Why Does My Ex Keep Blocking And Unblocking Me?

After a break-up, some people block and unblock their exes repeatedly. These individuals often experience a range of emotions, ranging from nostalgia to curiosity, anger to frustration, and everything in between.

They may find themselves shifting between different stages of the breakup, leading to impulsive decisions to block or unblock their exes.

It’s quite a typical breakup behavior among dumpees and dumpers (although dumpees tend to do it more often). Dumpees miss their ex a lot and feel very emotional, so they unblock their ex when they want to check up on their ex and feel a sense of control.

But because they soon realize their ex is living a good life or that nothing has changed, they once again block their ex. By doing so, they prevent themselves from stalking their ex online and reaching out.

Dumpers, on the other hand, usually unblock their ex due to curiosity and guilt and block their ex because they discover what they want (or don’t want) to discover. When they learn what their ex is up to, they stop feeling curious and/or bad for leaving/hurting their ex, so they block their ex to not be reminded of their ex anymore.

They prefer to keep their ex at a distance. But unlike dumpees who do it to control the situation and feel strong and in control of their thoughts and emotions, dumpers do it to get space and not feel pressured. They’re okay with blocking their ex as long as it means they get to feel free and independent.

So if your ex keeps blocking and unblocking you and you don’t know what it means, bear in mind that it doesn’t mean much. It means that your ex is thinking about you and unblocking you to see what you’re doing and if you’re happy.

Knowing what you’re up to gives the dumpee hope (or destroys hope) and gives him or her a sense of control. And if your ex is a dumper, it assuages your ex’s guilt and curiosity and keeps you in his or her life to some degree.

Dumpees often get tons of hope when their ex unblocks them. They think their ex is on his or her way back to them and that it’s only a matter of time before they’re back together as a couple.

Although their ex does sometimes come back, he or she usually doesn’t. Most of the time, unblocking is a sign that dumpers have processed some (not all) difficult emotions and that they have more work to do.

Unblocking has nothing to do with regret and falling back in love.

To regret breaking up and want another chance, something bad must normally happen. Something that changes dumpers’ ways of thinking and makes them feel a variety of difficult emotions. When that happens, dumpers take the initiative, reach out, display regret and interest, ask to meet up, and appear sad and scared of rejection.

Despite being scared, they know they messed up and that it’s their job to make things right. They don’t just unblock their ex and expect their ex to do the job for them. When regret kicks in, so too does anxiety. And anxiety makes them want to fix what they broke in the fastest way possible.

Blocking behavior typically indicates that a person feels angry, resentful, suffocated, disrespected, and hurt and that he or she is unable or unwilling to tolerate and improve the situation.

It shows that an ex feels unwanted emotions and thinks unhealthy thoughts. These emotions and thoughts may change or improve slightly (especially if an ex unblocks you), but they improve only temporarily.

The moment an ex encounters a problem he or she lacks the tools and will to resolve, an ex once again feels overwhelmed and tempted to block.

If your ex keeps blocking and unblocking you, your ex is probably doing that because of mixed feelings. On a difficult day, your ex gets nostalgic and wonders about you to the point where he or she unblocks you and checks up on you whereas on a good/normal day, your ex remembers that you’ve hurt him or her and that keeping you unblocked would be dangerous for his or her health and well-being.

It would let you reach out and get closer to him or her than he or she would like.

Some dumpers just can’t decide whether they should cut ties with their ex, be friends, friends with benefits, or occasional friends. They don’t know what they want or might want in the future, so they stay on the fence about blocking and confuse themselves and their ex.

They don’t see or care that blocking and unblocking gives their heartbroken dumpee hope and makes the breakup more difficult.

In today’s article, we discuss why your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend keeps blocking and unblocking you and share some tips on what you can do about it.

Why does my ex keep blocking and unblocking me?

Your ex keeps blocking and unblocking you because your ex gets something out of it. Your ex learns something about you from unblocking you and feels a certain way about you.

If your ex feels that you’re desperate for reconciliation or that you’re moving on, your ex gets the information he or she is after and loses the desire to keep you in his or her life.

Your ex doesn’t need to keep you unblocked because the sole reason your ex unblocked you was to check up on you and obtain information.

Had your ex unblocked you for some other reason, let’s say because he or she processed the negative post-breakup emotions and realized that it wasn’t necessary to block you, your ex would have left you unblocked.

Your ex would have realized that blocking is mean or unfair after everything you went through as a couple. But since your ex still thinks and feels unwanted thoughts and emotions and doesn’t think that blocking is immoral, mean, or odd, your ex doesn’t have a problem with it.

Your ex thinks it’s his or her time to put himself or herself first and that it’s okay to block if blocking ensures his or her happiness and safety.

Most people believe in subjective morality and make their own rules of right and wrong. They decide what’s acceptable and what isn’t, which is why so many dumpers think it’s okay to punish their ex for the times he or she made them suffer. 

They convince themselves it’s okay to “defend themselves” and make their ex regret crossing paths with them. 

Every person has a different moral compass. Your ex’s internal sense of right or wrong was crafted in such a way that it allows your ex to keep blocking and unblocking you. Coincidentally, it prevents your ex from making a permanent decision and sticking with it.

Your ex is currently acting on impulse. Due to curiosity, fear, worry, anxiety, or perhaps even depression, your ex sometimes wants to know what you’re doing and how you’re feeling. Your ex doesn’t have the will to resist his or her urges.

Whatever you do, don’t think your ex is doing this to keep you emotionally invested and get a reaction from you. Dumpers don’t need you to stay hooked on them and empower them. They already feel validated and would rather you leave them alone and let them focus on the people they want to focus on.

People such as their friends and family and their dating prospects.

All you need to understand when your ex keeps blocking and unblocking you is that your ex is making emotional decisions and that your ex hasn’t changed his or her mind about the breakup yet. Your ex is still convinced that the breakup needed to happen and that it’s okay to check up on you once in a while.

If your ex loved you, your ex obviously wouldn’t be acting so indecisive. Your ex would know that he or she made the biggest mistake of his or her life and that he or she needs to fix things before it’s too late.

And it’d be too late if you moved on and decided you don’t want him/her back. Always remember that a regretful ex feels a sense of urgency and doesn’t play mind games. He or she has no time for games and wants you back right away.

So keep in mind that your ex is blocking and unblocking you because that’s how your ex chooses to deal with curiosity and emotions in general. It’s got nothing to do with what you’re like as a person and what your ex wants you to do.

If your ex wanted you to do something, your ex would have told you so directly. He or she wouldn’t expect you to mind read and take the initiative with the breakup.

On the other hand, if you left your ex and your ex is engaging in blocking and unblocking behavior, then your ex is probably resisting the urge not to check up on you and contact you. Your ex feels an immense need to control the situation he or she lacks control over and is choosing this approach because it makes your ex feel stronger.

Your ex feels that whenever he or she checks up on you, it becomes a bit easier to deal with uncertainty and a lack of information about you.

That being said, here’s why exes block and unblock after the breakup.

You shouldn’t worry too much about the unblocking part. Worry solely about the reasons your ex keeps blocking you and you’ll understand that your ex associates bad emotions with your persona and doesn’t have the right mentality to keep you unblocked.

Your ex frequently chooses to keep unwanted emotions and thoughts away by shutting you out of his or her life by force. By forcing you not to reach out and allowing himself or herself not to be reminded of you, your ex keeps unwanted thoughts out of sight and unwanted emotions out of his or her heart.

This enables your ex to live happily on his or her terms and minimizes the chance of getting hurt.

Blocking is essentially a defense mechanism. It’s the method your ex chose to deal with the emotions created by the breakup. Your ex chose it because it puts your ex in charge and lets your ex control when and how to check up on you.

What should I do if my ex keeps blocking and unblocking me?

The first thing you should do when your ex keeps blocking and unblocking you is make sure you understand that your ex is acting on emotions (being impulsive) and that it’s got nothing to do with you. Your ex is acting that way due to curiosity, lack of romantic feelings, negative feelings, personality, self-defense, and moral beliefs.

When you truly understand that, you’ll feel calmer and have an easier time seeing things for what they are.

In other words, you’ll be able to avoid thinking your ex is blocking you because you’re doing something wrong and unblocking you because your ex is in love with you and struggling to stay away from you.

No matter what the reason behind your ex’s actions is, you shouldn’t react to your ex’s behavior. You should stay in no contact instead and do your best to avoid checking up on your ex. What your ex says and does on social media is no longer your concern.

You’re not a couple, so don’t look for useful hidden clues in your ex’s online posts. You won’t find any. All you’ll find are things to overanalyze and stress about. I encourage you to unfollow or delete your ex. And if that doesn’t work, delete your account.

Do whatever it takes to stop obsessing over your ex’s blocking and unblocking.

The sooner you stop wondering what’s on your ex’s mind, the sooner you get over your ex and fall back in love with yourself.

Bear in mind that your ex will eventually stop blocking and unblocking you. As soon as your ex deals with unwanted emotions, your ex will either leave you blocked or unblocked. This depends on what breakup mistakes you make and how your ex feels about the breakup and reacts to difficult situations.

Make sure to leave your ex alone regardless of what your ex does or doesn’t do. Remember that your ex needs to come to you rather than you doing all the work. That’s the only way power will balance itself out and allow you to interact with your ex on equal terms.

Why do you think your ex keeps blocking and unblocking you? Share your views on blocking and unblocking behavior in the comments section below.

And if you’re seeking private coaching to help you through a breakup, feel free to sign up for a session here.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.