Ex Seems Unaffected By The Breakup

Does your ex seem unaffected by the breakup and you don’t know why?

It might surprise you that most exes are unaffected by the breakup. They’d been thinking about breaking up for so long that they wanted to break up more than anything. They couldn’t wait to deliver the bad news to their soon-to-be exes and be done with the relationship once and for all.

Unlike dumpees who feel like crying and putting themselves down after the breakup, dumpers feel free and relieved. They’re willing to explore life again and perhaps even start dating someone new.

The breakup encourages them to think, feel, and act like someone who has just been released from prison after years of confinement. Everything is different and new to them all of a sudden—and they find it intriguing.

It actually excites them because they’re finally able to focus on themselves and those who truly matter to them.

Dumpers crave new experiences and are extremely eager to upgrade their lives. They can’t wait to stop being unhappy or to start being happier. Everything they do is about their happiness and experiences, so of course they don’t sit at home and sob all day and night.

That’s what dumpees expect them to do and actually do themselves because they didn’t see the breakup coming. Dumpees wanted to stay together and grow as couples. But because their exes wanted more out of life, they got rejected and were affected negatively by the breakup.

They were directly or indirectly told they weren’t good enough and that separating from them would make their exes happier.

That’s why you need to understand that your ex is unaffected by the breakup only in negative ways. Positively, your ex is greatly affected by the separation as he or she hasn’t felt this good in a long time.

As long as your ex had feelings for you, your ex wanted to stay with you and make plans for the future.

That changed only when negative thoughts ruined his or her perception of you because that was when your ex started entertaining negative ideas and due to self-neglect and the inability to handle negativity, began to like those ideas.

At that point, it was only a matter of time before negative thoughts and ideas overwhelmed your ex and destroyed the relationship from within.

Sadly, you couldn’t do much about your ex’s cravings for space even if you sensed that something was wrong. They were your ex’s responsibility, and because your ex didn’t do anything about them, the relationship kept getting worse until it got so bad it could no longer exist.

The relationship, therefore, required no less than 100% commitment from both of you. It needed you to work together and resolve disagreements or problems.

But because your ex’s commitment was missing, the drive for good communication and solving problems started to disappear too. And that’s why the relationship continued to decline until it eventually got to the point of no return.

Bear in mind that your ex feels relieved and happy not because you were a bad person but because your ex stopped valuing you and thinking of you as an equal.

Your ex thought you took more from the relationship than you’d put into it (or were capable of putting into it) and considered you an obstacle that prevented him or her from being contented and fulfilled.

Yes, you’ve probably made a mistake here and there as no one’s perfect. But unless you were abusive, controlling, or possessive, your ex left due to a lack of gratitude, respect, willpower, and desire to bond and deal with any and all relationship issues.

You can’t blame yourself for that. The only person you can only hold accountable is the dumper.

So don’t let your ex’s unaffectedness by the breakup bother you too much. People who don’t care always get affected the least. They don’t have strong emotional connections, fears, and anxiety, so they don’t suffer the way dumpees do.

But because they don’t suffer, they also don’t improve much or at all. They blame their exes or incompatibilities for the breakup and because of it, make the same mistakes in the future.

So try not to care about whether your ex seems affected or unaffected by the breakup. Dumpers who are affected are usually depressed or affected by feelings of guilt. And guilt and depression don’t indicate that the dumper will return and help you heal.

What they usually indicate is that the dumper will reach out to clear his/her guilty conscience and disappear shortly after. That will make you feel even more confused and used when you realize what just happened.

In this post, we discuss why your ex seems unaffected by the breakup and why you shouldn’t expect the dumper to be miserable.

Ex seems unaffected by the breakup

If your ex left you, your ex seems unaffected by the breakup for many reasons. The main reason is that your ex detached from you and doesn’t care about the relationship anymore. He or she is happy to be single or with someone else and has no romantic expectations of you.

Due to a lack of expectations and care, your ex not only appears unaffected but feels that way too. Your ex cares only about the present and has no or very few regrets. The past simply doesn’t concern your ex because your ex associates unpleasant thoughts and feelings with it.

Your ex remembers the bad things you said, did, or didn’t do and chooses to stay in the present moment.

Doing so enables your ex to:

1. Stay in control of his or her new life.
2. Helps your ex look forward to new opportunities.

Because your ex is a dumper, your ex is going through completely different emotional stages than you. While you’re dealing with denial, depression, and anger, the dumper is embracing elation, relief, and perhaps even infatuation (if he or she is dating already).

Your ex is on cloud 9 because the breakup feels liberating, relaxing, new, and different from what your ex is used to. It makes your ex ignore your wants and needs and gives your ex an opportunity to think only about his or her life.

Unlike you, your ex doesn’t have to accept the breakup, deal with rejection, forget about his or her plans for the future, and get rid of reconciliation hope.

Your ex had already done that at the end of the relationship and isn’t in any kind of pain. This implies your ex isn’t scared, anxious, uncertain, and nostalgic. The only thing your ex fears is committing to a relationship that doesn’t make him or her happy.

Therefore, your ex’s new life doesn’t make your ex reminisce about the past. If anything, it makes your ex glad that things turned out the way they did.

Most dumpers would rather think about themselves and their new lives than worry about their exes and wonder if they’ve made the right decision to leave.

And that’s what most dumpers do. They forget everything their ex had done with and for them and shift their focus to things that give them less rewarding but more immediate benefits. Some of these benefits they obtain from friendships, hobbies, work, and new dating opportunities.

Occasionally, dumpers also think about their exes. But they tend to quickly snap out of it by remembering the bad times. Bad memories tell them their exes aren’t good matches for them or that their exes messed up and that they have the right to feel victimized.

By feeling victimized, dumpers essentially justify the breakup and their post-breakup behavior.

So keep in mind that the reason your ex seems unaffected by the breakup is that your ex is going through the dumper stages of a breakup and wants different things than you. You want love and commitment whereas your ex wants space and freedom.

As long as your ex wants these things, your ex won’t have any love for you, nor will your ex feel the desire to reconnect emotionally. He or she will stay away from you and appear completely unaffected (detached, distant, and different). On social media, your ex will appear to be busy, happy, and self-focused and will want others to see that he or she is moving forward.

Don’t let that bother you. What your ex posts on social media is half-fake anyway. Most people post only good things as they don’t like to air their dirty laundry.

Your ex may also seem unfazed by the breakup because you’re very emotional and expect your ex to be as emotional and hurt as you. You’re not taking into account that your ex had already detached or was never attached or as invested as you were.

Your ex may have put himself or herself first and by doing so, prevented the breakup from affecting him or her as badly as it affected you.

It’s no secret that people who don’t form deep emotional attachments suffer much less than those who do. But it’s also true that they don’t have such good relationships as a lack of emotional investment often leads to emotional separation, followed by a physical one.

Couples need to get negatively affected to some (minimum) degree because hurt feelings show they care and want the best for themselves, each other, and the relationship.

Feelings (good or bad) tell them they’re invested in the relationship and that they want to work on problems together.

Ex-couples, on the other hand, don’t get negatively affected. Usually, only one person feels the loss because only one person cares. That person is the dumpee because the world comes crashing down on the dumpee, forcing him or her to accept the breakup and create a new life without the dumper.

With that said, here’s why your ex seems unaffected by the breakup.

You need to understand that your ex seems unaffected by the breakup because your ex is unaffected. He or she doesn’t have a reason to be affected because to be affected, your ex needs romantic feelings and be sad or regretful.

This also explains why dumpers don’t get jealous much or at all. To get jealous or envious, they would need to care, want what their ex has, and want their ex for themselves.

And that’s not something dumpers want. They want to start anew without the dumpee.

So if your ex seems fine after a breakup, don’t think that you didn’t make a good impression on your ex or that you aren’t worthy of love and devotion. Your ex just doesn’t feel the emotional connection necessary for expressing emotions of care and affection.

Whether it’s because your ex gets bored quickly or because your ex gives up when relationships get serious, he or she now wants to self-prioritize and let you deal with post-breakup blues on your own.

Can I make my ex get affected by the breakup?

As a dumpee, you, unfortunately, lack the power to directly change your ex’s feelings and make your ex feel the right kind of emotions. All you can do is guilt-trip your ex and annoy your ex, but that will only make things worse as it will force your ex to pity you and lose respect for you.

So bear in mind that guilt, suffocation, anger, and a feeling of power and control are not the emotions your ex should feel. What your ex should feel instead is curiosity, nostalgia, respect, powerlessness, and a desire to reconnect and feel validated.

The only way your ex will feel these emotions is if you leave your ex alone and show no interest in your ex. Some people think that pulling away is manipulative, but it’s not like that. Your ex doesn’t want you to beg and plead and show that you don’t respect yourself.

Self-degradation is far from attractive as it permits your ex to treat you no better than you treat yourself. So remember that people (regardless of gender) need to know their worth and show it. They need to have a sense of healthy pride so that others can consider them equals and think they can benefit from them.

If you tell your ex that he or she will be sorry for leaving you, that won’t make your ex regret dumping you. That’s because your ex will see it as a threat and a gesture of low confidence and self-esteem. You’ll have a better chance of reattracting your ex if you say and do nothing at all.

Simply accept the breakup and remove yourself from your ex’s life. That alone won’t do much for your ex while your ex is busy enjoying the breakup, but it will raise your value later when your ex gets in some kind of trouble.

This is because your ex will see that you’ve retained your worth and refused to stoop low when you were the most hurt and anxious.

The point I’m trying to make is that you need to stop trying to affect your ex and instead, give your ex time to get affected by something or someone else. When that happens, your ex will remember you and see you as a much stronger and more valuable individual.

Therefore, your job as a dumpee is to be patient and focus on getting over your ex. Everything else will take care of itself when or if your ex has an epiphany and realizes that he or she underestimated you and overestimated his or her own capabilities.

Does your ex seem unaffected by the breakup? Are you still wondering why? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

And lastly, if you’re looking for breakup coaching, sign up for a session here.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.