People often ask me, “Will my ex forget about me during no contact? Will my ex move on, and I’ll never hear from my ex again?”
If you’re worried your ex will forget about you and scared your ex will find someone else, you need to know that what you’re apprehensive about is much less important than what has already happened (the breakup). Your ex has already broken up with you and broken the trust, so your ex focusing on something or someone else won’t make much of a difference.
It might make you feel less wanted, but that’s just your damaged confidence and self-esteem talking. In terms of (long-term) happiness, it doesn’t matter whether your ex thinks about you, cries because of you, looks at your photos, breadcrumbs you, and tells you how much he or she loves you.
In all honesty, these things make the breakup a million times more difficult for you as they give you false hope and make you wait for your ex. They prevent you from moving on.
So whether I tell you that your ex will forget about you or remember you forever, bear in mind that my words won’t change the outcome. But they could give you hope, which will have the same effect on you as visiting a fortune-teller. It will make you take my words for granted and keeps your ex-obsession alive for longer.
The best way I can answer whether your ex will forget about you during no contact is to say that dumpers don’t forget their exes. They may not think about them as strongly and frequently as you think about your ex (especially right after the breakup), but they certainly don’t erase dumpees from their memory.
That would be impossible as they had a close connection with their ex and created a lot of memories.
It would be healthy if your ex could forget about you for a while though. Taking his or her focus off you and putting it on something or someone else would allow your ex to distance himself or herself from issues that created a lot of negative emotions.
It would help your ex feel better and give your ex enough time to experience life without you. It’s why your ex broke up with you in the first place. Your ex wanted to be independent. Your job as a dumpee, therefore, is to allow your ex to relieve pressure, anger, or guilt and enjoy life without interruptions and reminders of you.
In today’s post, we’ll discuss why your ex won’t forget about you during no contact.
Your ex won’t forget about you during no contact
To start with a little bit of hope to cling to, rest assured that dumpers don’t just forget dumpees. They may not like dumpees and have much respect for them, but they don’t just forget they dated them. They would have to date hundreds of people for that to happen.
And even then it would be hard to forget them unless they had a meaningless short-term relationship with them with nothing to remember them by. In other words, they would have to be extremely egoistic and constantly meet new people.
Such people probably don’t remember that one person they hooked up with once. They meet someone new all the time, so they can actually forget someone they didn’t care about.
But your situation is probably different. You’d been with your ex for months if not years, so there are a lot of memories and emotions at play here. Your ex won’t forget about you if you go no contact. He or she won’t forget you by dating someone else either.
As a matter of fact, your ex will remember you when the new person reminds him/her of you or when your ex does something he or she did with you. That’s just the way the human brain works. It can’t erase the past or focus on the present so strongly that it stays distracted forever.
Sooner than later, something triggers a reminder and makes it remember the past.
I know you’re hurting and don’t want to be forgotten, but don’t let your destroyed self-esteem affect your rational thinking. Your ex may not ever want to be with you again, but your ex definitely won’t forget about you. He or she will remember both the good and the bad times.
That probably doesn’t make you feel much better, but you need to know that dumpers don’t always come back.
Sometimes they focus on themselves and others and see no reason to go back to their ex. This is oftentimes for the best as unhealthy, abusive, and stagnant relationships need to end. They can’t break out of the downward spiral, so ending them is the only way to outgrow them.
Now, if your relationship wasn’t that bad, your relationship probably didn’t need to end, but it still did. That means there were some big unresolved issues your ex couldn’t or didn’t have the determination to fix.
Since it’s come to the breakup, your ex can either fix those issues or simply ignore them and carry them into the next relationship.
It’s up to your ex to decide what to do with shortcomings and relationship problems. But if your ex is smart, your ex will work on them so that your ex doesn’t encounter the same issues in the next relationship.
Anyway, your ex won’t forget about you during no contact just because you’ll give your ex some space to breathe. Your ex will think about you more because you’ll become mysterious and make your ex wonder what you’re doing and how you’re coping with the breakup.
Sure, you won’t be on your ex’s mind as much as you would if you annoyed your ex by begging every day. But then again, you don’t want your ex to think about you in a bad light. If you still have hope, you want your ex to remember you for your good qualities and behaviors.
Things that will make your ex forget about you
We’ve already mentioned that a narcissistic personality disorder, a lot of dating partners, and a short-term relationship could make your ex forget about you. These things are completely out of your control.
What is in your control, however, are the mistakes you make after the breakup. These things won’t exactly cause your ex to delete you from existence, but they will make your ex lose respect for you and think about you much less and in worse light after your ex has gotten space.
Some mistakes that will complicate things for you and make your ex want to move on more than ever before are:
- begging and pleading
- asking for closure
- staying in contact with your ex
- taking revenge on your ex
- posting depressing things online and feeling sorry for yourself
- playing jealousy games
If you want your ex to forget about you quickly, there’s no better way to go about this than to make your ex feel a lot of unwanted emotions. That will surely make your ex think less fondly of you and force your ex to move on with more determination and fewer doubts.
So do your best not to make things more painful for you and your ex. Try to behave in line with confidence and high moral values as your ex doesn’t want to see that you’re broken-hearted and uncertain about your abilities and worth as a person.
If he or she does see this side of you, your ex is going to avoid you like the plague. Beware of that.
Your ex won’t forget about you, but you should forget about your ex
If your ex broke up with you and you want your ex back, you need to figure out why you want your ex back. Do you want your ex back because your relationship was good and you’ve never dated anyone as good as your ex or do you want your ex back just to ease your anxiety and feel secure?
If you want your ex back because you’re hurting and your relationship wasn’t that great, you want your ex back for the wrong reasons. You don’t like the way romantic rejection feels, so you want to once again feel the way you felt when you were with your ex.
In that case, you should carry on with no contact and continue to detach and feel better. Once you’ve recovered to the point where you stop obsessing about your ex uncontrollably, you’ll see that the breakup happened for a reason (stupid cliche, I know) and that you’re much happier now that your ex is out of your life.
But if your relationship was good, then you might want your ex back even after you’ve regained your composure. That’s because you’ll rationally discern that your ex wasn’t a bad person and that you wouldn’t mind getting back with your ex.
Either way, no contact is your savior as it will stop your incessant need for love and connection and help you realize that if your ex doesn’t want to be with you, someone else will. Someone will give you the experiences you crave and make you happy.
Just make sure to work on yourself so that you don’t excessively depend on your romantic partners for reassurance and self-love. That likely won’t end well for you as you’ll soon exhaust the person you’re with and suffer another romantic rejection.
The breakup is here to teach you a lesson. And that lesson is that you need to invest in yourself and let your ex be free. If your ex fails on his or her quest to find happiness, your ex will be forced to self-reflect and may even return to you.
We don’t know what will happen. But if your ex doesn’t return, he or she will probably think about you and other romantic partners significantly more than now and try to figure out if any of them can help him or her cope with anxiety.
This means your ex will think about you more during no contact if things don’t go according to plan. The worse life treats your ex, the more likely it is that your ex will remember you, ponder about you, contact you, and reconcile (or try to reconcile) with you.
Here are some things that could go wrong for your ex during no contact and make your ex think about you:
- romantic rejection/failure
- stress, anxiety, depression
- family conflicts
- fallouts with friends
- work pressure
- loss of a job
- financial issues
- accidents
- health issues
Most people think about their exes when their lives are going very bad. That’s when they improve their perceptions of their exes and oftentimes even interact with them. Dumpees assume that dumpers are coming back around, but most of the time, dumpers are showing interest and expressing themselves strongly only because they want reassurance and help.
They have no intention of coming back.
You need to be aware of that so you don’t let your ex lead you on and discard you when you’ve served your purpose. Do that by asking your ex why he or she reached out and responding appropriately.
Are you afraid your ex will forget about you during no contact? What else are you worried about? Give full vent to your feelings in the comments section below the post.
And if you want to confide in us instead, do that by signing up for breakup coaching with us.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
If someone leaves you, let them go. I know it is easier said than done, but yeah, like the article said, you cannot control other people and what they want out of their life unfortunately. My ex chose himself and was too selfish to make things work. Didn’t value me enough or in the correct way. I hope one day, when someone breaks up with him, he will REALIZE the error of his ways and change and grow up. Karma is a bitch.
As for me, I hope I eventually DO find the right man for me. Someone who isn’t racist, or ageist, someone I am attracted to, and who is willing to go the distance and be with me through the thick and thin of life! We’re together as a team conquering life together and it’s challenges. THAT would be great, but if not, I’ll still have a good life.
I’m almost 40 so he better hurry lol. 😉
Hi Sue.
Dumpees should do their best to let go of their ex. They shouldn’t intentionally hold on to their ex for validation and hope. I know you’ll find the right person for you. It may not be on the first try, but you will. You’ve got more than enough time!
Hang in there!
Zan
U wish That for your Ex no wonder he left you and you deserve it.
All I have to say is, Karma is a bitch… good luck with AIDS you hoe
Ouch.
Hello Zan,
So I started dating a few days before we went to lockdown again and it’s been like that for 3 months now and we haven’t been able to see each other cause we live far apart, we met in university. In the beginning of this month my boyfriend broke up with me because he said he didn’t feel the same as he felt before the lockdown, he told he as been feeling like this for 3 weeks now (it’s important to know that he suffers from diagnosed anxiety). I called after to ask for a break because things can get better once we are presencial again, which he answered yes to. We are 1 week into the no contact contract and it’s killing me I often ask if he misses me, if it’s really over… I really want to know your opinion I have read almost every article about break ups and how to get together with my ex.
I have been also working out and focusing on myself because I know it’s important.
Thanks for your time.
Hi Lion.
How are things between you and your ex now?
It’s possible he got stressed because of the lockdown and struggles to cope with anxiety. I think a relationship with this person will be difficult because times like this make him want to flee. Make sure you don’t pressure him. Let him decide if he wants to be with you. If he does, he’ll let you know.
Sincerely,
Zan
hello. So I met this guy last year November and we started talking. Eventually i agreed to go out with this guy after some weeks of talking.2 months into the relationship, he gave me a promise ring and said he wanted to marry me. I accepted the ring and later brought it back to him because I felt we should get to know each other better. He got angry and broke up with me. He blocked me and It took about 3 weeks before i contacted him and we started talking. we had our first sexual encounter and after that his behavior changed. He became indifferent although he occasionally told me he loved me. Recently I called him during the day but he didn’t pick and so I decided to send him a message enquiring why he was not picking my calls.
He suddenly flared up and told me he does not want to have anything to do with me and he has blocked me on all social media platforms. I contacted some close friends to talk to him but he said he wants nothing to do with me.
I honestly do not know what to do now because I am heart broken and feel shattered. what should I do?
My last act of love for you Alison is to leave you be as you said you wanted to be.
Is she still gonna think about me? She recently ended our 3yrs relationship. Our situation took a toll on it because we cant see each other a lot because of the pandemic and she doesnt have freedom coz she’s assisting her cousin for his online class except weekends and also for some restrictions from her aunt. Another thing is that i have also been dealing with so much anxiety and she caused me this. And because of this i have been so disrespectful to her. I say things i dont mean, i curse a lot and has been paranoid. She cheated before. Anxiety sucks tbh 😔Im a good person i surely showed that to her and her family. I just control my anxiety and she did not bother helping me get through it even if it was her fault why i developed this. Eventually she got tired of me. I did the begging and pleading, appealed that i put so much effort for us and for her. I read this article so i immediately follow the NC rule. It’s been almost 2wks now.
Hai Julian.. follow the no contact rule for urself… Not to get her back… Work on urself… Give time for yourself to heal… The first few weeks may be torturous.. Endure it… The best thing u can do is focus on the present… On what u r doing… Dont let ur mind wander off to her.. Hope u live a happy life… And things work out for u
Hi i’m in need of some help, so me and my ex of one year broke up about a month ago, we ended it on good terms and how we were gonna stay best friends and hows she is always going to want me in her life forever, we broke up because she was going through so much and she said that sometimes she felt more like a babysitter than a girlfriend and that since she was going through so much she couldn’t be the caretaker for the both of us at the moment and that I have another year left of college left to figure myself out but that I was an amazing boyfriend , but then a day after my grandmother died and I did the stupid thing of telling her how much I miss her and how much wanted to be with her since she was also my best friend but that was because I was still in shock from my grandma died and then a week later she stopped snapchatting me and I said that idk if she hates me or not but if we could at least keep the streak and she said that snapchat is an everyday thing and that we are supposed to be giving space, that has been two weeks almost 3, I miss the girl like crazy, she’s the love of my life and I want is to get her back but I having such a hard time not trying to text her its taking sheer force of will not to. Everyone is saying to not text her that she has to be the one that texts back. I was at a friend’s party and her sister put on their stories of them drinking and she looks so happy, is she over me? she looks like she’s doing well without me, I have been so sad the month and I just want her back and i don’t know what to do anymore.
Why does she feel like she’s more of a babysitter to you?? To me it sounds like you have some maturing to do. Which is fine.
Don’t text her!!! Get your stuff together. She should never feel like your caretaker.Women like to feel secure In knowing that they have a man that leads. But you shes right, you can’t do that until you figure yourself out. Trust me. She might look happy, but she’s thinking about you. The BEST THING YOU CAN DO IS SUCK IT UP AND PUSH FORWARD! don’t Give her the satisfaction of “oh here he goes contacting me again” become a ghost to her and let her reach out to you.
And when she does, b/c she will, you will need to be a different kind a man. Not only for her but for you. You can do this! And never start off with the “I
Miss you” and simple “what’s up” will let her know that it’s cool hearing from her but you aren’t pressed.
Hey Zan,
My case is i met a guy and we were in ldr for 1 and half year…..and during that time he cheat on me multiple times…he lied about his name age etc…he older than me….he is like in 40s…I’m in my early 20’s…he didn’t tell me i found it by myself and i forgave him for all that…and still loved him like before…but our relationship was still going no where due to he being not available and always busy later found he was flirting other girls and we broke up…he said he loved me but at 1 point i was too much….I’m nagging…annoying…clingy person….after this break up i was with someone else like rebound but after he contact me 3 days after break up i went back to him but he stayed same we broke up and then 1 week later he came again but we fought and 1 hour later he come said he have a new girl and he is currently with her now….he and me dont talk….and he looks happy with her….was it my fault our relationship didn’t work? and yes i still love him and want him back but he with someone else and 4 days after saying he got new girl he told me to move on and let him be….i wonder what wrong i did….i still miss him alot and yearn for him and i was loyal to him whole time we dated….it hurts still and i want him back…I’m in rebound relationship with a man whose behaviour and temperament is like of my ex…what i do now..help me out thanks in advance 🙂
Hi Zan,
I need help and advise. I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 1 year because i felt like she is taking me for granted. We were in a LDR and we constantly communicate tru txts and calls for over a time…
I decided to walk away coz I felt i was being taken for granted. She got a lot of things going on with her life and she sometimes put me the very least of her priorities. One example is that she is fond of writing (novels, short story etc). At first, I supported her on this but it gave a toll on her health. She became sick, maybe of too much stress doing it. She stopped for a while and started to gave time for me.
Towards on our 8th month, she started writing again. I disagreed of course since I am worried it could affect her health again. She told me she would manage her time for me. She told me she will compromise. But as the saying goes… “its better said than done”… she didn’t eventually. She would concentrate more on the things she wanted to do. And only gave a little time for me.
That’s when i decided to call it quits. I dont mean her full attention towards me, i even asked only a little of her time. She told me she couldn’t compromise. I mean, I already compromise a lot of things for our relationship… like I refused a job offer to work in another country just to stay near for her. to name a few…
I walked away not because I dont love her (till now i really do) but its because I wanted her to focus on the things that she wants in life. On the things that she wants to do.. coz I can’t be in a relationship where only one person is doing it all. It needs “two to tango” right?
Now here’s the problem. A week after i broke up with her, i started to miss her. I wanted to impose the No Contact rule but eventually I broke it. I sent her a message asking how she is and she gladly replied that she is doing good. She even said she was sorry. She said she still loves me and misses me… but knwing she can’t guarantee that she would compromise on us, she would like us to become friends instead.
Should I continue to impose the NC rule on her? Or should I try to reconnect and sort things out with her.. I mean, yeah, I do love her. But i wanted her to realise also that it would take two people to make a romantic relationship work out… and as days goes by without contact, I am missing her as hell!
Hope to hear from you soon Zan! Appreciate the effort though if you’ve replied. Thanks!
Mr J
Hi Mr J
I feel for you….it’s painful losing someone you love. You need to love yourself more. She is the one with the emotional detachment issue…not you. None of us can ‘help’ people who can’t help themselves…esp with emotional stuff. Just think of it like an addiction…they are using us and they are the only one’s who can change that behaviour. They have to be committed to doing so. Keeping you, and their feelings, at a distance serves them. They are invested in avoiding their feelings….especially intimate ones like empathy, caring, love. You can’t fix that or them. This article is amazing…read it every day as long as it takes for you to stop enabling her. She may never change and be able to appreciate what a great guy you are!! Just not for her. Don’t waste your time or energy on something like her when you deserve better! You will never find the respect and commitment you deserve with her. And…try to avoid women like this in future. Find someone who respects and appreciates your needs. Good luck!! Keep the Faith 🙂
Me and my ex were only together 2 and a half months and it may sound stupid to some people I get that, but in that time I’ve never felt such a strong connection with someone as I did with her, it felt like we had known each other years. I’ve had a few relationships previously that had lasted years and hadn’t felt the way about them like I did about this girl. We had our first and only kind of argument, she had been a little distant with me for a few days I could sense something wasnt quite right, i went to her house on the weekend we had a nice day together, her brother and mum were there and a few of her brothers friends came over, we had a bbq. When everyone had gone me and her were downstairs, her brother mum and daughter had gone to sleep. I asked why she had seemed different towards me, she told me she was missing hone alot (she’s Brazilian and has lived in the UK 2 years) she also said she felt depressed, worried about money as her company had just shut that week because of corona virus so she had little money coming in, she was worried about her daughter with school as she now isn’t going, and her mum is due to go back to Brazil if the flight isn’t cancelled in May so she has alot in her mind, I listened, I told her I’d support her and I’ll be there for her through any bad times she’s facing, I said she doesn’t have to tell me all her problems she has if she doesn’t feel comfortable, but I am here for her if she needs me and if she feels ready I’ll listen. She said thankyou we were laying in bed at this time and she started to kiss me the first time she had all day, I then stupidly thought to try to initiate sex with her as I thought she was kissing me so why not see, she said is that all I want and is that the only reason I stayed, it wasn’t at all, but I asked her why she had been avoiding it as we hadn’t had sex in 2 weeks, she had told me previously how important it was to her in a relationship. I asked her about it she said it was the last thing she wanted right now, I asked to talk about it she said she had just told me all her problems was it not obvious she wouldn’t want to do that, she turned over her back to me and I was still talking, I said I don’t want to talk to the back of your head, she said talk to my ear i just wanted to know where I stood and did she want to carry on together she wouldn’t give me an answer, I got up, it really frustrated me, id listened to her, why couldn’t she talk to me about this, with that I got up, I was angry, first time I’d ever been angry with her first time she had seen me get angry, I said fuck you to her I straight away realised what I had said and said I am so sorry you didn’t deserve to be spoken to like that, she asked me to leave, said she didn’t want a relationship with someone that says fuck you to them, I apologised but I know it didnt make it ok though. She asked me to leave again so about 30 mins later I did after probably spending that 30 mins annoying her more trying to apologise and make it ok. 2 Days went past we didn’t speak, then I sent an apology to her, she responded saying how tough she was finding life and she would rather be alone now and I desevered someone with better mental health she said she didn’t think it was wrong that i had said about sex as I was in a relationship with her and that’s what people do so she understood why I mentioned it. I told her again I’d support her and wait until she was ready I’ll always be here for her and I like her for who she is with and without problems it didn’t matter to me because I like her. She messaged me that week in the evenings, I never started the conversation once I thought leave her to give her space but when she messaged I’d reply. That Friday 5 days after the argument she sent me some messages in the evening, we were speaking until 2am, she told me she had started online therapy and it was for 15 days she told me she felt she was missing the chance of her life with me she couldn’t imagine life without me and she needs me in her life, I felt happy she had told me these things and thought we were going to sort it out between us. Then the following week msgs as normal and video calls told me she missed me and she told me she had removed me from Instagram as she had seen some comments on previous posts that made her feel insecure so she had to do that for now for herself, I said OK if that’s what you feel you need to do that’s OK I don’t know what she thinks she saw though because I don’t have anything there to make her feel that way I wouldn’t ever go behind her back either I’ve never been that way in a relationship. Then all of a sudden after talking normal for 5 days she seemed cold again, I questioned it, said I was confused one minute she is talking the next she isn’t, she said she found it stange I told her fuck you and had a problem with remembering things, I said I had apologised for that and it was 2 weeks ago, she said she didn’t want to accept the apology she always accepted things in the past with exs she didn’t want to accept and it made her sick. This time she didn’t want to accept it with me or anyone that would tell her fuck you. I mentioned she had a story still on her Instagram of her ex, why did she still have it, obviously that makes me look jealous though so I wish I hadn’t mentioned it, she said she didn’t even realise it was there, and she hasn’t watched it and it’s over a year old, I said she asked me to remove everything of my ex from my profile and I did when we first met (I had like 3 posts on my insta from like a year ago) as I knew how It made her feel, so how do you think it makes me feel to see that, as I still follow her. It had never even bothered me before as I always think its the past who cares, I do think though where I’ve been sitting indoors on lockdown all day these things have got to me as sitting about all day with nothing to do and I live alone so was thinking about stuff I’d never usually think about. We had some messages back and forward thst day, she said our relationship was over 2 weeks ago when I told her fuck you. Then said bye. I replied again a few times apologising saying she didn’t have to accept my apology but just know I was truly sorry. I sent another 2 long stupid messages saying I’ll be there for her I care for her, let’s take the chance of our life, i see her and her daughter both together so I’d not treat her daughter any different even though she isn’t mine as she was worried about that too, the thing is after 2 months she even told her daughter I was her bf which I thought was a big step!! I’ve not contacted her since she didn’t reply to that message and that was 5 days ago, I don’t know how long to leave it, 30 days seems abit too long seeing as we were only together 2 and half months? It’s really driving me crazy now. May I add she also had been saying to me the week we started talking normal again how we were going to visit Brazil end of the year, all the things we can do together after corona virus has ended! It makes no sense to me why she would suddenly change her mind over night. I done so much for her in the last 2 and half months helped her with things, advice on stuff, picked her daughter up with her and that’s fine I done it because I like her I expect nothing in return for good deeds but it’s made me feel like can’t she see i made one silly mistake I was frustrated people have arguments in relationships you learn about each other in a way from these type of things!! For that one silly argument she wants to end it!! she had met all my family and me the same with her with the family she has here!! I cant get my head around the sudden change! Now I am going crazy as I don’t know what to do!
Hi Zan
I broke up with my girlfriend after she betrayed me by cheating and denying about it. We were living in a fairyworld. We were planning a future together , things were going perfectly till she went out of town with work. Things changed when she came back, she wasn’t the same person I knew. I tried to find a solution to solve this problem but she always hung up on me. With the help from my friends I started to notice that this relationship ain’t going anywhere. I even though I still love her, there wasn’t any choice but to end it. She tried to get us back together but I said I need time to think. I thought about it and I wanted to give her a second chance but she now wants time as well apparently because of unfairly I treated her. Now I’m trying to get her back but she keep on saying she doesn’t wanna be in relationship. What should I do?
Common. Leave her while you are still healthy. Easier said than done but I believe in you. She’s up to absolutely no good.
Thank you so much ……
It helped me ^^ …
I have no intention of getting him back or being with him …. I just want to stay alive in his memories … ^^
Hi Zan,
Great stuff here. I’m 4 months out from a 7-year break-up, and the past few months we hooked-up, hung out, had fun, and fought for each other here and there. We both, at times, lied to each other when discussing being with other people (we both have now), but I still wish to continue to fight for her, despite her moving out, her not knowing what she wants and more….do I go no contact now? Or would some variation help?
She is going on a lot of trips, skiing every weekend, out with friends, and spending a lot of money on ‘Distracting’ herself with everything she can possibly do. Work, events, and more….will me doing no contact now really be effective?
Also, I have the option to move out of state for a new job….should I take that, or continue to be in the same city, despite her not knowing where I am etc. I have blocked and removed her family & friends from all my social media, but I still have a few friends who show me her things about her ‘over posting’ just how fun she is having. Is she really? Or, is it a facade?
Her last post was about our dog’s (4 years) birthday, but she broke up with us 4 months ago and is no longer part of our dog’s life….so I am very confused since it has now been 7-days since we have not spoke. Do I continue to wait for her to reach out – or move on?
Hope that you have moved on and are happy with your self. She is obviously only interested in herself…will never be able to put your needs before hers when it really matters. If you really think she is posting how ‘happy’ she is to simply make you jealous…then you’re letting her manipulate you. You need to have some self respect and learn to love yourself more. You are worthy of love. Maybe focus more on ‘you’ than her…and try not to overthink things. People usually show us who they really are by their behaviours…we just don’t always want to see it. Take steps to move on with your life…for your own sake. 🙂
This may work in some situations but 8 have serious doubts.and I know for sure it killed my relationship.i kicked my commonlaw girlfriend out for not communicating…breaking all our relationship rules and boundaries by planning to move out behind my back.qhen I called her on it she broke down into name calling and lies..so I locked her out violence was a.step away and two kids were in the house..i was not going to allow that.after i locked her out she no contact me…lol big mistake.you do not ever no contact someone you love this will destroy trust and shows a COMPLETE lack of respect to the person you love anyone who does this to me will never see me again period.i filed we are now in court contact through lawyers only.dont try the no contact with a real man its internet bs
Hi Daniel.
It looks like you had a horrible breakup and developed a bad mentality toward your ex.
In this case, nothing will ever help you see your ex in a better light.
Best regards,
Zan
My ex left me 3 months ago, she went into a rebount relation ship with someboy who is not in the country anymore, they meet after the break up for 7 weeks, this guy is from malasya and he have returned to his country already. Her reasons for the break up (She is 24 and im 30, she wanted to live her life and she thought that not having the same sense of humor was important, she is from the Uk, I am from Venezuela, obvuisly if you like people from different countries there is always gonna be differences in that), I was the chef of the house, i took care from our 3 cats all the time, cleaning and helping at home, i know im not perfect but i concider that i was a total gentleman with her most of the time, even after the break up she told me (for much you have been the best boyfriend that i ever had, and I know i will get karma for leaving you, but i dont fell the same passion anymore, (honey moon period was over and she could not handle it)), we were together for 2 years and 6 months, and we lived together for 1 and 4 months. I’m in not conact rule right now, respecting her decition and trying to heal my self as well. i been out of the grid for 10 days so far, because even if we broke up 3 months ago, she moved to her apartment the 1th of August, I helped her to find the apartment to move, i went to the viewings with her bcs we live in Barcelona, and she does not speak spanish, I even helped her pack some things just because i wansted the best for her. We had rented our apartment together and the 23th August we went for the sign off, I found out about this other guy from malasya who left a few days after that day back to his country, and obviusly hurted me a lot and I say a few things to her, no bad words, just the truth, and bcs of it she blocked me everywhere, social media phone email etc ecte cte… the 15 Of September i made a call, we spoke for 10 minutes, she was receptive with what i had to say, I was just wishing the best luck for her and telling her that I had no resenment. Look at this (she has a anonymous twitter account where she vent her fellings about everything), she does not know i know about it. after that called 10 minutes after she tweet: “Distance makes the mind more confused”, anyway later a few days back by coincidence we attent to the same event, we saw each other but we didnt say anything, even if in acouple of times we look at each other straight to the eyes in the distance but no more. Next morning she tweet this :
“You know when bitches be caught up on one guy in a world of 7.7 billion people?
It’s me, i’m bitches. ”
I will keep applying the no conctac rule. but I will appreciate your opinion about my story.
Kind regards,
Hi NestorC.
She doesn’t seem like the kindest person.
I strongly suggest you let her think what she wants while you find someone who appreciates and values you.
Trust me, you’ll get her and you won’t think about your ex much anymore. You’ll appreciate your new partner that much more.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hello Zan,
I’ve been broken up with my ex for about a month and 2 weeks. In the end our relationship wasn’t very physical anymore (I mean sex, because we did kiss a lot and cuddle all the time).
I’ve gotten to know that my ex slept with someone else already about a week after the break up. I know that guy and I know he is in a relationship with someone else now. I also have the feeling she is now interacting with someone else as well.
I’ve stated to her when she broke up with me that I would never come back, and she told me she wanted me to come back but as a friend. I told her I absolutely can’t do that right now, and don’t even know if I will ever.
I started no contact actually immediately, but she initiated contact 4 times over the break up period, and I always replied shortly, because it was about money or some other things, but she never stated she missed me or something like that. I don’t what to make of it, since when she contacted me the last time it was to pay back money and to ask for my bank account number, but I went and took a look and she has that information since she payed money to me multiple times (I could see that on my bank account). So I don’t think it was really necessary to contact me.
I’m really hurt about the fact that she could move on so quickly, but do keep wondering all the time if no contact is the right approach, and keep wondering even more if she is missing me and doing all these things just to get over me.
I wasn’t her first boyfriend but I was her longest relationship so far (2 years) and she always told me I was the best boyfriend she had. Her family loved me as well and they told me they will miss me even though I will run into them from time to time. I feel good about myself a bit because I have the feeling I left a huge legacy and that another person will have to be extremely good to replace me.
Any thoughts?
I really don’t want her to forget about me and actually would like her to come crawling back. I wouldn’t be able to take her back on the spot, but if she would work for it really hard and show me things are different now, I might give her another chance.
Thanks in advance.
Jos
Zan,
If for the dumpee, the best way to heal and move on is to do no contact (which I agree, given the phrase “out of sight, out of mind” is certainly the best way to heal) why wouldn’t the same apply for the dumper? In other words, if the dumpee is out of the dumper’s sight, why wouldn’t the dumpee also be out of the dumper’s mind?
If the dumper feels guilty or remorseful for leaving the dumpee (especially if she left the dumpee for someone else), wouldn’t no-contact actually help the dumper move on quicker? The dumpee is no longer in the dumper’s mind by being out of her sight, and the dumper can freely enjoy her new relationship without facing the guilt and remorse for leaving the dumpee for someone else.
Hence I feel that no-contact is more successful at helping the dumpee heal, but is less successful at helping the dumpee get the dumper back. Sadly, for the dumpee, no-contact is the only option, but this only option probably won’t help his chances when he is out of the dumper’s mind. Do let me know if you disagree.
Also, I enjoyed reading your 5-stages of grief for the dumper. Mind you create a rough timeline (with a period of time for each phase?) Thanks.
-Healing Anon.
Hi.
Your ex will never appreciate and want you when you are still in their life, wanting to communicate with them, and prove some sort of change. In so doing, you would only anger them, destroying your chances forever/longer. It’s crucial to retain your dignity and self-worth in your ex’s eyes when he or she says you aren’t good enough.
I never said the same doesn’t apply to your ex. Let’s assume your ex dumper is tired, angry, disappointed and glad you are gone. Dumpers don’t think nearly as much about you, as you do about them. That’s a given, since they are experiencing a wide array of relief-powered emotions. To reiterate my previous statement, staying in deliberate contact with your ex that doesn’t want to hear, see or be reminded of you, is a huge mistake. It’s wrong on so many levels because it infuriates them, when they are nowhere near ready to converse with you. In reality, it delays the time it would normally take to get on talking terms, because they associate all negativity, such as your neediness and the new anger they feel as a result of your persistence, with you.
Unfortunately, there is no “right” way to stay in your ex’s life and win them over. If anything, they are going to use you to get over you, and then discard you when they meet someone else. If you stay friends with your ex, right after the break-up, you are going to suffer and stay friends until you choose to go separate ways. To you, it’s all or nothing, as there is no middle option.
If you were left for someone else, NC is even that much better for you. It shows you respect yourself, and aren’t willing to fight for a cheater. That immediately closes your ex’s possibility of returning back to you. That’s good because you don’t want her to think she can walk in and out any time she wants to. Everyone has the right to leave a relationship. If your ex chose to do so, let her. Allow her to experience what it’s like to be with others if that’s what she truly wants. She thinks she can do better, so let her “do better.”
No contact is the best and only option for most dumpees – especially right after the break-up. She will think about you more when you don’t think about her. It’s just the way it works.
There’s no time it takes each person to go through all stages. It really depends on what is going on in your ex’s life and Isuppose I could say maybe 2 months for each phase. All of this is irrelevant if she doesn’t get to the last stage in decent time when you still want her.
Kind regards,
Zan