If you’re looking for signs your ex is pretending to be happy, you need to know that after the breakup, most dumpers don’t pretend to be happy. They feel happy, relieved, and free because they just exited a relationship that had been smothering them for ages.
They felt pressured and unhappy, which is why quitting a relationship they didn’t feel comfortable in immediately lifted a weight off their shoulders and enabled them to focus only on themselves. Such dumpers needn’t pretend to be happy.
They don’t need to pretend they’re unhappy either. They can just distance themselves from their ex and focus on themselves and those they enjoy spending time with. By taking care of themselves, they can ignore the issues from the past and start a completely new chapter of their life.
A chapter to which their ex doesn’t belong.
So if you think your ex is pretending to be happy, bear in mind that your ex would need to have a competitive mindset. Not only that, but something would also need to bother or hurt your ex.
Something that makes your ex compare his or her happiness to the past and forces your ex to fool himself, you, and others into thinking that life is better now and going according to plan.
People pretend to be happy when something isn’t going well. They want to hide their unhappiness that stems from failure in order to gain recognition or avoid shame and criticism.
A happy person simply wouldn’t feel the need to pretend he or she is happy and doing well. Only an unhappy person would do that. And an unhappy person could be insecure and seek validation from people he or she admires or competes with.
If your ex admires you or competes with you, your ex will make sure you see his or her new life and react to it. A reaction from you would make your ex feel a bit better about the situation he or she is in because your reaction would show that you still care about him or her.
You still enjoy talking to your ex and don’t resent your ex. And that’s enough for the dumper to feel valued or important enough.
Think about your own life for a minute. If you didn’t care about your ex, you also wouldn’t be looking for validation from your ex. You wouldn’t be looking for signs your ex is pretending to be happy because your ex’s happiness wouldn’t mean anything to you.
You’d let your ex worry about his/her happiness while you worry about your own.
Therefore, what you’re looking for from your ex is a sign that your ex is miserable without you. Signs of misery from your ex tell you that your ex has made a bad decision to leave you and that your ex now lacks the support and skills to resolve the difficulties necessary for being happy without you.
What you’re asking for is that your ex fails miserably and comes back to you to admit that you were a good partner. You want to see and hear that you made your ex happy, secure, and financially/emotionally stable and that you gave your ex the things he or she was looking for from a romantic partner.
If your ex were to acknowledge your worth and capabilities, you wouldn’t have to take things personally anymore and feel so rejected and self-doubtful. You could just accept yourself as you are and move forward with your life.
Since your ex isn’t showing you any (or enough) signs of weakness, unhappiness, and desperation, you’re now looking for signs your ex is pretending to be happy. These signs would explain your ex’s lack of care, interest, regret, and affection.
In this post, we talk about 5 signs your ex is pretending to be happy without you. Let’s start with the biggest one.
1)Your ex downgraded
Comparing yourself to your ex’s new partner is wrong and a waste of time because it’s impossible to judge your ex’s new partner from a distance.
But if your ex’s new partner is clearly a downgrade (not just appears boring or drives an older car than you but actually doesn’t have much to add to the relationship), then your ex is either pretending to be happy or hasn’t yet realized that the new person is incompatible or incapable of making him or her happy.
When people fall in love, they tend to put their rose-tinted glasses on and ignore the early warning signs of a bad relationship. They don’t care about their new boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s flaws and red flags because they’re infatuated with the new person.
They can only see and care about their partner’s positive traits as such things empower them and stop them from seeing things as they are. If they were to swallow a dose of reality, it would ruin their happiness streak and force them to face relationship problems.
Problems that happy, relieved, and infatuated dumpers aren’t ready for. They just got out of one unhappy relationship, so running into more problems (and so quickly) wouldn’t feel good. It’d remind them that they can’t outrun their problems and pretend to be happy.
Eventually, dumpers’ post-breakup elation is bound to wane and bring them back to reality. And when it does, they start to realize their new relationship isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. The relationship requires lots of maturity, healthy communication, and an understanding of themselves and their emotions.
So bear in mind that exes who downgrade are happy for a while because they live in la-la land and have no idea their partner is incapable of making them happy. They tend to find out about that months into the relationship when their infatuated perception of their downgraded partner starts to fall apart.
As for dumpers who pretend to be happy, they don’t really have a choice. They know their new partner is worse than their ex and that it’s too late to go back to their ex. They’ve made their decision, hence they decide to live with it.
For dumpers to go back to their ex, their new partner would have to be a lot worse. He or she would have to be so bad for them, dumpers would get rid of their grudges for their ex and improve their unhealthy perceptions of their ex.
By getting back with their ex, they would stop feeling unhappy and start feeling happy and secure.
You need to understand that exes don’t come running back unless the person they monkey-branched to is awful to or for them and makes them indulge in nostalgia (miss their ex romantically).
They need to see that the life they had before was better than how the new person has made them feel and that they need to return to their ex before their ex moves on and finds someone else. A sense of urgency makes dumpers lower their pride and run after the ex they underestimated and abandoned.
So bear in mind that your ex may not be happy despite appearing to be. Your ex might just be pretending to be happy with someone else because your ex is insecure and thinks of breakups as competition.
It’s normal for dumpees to compete with their exes or for their exes’ attention and validation because breakups destroy their self-esteem and make them desperate for love. But for dumpers to compete and show how easy it was to find someone new, that’s a completely different story.
Dumpers show off because of their ego. They don’t want to be valued and respected like dumpees. They want to be envied. The most competitive and narcissistic dumpers also want to evoke jealousy and punish their ex for hurting them.
Such dumpers wish to hurt the dumpee because they think their ex doesn’t deserve to be happy. They think their ex should pay for disrespecting and hurting them—and that they should have the last laugh. In other words, they have an eye for an eye mentality and believe they’re in charge of their ex’s karma.
So if your ex downgraded, keep in mind that your ex is unhappy or not going to be happy when things go south and reality hits the fan. Your ex will probably feel stuck in a situation he or she doesn’t want to be in and eventually be forced to do something about it.
The only two options are accepting the situation or breaking up.
2)Your ex is spreading rumors about you
If your ex is trying to ruin your reputation, it’s obvious that your ex isn’t as happy as he or she is pretending to be. Dumpers whose life purpose is to ruin the life of their ex aren’t happy people, period. They’re vengeful individuals who uplift themselves by putting others down.
They haven’t found a way to be better people, so they do everything in their power to punish their ex and make themselves look better. Their goal is to make their ex’s life so miserable they feel better about theirs.
Some dumpers spread rumors directly to their friends and mutual friends whereas others do it on social media. It doesn’t matter where they spread negativity. The point is that they reveal their true colors and show how low they’re willing to sink just to get back at an ex who made mistakes and isn’t even a part of their life anymore.
If you think about that, you’ll realize that bitter and vengeful dumpers can’t be reasoned with and be friends with. They need to be avoided so they can stop feeling victimized and spreading rumors about you.
So if your ex is going out of his or her way to ruin your life, know that your ex is far from happy. Not only is your ex miserable, but an ex who takes matters of justice into his or her own hands will stay miserable.
Your ex will do the same thing to other people and get punished when he or she crosses paths with a short-tempered individual. That’s when your ex will receive the karma you’ve been hoping for all this time. You probably won’t be around when that happens, though.
But if for some reason you happen to be or if you find out about your ex’s karmic justice through friends or family, you’ll receive the confirmation that your ex hasn’t been happy and that your ex won’t be happy until he or she addresses some serious issues.
And just to put it out there, most vengeful people don’t change. Some change or change a bit when they’re old and lonely because that’s when they realize no one wants to be with them or around them.
3)Your ex is showing off on social media
Lots of dumpers lack self-awareness and shamelessly post things that hurt their dumpees. They don’t know or care that they’re hurting their exes because they’re completely done with the relationship and feel empowered by the breakup.
Such dumpers don’t mean to hurt their exes. They just do what feels right to them. That’s why they publish photos of their new friends, activities, discoveries, or even the person they’ve been seeing. They intend to let people know they’re having a good time and that they have no regrets.
Because they feel relieved and lack empathy, they post things their dumpee ex doesn’t want to see, nor is emotionally ready to see. The dumpee may be hungry for information about the dumper, but that doesn’t mean he or she wants to see that the dumper is dating someone else already.
If anything, the dumpee wants to see that the dumper is single, that the dumpee added some value to the dumper’s life, and that it will take the dumper some time to process the separation.
Exes who post inconsiderate things on socials indeliberately cause problems for their exes. As for those who pick fights with dumpees and say nasty things, they deliberately show off and try to hurt dumpees.
Some criticize their exes, some post happy breakup quotes, some say they’re finally happy and free, and some compare their ex to their new partner and try to make their ex feel jealous and insecure.
If your ex is deliberately talking about you on social media, you can be certain your ex isn’t happy. A happy person wouldn’t talk about his exes. He especially wouldn’t speak ill of them and waste his time, thinking about people from the past.
A genuinely happy has processed the breakup already and is focusing on people and activities that interest him and bring him peace and stability.
Bear in mind that nasty social media posts show anything but happiness. They indicate that the dumper is obsessed with the dumpee and that he doesn’t have better things to do than post about how happy he finally is.
One thing I’ve learned is that the happiest people don’t feel the need to brag about their happiness on social media. They don’t post their new partners and profess their eternal love. Only people who value short-term gratifications do that.
Such people are oblivious to the fact that post-breakup elation and infatuation with new romantic partners don’t last long and aren’t anyone’s business but theirs.
4)Your ex is trying to make your each out
Obviously, an ex who’s searching for ways to make you reach out and get back in touch with you isn’t happy or as happy as your ex would like to be. Something made your ex realize your value, hence why he or she is trying to reconnect and figure out what kind of relationship it’s possible to have with you.
Whether it’s friendship or romance, an ex who wants you to reach out is afraid. He or she is most likely afraid of your rejection and losing you for good.
An ex could be trying to encourage you to reach out by:
- talking his/her friends into contacting you
- posting nostalgic/regretful things on social media
- sending you pictures and not saying anything else
- and giving you hints that he or she wants to talk
Typically, insecure exes choose this approach as they’re too afraid to express what they want. They prefer to let their ex do the work for them.
This doesn’t, however, mean they won’t get back together with their ex if they realize they still love their ex. If they really like their ex and their ex stays committed to no contact, they’ll do what they need to do to win their ex back.
Some dumpers will even beg and plead and find ways to contact an ex who blocked them.
So if your ex is trying to make you reach out and/or be your friend (or partner), bear in mind that your ex isn’t happy and that your ex wants to keep you in his or her life. Your job is to figure out whether your ex wants you back as a friend or a romantic partner.
Do that by asking your ex why he or she wanted to talk to you.
5)Your ex is relying on you
The last sign that your ex is pretending to be happy is when your ex constantly relies on you for things. If your ex needs your emotional support, validation, money, advice, or anything that prevents your ex from focusing on himself or herself and moving on, your ex currently needs you to be happy.
Your ex depends on you and isn’t ready to let go of you.
Such an ex may not say that you’re important to him/her, but you don’t need to hear your ex say it. Your ex’s actions speak for themselves as they say your ex is dependent on you and that you’re still a big part of his or her life.
If you don’t want your ex to use you and confuse you, you need to get space from your ex right away. Don’t let your ex talk to you and mess with your head for his or her selfish gain. Post-breakup communication will let your ex string you along and get the best of both worlds.
And you mustn’t let that happen. As long as you have feelings for your ex, you must stay as physically and emotionally away from your ex as possible. Space will let you detach from your ex, get your independence back, and also force your ex to stop relying on you and discern your worth.
If your ex discerns your romantic value, the next time your ex reaches out might even be to get back together. It’s impossible to predict. But you’ll never know unless you stand up for yourself and prevent your ex from doing what he or she wants.
So if your ex is communicating with you and asking for all kinds of favors, rest assured that your ex isn’t entirely happy with his or her breakup decision. A part of your ex regrets losing you, hence why your ex is keeping you around for safety and/or convenience.
It’s in your best interest to show that you’re not the kind of person to be strung along and that you respect yourself more than your ex respects you. If your ex respected you, he or she would have let you go and dealt with post-breakup problems without you.
What do you consider a sign that your ex is pretending to be happy? Share your thoughts with us below the post.
And if you want to talk about it with us, sign up for breakup coaching here.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
Hey, Tim
If it helps, it has taken me about that long too. Maybe longer… since, in the beginning, I kept doing pretty much all the things that this blog advises against. And, with the benefit of hindsight, I can tell you that the vast majority of advice and support offered here is totally spot in. But, in the early days, I think it us harder to believe that… because progress is slow, and there no qui k fixes, and the process involves letting go of the thing you want most.
But I think I think you know all of this already. Just to say you are very much not alone, and this will pass,
X
Hi,
“I kept doing pretty much all the things that this blog advises against”
I guess you’re talking about checking their socials, stalking even? I kinda stopped that a month ago but sometimes feel the need to do it (even tho I don’t).
It’s indeed hard to let got of the thing you want the most..
Tx
Tim
Funny thing is, I’m not even on social media. So no checking or stalking temptations for me even!! Tbh, I am not sure I could cope with that and I don’t know how others do. I am so impressed at your self control – it must be so tempting.
Two things did for me: an early attempt to maintain some sort of friendship. And, probs more than that, the fact I kept hanging on to hope and daydreaming – instead of focusing on all the other things I could be doing with my life.
Still, I live and learn…
I had sent a holiday. Card to a group of friends that we both previously belonged to. Out of the blue I get a nasty email stating that I should get a life and I am a A hole. Remind you I haven’t seen or spoken to her in 3 years. I chalked it up to MISERY LOVES COMPANY and didn’t respond. I don’t think she is happy. LOL
Hi Gary.
Your ex is a perfect example of a resentful dumper. She definitely isn’t happy in life.
Best,
Zan
If your ex was unhappy, and you had a good relationship of a reasonable length, you’d hear from her. But for all the wrong reasons
That is likely the case, Doug! Exes often reach out for themselves.
Kind regards,
Zan
Nice article Zan, as usual.
I think most exes (including mine) are just happier without us. 6 months no contact and haven’t hear a peep except a sneaky look at my Linkedin profile. I think most dumpers move on and never look back.
I initiated no contact for her to reach out and validate me but I now think no contact preserves your value and that’s it. It doesnt make anyone miss you, on the contrary it helps them move on.
I have countless examples of ppl getting back together among my friends, when dumpee reached out. Never one when they stayed in no contact.
On my end I’m too far gone so I won’t reach out but I think sometimes, keeping minimal contact can help you move on rather that (for me) constanlty wondering what they’re up to at the beginning.
They say it gets better, but for fuck’s sake it takes time. Not sure it’s faster in no contact (tho it’s my only reference since I’ve never tried staying in contact)
Hey Tim,
I think that unless you made a big mistake/s and forced your ex or they asked you to work on specific thing/s, they’ve already moved on by the time the breakup happens.
My ex told me she’s been struggling with her decision for 2-3 months before ultimately deciding that our relationship is not working for her anymore. She didn’t just woke up one morning and decided it’s time to part. She had her reasons, doesn’t matter if I agree or not it’s just her perspective so by the time the breakup happened she had already mourned the relationship and moved on. Mind you, no monkey-branching or 3rd person in the picture.
Also you need to look at the big picture, how many of your friends that kept reaching out and got back together actually stayed together long term? There is no one or proven way to get back together with an ex but the dumper is the one who gave up and he is the one that needs to rebuild it. This just gives the best chances for a long term success.
I could have probably charmed, manipulated or guilted my ex (after some time) into trying again but is this the relationship you would want to have? Respect yourself, respect them (you’ve spent sometime together after all) and let them decide what or who they want. If they decide it’s you they want you will hear from them no matter how much time has passed, at that point it’s up to you to decide how you want to proceed. If it’s not you they want they will continue moving on even if you keep reaching out, even if you do get back together for a period time, it will never be a healthy relationship and healthy relationship is what we should all strive for, no matter with ex or another person.
Forgot to mentioned. Keep your head up bud. I know it’s a cliche but it does get better with time 🙂
Thanks for the support SP.
Out of my 3 friends who got back with their exes, one couple got married, one got separated again, and one are still together so 2/3 still.
I agree with you tho, if someone leaves, they moved on before breaking it off, which sucks when you’re in pain for months, while they’re enjoying their single life they dreamt about for so long. For me, after 6 months, I still think about her on a daily basis, and keep getting anxiety thinking about her being intimate with someone else (just less than before). I’m not where I thought I’d be after 6 months.
I sometimes think that she does not think about me AT ALL and it makes me even more frustrated with myself. I’ve thought about her daily for the last 6 months while she probably thought about me once or twice (guess this is ego based).
I’m also frustrated that she never even tried to reach out to see how I was doing, or at least doubted her decision. It seems to me that she might be thinking rn that leaving me was the best decision she ever made, while I was giving my 200% to this relationship. It’s hard on the morale to know that even by gjving my 200%, there is no second thoughts from her and that everybody she has met since is better (probably by not even trying).
Anyway, I’m venting here, just angry with life, angry with the fact that women have SOOOO MUCHHHH choices on dating apps, that makes the move on so much easier for them. Once they leave, all the vultures that were on standby show up, and all the sharks on dating apps like them, boosting their ego and making them think that they were right leaving someone who’d give so much to make it work.
I’ll stay no contact and focus on me, but it’s so unfair and difficult to accept that the dumper does not give a flying fuck and is happier without us. I have the feeling that she stole 6 months of my life already and I don’t want to give her more. Tho i can’t control my brain, I wish I could shut if off and NEVER think about her again.
Thanks for the response and support bud 🙂
Believe me I know how you feel, I went through pretty much the same thing.
I gave her everything I had and the reasons she gave me for the breakup were ridiculous. Her friends, mutual friends and even her parents were absolutely dumbfounded. Her mum called me crying and told me not give up on her and that she will be back to her senses in no time. I guess from my exe’s perspective those reasons were valid enough or at least she convinced herself they were, because it’s going to be 2 years since the break in a couple of months.
I was thinking about her daily for 8-10 months, imagining how she comes back, how she apologizes for everything and I was bitter and angry. How could she not see everything I did for her and sleep with or date some schmuck that doesn’t even give a fuck about her.
Well it really does get better with time, you just have to go through all this. If a girl can’t see my potential and value I don’t want to be with her and she doesn’t deserve me.
And yes it is way easier for girls compared to us guys, it’s not fair but it is what it is. That’s why you need to improve yourself, learn some game, improve your social skills and so on, just to stand out from the rest. Do you really believe those vultures and sharks as you said are better then you?
Seems like you made the same mistakes I did. In the begining of the relationship I had my boundaries and standards pretty high but as the years went I fell deeply in love and I lowered them. I became too much of a nice guy to her. You should never give 100% of yourself to anyone else but you!
One more thing, mine reached out 1 year after the breakup. She asked to see me and seemed a bit scared. We went out for dinner and all she talked about were silly and superficial things that I couldn’t care less about. After I finished my dinner I said I have to wake up early the next day so we paid and I left, haven’t talked or seen her since. Them calling or checking up on you isn’t always a good thing.
Checkout Black Philip Show with Patrice O’Neal. Helped me a ton.
I’m now in the best shape of my life, I’m closer to my family and friends, I met new people, made new friends, travelled to Asia and South America, dated few girls although nothing serious. I can comfortably say I am pretty happy how things turned out. I come here from time to time since this blogged helped me out a lot in the beginning stages.
Hey SP,
thanks for your story.
I’m in the same situation where I’m still wondering if she’ll ever reach out.
I have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that after all I did, she never looked back, or even said to herself “maybe that wasn’t that bad”. I think dumpers just move on and never look back, that’s all.
Did you know why your ex reach back? To me i’m still wanting her to reach back just to balance out the game right. If she reaches out, I will feel that at least she initiated something, even if it doesnt lead anywhere.
I read all these blogs and articles about how dumpee move on eventually, but to me it seems that if you were truly in love, you don’t get out of it unscathed. Even years after, dumpee still seem somehow affected while their ex have put them in the rear view mirror a LONG time ago.
Just a thought that I have a hard time dealing with.
I find no contact very difficult, maybe today’s a bad day since I’m thinking about her more than usual, but anyhow, thanks for the priceless advice.
2 years post breakup… still thinking about her or wanting to eventually get back together ?
Tx
Tim
To answer your questions.
I have no idea what she wanted and why she reached out after 1 year. All I know is she wasn’t serious about us and that’s all I need to know.
After 2 years it’s more like I am reminded of her and not thinking about her, it’s a bit hard to explain. For example last night I met with a few friends that just came back from Thailand, few years ago I went there with my ex so their stories reminded me of my time there with my ex. It’s just a nice momery shared with a person that happens to be your ex. I remember all my exes no matter dumper or dumpee in the same way, no feelings involved just a nice memory.
As for getting back together with her, I haven’t really thought about that. Why stress about something you don’t know will happen and lack any control over? If it does I will figure it out then.
‘Even years after, dumpee still seem somehow affected while their ex have put them in the rear view mirror a LONG time ago.’ – from my personal experience is exactly the other way around. As a dumpee at some point you accept that you lack control over the breakup and you simply move on but if you had a meaningful relationship the dumper will have doubts if it was the correct decision every time things don’t go to plan. I have both male/female friends that have doubts about exes they dumped 10+ years ago. My brother dumped a very good girl just because he was afraid of commitment, this was 8-9 years ago. Now she is happily married and he is still single at 38 dating some 20 years old bimbos and quite often tells me he should have never let her go…
Listen to me bud, breakups are as hard as you let them be. If you moup around telling yourself this is the worst thing and so on it will be hard. You have to pull up your pants and say to yourself alright hard or not let’s get through this shit.
The only breakup advice everyone in the world would ever need is self improvement!
If today is a hard day for you, go out, hit the gym, go jogging, grab a beer with friends. Things will be better soon!
I have a sparing session tonight, I’m sure it’ll help 🙂
Thanks for the great support and quick and detailed answers SP, you definitely helped me today, god bless.
I was the dumper in most cases except the last one (probably why I lack the experience from that point of view), and I sometimes think about my exes but would never go back. Maybe it’s just me.
“Listen to me bud, breakups are as hard as you let them be”
That.. very good point. I need to decide that it’s over and move on with life.
Tim
Hey Tim,
I am sorry for your loss. I empathize with you, this must have been really hurtful. From my understanding of Zan’s work, the aim of no contact is to move your energy from your ex towards yourself : heal your wounds and grief at your own pace. I fear that if you start no contact to trigger a reaction from your ex, you are already out of your control zone (i.e. how they show up) and that you delay your own healing.
From your messages, I have the impression that you are angry and frustrated that she doesn’t value you and the relationship you shared, and those are legit emotions to feel. I can only speak for my experience, but I realized that the thoughts that were driving me crazy were triggered to protect me from the pain. Once I felt the pain of not being valued, I realized that I must be the first person to give it to myself and stop missing the person. You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone except yourself.
Hope it helps,
Benoit
Hi Benoit,
thanks for the comment. Everything helps for sure. You’re right in saying that you need to feel the pain and god knows I felt it. For 3 months straight, I cried every day, waiting for her to come back. I was in full denial for sure.
So putting it that way, I only really started my healing process 3 months ago when I started accepting that it was over and that I would NOT get her back.
Overall, I feel better, though there are days like today when I feel the pain a bit more. Maybe coz I looked for somehting at my place and stumbled upon a picture of us yesterday.
I am so grateful for ppl like you and SP to be here on Zan’s blog and help other people get a different perspective.
I would love to stop missing the person/relationship, as SP put it, I have to put my pants up and decide i wont suffer anymore from it (or at least not every day).
Tx
Tim
Hi Tim,
I can only imagine what you have been going through. I remember myself having to throw out due to anxiety for a few days straight after the break up. A pain so intense I could literally feel like I had blood in my mouth and was going to die. This was really a withdrawal, like a drug addiction, but there is no way out unfortunately.
This is totally normal that you have days where you feel the pain more. I try to see pain now as something that tells me something is wrong and pushes away the things that hurt me and doesn’t want to do anything about it. It helped me a lot personally to rationalize the situation and to tell myself I was safe even with these feelings and pain. My brain then cools down and there is less resistance to the pain. You are on the right tracks for sure.
I am happy if I could have helped you; take care !
Benoit
Overall to me seems like you are a good person who gave everything into a relationship with a girl that either didn’t value you enough or stopped valuing you at some point throughout the relationship. We as people all have a tendency to take everything for granted given enough time.
Tim, everything you feel now is absolutely normal and nothing to be ashed of. On the contrary you educating yourself, trying to improve yourself and looking for solutions instead of drinking, partying, taking drungs and humping through your pain makes you better then most.
This all ends in two ways.
1. She comes back.
2. You move on.
You should ALWAYS strive for option 2.
I believe most people, including me, at least in the beginning are scared of moving on, because they believe moving on means you will never get back together with your ex. This is complete bs. When you first met you were not in love with that person, you were not attached, dependent or whatever. You just met a girl you liked and after getting to know each other a bit more, decided to try a relationship.
Moving on means if at some point your ex decides she wants to try again you will be in the best position the make a clear headed decision what’s best for you and if it’s even worth your time and effort to try again. If she doesn’t come back, moving on will allow you to find someone else better suited for you.
And you will move on, believe me on that! How you come out from all this is up to you. I would suggest you give your best and come out as a better, more balanced, well centered man that respects himself and his masculinity and not as a bitter, angry shelf of a man.
I’m genuinely touched by the support I’m getting from both of you…
It gives me hope that things will get better and that there are some good people out there still, that I never even met, who take the time to help one another. Thanks for that !
I’m grateful that I can come on this blog and sometimes get very quick responses from people who already went through similar experiences. Seeing that you guys now feel ok gives me some reassurance that it will be ok.
Time + perspective I imagine, and a will to move on finally is what make things better.
I’m of course nostalgic of the moments I shared with this woman and I’ll forever remember them. Though I can’t wait for someone who doesn’t want me at the moment or whose meet I can’t meet, even on my best days.
I’ll keep no contact and hopefully the heartache will pass. It’s just so very long… who takes a year to get over a one and a half year relationship? Crazy
Thank you so much guys 🙂
Tim
Hi Tim.
I’ve also heard of cases where dumpees reached out and got another chance at the relationship. But most dumpees gave their power away and got broken up with. Sometimes it works, but other times it doesn’t. Best to preserve your value and not take the risk. It takes time, Tim, but NC is the only way.
Sincerely,
Zan
Wise words, I’m not giving her a chance to reject me twice.
Tx
Adrien