When You See Your Ex In Public

Dumpees want to know what to do when you see your ex in public. Do you wave, nod, say hello, start a conversation, look away, or pretend you’re busy?

Well, what you do depends on your relationship with your ex and your ex’s attitude and desire to speak with you.

If your ex looks at you and then runs across the street to get away from you, you obviously shouldn’t run after your ex and tell your ex how glad you are to bump into him or her. That would trigger your ex’s fear of confrontation and release all the emotions your ex had been desperately trying to run away from.

You should greet your ex and/or engage in conversation only when your ex is receptive to speaking to you. And your ex is receptive when he or she holds eye contact, greets you, or does some welcoming gesture.

That’s when you can have a quick shallow conversation with your ex.

I say shallow because you don’t want to talk about meaningful stuff. If the breakup just happened, you’re probably not ready to learn that your ex has been doing great without you and that he or she is dating someone else already.

It’s better to avoid such topics and just talk about your hobbies and well-being. Once you’ve exchanged a few quick words, you should then find a way to end the conversation and go your separate ways. There’s no need to talk to your ex for hours and hours.

Not even if it’s been months since you last spoke as talking will give you unnecessary information to analyze and obsess over.

Don’t forget that your job is to heal rather than become more obsessed. You’re trying to feel better and move on as quickly as possible. For those reasons, observe the situation (your ex’s interest) before you seek your ex’s attention and discover the hard way that your ex would rather not talk to you.

So when you see your ex in public, remember that your ex may not walk to speak with you yet. Your ex may still be going through the breakup stages for the dumper and enjoying his or her post-breakup peace. If you interrupt that peace, you could receive a response you didn’t want.

A response that destroys your hope for reconciliation and resets your emotional progress. That would make you feel as if your ex once again hurt you and got away with it.

It’s also possible that you don’t want to speak with your ex but your ex does. Some dumpers want to be friends and appear very excited when they see their ex. They look almost as if they’ve missed their ex romantically and want to get back together.

But actually, they just missed their ex’s companionship and the perks their ex used to give them daily. In other words, they missed the friendship and lacked the reassurance that their ex doesn’t resent them.

As for appearing so enthusiastic, it’s because they hadn’t seen their ex in ages and felt surprised that they finally ran into their ex. Dumpers who don’t resent their ex tend to feel curious and seek forgiveness and may talk to their ex for hours or even kiss their ex.

Their actions can be confusing as they often give the impression that they still love their ex and want to be with him or her. Sometimes they even convince dumpees that if circumstances were different that they’d stay committed.

Such dumpers merely look for excuses. Love is much simpler than they make it seem. It’s either there or it isn’t. If it’s not there, they leave. And if it is there, they come back and apologize for being foolish.

Don’t let dumpers confuse you and give you false hope. If they’re not with you, they don’t appreciate what you have to offer. That means you both think and feel differently and must find different paths in life. You don’t have a choice as long as your ex’s mentality remains as it is.

Anyway, try not to worry too much about how you behave when you see your ex in public. Unless you confront your ex about lying, cheating, or monkey-branching, it’s unlikely that your behavior will make things worse.

That’s because your ex has already developed an opinion about you. He or she knows or thinks he/she knows what you’re like, what you have to offer, and how you make him or her feel. A single interaction is not going to change that.

Not unless your ex is going through a rough patch and realizes that you’re still capable of resolving his or her problems.

So if you’re wondering what to do when you see your ex in public, know that your behavior doesn’t matter as much as you may think. Your ex won’t come back just because you look confident and attractive.

What matters is that you understand your emotional vulnerabilities (that you could get hurt again) and that your ex might not want to talk to you.

Therefore, before you say or do anything, you should observe your ex for a second or two and see if your ex looks anxious and scared or happy to see you.

If your ex seems to be uncomfortable, you shouldn’t talk to your ex.

If your ex appears happy, you can talk to your ex about superficial things (just keep in mind that there could be consequences).

And if your ex is neither happy nor uncomfortable (your ex doesn’t see you or give much non-verbal feedback), it’s up to you to decide what to do.

Personally, I would say hello (and keep walking) if my ex looks at me. If she doesn’t see me, however, then I’d walk right past her. As a dumpee, I’d be happier not to interact with my ex and obsess about the encounter for the next few days.

In this post, we talk about how you should act when you see your ex in public.

What to do when you see your ex in public?

When you see your ex in public, you should remember that your ex didn’t run into you on purpose. If you consider this encounter a sign from the universe that your ex wants you back, you’ll probably act on your emotions, overwhelm your ex with expectations and longings, and scare your ex away.

You’ll show your ex you haven’t processed the breakup and that you still long for your ex’s recognition. This will make your ex think that you’re desperate to get back together and that he or she should avoid you at all costs.

I strongly encourage you to read the situation before you engage in it. Figure out how your ex feels and what attitude he or she is displaying. Your ex’s attitude should tell if your ex is even ready and willing to talk.

You may be eager to hear your ex’s voice and see how your ex is doing, but that doesn’t mean your ex wants the same. From what I see, most exes aren’t overly excited to talk to their ex. Most exes would rather stare at their phone wallpaper than risk talking to their ex and feeling uncomfortable.

The reason for that is that dumpers associate pain and unease with their ex. They also feel somewhat guilty for hurting their ex, so they don’t know what to say or how to act. They fear that if they talk to their ex, their ex would get the wrong idea and try hard to win them back.

Because of that, they pretend not to see or hear their ex.

So if you want to know what to do when you run into your ex, do what feels right in the moment. If your ex wants to talk and you’ve recovered emotionally (if you won’t get shocked or depressed if your ex ignores you or tells you something you don’t want to know), say hi to your ex.

Give your ex an update on your life and ask your ex about his/her health and well-being. After you’ve caught up with each other, tell your ex it was nice talking to him or her and that you need to go. Your ex will respect you more if you leave before you exhaust the conversation.

On the other hand, if you’re not ready to talk to your ex and your ex appears ready to talk, I suggest you say “hi” or “hey” to your ex. Make sure to look away afterward so your ex gets the hint that you’re not interested in talking and being friends.

Your ex will probably walk away when he or she notices that your body language displays disinterest or preoccupation.

If your ex talks to you despite your lack of interest, then you need to make an effort to shoo your ex away. You must do that politely so as not to look resentful and offend your ex. You can say something like, “Hey, this isn’t a good time for me to talk. I’m still trying to process this whole thing. I’ll let you know when I’m ready.”

And that’s it. Your ex should leave you alone afterward and let you heal.

If you left your ex, though, the same principles apply.

Ask yourself the following questions:

1. Am I ready to talk to my ex?
2. Does my ex appear to be ready?
3. Am I aware of the consequences of talking to my ex?

If the answer is yes to all three questions, feel free to say hello and see how things go. There’s always a chance that you’ll misread your ex’s desire to talk, but if it comes to that, at least you’ll learn something from it.

Typically, I advise dumpers to let their ex be. There’s nothing to talk about post-breakup. The relationship has ended, so it’s time to let the broken relationship rest. But if it seems that you’re both over each other and that there won’t be any harm in exchanging a few words, feel free to do that.

It’s up to you and your ex to decide if you want to speak.

With that said, the following picture illustrates what happens when you see your ex in public.

Dumpees are more likely to talk to their ex than their dumper ex is to talk to them. This is because they feel anxious, respect their ex, and want to feel validated. Dumpers, on the other hand, feel pressured, annoyed, or tired and typically don’t feel the need to converse.

They need time to themselves to enjoy their post-breakup freedom.

Of course, some dumpers are more than happy to stay friends. But such dumpers feel respected and have respect for their ex. They also feel bad for hurting their ex and think their ex would be happier if they offered him or her friendship.

Dumpers like that don’t know that friendship is the last thing their ex needs to heal.

What to do when you see your ex in public with someone else?

Whether this someone else is a friend, a family member, or a new boyfriend or girlfriend, bear in mind that your ex has moved on. He or she has a new life now—a life that doesn’t concern you.

Again, you can say hello if you think it’s safe to do so. But you probably shouldn’t talk long, especially if your ex is with someone else.

Exes and new partners don’t mix well. They’re love rivals who don’t want to interact with each other. If they’re forced to interact, you could make them feel extremely awkward.

So much so that they appear visually uncomfortable and ditch you. After that, you can expect them to talk to each other about how weird the encounter was.

So if you see your ex in public and feel tempted to talk to your ex, remember that your ex is the dumper and that your ex is going through completely different stages. Your ex is relieved whereas you’re anxious and deprived of love.

You’re not ready to talk even though you want that more than anything.

The only way you’ll both want the same thing is if you give each other space and process the separation. Once you’ve done that (probably months into no contact), you’ll see that there’s no point in messaging, calling, or stopping your ex in public.

If your ex wanted you back, your ex would have done that already. He or she would have found valid reasons to reach out and set up a place and time to discuss getting back together. Since your ex hasn’t done that, it’s evident that your ex is set on moving on and that you should stay away from your ex for your own good.

Think of any encounter with an ex in public as a random encounter. That way, you’ll keep your hopes low and stop yourself from thinking you have an opportunity to talk your way back into a relationship.

Tips for when you see your ex in public

Many dumpees don’t know how to act when they run into their ex. They feel overwhelmed with intrusive thoughts and emotions and feel pressured into doing something to change their ex’s opinion of them. Little do they know that any attempt at impressing their ex will likely backfire.

It will pressure, guilt-trip, and make their ex uncomfortable—and force their ex to deal with unwanted emotions.

Most dumpers don’t handle pressure very well. In fact, most dumpers don’t do anything to handle it at all. They choose to run away from it by pretending everything’s fine, or conversely, by avoiding their ex like the plague.

I can’t say what your ex will do if you push your ex into a corner, but I do know that it will make your ex feel uneasy. And unease probably won’t trigger your ex’s old feelings and motivate your ex to regain your trust.

You must remember that your ex must come to you, not vice-versa. Your ex must realize what the issue was, discern your worth, and self-improve. Your ex can’t just get back together with you without addressing pre-breakup issues.

If your ex does that, the relationship will fall apart again because there won’t be any improvements. At least not on your ex’s side.

Your ex must also be willing to correct his or her mistakes.

When your ex does that, your ex can give you his or her stolen power back and develop the notion that losing you again would be catastrophic for his or her happiness and well-being.

So if you see your ex in public and don’t know how to react, react the way you would react if you saw some other ex from years ago. Treat your ex as a distant friend and avoid asking questions that would enable your ex to open up.

As long as you’re recovering from separation anxiety and fears of your ex meeting someone else, you need to avoid talking to your ex or avoid starting deep conversations. I encourage you to avoid talking to your ex altogether so that you don’t learn things you aren’t ready to learn.

And what you’re not ready to learn is that your ex:

• met someone else
• isn’t dating anyone (feel hopeful)
• doesn’t care about you
• blames you for the breakup

If you’re trying to get back with your ex, your goal should be to preserve your value (not increase it). What I mean by that is that your ex views you in certain ways and won’t see you differently even if you prove you’ve changed.

Your ex will care about the changes you’ve made only when your ex outgrows himself or herself. And your ex will do that when his or her plans and goals go up in a blaze.

To conclude, here are some things to remember when you see your ex in public and decide to talk to your ex:

• stick to superficial topics
• stay positive
• take your leave quickly
• don’t ask your ex private questions
• don’t invite your ex out
• don’t settle for friendship
• don’t get emotional or angry with your ex
• bear in mind it likely won’t develop into a relationship

What do you intend to do when you see your ex in public? Will you talk to your ex or walk right past your ex? What if your ex talks to you? Let us know in the comments below and we’ll get back to you soon!

And finally, if you’d like to talk to us about running into your ex, sign up for coaching on this page.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.