Previously, we talked about the likelihood of guys coming back after dumping their girlfriends. We concluded that men come back when their self-esteem takes a toll and also when they run out of dating options. Today, we’ll talk about the chances of women coming back and what they need to fall back in love with their exes.
Overall, both men and women come back because of pain and regret. They return when they feel that their ex is the right person for them and that they’ve made a big mistake.
But from what I see, most women know they can easily find a person to date. They usually have more dating options, so they aren’t necessarily in a hurry to come back just because they’re afraid of ending up alone. That’s something rational men often fear.
They’re afraid they’ll never find someone as good as their ex.
Women come back when their relationships go horribly wrong and hurt them. That’s when they become nostalgic and regretful and start looking for backup plans. A backup plan is essentially a familiar person who can take their problems away and help them cope with stress, anxiety, or depression.
If they manage to develop feelings for their ex and stay in love while they’re talking to their ex, they stick around even after they’ve made themselves feel better.
But if they come back solely because they can, then they just use their ex-boyfriend for emotional support, self-love, boredom, convenience, or validation and leave when they realize they’re not happy with him. Such women don’t see a reason to stay because they don’t come back for the right reasons (love). They come back for themselves and as a result, leave for themselves as well.
Female dumpers come back (and stay) when they learn to appreciate the person they left. When they discover their flaws (usually through failure), mature up, see their ex’s worth, and feel sorry for themselves is when they get emotional and ponder on their bad choices.
That’s when they reach out to their ex and try to meet up with their ex. Sometimes they also directly ask to get back together. It varies for each person and the approach she takes.
So if you’re wondering, “Will she ever come back after dumping me,” know that her coming back depends on several factors.
It depends on:
- The quality of your relationship.
- Difficulties happening in her life (the worse her life gets after the breakup, the higher the chances that she’ll become regretful).
- Her ability to improve negative perceptions of you.
- Whether she can lower her ego, admit fault, reflect, and improve herself.
Today’s post is for people who want to know if their ex-girlfriend will ever come back after dumping them.
Will she ever come back after dumping me?
Most reconciliations happen because people aren’t happy with the situation that they’re in. They aren’t happy with their new partners, self-esteem, lifestyle, finances, emotional or physical health, social life, and generally speaking with their lack of happiness.
Something’s missing or shouldn’t be there, which is why they come back to gain something from their exes. It’s safe to say that very few dumpers (male or female) come back simply because they believe they can be happy with their partners.
A desire for happiness and change forms when there is unhappiness. Isn’t it so? A happy person doesn’t seek happiness with a person he was unhappy with. Only an unhappy person does that because she wants to fill the void in her heart. The void is her priority—and an ex her means of filling that void.
Think about that and you’ll have an easier time understanding whether your ex will ever come back after dumping you. You likely won’t be able to predict the future because reconciliations are complicated, but if you take the time to understand your ex-girlfriend, you might learn how often she seeks to fill her (internal) void through external validation (other people).
This is an extreme example, but if she’s constantly running back and forth from one person to the next, she has a tendency to seek approval from people and might one day seek it from you as well. But for that to happen, something will have to go really wrong. Something or someone will have to let her down and hurt her badly.
Pain is necessary because most people reflect when they have a strong painful reason to reflect. And when they reflect, they sometimes realize they were happier in the past and that they would benefit from being in a relationship with people from the past.
So if you can’t stop thinking if your ex-girlfriend will come back, know that your ex will have to go through a lot to come back. Not only will she have to fail at something very important to her, but she’ll also have to reflect on her failures, learn from them, develop feelings for you, and want you to reciprocate her feelings.
Not all exes go through all the 5 stages of a breakup for the dumper and come running. Some reach the neutrality stage and move on because they don’t find the desire or need to reflect. A desire would be a healthy realization that they left a good guy whereas a need would be something that forces them to return. Something like rebounding with their new boyfriend,
Whether your ex comes back after dumping you also depends on how your ex handles difficult emotions and situations. If your ex runs away from problems, ignores them, or reacts poorly to them, you can’t expect your ex to want to work on the relationship with you even if something goes wrong. You can probably expect her to breadcrumb you (send you meaningless messages) rather than grow her feelings and develop a bond with you.
This is because underdeveloped people aren’t used to hard work. They tend to avoid personal growth until their happiness and well-being badly depend on it. That’s when they make the necessary changes and finally grow.
So whatever you do, don’t keep waiting for your ex-girlfriend to have an epiphany. She may never have it because some people never work through the negative associations they developed prior to the breakup. Many dumpers feel empowered by the control and freedom the breakup gives them and keep blaming their exes for the way they feel.
Such dumpers have a difficult time letting go of the past and improving their perception of their exes. They think their exes will always be the way they are and that they should move on with someone they can start fresh with.
With that said, here’s when your ex-girlfriend will come back after dumping you.
Reasons she could come back after dumping you
Many things could encourage or force your ex to reflect. But for your ex to reflect, your ex has to become unhappy first. Unhappiness can make your ex realize she has made some bad choices in the past and that she needs to fix things before it’s too late.
She needs to know that if she doesn’t put in the effort that she’ll lose you forever.
Some things that could make her unhappy, sad, or anxious are:
- Being treated poorly by someone else
- Losing a job or having money difficulties
- Getting rejected or dumped by someone she likes
- Feeling lost, unwanted, unimportant, lonely
- Fallouts with family or friends
- Losing a loved one
- Self-neglect
- Emotional difficulties
- Being proven wrong about you
As you can see, something bad has to transpire. Something has to show her that she isn’t as desirable and important as she thinks and that you’re worthy of love and commitment. That’s the only way your ex will be able to see that she took you for granted and gave up too quickly.
Many dumpees tell their ex-girlfriends they want a relationship very badly and that they’re working on themselves, but such behaviors, unfortunately, don’t impress their exes and make them come back. They just make dumpees look weak and miserable and repulse dumpers.
If you want to make a good impression on your ex, you have to go no contact and preserve your worth. You have to leave her alone so she can enjoy her space and get into trouble on her own. When she does (and you’re important to her), you’ll be one of the first people to find out about it.
That’s because she’ll remember you used to be of great help and want that kind of support in her life again.
That’s when you can expect her to compliment you, be shy around you, ask for one on one time, and soon ask to get back with you.
A person who wants you back also needs you back. This means that she won’t take her sweet time and be indecisive about being with you. She especially won’t be hot and cold and talk to you like a friend or a person with no romantic value.
When exes come back, they come barging in and demanding immediate validation, love, and safety. They want to continue from where they left off because that’s the only way they can be happy and forget about their misery.
So don’t think your ex will want to be friends before she shows romantic interest in you. Although a regretful ex will be afraid of getting rejected by you, your ex will still take the risk if she wants to be with you. She’ll have to because if she doesn’t, someone else will—and she won’t like that.
When will she come back?
Most broken-hearted dumpees want to know whether their ex will come back and when their ex will come back. They’re so hurt by the breakup that they want answers to questions nobody knows. Not even their ex because she’s not thinking about getting back with them.
She’s thinking about her new life.
Sure, she may sometimes wonder if she did the right thing and feel guilty about it, but she’s not preparing to return to the relationship. She’s making sure that she’s enjoying herself as much as she can.
The best advice I can give to dumpees going through a painful breakup is to be patient and not to worry about an ex coming back. Some dumpers come back after a week, some after months or years, and some never.
Every dumper is different and goes through different post-breakup experiences. That’s why it’s impossible to predict when or if your ex will come back. All you can do is work on letting go of hope and improving yourself so that waiting becomes more bearable and that you can have a stronger relationship with the next person (whomever it may be with).
Don’t listen to people who tell you things like, “She’ll come back in x days. She’ll be sorry, you’ll see!” They don’t know when or if your ex will come back, but they want to make you feel better anyway. If you take their words seriously, you’ll stay attached to your ex way longer than necessary.
Take it from me. When I was going through a breakup, I was so hopeful about my ex-girlfriend coming back that I would only listen to the advice I wanted to hear. I ignored words like, “She moved on, it’s over, forget about it.” Perhaps this is because my friends and family weren’t always empathetic.
But despite that, they weren’t wrong. They saw things I didn’t see and knew what was best for me. They knew I needed to detach rather than get more hope about my ex coming back.
It was only until much later that I stopped looking for hope and started letting go of it. That’s when my happiness returned to me and allowed me to carry on with my life.
So if you’re wondering whether your ex-girlfriend will ever come back after dumping you, know that thinking about it obsessively is not going to help you. It might make you a little less anxious when you feel overwhelmed or anxious, but other than that, it won’t make it any easier for you to attract your ex back.
Obsessing about it is just going to make you put your ex on a pedestal and delay your healing. So focus on detaching from your ex-girlfriend instead because that way, you’ll be less anxious when you hear from her and handle it much better.
Are you still wondering if the girl or woman you like will ever come back after dumping you? What are you worried about the most? Let us know below the post.
And if you’d like to talk to us about it, check out our coaching options here.
My girlfriend of a year recently left me saying she had lost feelings for me and that she felt trapped. I was blindsided because a few weeks before we had a discussion about our relationship boundaries that went well. She opened up to me about some mental health struggles she deals with and expressed how she “really liked” me and hoped it didn’t scare me away. I was completely blindsided by the dump and initially made a few mistakes (asking for money that she owed me and asking for more explanations with a little trying to make her feel guilty, instead of going straight no contact. Though it was confined to two texts.) But I’ve been in indefinite no contact for a solid month. Her comments about liking me and not wanting to scare me away alongside the event plans we made before the dump have left me perpetually bewildered and hurt. I’ve realized that no contact is the only way she’ll get the space she needs to determine if she’ll ever reconsider. The confusion and feelings I’m left with are the biggest obstacles to moving on. Articles like yours help.
Hi Steve.
Discovering why the breakup occurred and why she said and did the things she did is important. It will give you the closure you so badly need and allow you to let go and detach. I encourage you to learn as much as you can about the breakup so that you can process it and be happy again.
Best regards,
Zan
Hi there,
we just broke up about 11 days ago, I was asking her can we make a call? then she said seif i cant… i said cant why? she said its not the call, i cant continue this relationship and thank you for everything, you don’t know how i felt this moment, i was going crazy, i have been with her 2 years and I was going to travel to her country literally next march to talk to her parents about engagement and i did reserve a ticket and paid 700$, and i told her i love you more than anything, she said that’s true but i think i have someone who love me more than anything and i told her who is this? she said my ex.. you don’t know what i felt atm and i did ask her, you wanna return back to him? she said no he is married, why would i return… then i called and she was literally a stone hearted woman, i literally don’t know her anymore, she kept saying i was thinking is this the man who i should marry??? i dont think so, nah, i cried on call, i am not needy neither weak at all, but i am living in a third world country so our salaries to travel or doing convenient activities isn’t that good, although the salary is really good if you live in Egypt. so i kept begging like a twat and i wish i didnt, so 5 days ago i told her is there anyone in your life? she said yes and i told her to swear ( she didnt because swearing in lying is very bad in our religion) so i knew she was lying and i told her about the tickets she said i dont wanna meet you anymore, i dont wanna hurt you!! why you keep doing this? Please stop.. i told her but why she said i lost feelings for you, and i dont wanna lose respect for you so stop,,. i stopped talking to her for 4 days and i messaged her yesterday telling her how much i love her and i know you are sad and everything ,,,, then she said you know nothing about me,,, i am not sad because of you, i am sad because i am going on monday ( she told me that she is going to an internship for a month and that’s gonna be far from her family and she is scared) then i asked her, you really don’t love me anymore? she said no… seriously no i just dont like you anymore, then she said i am tired and lets talk tomorrow, i told her lets talk tomorrow please.. but honestly, i didnt message her because i feel like my man standards are being squashed…
Please, don’t think i am needy and i know that was a needy behavior what i did, but honestly, working 65 hours a week, cancelling days off from work, not sleeping to talk to her and literally feeling like a zombie to just travel and engage to her is way too much for me to just leave her as if i am a playboy, i truly loved her and it hurts me so much, you really can’t imagine… but i need your advice, will she ever comeback? i mean i honestly did blame myself to do that to myself + i was a lil bit careless with her she said you always say you love me but you never cared about knowing me and my feelings, i admit it, i am not romantic but i am protective and when i truly love someone.. you can’t imagine,. and its really hard for me to love someone but when i do, oh my days man… but i am grieving and raging, i am way better now than before, but honestly being dumped like that especially after doing that effort is way too much for me
@zan
so after the last conversation, today she messaged me saying “Seif, I have reached the internship location”
we casually spoke and dassit…
Hi Seif.
If you keep talking to this person, you’re going to keep torturing yourself. Her lack of love and sharp remarks are going to cut deep, so stop doing that immediately! Start no contact so you don’t have to keep seeing her cold and blunt demeanor. I can’t say if she’ll come back, but I understand that you’ve invested time, money, and emotions in this relationship. It’s time to detach now so you can regain your sanity, Seif. Start by doing that and I guarantee that this will get much better! It doesn’t feel like it will, but have a little bit of blind faith.
Your ex will need to learn your worth and regret breaking up with you the hard way.
Best regards,
Zan
thank you zan, a lot of drama happened lately. she tortured me a lot ngl, she even showed me a video that basically a guy saving her from drowning, kindly note that we are muslims and touching isn’t really something we like but anyway, i told her that this video literally tortured me. she said i was drowning i said i understand but it hurted me, she said i dont care about your feelings anyway, he is just a friend, i said i am so sorry, but i will leave, i really can’t, i have been trying for 43 days and nothing comes good out of this, she said feel free to go…
i guess no contact was the best option even when she messages me again, i have never been so humiliated over a girl, yea, she needs to know my worth in the hard way, it will pass if that didnt work but at least i will win myself…. hopefully
Hi Seif.
I’m sorry about the pain she caused you. I strongly advise staying in no contact indefinitely. No more texting and calling. This person felt guilt-tripped when she should have been understanding of the anxiety she made you feel. She’s of no use to you, Seif. You have to cut her off for your own good.
Best regards,
Zan
Quick update, I became a pilot, she got a new bf, and now he is just an ex to her, i literally get a new woman every week and none of them suite me, the one i used to love is literally chasing me non stop after becoming an athlete and a pilot
Hi Seif.
Congrats on becoming a pilot! I hope you have an amazing career! Perhaps now you see that life gets better. One thing to keep in mind, though. Don’t get confused by all the dating options. More doesn’t mean better. It means you will be tempted to give up sooner.
Sincerely,
Zan
Hi Zan,
I am Shri (29 years) from India. I am going through recent breakup with my girl of having age 17 years. I am unable to get out of it. Please suggest me what I have to do (No Contact or Move on). She started liking me before 7 months back and she told I m her man of life and we get to closed each other. I didn’t told her that I love her but inside I am in love with her. I wanted to test her so that I will get sure abt her for life long. For her goodness I used to scold her little bit sometime that what is good and bad in life, Instagram is not life etc… She used to listen many things and used to follow good things. After 6 months of good relationship, I was convince myself that she is my girl and I will wait for her marriage but I didn’t told her my feelings but through my action I expressed my love to her.
Then one day she started blocking and unblocking by asking if u give future guarantee abt marriage then only I will talk otherwise I will not msg or talk. I used to say her that she is my present and everything and I cant give guarantee of future. Even she cant not give that to me also but she told that she will give me. In that we had less communication for 1 2 weeks and she started blocking me and not replying msg. One day she told she don’t have feelings for me so that as per her i should move on in life and not contact her. Because of this she block me but I did mistakes by constant in contact with her and one time I followed her ,she told my friends that she don’t love me anymore and she become bad girls.
Now I am missing her so much but she blocked me. I am feeling void in my life because of her. I love her so much.
Please help me what to do…… Day by day its difficult to live without her but she is not replying me.
Hi Shrikant.
I know it’s difficult, but this person doesn’t want to date you anymore. She’s fallen out of love and needs time to herself. You must respect her and yourself and give her space. It’s the only way she’ll ever want to speak with you again.
Go no contact and stay in it. Do your best to get over her because she doesn’t deserve your love anymore.
Kind regards,
Zan
Thank You Zan !!!
Hey zan, have you thought of making an article on bisexual dumpers/dumpees? My ex girlfriend is bi and there doesn’t seem to be much info on their mindsets.
Hi Jon.
I’ve thought about it but MOS articles apply to all genders and sexual orientations.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hi zan. Can you make a blog about 1st lovers. In such as I was her first everything and she was my 1st everything. I heard in studies that 70% reconcile
Hi Josh.
Thanks for the article suggestion. I need to write about that one soon!
Kind regards,
Zan
Wow, Zan! Always with unique and helpful tips for dumpees.
I knew that my ex e
wouldn’t be unhappy and reflect on everything.
And I was so sad in the beginning, but that made me detach and heal faster, and also with your one on one help
Always grateful for you, Zan
Hi Linda.
You’ve made a lot of improvements thanks to the breakup. You’re a different person.
Also, thanks for reading the blog. I appreciate it.
Zan
I’m glad you pointed out that some dumpers stop at the neutrality stage. It’s also worth noting that disappointment, romantic or otherwise, doesn’t inevitably make dumpers think more highly of their ex. Sometimes they know the problems that ended the relationship are still there, so they just pick up and keep trying to move forward.
Hi Jaycie.
Not all dumpers come back. Some don’t become regretful and nostalgic because they don’t respect their ex and crave what he or she has to offer.
Best,
Zan
Hi Zan,
It recently occured to me that when I am sad and think about my ex, what I miss are the special moments we shared rather than my ex herself actually.
I play in my head (like a movie) the holidays we had, the different places we went to, all the good moments we had together (like for instance a walk on the beach, a dinner at a restaurant, or a trip to some exotic place).
I am not sure I really miss her as a person, but rather the experiences we had together.
What do you think it means ? Does it mean that I don’t really miss her ?
I’m very much the same, Rick. I think it’s a mix of both. I miss the great life I used to have with my ex. We did all the stuff you mentioned, for over six years. I also can hear her voice and visualize her response to situations and miss that very much, miss her. Of course, by the time they leave, they’re no longer the person you knew and loved. That person doesn’t exist anymore
Hi Rick.
It could mean you want to experience love again and that it doesn’t matter who it’s with. Give it a couple of weeks and you see if you stop thinking about her.
Best regards,
Zan