Will My Ex Move On If I Leave Him Alone?

A lot of female dumpees ask me, “Will my ex move on if I leave him alone? Will he forget about me?”

If you’re one of them, I’d like to start by saying that your ex had already moved on. He’d detached and stopped loving you long ago before you ever doubted your ex’s loyalty.

I know this may have come as a surprise if your breakup just occurred, but that’s just the way dumpers are. They usually don’t wallow in despair and cry about the demise of their romantic relationship.

That’s what dumpees do because they’re the heartbroken ones.

Dumpers, on the other hand, aren’t. They’re happy that their suffocating relationship has ended and that they can immediately start dating someone completely new.

As a dumpee, you, therefore, need to know is that your ex wouldn’t have broken up with you if he truly loved you.

He’d feel so pulled toward you he’d exhibit obvious signs of love and attraction.

So do your best to acknowledge the pain that you’re feeling and stop overanalyzing the breakup.

If you don’t take this advice seriously and continue to hold on to your ex for dear life, you’ll soon find yourself stuck in denial.

You’ll put your ex on the pedestal and tell yourself that your ex loves you unconditionally—and that he’ll come back because your love for him is that strong.

And if you’re really hurt, you might even refuse to move on because you’ll feel guilty for “cheating” on your ex-boyfriend when someone new comes along.

So start your detachment process today and begin to let go of your ex.

You don’t need be completely over him right away, but at least try to let go of hope.

The moment you do, you’ll reach the 3rd stage of no contact (recovery) and start to see the bigger picture.

You’ll see that your ex’s actions depict his attachment for you and that his lack of presence speaks for itself.

So as a healthy reminder, don’t think that you must remain in your ex’s life or he’ll forget about you.

He’ll only do that if you annoy him and don’t leave him alone to continue to move on in peace.

This article is for those dumpees who fear that their ex will move on if they leave him alone.

Will my ex move on if I leave him alone?

The guy that left you, broke up with you for a reason. He needed space and time to be happy—and he needed as much of it as he could get.

But because you didn’t or couldn’t give him that when he was still with you, you inadvertently smothered him and made him feel repulsed by you.

You increased his wish for space and brought on the separation.

This is why staying in contact with your ex won’t help you win his love back. All it will do is give him more of that which he doesn’t want and solidify his decision for leaving you.

Not only that.

By staying friends with an ex, you will also self-sabotage your healing. You will stay emotionally dependent on your ex to the point where you become desperate for his attention.

You’ll become as bad as a heroin junkie. The sole purpose of your existence will be to obtain love and recognition—and to get what you can’t have.

So do your best to avoid the worst-case scenario where you find yourself mindlessly chasing after your ex, and start giving your ex what he’s asking for.

Give him the peace he deserves so that you can also create peace for yourself.

You don’t need to worry that you’ll unintentionally make him move on more than he already has. That’s not possible.

Your ex has developed negative thinking patterns that prohibit him from seeing you in a positive light.

He can’t when his feelings for you are repulsive.

So leave your ex alone to ponder about his life and his goals.

The day you do is the day you freeze the way your ex thinks and feels about you. You might not make him regret breaking up with you, but you will make sure that your post-breakup behavior doesn’t worsen your ex’s perception of you.

It’s already pretty bad as it is and you really shouldn’t attempt to make it worse. Not by following some silly 30-day no contact rule or by doing something equally ridiculous that will push your ex away.

To you as a dumpee, the indefinite no contact rule is the way to go as its purpose is to leave your ex alone and allow him to continue to move on without interruptions.

But when and if your ex processes what he’s done and encounters everyday issues and stressors, your ex could slowly get to the last stages of a breakup for the dumper.

That’s when he could start letting go of his built-up negativity and revert back to a more collected, reasonable individual.

If you’re lucky, he might even become nostalgic about you and contact you because HE wants to.

Will my ex think I’ve moved on if I leave him alone?

If you leave your ex alone to do whatever he pleases, your ex won’t assume that you’ve moved on and that you don’t want him back.

He won’t think that you’re dating someone new and leave you alone because of that either because the truth is that he just doesn’t care about that.

Your ex is too busy moving on, doing the things he’s been wanting to do without you. Even if it’s just sitting at home, playing video games all day long.

It’s unfortunate that most dumpees initially fail to realize that breakups aren’t really about them—and that they’re about the dumper and his reasons for leaving/needing space.

So take this into consideration whenever you get the urge to contact your ex.

It should help you understand that your ex will want to converse with you only when he finds a reason to converse with you.

You not moving on, preventing him to move on by force isn’t a reason.

It’s doesn’t even come close to it because there’s nothing an ex hates more than talking to someone whose feelings he can’t reciprocate.

Doing so, usually only empowers him in a negative way and makes him want to leave the conversation as quickly as possible.

Guys need to be left alone after a breakup

It’s no secret that guys want to be left alone after the breakup. They need peace and quiet to activate their rational brain before they can discern their ex’s pros and cons.

As far as I’m concerned, there are two ways for guys to do that:

1. One way is to start dating someone else and compare the new girl to their ex.
2. And the second way is to simply experience their life without their ex in it.

The former makes a guy respect his ex when the new girl doesn’t live up to his expectations.

As for the latter, it forces a guy to reminisce about the past when he encounters stress and anxiety. This usually occurs when a guy becomes emotionally weak, insecure, or depressed.

That’s why you as a dumpee need to understand that the return of your ex greatly depends on the state that your ex’s emotions are in.

If they’re good and healthy and don’t require your love and support, then chances are that your ex won’t miss you.

Maybe he’ll miss the benefits that you provided him with, but definitely not you as a person.

In this case, even if your ex came back, he would likely leave within a week or two because he’d come back for the wrong reasons.

But if the guy realizes that he misses you for who you are and what you bring to the table, then your physical and emotional absence will have done its job.

The power of silence after the breakup will have worked to your advantage by allowing your ex to realize your worth.

Is there anything I can do to speed up the reconciliation process?

You’ve probably come across various websites and Youtube videos that claim they can help you get your ex back.

Some suggest that you entice your ex back by flirting with him and others that you must wait a pre-set number of days before you can contact your ex.

I’d just like to warn you not to trust those people. They aren’t interested in helping you get your ex back—and most importantly, in helping you get yourself back.

All they care about is the profit they can make off you.

The infamous 30-day no contact rule and spells to get your ex back are proof of that. They’re all over the internet and intend to scam people of their hard-earned money.

So look out for anything that guarantees positive results and sounds too good to be true.

A simple way to confirm people’s authenticity is to look at their content. If they’re asking you to work with them in any shape or form at all, they’re asking you for money because they need you more than you need them.

But enough about them. Always remember that the only person who can speed up the reconciliation process is your ex.

He’s the one who controls his thoughts and emotions about you—which means that he decides how he perceives you.

You can try to make your ex jealous and play dirty tricks on him, but it likely won’t affect your ex.

Not if it’s a real breakup and your ex can’t stand your presence.

Your ex will either move on or come back

The reason why no contact is so effective is that it creates black or white results.

Provided you follow the rules of no contact down to the T, your ex will either come back to you when the time is right for him or he’ll move on without you.

There is no middle ground where you stay hung up on your ex for years and waste your precious time and emotions.

Hope is not something this rule endorses. On the contrary, it encourages you to lose it so that you can find peace within yourself again.

So forget about staying friends with an ex right after the breakup because friendship isn’t something you’re ready to settle for.

Not if your ex kicked you to the curb, left you for someone else, or displayed the kind of characteristics you wouldn’t want your kids to possess.

If you’re incredibly heartbroken, at least think about this for a minute. Question your ex’s characteristics and his post-breakup behavior and discern if they are friend-worthy.

If they are, great. You should still wait for your ex to process his suffocation and contact you on his terms.

But if they’re not up to your standards because your ex treated you poorly and you deserve better, don’t settle for friendship.

Stay in no contact and heal first.

When you emotionally detach to a point where you rationally perceive your ex as a bad person, you probably won’t need him in your life anyway.

You won’t care if you ex moves on without you because your moving on will have become your number one priority.

I’m afraid my ex will move on

Don’t be afraid that your ex will move on without you. Don’t be scared that your ex will find someone else either.

Such fears and worries will make you incredibly miserable. They will deprive you of sleep and permanently damage your self-esteem.

You could also develop yourself into an insecure, suspicious and untrusting person who doesn’t trust others.

And this is very bad for you and the next person you date because the guy will see you as damaged goods.

He might rationally understand where your issues originate from, but emotionally—they could be too much for him.

They could weigh him down to the point of exhaustion and force him to abandon you.

That’s why you must immediately comprehend that your boyfriend’s job isn’t to be your therapist. His role entails helping you in most fields of your life but not in the field that you’re in control of and responsible for.

The mental blockages, insecurities, fears, phobias, trust issues, etc, are therefore your concerns. They are something you must overcome before you date a person.

But if you start dating again and you haven’t solved them yet because deep-rooted vulnerabilities take time to heal from, do tell your partner that you’re working on them every day and that his understanding means a lot to you.

Once you’ve said that, there’s no going back on your word. Give your fears and insecurities a big push out of your life and open your heart to new adventures.

By doing so, you will once again love selflessly without restraints and live the kind of life you deserve.

Are you still worried that your ex will move on if you leave him alone? Are you afraid that you’ll never hear from your ex again? Post your biggest fears and insecurities in the comments section below.