level of regret and her effort to impress you and rebuild your trust. An ex who values you and wants to be with you won’t just send you a text, joke around, and disappear afterward. She’ll keep the conversation going and look for a chance to express her feelings and regrets.
She’ll ask for another chance because she’ll miss you romantically and want you back as a romantic partner.
So don’t look forward to hearing from you too much. Many dumpers hear from their exes, but end up feeling disappointed. They feel let down because reality failed to meet their expectations. Instead of receiving an invitation back into the relationship, they saw their ex doing well and perhaps even dating someone else.
Hence, hearing from your ex doesn’t change anything. Ideally, you want her to reach out only if she wants the same thing as you (a relationship). If she’s detached while you’re still attached, she could hurt you badly and make you regret holding onto hope.
In this post, we’ll explore the key factors that influence whether your ex is likely to reach out ever again.
Will my ex reach out ever again?
If your ex reached out before, your ex will probably do it again. She’ll contact you when something reminds her of you or when she needs something from you. It will be spontaneous, so you won’t see it coming.
Many dumpees think they won’t hear from their ex again simply because their ex got what he or she needed. They forget that their ex might need them again and that a bit of bickering or discomfort likely won’t stop their ex from reaching out. Dumpers can get over minor nuisances and find a new reason to reach out.
Many times, they reach out even though they’re with someone new. A new person doesn’t hinder them from checking up on their ex and alleviating their guilty conscience. It all depends on their reasons for reaching out, their beliefs about talking to exes, and their ability to get what they want or need on their own.
If they lack the tools to live independently and tend to overthink/stress a lot, they’re much more likely to contact their ex than someone who doesn’t panic/believe in talking to exes.
Every dumper has a different personality and coping mechanisms. It’d be unfair to lump them all into one category and expect them to think, feel, and act the same. Some dumpers are more prone to nostalgia, guilt, anxiety, boredom, confusion, doubt, and fear (reasons for reaching out) than others.
They tend to initiate conversations more often and show greater openness to reconciliation than those who are in good control of their thoughts and emotions.
So if you’re trying to figure out if your ex will ever reach out, think about your ex’s personality and chances of failure, pain, reflection, growth, realization, nostalgia, boredom, and guilt. I don’t know your ex on a personal level, so I can’t tell you how likely your ex is to reach out after breaking up with you.
But if your ex reached out before or to other exes, and your relationship was healthy or intense, you’ll likely hear from your ex when your ex finds a reason to miss you and decides to break the silence.
Dumpees hear from their exes all the time. Some receive texts or calls weeks or months after the breakup, while others might not hear anything until years later. Unless your relationship ended on bad terms or your ex feels ashamed about how she treated you and doesn’t want to face her shame, your ex will probably get back in touch at some point.
You might not care about your ex and want to talk to your ex when your ex finally reaches out, but that’s okay. You should consider yourself emotionally stronger and detached enough not to gravitate toward your ex.
For now, it’s okay to want your ex to reach out. Hope will lower your separation anxiety and give you a sense of control. It won’t help you let go, but it will prevent you from falling into depression and/or doing something you’ll regret. Something like reaching out to your ex, stalking your ex, and begging for another chance.
Having said that, here are 8 factors that determine if your ex will reach out ever again.
How can I make my ex-girlfriend contact me again?
You can’t do much to make your ex contact you sooner. You can post proof of your achievements, busy life, and healthy self-esteem on social media, but it likely won’t make your ex reach out any sooner. Your ex won’t get envious of your accomplishments or jealous of someone else before your ex becomes receptive to your improvements, happiness, and things she doesn’t have.
If your ex is like most dumpers, your ex will probably find your social media bragging annoying and mute, delete, or block you. Your ex won’t keep you around when your behavior or presence triggers unwanted reminders and feelings.
You can post on social media, but keep in mind that it might have the opposite of the desired effect. It might make your ex want to talk to you less than she already does. Her interest in you depends on how she perceives you and how much space she needs from you. If she can’t stand you at the moment, it’s best not to post anything online. Take a break from social media and work on yourself instead.
If you truly want to impress her, you have to do strict no contact (indefinite no contact) and let her come to you. Show her you respect her space and privacy and that you want the best for her, even if it’s not the best for you. She must see that you’ve accepted the breakup and committed to loving yourself rather than her.
No contact is your best re-attraction strategy. It doesn’t guarantee that she’ll want to chat and get back together, but it does help you reconnect with yourself, work on things that improve you as a person and partner, and boost your confidence.
That makes you look far more attractive when your ex checks up on you and shows interest in your new life. Whether she seeks information on your life directly, online, or through friends and family, you must appear emotionally composed and show that you no longer rely on her for happiness.
If she’s unhappy at the time of reaching out, she’ll probably wonder why you’re doing so well and try to get a piece of your pie. She’ll have much more respect for you than when you looked unhappy and wanted her to validate your importance.
So focus on yourself even though you want her to reach out badly. It will help you feel better, make her respect or envy you more, and tempt her to reconnect with you.
Always remember that exes find strength, confidence, happiness, and purpose attractive. They desire exes who know their worth and rely on themselves for their wants and needs. If they sense that their exes are unhappy, scared, needy, and in denial, they tend to get overwhelmed and repulsed—and push their exes further away.
Your best bet is to act as if your ex doesn’t exist and wait for your ex to want to talk. When your ex finally reaches out, you can take back control and decide if you even feel like talking. You might not want your ex back in your life if your ex hurt you badly and left you to fend for yourself.
Still wondering if your ex will ever contact you again. Share your worries in the comments section below. We’ll get back to you soon.
However, if you’d like to discuss the timeline of your ex reaching out, consider subscribing to private coaching. We’ll navigate through this challenging time together.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
