Why Does My Ex Still Follow Me?

If you want to know why your ex still follows you on social media, you must understand that dumpees and dumpers follow or keep following their exes for slightly different reasons.

Dumpees generally follow their ex to keep an eye on their ex and to feel hopeful and less anxious, whereas dumpers do it out of curiosity or to avoid cutting their ex off and shocking their ex.

If they respect their ex, they don’t see the need to unfollow their ex. As long as their ex is minding his or her business and leaving them alone, they feel respected and relieved due to the breakup.

They needn’t worry about their ex and how he or she is coping with the breakup. All they have to worry about is what they’ll do with their free time.

Dumpers typically unfollow or mute their ex when their ex posts too much, posts braggy things, or when the dumpee pressures them into responding or behaving in ways the dumpee wants them to behave in.

Pressure forces them to push the dumpee away/out of sight and allows them to focus on more meaningful things such as their friends and hobbies. The last thing dumpers do when they feel overwhelmed, annoyed, and unhappy is accept their ex’s behavior, keep their ex in their life, and watch what their ex does.

Dumpers don’t have that kind of patience. They think the breakup needed to happen and that they should have gone their own way a long time ago.

So if you want to know why your ex still follows you, bear in mind that your ex probably doesn’t mind following you right now. Your ex is okay with it because your social media activity doesn’t trap, annoy, guilt-trip, or weird your ex out.

Or if it does make your ex feel uncomfortable, your ex doesn’t want to unfollow you right now because your ex doesn’t want to hurt you and risk bringing an angry response out of you. Your ex would rather wait for you to recover emotionally and then unfollow you.

It would be less of a shock for you, and less of a risk for your ex.

If the breakup is less than a few months old, it’s possible that your ex will eventually unfollow you. Many dumpers do because they stop feeling bad for leaving and hurting their ex.

They realize that the guilt preventing them from moving on with their lives is gone and that they can safely remove their ex and focus on other people.

If your ex still follows you on social media, try not to get hope from it. Many exes keep following their ex for months or years after the breakup. Some even watch their exes’ stories, comment on posts, message, and call their ex from time to them.

None of them, however, do these things because they feel in love and want to get back together. Their reasons for remaining in their ex’s life vary for each person, but typically, people interact with their ex or keep an eye on their ex from afar to see what their ex is up to, to alleviate their guilt, and to avoid hurting their ex and getting hurt in return.

They don’t want to delete or unfollow their ex because removing their ex would notify the dumpee and/or hurt the dumpee when he or she looks the dumper up. And most dumpees do that. Due to overwhelming separation anxiety and obsession with their ex, they check their ex’s social media and analyze the things their ex says and does.

They do this because they want to know what’s going on with their ex and if they can do anything to change the outcome. Little do they know that by stalking their ex, they increase their dependence on their ex and put themselves at their ex’s mercy.

They give their ex the power to control their thoughts and emotions and as a result, make the breakup harder on themselves.

In this post, we discuss why your ex still follows you online. We explain why dumpees and dumpers follow their exes and share some useful tips on what to do.

Why does my dumpee ex still follow me?

Dumpees follow their dumper ex after the breakup for straightforward reasons. Dumpees feel rejected and abandoned, so they follow their ex in hopes of coming across something hopeful and pain-relieving. They want to see that their ex isn’t happier without them and that they left a void in their ex’s heart.

Seeing their ex struggle after the breakup tells them that they’re not the only ones suffering and that the breakup is equally hard on both parties. That makes it easier for them to accept the breakup and cope with the ups and downs that ensue.

It’s safe to say that dumpees are miserable and love company. They especially love it if it’s as miserable as them because mutual misery reassures them that they’re not alone and that they matter.

If they see that their ex is suffering just like them, they feel even in terms of happiness and feel more motivated to keep moving on. This explains why dumpees often think about taking revenge on their ex. They don’t want to suffer alone, so they come up with all kinds of revenge tactics that make their ex feel the kind of pain they feel.

Pain brings their ex’s happiness down to their level and makes dumpees feel that they are important enough to affect their ex.

Dumpees who take revenge don’t like the fact that they lack control over their emotions and their ex-partner. They’re used to having power and the ability to control their ex. That’s why they take matters of justice into their own hands and take revenge on their ex.

Sadly, revenge only decreases their ex’s respect for them and their overall chances of getting back together. It angers their ex and destroys any remaining guilt and doubt.

So if you left your ex and your ex is still following you, the most reasonable explanation is that your ex wants to feel some sense of control after the breakup. Your ex wants to know what you’re doing and how you’re coping so that your ex doesn’t suffer and lack control over the situation.

It’s also possible that your ex got over you or mostly over you and that your ex doesn’t see a need to remove you. Your ex might have recovered already and become ready to see your updates. That would imply that your ex doesn’t mind seeing you having fun and dating other people.

It all depends on how long and intense your relationship was. If it was very intense, your ex follows you because doing so allows your ex to check up on you and keep your ex from going insane.

However, if the relationship ended on good terms and your ex respects you and is coping well, then your ex probably just doesn’t see the need to unfollow, remove, and block you. Your ex has come to terms with the breakup and is set on moving on regardless of what you publish on social media.

Why does my dumper ex still follow me?

Your dumper ex still follows you because you haven’t done anything to push your ex to unfollow you. You’ve been giving your ex space and respecting his or her boundaries and the desire to think and feel what he or she wanted.

That’s why your ex has been able to self-prioritize and do the things he or she planned for toward the end of the relationship.

On top of that, your ex’s personality, character, and maturity also likely have something to do with this. Since your ex’s perception of you is somewhat healthy (or at least not unhealthy), your ex doesn’t feel angry, trapped, or annoyed by you.

Your ex thinks that breakups happen for a reason (that they happen all the time) and that unfollowing you would be unnecessary. It would show that your ex feels some kind of negative emotion that he or she would rather not feel.

Mature dumpers don’t unfollow, ignore, or block their exes. On the contrary, they feel confident in their abilities to handle unwanted responses from their ex and the difficult emotions those responses create.

And because they feel confident and understand how their ex feels and why their ex feels that way, they don’t take their ex’s (social media) behavior personally the way immature dumpers do.

Furthermore, if your ex is dating someone new, know that your ex’s new partner either doesn’t mind your ex following you or doesn’t know about it. Either way, your ex doesn’t see any harm in following you as long as you stay away from your ex and his or her new partner.

Your ex would probably have removed you already if you got too involved or if you made your ex or his or her new partner feel uncomfortable. Your ex probably wouldn’t hesitate to unfollow you and push you out of his or her life.

You must do your best not to look into this too much. Your ex may still follow you, but it doesn’t mean that your ex is leaving the door open. It can be tempting to think that way, I know, but you need to do your best to stop such thoughts from giving you hope.

You need to tell yourself that your ex’s social media signals mean nothing and that you should keep your mind distracted with more productive things and people.

Should I unfollow my ex?

If following your ex doesn’t hurt you, you can just continue to follow your ex. There’s no need to unfollow just because you’re no longer a couple. Some people will tell you to delete and block your ex and burn all bridges, but that’s a bit extreme.

You needn’t do anything of that sort unless your ex’s posts hurt you and affect your healing.

I suggest that you unfollow, delete, or even block your ex if your ex’s social media behavior harms you, if you can’t avoid it from harming you, and if you have no intention of getting back together with your ex.

Shutting your ex out of your life won’t just stop you from checking up on your ex and reaching out, but it will also make it impossible for your ex to reach out and express regret (if your ex actually feels regretful).

So feel free to unfollow your ex if you think it will stop you from analyzing your ex’s social media. Unfollow your ex even if your ex still follows you. Just don’t unfollow your ex to punish your ex or to respond to your ex’s unfollowing.

That won’t change anything. It will just show that you’re observing your ex and that your ex’s social media posts affect you.

Remember that emotional people react to exes saying or doing things online whereas strong, confident, and detached people don’t care and don’t react in any way. They remain strong and let their exes do what they want.

If you don’t want your ex to think you’re attached, obsessed, and that you need him or her to be happy, leave your social media the way it is. Delete your ex’s pictures, of course, but other than that, don’t show that your ex still controls your emotions and decisions.

Did you learn why your ex still follows you? Why do you think exes follow each other? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

And as always, if you want our help analyzing your ex, sign up for breakup coaching with us.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.