If your ex is hiding his new relationship on social media or in person and you don’t know why he’s doing that to you, you need to know that your ex is afraid. He’s afraid of telling you the truth because the truth could bring an unwanted response out of you and make him feel guilty.
Guilty for moving on so quickly when you’re still dealing with the post-breakup blues.
If the breakup was calm and peaceful and your ex is generally a caring person, your ex would much rather not hurt you for the second time. He’d prefer not to cause you any more pain because the breakup alone was painful enough already.
Your ex basically kept this in mind and decided not to tell you about his relationship because he could cause you pain again, which would then indirectly cause him pain as well. Maybe not the kind of pain you’d feel, but guilt is a form of pain too. It hurts him (his conscience) to know that he’s hurting someone who’s down on her knees, hoping to get another chance at the relationship.
So if your ex is a decent person, this is the reason why your ex is hiding his new relationship. He just doesn’t want to hurt you and feel guiltier than he already does. He would prefer not to feel like the bad guy even though he probably is for not considering your feelings by dating someone else right away.
I think dumpers shouldn’t date anyone right after the breakup. Although most of them are emotionally ready to date someone new, they should focus on dealing with their breakup emotions and reflecting on their behavior. They should improve their shortcomings, stay out of contact with their ex unless they want their ex back, and not date anyone out of respect for themselves, their ex, and their new partner.
However, if your ex isn’t the most caring and sympathetic person who would feel bad for you, then your ex likely has a different reason for hiding his new relationship. Your ex isn’t hiding his new relationship out of concern for himself.
He thinks you don’t need to know about his new relationship because his relationship with you ended—and he no longer needs to be honest with you. He’s single, so he thinks you can both do what you want, whenever you want, and with whomever you want without telling each other about it.
So if you’re wondering “Why is my ex hiding his new relationship,” bear in mind that your ex is apprehensive about updating you on his dating life. He’s either scared that you’ll take the news badly and react emotionally to it or he’s convinced that he needn’t inform you about his dating life because you’re no longer together.
In this post, we’ll go into more depth about why your ex is hiding his new relationship from you.
Why is my ex hiding his new relationship?
A man would hide his new relationship either for himself or for you. The easiest way to determine who your ex is hiding it for is to analyze your ex’s personality. Think about his behavior prior to the breakup and after the breakup.
If he was mean, sneaky, immoral, impulsive, and felt wronged all the time, your ex is most likely hiding his new relationship because he doesn’t think you need to know about it. In his mind, he doesn’t owe you anything because you’re his ex-girlfriend – a person from the past.
But if your ex was mindful of your emotions during and after the relationship and handled arguments well, then he probably hid his new relationship so he wouldn’t hurt you and feel guilty. He was afraid that telling you the truth would make you worried and anxious and kill your hope for reconciliation.
He didn’t hide it to string you along or to keep you as a backup option as some dumpees suspect, but rather to enjoy his post-breakup life without hurting you and in turn, hurting himself.
Guys may be strong on the surface, but the truth is that self-aware guys with conscience absolutely despise hurting their ex-girlfriends. They despise it because they don’t want to see their ex-girlfriends react emotionally to them. If their exes were to react emotionally, they would put them in an uncomfortable position, smother them, and increase their guilt.
So what guys do to avoid that is do nothing. They take the “no action” approach because this approach doesn’t make things better nor worse. It just leaves the past in the past and allows them to focus on the future.
Guys do this because they hate being reminded of what they’d done. Deep inside, they know they shouldn’t get in a relationship too early when their ex-partner is still putting all the pieces together and struggling to cope with anxiety. But because they feel attracted to someone new, they forget about the principles of right and wrong and follow their instincts.
They let their ex’s problems be their ex’s problems and get together with someone who shows interest in them.
Although such guys rationally know they’re not being respectful of their ex’s separation anxiety, emotionally they still feel relieved from staying committed to their relationship and think they deserve to be loved. That’s why they move on with their romantic life and enjoy their life by distracting themselves from thinking about their ex.
So if you can’t stop wondering why a man would hide his new relationship, don’t take your ex’s behavior personally. I know that you want your ex to treat you fairly, but keep in mind that very few dumpers are that considerate. Most guys just convince themselves that they have the right to date someone new and that they shouldn’t waste their time waiting for their ex to be okay with it.
With that said, here are 5 explanations for your ex’s uncaring behavior.
Should my ex tell me he’s dating another woman?
As a dumpee, you really don’t need to know that your ex is dating another woman. Knowing this piece of information won’t help you get your ex back, nor help you move on. It will just launch your anxiety through the roof and make you obsess over your ex’s new partner like a deranged person.
It will also hurt your self-esteem and make you wonder what the new woman has that you don’t. And that’s just not healthy. Comparing yourself to your ex’s new girlfriend just doesn’t have any beneficial purposes.
It can’t give you an advantage in getting back with your ex. All it can do is obsess you with acquiring recognition from the person who isn’t giving it to you and make your healing as painful as it can possibly be.
When it comes to recovering from breakups, there’s a general rule you need to remember. The less you play the detective, the quicker you will heal and the better you will feel. It’s that simple, yet many women dig for answers and hurt themselves in the process.
They think they need to know everything about their ex when they actually need to get to know themselves better.
So don’t worry about your ex not telling you that he’s dating another woman. Don’t worry about it even if he lied to you about seeing this woman by saying something like, “We’re just friends. I don’t have any feelings for her.” What your ex said when you were still together and what he said after the breakup doesn’t matter anymore.
It makes no difference in your life, so there’s no point in telling him things like:
- You said she was just a friend.
- You lied to me.
- We were supposed to talk about the breakup.
- It was supposed to be just a break.
- You promised you wouldn’t date anyone.
- You said you just needed some time to think about us.
People usually say they “just want to be single for a while,” but they only say that because they don’t want to be in a relationship with the person they just separated from. Most of them have no idea that they’re emotionally ready for a new relationship right away and that they will probably take the first chance they get.
For dumpers to rebound with the next person they date, their new relationship has to be really bad. It has to be so bad they get hurt and start thinking of falling back on a person who has always been there for them.
So don’t think your ex should tell you that he’s dating another woman. He can tell you that he met someone if he promised you he would, but even if he promised you and didn’t tell you, I honestly don’t see how that’s bad for you. Yes, your ex broke his promise, but at least he didn’t trigger your anxiety and prevent you from moving on with your life.
I suppose it could be disrespectful to you if he told you to give him a month or two and wait for him to make up his mind. That would indeed be cruel.
So no matter what your ex did or didn’t do, try to see him not telling you about this new woman as an opportunity to keep moving forward with as little pain as possible.
Ignorance is bliss. And I encourage everyone going through a breakup to not snoop around and try to find out whether their ex is dating. It’s much safer for you to cut your ex out of your life completely. Do that by requesting your friends not to talk about your ex and asking your ex not to message you, call you, or tag you anymore.
The time after the breakup is your time to heal. It’s not meant for you to obsess over your ex and stay alert about his dating life.
I know it’s not easy to stay away from your ex because the breakup feels like it’s killing you, but you have to persevere. You have to be strong and resist the urges to check up on your ex. The more you resist acting on pain and anxiety, the more self-control you will develop.
And the more self-control you develop, the less reactive you will be in your next relationship.
Should I contact my ex and ask him about the new woman?
No matter what your ex said or promised, there’s absolutely no need to contact your ex about the person he’s seeing. Pestering your ex about it isn’t going to help your ex in any shape or form. It can’t help your ex because he’d decided to give that woman a try.
He isn’t with her only for the sake of being with her.
If they’re dating, they’re together because they like each other. And that’s something you mustn’t try to change. Especially not by reaching out to your ex and telling him what a dirty liar he is. Doing that won’t accomplish what you’re trying to accomplish.
It might make you feel better for a day or two, but it will also guilt-trip your ex and tell him you lack control over your emotions. It will make you look extremely desperate to be with him—and that just won’t look good for you. Dumpers are attracted to emotional strength, confidence, and independence—not desperation.
Desperation puts them off because they’re dealing with multiple negative breakup emotions at once. This is why there’s no need to add more stressors to your ex’s life and force your ex to associate even more negative feelings with you.
There’s also no need to embarrass yourself and portray yourself as that ex-girlfriend who won’t leave her ex alone and let him do what he wants.
So don’t reach out to your ex with the intention to get everything off your chest. Don’t politely tell him that you still want him back either. If you want your ex to respect you as a human being, you have to cease all communication by starting no contact and waiting for your ex to show interest first.
No contact, especially the indefinite no contact rule is not some mind game where you pretend not to care about your ex and hurt him in some sick way. No contact is a power-regaining “technique” that will help you get some space from your ex and allow you to see reality for what it is.
It will probably take some time before your anxious brain understands that talking to your ex when he’s with someone else is a desperate move. But if you focus on loving yourself instead of loving the idea of your ex loving you, you will eventually recover from the breakup shock and realize that chasing after your ex is not worth your time and emotions.
Is your ex hiding his new relationship and you don’t know why? Does it make you feel disrespected or betrayed? Let me know how you feel about your ex’s behavior by commenting below.
And also, if you wish to have a private conversation with us about your ex hiding his new relationship or anything related to that, click here to learn more.
Hi Zan. I really need your perspective.
Me and my ex were together for one and a half year, we spent our days by living together in his city to start a business. So we live, work, eat, even play games together 24/7. We were basically inseparable. His friends were mine and likewise.
Last december, I asked him to go meet my family in my hometown. He went with me and everything was going well. Then he flew back to his hometown to continue our business by his own. Meanwhile I couldn’t join him due to sick family members that I need to take care of.
Unfortunately in January, we argued a lot by phone (maybe we weren’t ready for LDR) till I decided to block him. He contacted my on every possible social media and yet I blocked him on all of that. I said to him that I need a space (or sounds like a break).
He was still being nice to me by sending things that I might need at home (like clothes, headphones, etc). But because I blocked him, we were having no contact. I unblocked him in February to ask him about our business update but he did dodge my question. I still believed he took care of it so I didn’t do anything.
In March, a friend of us told me that he had a new girlfriend, they seem so in love (many PDAs), and he abandoned our business since last January. I was so devastated. To be honest, I never think that he would do something like this.
I made a mistake by calling him: asking why and why. I also did the plead.. and he said that he thought I already had my dream life in my city and I maybe got someone new. I told him that these 3 past months I was focus on myself and trying to be a better person. My mom even called him to tell him the truth, and he was shocked by these facts.
After that moment, he choose to avoid me. He said to his friends that he doesn’t want to see me. And he became so cold. He also still hid his new fling. I feel like he just wants to stay out from me.
I understand that this is my fault. I set him too free and careless about his condition, also didn’t help him with anything for our business.
I just want to have a healthy relationship with him, either as a friend or a business partner. The only good thing is he still has a pic of me as his wallpaper, doesn’t change my contact name (the affectionate name), still use the name I gave him as a username on all social media, and doesn’t break me up on me (on online games -as a couple).
Is there anything I can do besides giving him space / don’t contact him for a while? Like let him be happy with his new rebound?
Hi Fila.
All you can do right now is to give him space and work on letting go. The fact that he’s dating someone else is a sign that he’s detached and isn’t thinking about getting back with you. Not unless his relationship is going bad and he’s regretting his decision. It’s unlikely that this is the case because things are still new and exciting.
So go no contact and see if things change in the future.
Best regards,
Zan
Hi Zan!
New here. I absolutely love the content. Would like some insight.
I’m trying to figure out if my ex cheated on me or rebounded towards the end of our 3 year relationship, this July. This past year we’ve had a long-distance relationship which made communication hard, and I became severely depressed last year which also put a strain on the relationship because I did some horrible, toxic things which I take full accountability for. I was emotionally manipulative without realising it. I have only realised recently thanks to therapy. I applied for therapy the moment I became depressed, but there was a 9 month waiting list where I live. In the meantime, I did do some damage in the relationship. Anyway, I had only started therapy around the same time he broke up with me.
Long story short, I had just come back from seeing him for 3 weeks in Paris, in June. Two weeks after my arrival home, he stops responding to me for a week straight. Radio silence. Meanwhile, I’m stressing. After this week, he miraculously calls me to break up with me, citing my burdensome mental health and ‘all the things I ever did to him’- including my mistakes that I thought were put to bed a long time ago. He reassured me that he wasn’t seeing another girl. He even cried.
He then blocked me from everywhere. Finding this bizarre, two weeks after our breakup, I go back to Paris to see him in person to comb through our issues. He was cold at first, but welcomed me and it was if things were back to normal. He was loving and affectionate- although oddly, he didn’t kiss me or be intimate. He was also a bit secretive with his phone which I found bizarre. However, he told me to be patient for him to make his mind up about getting back with me. I thought this was because he was hurt because of my behaviour- but, looking back, he was talking to his current girlfriend. I spent a few days at his, and before I came back, he said we could talk as per normal and that he’d be there for me.
I come back, only for him to ignore me again-even on the day of my operation which he was aware of- and finally found out he was on vacation with his new girlfriend only two weeks after my visit to see him, all the while going through therapy. I got my friend to confront him for closure in an amicable way and he replied saying he felt nothing for me when I was in Paris- he just wanted to be ‘nice’- and that I should stop contacting him because he checked out emotionally the moment I became depressed…and that, yes, he has a new girlfriend. He said that it was my fault that I lost him.
Another thing that gets to me is that I was with him when had nothing at all. I feel as if he’s abandoned me during a difficult time of my life, in a horrid way, but I was there when he was struggling. He’s one of France’s biggest Youtubers, and I helped him secure sponsorships to get to where he is today. Now, I can’t help feel resentful at the fact that it’s another girl that profits off my hard work.
Zan, do you have any thoughts about being a placeholder girlfriend or if you have an article on this topic?
Thank you!!!
Hi Zee.
Your ex likely emotionally cheated on you when you were still together. He blamed your depression for this, but you can’t ever blame someone else for cheating. I think what happened was that he detached because of all the issues the relationship was going through. He wasn’t strong enough to help you and stand by your side when you needed him the most, so he got close to other people.
You really shouldn’t have seen him in person. Although he seemed normal for a bit at first, he was far from it. When a guy makes up his mind that some other woman makes him infatuated, there’s nothing you can say and do that will change his mind about you. You can only give him space—which is what you should have done.
I don’t have any specific articles for you, Zee, but perhaps you should read some posts about monkey-branching and dumpers leaving their girlfriends when their girlfriends are depressed. I often say how important it is to take care of your mental health, so get your health back and regain your happiness. Your ex can’t and won’t be able to help you with this. He’s too closed-minded to assist you.
Best regards,
Zan
Hello,
I’m new here and I really loved this blog.
I just want to describe what I’ve been through, hoping I might get some advice and finally move on.
So, after 4 years together (every day together), I decided to break up with my now ex-boyfriend because he stopped putting in any effort whatsoever and I was tired of always giving him what he wanted and never getting anything back in return.
The last year we were together, each one of us lived in a country, so it was long-distance. I went to see him twice, he never came to see me, and he acted like he didn’t want to be near me. I asked him about the girl (his neighbour) I was suspicious about since the very beginning and he said there was nothing and that they are just friends.
When we broke up, he agreed that he was wrong and that he was sorry etc. We kept talking around once a week then once every two weeks for 4 months and he was always telling me he still loved me and will always be open to fixing things. He went home to see his family and I went home because I missed it (the same country), but I chose these specific dates because I knew he was going to be there and I wanted to see him. Turns out he had left early, and that this girl neighbour spent the vacation there with him (which was our place), and she had met his entire family and friends and we hadn’t even told anyone we broke up yet.
So I called him, he said she told him she liked him ever since they met but nothing happened (so he lied when I asked him if there was anything he needed to tell me about that), and they were spending all of their days together there. Turns out they are seeing each other now, but he hid that from me (all of his family did), and he told me over the phone that he doesn’t want a serious relationship right now etc. even though they had been friends for a year, so it doesn’t make any sense. He then wanted reassurance that I was still going to speak to him after that, I said maybe then we just hung up and I blocked him on Whatsapp and never spoke to him again.
It still hurts a lot because I can’t believe he moved on so quickly, everything changed within a month.
How can I think about this positively? I just feel like I never existed.
Hi Joanna.
Your ex was afraid of telling you about this girl when you were still together because he was scared of your reaction. He knew the relationship with you was a bit shaky, so he feared that telling you would cause a breakup.
At that point, nothing was going on between them. But he should have been mature and told you the truth (that she had feelings for him). Had he done that, he could have respected you and distanced himself from her.
Try not to get hurt by this, Joanna. He’s with this girl because the relationship with you didn’t work out.
Sincerely,
Zan
My ex and I became friends over the summer. We quickly started hanging out just like we did while dating..minus any physical contact (other than a back rub or our legs touching while watching movies). We spent every weekend like this until he suddenly stopped. He lives an hour away & works long shifts, so I believed him when he said he was too tired to make the drive, but I finally confronted him after a month and he admitted he met someone. I ended up feeling betrayed and led on, which I know I don’t have a right to. I expressed this to him and he said he thought we were just friends. He’s begging me not to stop being friends with him. What to do? I do have feelings for him still, but I suspect he is just keeping me around in case this new girl doesn’t work out.
Hi KatieG.
You have to stop being friends with him. It’s no longer about what he wants, but what you need to regain your health and get over him. Don’t let him use you for friendship and do what you needed to do a long time ago.
Hang in there,
Zan
I really appreciate the response <3 I’m definitely not going to have a friendship with him. I can see from his text messages to me that he’s possibly trying to manipulate me. He’s talking me up and saying how important I am in his life etc. He also kept me in the dark about this new chick and delivered the news followed by a “I hope we can still be friends.” Pretty sure he is just using me at this point and I need to let go and not be fooled by his bread crumbs. Thank you for your blog Zan! It’s been helpful 🙂
You’re welcome, KatieG.
Your ex just wants the best of both worlds – a friendship without commitment. If you were important to him, he would have said that leaving you was the biggest mistake of his life. So don’t let him string you along and pull away.
Best regards,
Zan
So I made the mistake of continuing minimal contact with him..just a couple texts per week. Well, apparently his new girl found out and he sent me a text that she is now his girlfriend and seeing my texts caused them both grief and stress. I suppose he was trying to keep it a secret and she found out we were still in contact. Now he says he can’t talk to me “for a while”…which to me means he still wants to use me as needed. He then blocked me before giving me a chance to respond. If I would have listened to your advice, I wouldn’t have this flare up of heartache.
Hi Katie.
I know you’re hurt, but it’s never too late to go no contact. You need to give your ex and his new girlfriend space because it’s better for everyone – including you. Space will help your ex’s girlfriend feel secure, your ex stress-free, and you detached. You’ll get through this soon, Katie. And when you do, you’ll see that leaving your ex alone was the best thing you could have done.
Stay strong!
Zan
Zan I read other posts and when you already suspect theyre starting a relationship behind your back its better to Know especially i asked whats going on? and he screamed back “you probably think I have a girlfriend!!!” then stormed out .. Not telling me was horrible torture I knew but wanted him to tell me so I knew how to act in the house maybe sleep on the couch etc get strong and stay until i found a new place imstead of knee jerk fleeing and cutting all my bridges … I think KNOWING the truth is freeing even it would of hurt he kept the control by hiding it .. till i left i felt played used disrespected toyed with especially hes the one started up with me and now my life is really messed up cause I left the area .. And he goes off with her ..12 yrs spent on and off with him She is young pretty executive like him in same Co. Hell probably take her vacations we never went on and wont feel guilty for anything because ‘ i left ‘ so looks like he did nothing wrong.. i think He did
Hi Lisa.
Your ex cheated on you and probably isn’t your ideal partner. You hadn’t been able to grow much/fast even with him, so spend at least an hour or 2 a day improving yourself. Whether you liked it or not, being with your ex prevented you from reaching your full potential, so reflect on your mistakes and flaws and improve them. It’s what will make your next relationship much better and stronger.
As for your ex’s new girlfriend, try not to obsess about her. Don’t stalk her on socials or anything like that. She has flaws too, but from your space, you can only see her good points.
Stay strong!
Zan
Well Zan… is it still cheating if he said we have no relationship ????? and because of covid he couldn’t go to her in person YET so no physical btw them yet ..so he felt ok about cuddling me nights and with little alcohol pulling me next to him every nite…which is why I fled i was afraid to see what would happen when he left overseas to see her..as well as his indifference behavior like i was invisible and insults put downs …then cuddled at night .. i was pretty sure what was going on behind my back even just on phones should of just hang in there to do what was best for me stay to look for a place while he’s gone…for month.
i guess he’s with her and it worked out because i never heard from him overseas he sent those house pics to me before leaving i ignored because i didn’t know if he just needed something ..garden “sit ” see if i knew truth about her then it would be easier to deal with all of it…just be straight maybe in his eyes I’m nothing but friend now so i don’t need to know…but i felt deceived hurt used manipulated made a fool out of he’s manipulative or just had hard time breaking away
Zan I think this situation was too complicated to understand on a bog but generally speaking I deserved better…
I hear what you’re saying, Lisa,
You definitely deserve better. Your ex essentially monkey-branched to someone else and hurt you badly. That’s why you need to realize what he did to you so you can forgive him (for yourself) and move on. Healing from his selfish behavior will take time, but it’s very important that you finally emotionally separate yourself from this person. The relationship with him just wasn’t working out, hence all the breakups, so it’s time for a big change!
Kind regards,
Zan
she may indeed have flaws but he won’t see them he was so blinded
thats the way it felt right in the house..i could see how its going to go I’ve been with him 12 yrs on and off.and had dreams about them all last week disturbing ones I’ve never dreamt with him before in 12 yrs! ….and i want to tell him I know about her…if i already lost use of his home why not let him know i know..hes played me for a fool like my cousin said… and she is type he’d show off to everyone he’s very high level global success they both are..he didn’t appreciate me after starting with her..in the other room all night on his phone months been cultivating her and he suddenly stopped all his instagram activity since ” got her” dark black gone frozen…if i tell i know about her thats why i flaked ran away without word etc not comment on his pics he sent later…because of his deception he will answer ” were done we have nothing” what can you say to that ? i still feel cheated on…Zan
Oh Zan I also wondered if I made him run to her her more when i ignored his texts after i left like he thought well shes not responding so im free and pushed him more into her arms mayne his texts of home stuff was sincere i dont know i felt there stillwas a tiny string of attachment he had if i stayed for my needs the new appartment and could of seen how he accted when returned from europe because my appartment would take some time to apply to.. i felt like i pushed him more to her by leaving then ignoring his texts of the garden and new appliance wed been waiting for He ran to her i just looked weak and like a flake
Hi again, Lisa.
You didn’t make him run to his girlfriend by ignoring his texts. He was going to be with his girlfriend no matter what you did or didn’t do. He’d developed a connection with her on his own, so don’t blame yourself.
Focus on yourself instead and improve the things that need improvement.
Kind regards,
Zan
hi Zen well I still feel decieved he contacted me texted me after last break up for 2 yrs texting me came got me drove me back his home started up then slowly got distant wouldnt talk and probably started with her months ago! until he got her and began really abusive indifference except at bedtime cuddling me hard I left as i told you when he was gone business he texted me pics but i moved out so i was gone when he got back i felt bad not letting him know thru text i was leavong but
just left I know he was going to meet her in europe Labor day because he had to go for work and shes in his company office there i was afraid how hed be when he returned finally getting be with her in person 2 weeks before he left he double sent pics of the garden and new appliance finally came i ignkred them because i didnt know WHY he sent to house sit or guilt or trying reach out so i ignored them he left im sure for europe and i never heard from him if the pics were just friendly why nothing from overseas like Alway last 12 yrs..? I blew it because i was waiting for housing there and when i told him ” im moving out 2 weeks before i left he said ” good time to move on !” like he want the reason im leaving anyway he said take ur time continued hot cold behavior but i left when he was gone that was before europe I got letter that appartment came open for me but i cut my throat and lost it could of been STRONG knowing i was probably right he had someone all while im there cultivating her so what! I didnt use him ” take ur time” . i am mad at myself for leaving and not responding to the garden texts and appliance when i also needed his place while waitkng for my new housing! now im far away.. and dont know why he text house pics sure i ignored them but that never stops him from sending overseas pics texts i think hes now with her and i lost my housing been waiting TEN years for!!! what can I do now?
Hi Lisa.
Since your ex is with someone else, there’s not much you can do but to leave him alone. He clearly has a lot of work to do on himself and doesn’t deserve your attention right now. I can’t tell you what to do with the house, but I do know that you’ve got to stay far away from your ex. If he keeps messaging you, ask him not to or get a new number. Explain politely that you’re moving on and show that you’d like him to respect you.
For now, focus on healing and detaching and you’ll soon regain your composure and rationality. You’ll get stronger, so bear with it for now and things will work out for you in the end.
Hang in there!
Zan
I cant get over whay he did he couldnt go see her because of covid but started iphone texting in another room came to bed cuddled me but was nasty and then nice so I left when he was on a business trip two weeks before he left he texted me things about the house i didnt reply thought he wanted me to house sit while he went to see her! then i never heard from him Did i mistake by leaving if he still cuddled me ?
Hi Lisa.
He was hot and cold because he was detaching from you. Cuddling wasn’t a sign that he was willing to work on the relationship, though. It was a sign that he felt guilt and that he was having second thoughts.
Best regards,
Zan
My ex tried to hide his new relationship and but he also said that we are on break and I will not meet with anyone. That’s why I felt so disrespected and betrayed.
But thanks to Zan communicate and all those articles helped me move forward. And also started NC and tried to focus on loving yourself instead of loving the idea of my ex loving me.
And finally in in a better place ❤️
You’re doing much better, Linda.
What your ex did was extremely self-centered. He was so afraid of telling you the truth he just slowly faded out of your life and monkey-branched into a new relationship. I hope you see him for what he’s done.
Best regards,
Zan
There is absolutely nothing noble or caring about a person that hides their new relationship. People that act this way are cheaters, cowards, low value, and disgracefully damaged human beings. As hard as it may seem at first, you’re better off without that trash in your life no matter how good you think you had it during the relationship. When they broke up with you, you categorically saw exactly who they were and not the persona they were pretending to be while together with you. Move on and never ever look back, take back, or acknowledge that garbage from your past. They belong to the streets – nowhere else.
Amen to that.
Hi DK.
It’s a shame we often get to know our partner’s dark side when he/she doesn’t want the relationship anymore. It’d be much more convenient if things were the other way around – if we got to know the person’s bad side and then his or her positive traits. Most of us would choose not to date our exes.
Kind regards,
Zan
Ignorance is bliss? Yeah if you actually are clueless. But the moment you find out something’s up, it’s better to know everything. I’ve spent so much time thinking of all the possible scenarios that went down between my cheating ex and the bastard I considered one of my best friends. It was torture. Yet I quite possibly didn’t think of what actually went down. They would’ve spared me so many troubling thoughts if they just came clean. I’ll forever loathe them for putting me through that. Especially because I chose to believe the worst case scenario is what happened, so I consider them possibly worse people than they actually are. So by all means, lie to your dumpee (hiding the truth is a lie). It sure helps them heal. Burning bridges is always a good idea.
Hi Andreas.
All I’m saying is that you needn’t dig deeper into what happened. It’s better to just let things rest. That way, you can distance yourself from the problem and think less obsessively about it. What your ex and best friend did was far from okay. But now that you know what kind of people they are, you don’t have to associate with them anymore.
You can do what you want to do (as long as it encourages growth).
Hang in there,
Zan
Hi Zan
I hope I am not too late and you can help me out. My ex partner and father of my kids left me about 5 months ago, throughout the years we have been together he manipulated me into thinking he was leaving but he never left, we talked about it how it was damaging our relationship but not much changed as everytime we had a big fight he will threaten to leave. Well the last time I could not take it and he spent 15 days with all his things packed up and asking me if I wanted him to leave and I will always told him he needed to finish what he started. He left and soon after that he was moving in to his own apt, I thought it was too soon and it looked suspicious for me, but at the time I just thought he was actually tired and done with our relationship. Fast forward 4 months and he is back asking me for another chance and that he does not want to lose his family, I did ask him to compromise and move back in and then we could start working in our issues, go to therapy, etc. Long story short, few days ago while I was checking cellphone bill (we have a family plan) a number pops up, turns out the number belongs to a woman and they talk a lot, my ex works on the road so hi not in town much, when he is away they talk a lot, I decided to check when he started talking to this person, he started to talk to her by phone one day before leaving our house. Right now I don’t really know what to do, because I haven’t confronted him about this relationship, he did not move back in because he says he is afraid our relationship is not going to work, but meanwhile when he is home he wants to pretend we are a happy family again. Please help, and advise will be really appreciated
Hi Aneiv.
If you’re back together even though he hasn’t moved back in with you, you should confront him about this woman. Better now than later. But if you’re not in a relationship, then you should move his things out of the house because he’s bonding with that woman and will likely keep getting closer to her.
You have to be brave now and take the initiative because your partner likely won’t until he’s certain he can safely leap from one relationship to the next.
Best regards,
Zan