12 Early Warning Signs Of A Bad Relationship

When we’re in love, we tend not to notice the early warning signs of a bad relationship. We normally see only the good parts of the relationship because the good parts make us feel infatuated and allow us to live the illusion that we crave. The good parts take away our ability to think rationally and prevent us from seeing all the red flags that we should be looking out for.

Friends and family may warn us about those red flags, but because we’re so excited to love and be loved, we often neglect all the early warning signs of a bad relationship and focus on enjoying the present moment. Resisting the euphoric feelings of a new relationship just doesn’t seem like a good idea to us.

We’re way too excited about our new partner to take a step back from the relationship for a moment or two and discern if our partner really is the right person for us. We don’t like to doubt our own judgment because that would kill the attraction in the relationship and stop our enthusiasm.

Consequently, it would stop our partner from investing in us and slow down the flow of the relationship. It would mess up everything for us.

That’s why most of us don’t do anything when we come across our first red flag. We don’t want to destroy the rapport we’ve established up with our partner and risk losing the relationship.

We do something about the red flags only if our self-esteem is high and our ability to stop ourselves from listening to our emotions developed enough to question our partner’s motives and behavior.

In today’s post, we’re going to talk about 12 early warning signs of a bad relationship. Both genders can display these red flags, so keep in mind that the article is written for both men and women.

1)Emotional, physical, or financial codependence

It’s completely normal to be attracted to your new boyfriend or girlfriend and feel excited to date him/her. But what’s not normal is when your partner love bombs you, wants to see you all the time, and won’t let you work and spend time with your friends and family.

That is not healthy relationship behavior.

It’s codependency and a sign that something in this person’s life is missing. Something like confidence, self-esteem, strength, independence, and the ability to enjoy life and handle problems without having someone by his or her side to rely on.

When your boyfriend or girlfriend needs you rather than wants you, chances are that your partner is going to be extremely possessive later on. He or she is probably going to control you (or attempt to) and ask you to spend more time with him or her than you’re willing to spare.

A person like this is going to demand attention and affection and think that you’re being neglectful whenever you don’t reach his or her standards and expectations. And when he or she feels neglected, chances are that you’ll receive a very bad reaction from this person and see his or her dark side.

Someone who’s emotionally dependent on you could say something like:

• I don’t know what I’d do without you.
• I was miserable until I met you.
• Thank you so much for loving me.
• I never thought I’d find love again.
• Stay with me a bit longer.

Another early relationship red flag you should pay attention to is spending habits. Although there are hardworking people who genuinely struggle to get by each month, there are also people who make decent money but spend it recklessly. Such people often borrow money from others and/or receive it from the government and spend it on unnecessary things.

You should not take a person’s rash spending habits lightly. Especially not if the person has no responsibilities (no children or bills to pay) or if he or she comes to you for money early on. That could mean that your partner has had financial struggles for quite a while—and they’re not going away any time soon.

You’re probably going to get dragged into them.

I’m telling you to be careful about someone’s irresponsible behavior with money because money, in general, is one of those things couples argue about the most.

I used to date a woman who was bad at handling money—and I can tell you that it didn’t feel right. It was hard to plan a future with her because she was buying go pros and bicycles, and at the same time, fussing about not being able to pay the bills.

I paid for her food sometimes, but soon, I realized that she earns enough to support herself and that I needed to back off.

In my opinion, when you’re struggling to get by each month (for any reason), you can’t be reckless. You need to be in survival mode and think about getting out of the mess you’re in as quickly as possible. I know that sometimes unpredictable things happen. But when they do, we must be prepared to handle them maturely.

Emotional, physical, or financial lack of dependence may seem tolerable early on. You may even mistake it for being needed and loved. But later on (when the infatuation wanes), codependence will lead to disappointments and frustrations.

So take these early warning signs of a bad relationship seriously and do something about them before it’s too late.

2)Power imbalance in the relationship

Another early red flag in a relationship is a power imbalance. If your partner speaks to you in a domineering manner and tells you how things are supposed to work and how they will work, your partner doesn’t want you to have a say. He or she is hungry for power and control and will as a result, not listen to your reasoning very often.

Your partner might listen to you when he or she is out of ideas, but when he or she has ideas and feels that those ideas are better than yours, your partner will express disapproval and do what’s best for him or her. This will turn you into the chaser and your partner into the person who calls the shots.

That’s why you need to learn how much control your partner is willing to give early on. You need to find out if your partner is open to your ideas and suggestions—by observing how he or she responds to something he or she doesn’t like.

For example, if you suggest going for dinner to your favorite restaurant and your partner bluntly says, “No, that place sucks, let’s go to my favorite place,” it’s apparent that your partner has a “me mentality.” He or she is thinking about his/her likes and dislikes and isn’t going to change that mentality any time soon.

Mentality just doesn’t change without a reason. It normally requires many years of growing up or better yet, some shocking experience that forces a person to change.

The chances of a controlling partner maturing up later in the relationship are very small. So make sure not to settle for someone who always puts himself or herself before you.

3)Trust issues

Nothing is worse than dating a man or a woman who recently (or not so recently) came out of a long-term relationship and brought all the trust issues with him/her. Trust issues are the destroyers of relationships as they prevent a person from relaxing and trusting the other person.

They destroy the relationship inside out either early on or after the couple has gotten to know each other. And that’s because they attack the basis on which the relationship stands and causes mutual mistrust.

People who have trust issues are terrified of their new partner behaving the way their ex-partner did. They have a fear of abandonment and/or expect their new partner not to display any traits and behaviors their ex did.

This in turn almost always leads to disappointment as people with trust issues don’t randomly stumble across reasons why not to trust their partner. They actively look for them and make sure to find them.

They often do this by:

• going through their partner’s phone
• analyzing their partner’s social media
• asking their partner where their partner went and what he or she did
• jumping to conclusions without any evidence
• demanding proof or assurance

So if your boyfriend or girlfriend has trust issues, know that it could take a while before your partner works through his or her issues. It could take months or if many months have gone by since trust issues first occurred, it could even take years. It really depends on what your partner does to leave the issues from the past in the past.

4)Doubting the relationship

This is probably one of the worst early red flags in a relationship you can ever come across.

When someone doubts your capabilities and worth, mark my words that his or her doubts will only get worse. Doubts are progressive (they keep increasing)—and I can tell you that when someone starts to question his or her commitment to you a few months into the relationship that it’s time to run.

It’s time to break up with your partner and never look back because when someone has trouble seeing your importance early on, he or she is going to have trouble seeing it later as well. That’s why you may as well save yourself the trouble and leave before you get even more attached.

It won’t be easy to break up with someone you’re attached to, but it’s for the best. Staying with a person who isn’t sure about you and waiting for him or her to dump you first is a complete waste of time and emotions. You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you and is serious about building a life with you, not someone with a “meh, we’ll see what happens” kind of thinking.

You can tell a person has doubts about you and the relationship if he or she says:

• I’m not sure if this is what I want.
• I think we aren’t the best match.
• We’ll see how we feel about each other later.
• What about that guy? He seems more like your type.

An uncertain person might stay with you for a while and fight his/her uncertainties. But he or she will probably give up when doubts and stress increase or when he or she meets someone new. Keep that in mind.

5)Still in love with an ex

When your boyfriend or girlfriend still loves an ex, he or she regularly craves the connection with his or her ex-partner and as a result, appears hot one moment and cold the next. Your partner’s behavior and attitude toward you strongly depend on his or her emotional health and cravings for the ex-partner.

For example, if your partner is missing the bond with the ex-partner, he or she could appear hurt and unreceptive to you and ask for more space to focus on the ex.

However, when your partner regains his or her composure and feels better, your partner could run back to you and appear very affectionate. This kind of indecisiveness and emotional instability indicate that your partner is still recovering from the end of the previous relationship(s) and that you may not get a happy ever after with this person.

Your partner will likely go back to the ex the first chance he or she gets.

If you’re not sure whether your boyfriend or girlfriend still loves his/her ex, see if your partner does the following things:

• Angrily or emotionally badmouthing the ex
• Mentioning his or her ex a lot (every day)
• Meeting up with the ex
• Comparing you to his or her ex
• Expecting you to act like the ex

If you notice that your partner isn’t over the previous relationship yet, you have an important decision to make. You can take the risk and try to help your partner process the breakup or you can leave him or her and find someone who will be emotionally ready to commit to you completely.

6)Swearing, yelling, and threatening suicide/breakup

When a person displays unsightly traits at the start of the relationship, you should know that he’s showing you only a fraction of everything this person is capable of. The rest will be revealed when this person lowers his guard around you and shows you how he deals with the biggest stressors.

That’s when you’ll see who you really fell in love with. You’ll see that you fell in love with someone who can treat you well only when he or she is happy. But when things don’t go according to plan, your partner acts impulsively and out of control.

So if you detect unhealthy, impulsive behavior early on, you need to know that it depicts your partner’s:

• moral values
• thinking and behavioral patterns
• perceptions
• self-control
• and the ability to handle disagreements

Arguing early when a relationship is new is usually an early sign of a bad relationship because couples are empowered with love hormones and shouldn’t be arguing. They should still be patient with each other.

One more thing I should mention is that swearing in a relationship (early or not) is also not a very mature thing to do. Instead of calming the situation down, swearing empowers the words a person uses and makes the other person feel threatened and even more upset.

So remember this piece of advice and try not to swear during arguments. All swearing and throwing tantrums does is that it increases your anger and makes your partner feel vulnerable.

7)Talking to other people and not doing anything about it

One of the biggest red flags in a new relationship is when your partner talks to other people and thinks he or she has the right to talk to whoever/whenever he or she wants. This kind of closed-mindedness/stubbornness indicates that your partner hasn’t grown up yet and isn’t thinking about your wants and needs.

Instead, he or she feels unlistened to and disrespected and believes that you’re overstepping his/her boundaries.

It’s usually guys who talk to other women and claim that they’re only friends. Guys don’t want to stop talking to other women because they’ve developed a rapport with them (a good connection) and like talking to them. That’s why they don’t want to hear anything about deleting them or stopping communication with them.

When they’re told to stop talking to their female friends, they feel that their girlfriend is selfish, controlling, and uncaring.

Such thoughts, of course, don’t contribute to the development of the relationship. They hinder it and make it obvious that a guy has different priorities. He’s thinking about developing relationships with other women rather than with his girlfriend who should be his one and only.

I’m not saying guys can’t have female friends, All I’m saying is that when your partner refuses to do anything about your request, he or she makes it clear that the problem is with you and that you need to resolve your issues on your own.

Your partner essentially says, “I lack relationship skills and the self-awareness to know that you’re scared and hurt and that I’m responsible for the pain that I’m causing you.”

8)Blaming you for his/her unhappiness/misfortune

If a person is blaming you for his or her unhappiness and misfortune and displaying poor communication skills weeks or months into the relationship, you have one of the best early warning signs of a bad relationship.

You have a sign that your partner is a reactive person who lacks control over his or her emotions and that you’re going to be his/her punching bag.

This means that your relationship is going to keep getting worse over time. Eventually, it will get to a point where your partner develops bad associations and treats you the way you let him or her treat you. And if things don’t improve, your boyfriend or girlfriend is probably going to lose respect, emotionally disconnect, and eventually break up with you.

He or she will blame you for his or her feelings (gaslight you) by making you think you’re the one who has issues.

My advice is to look out for signs of projection early on. Look out for self-defense mechanisms that intend to put you down and uplift your partner.

Keep vigil for unhealthy communication habits such as:

• stonewalling (refusing to communicate)
• gaslighting
• passive aggresion
• criticizing and belittling
• defensiveness
• refusing to listen and compromise
• anger issues and lacking self-control

9)Making excuses not to see you/talk to you

When a guy or woman consistently makes excuses not to make time for you, he or she tells you that you’re not a priority and that you never will be. Your partner has other things to worry about because he or she just isn’t that into you.

If you were a priority, you wouldn’t be told things like:

• I can’t this week
• next time
• I’m busy

You wouldn’t be getting vague replies and excuses.

Don’t get me wrong, if your partner has important things to take care of, you should be understanding of your partner’s emergencies and responsibilities. You should be supportive and selfless. But if he or she is not picking up your calls or replying fast and consistently whenever he or she is free, it’s probably safe to assume that you don’t matter that much to this person.

This person doesn’t value you as much as you value him/her. Actions don’t lie—so always judge a person by his/her actions and consistency.

10)Lying and being dishonest

If a person is keeping important information from you, such as children, marriage, and other important things, the guy or woman is doing that out of fear of loss and fear of judgment. He or she is afraid of doing the right thing and will likely continue to act that way in the future.

This is because hiding the truth from you won’t enable growth in that person. It will create relief and inspire him or her to take the easy route next time something similar happens.

You need to understand that this person cares about himself or herself a lot more than you. If he or she cared about you, he or she would have told you about the things you needed to hear right away. That’s what strong people who want their relationship to start on good terms do.

Liers and cowards, however, don’t. Liars lie about age, children, work, status, education, hobbies, friends, exes, the past, and being single.

So be careful about dishonest behavior. It usually means that a person is going to abandon his or her morals just to impress you.

11)Laziness and lacking purpose and ambition

Everyone has a purpose in this world. We’re all meant to do something; it’s why we’re here.

So if your partner has no drive to do something/anything with his/her life, it’s probably not a very good sign. It smells like trouble because when people have too much time on their hands, they aren’t just being unproductive, but they also rely on others and look for conflict.

They argue about petty and trivial matters because they don’t have anything or anyone but themselves to serve. They are concerned solely with their own desires, needs, or interests.

Remember that the happiest people are those who live with purpose. It just so happens that their purpose also enriches others.

12)Bad relationship with parents

The last early warning sign of a bad relationship is when your partner has a bad/nonexistent relationship with his or her parents. Of course, this isn’t always a bad sign because some people strive hard to unlearn the lessons their parents had taught them.

But oftentimes, the saying “like father like son” is very true as parents teach us how to behave when we’re displeased with unfavorable circumstances.

We observe their behavior—and if they show us it’s okay to be unfair and to argue with people when we don’t get what we want, we more often than not do just that. We feel underappreciated and copy our parents’ behavior which serves as a means of defending ourselves.

So if you notice that your partner doesn’t communicate with parents, communicates poorly, infrequently, or angrily, bear in mind that something is going on. Someone is holding grudges and doesn’t want to fix things/isn’t capable of settling the differences.

There are likely some deep-rooted issues your partner hasn’t addressed yet. And you will probably see them up close when your partner projects his or her parents’ behavioral patterns onto you. That’s when you’ll notice the importance of having a good relationship with your parents.

Do you agree with these 12 early warning signs of a bad relationship? What are some other things you consider a red flag? Post your thoughts below this article.

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