Are you bothered that your ex moved on and made you feel like you were nothing? Does it make you feel anxious and depressed? If it does, try not to take your ex’s detachment so personally.
What your ex does and how fast your ex moves on has nothing to do with what you’re like as a person and a partner. It’s got everything to do with your ex’s personality, upbringing, guilt, morality, strength, and ability to let go of people.
Your ex moved on very easily because your ex fell out of love and associated relationship-preventing beliefs with you. He or she thought about leaving you for ages, so naturally, your ex didn’t question his or her decision once the breakup was initiated.
Your ex just kept moving on and appreciating the space and freedom the breakup provided. Due to the uplifting emotions the breakup created, your ex quickly decided to embrace those emotions and act on them.
There was nothing your ex wanted more than feeling happy and in control of his or her life. Control empowered your ex and gave your ex a renewed sense of freedom and purpose.
It made your ex see that leaving you had tons of positive effects, the biggest one being that he or she no longer needed to pay attention to you and tend to your needs.
This withdrawal of attention and care, coincidentally hurt your self-esteem and made you feel like you were nothing to your ex despite trying so hard and investing so much into the relationship.
Because your ex moved on without a care in the world, you now wonder if you ever even meant anything to your ex. Were you an equal partner or were you someone your ex dated only to take from and pass the time?
That’s a difficult question for me to answer because I don’t know your ex. But I do know that if your relationship lasted longer than 6 months, your ex probably loved you and saw a future with you. He or she valued you and was grateful for what you did for him or her and the relationship.
However, if your relationship lasted less than half a year, then what you had was probably just a fling. Your ex was fascinated by you for as long as the infatuation phase lasted. Once feelings of newness and excitement waned and the relationship required work, things quickly deteriorated, breaking the relationship from within.
I want you to know it’s not entirely your fault. Whether your relationship lasted months or years, remember that relationships take two to work. One person alone can’t motivate a disinterested person to invest and care about the relationship.
Both people must find their reasons (hopefully similar ones) to be in a relationship with each other. If they can’t find them or if they lose sight of them and focus on other things, they gradually disconnect, convince themselves the relationship isn’t working for them, and fall out of love.
I say “they,” but it’s usually just one person. The person with less patience and more power usually gives up first because that person is more susceptible to doubts and temptations.
So if your ex moved on like you were nothing and you can’t stop thinking that something’s wrong with you, know that it’s your self-esteem talking. You were extremely important to your ex in the beginning, but only as long as your ex maintained the relationship and cared about you.
Once that changed, your ex began to pull away and showed you how he or she deals with relationships that have encountered problems and no longer satisfy him or her. Your ex proved that quitting was always an option and that the promises he or she had made no longer mattered.
To me, that doesn’t sound like you were the problem. Sure, you had shortcomings and moments you aren’t proud of, but who doesn’t? We all make mistakes now and then. It’s human.
The key is to learn from your mistakes, persevere, and stay committed when things get tough. Now, I’m not saying your ex should have stayed with you if the relationship was abusive. But your ex should have communicated problems and emotions better instead of letting them pile up and turn into resentment.
That’s not something you should take the blame for. People in romantic relationships are responsible for their own emotions. They need to frequently evaluate whether their emotions are healthy and if there’s something they can do to disassociate unhealthy beliefs and feelings from their partner.
Most people do that only subconsciously. That explains why they run out of love and find their partner annoying and emotionally draining. When things get that bad, the dumper gets tired of the dumpee’s presence and expectations and leaves the relationship.
In this post, we discuss why your ex moved on like you were nothing. We explain dumper behavior and share tips on how to handle a breakup that makes you feel unworthy.
My ex moved on like I was nothing
It can be tempting to think you’re the reason your ex developed unhealthy perceptions of you and left you. It can feel like you had nothing valuable to contribute to the relationship and that your ex was the catch.
Your destroyed confidence and self-esteem can make you believe absurd things. Things that are self-destructive and far from reality.
Every person deserves respect and care—even dumpees who made mistakes during the relationship and acted desperate after it has ended.
Those who don’t get something as basic as respect aren’t at fault for not getting it. The dumper doesn’t have to love the dumpee, but the least the dumper should do is respect the dumpee as a person and avoid making it look like the dumpee is worthless.
Respect may be earned, but when it comes to breakups, the dumpee has already earned it. He or she was in a relationship with the dumper, so closure, kindness, and patience are expected. They must be given to the dumpee so the dumpee doesn’t blame himself or herself and develop mental health complications.
Sadly, many dumpers don’t explain why they ended the relationship. They often ignore the dumpee’s questions, give vague explanations, or use breakup excuses that give the dumpee false hope.
Such dumpees either tell their ex what their ex wants to hear or do what’s best for them. Either way, they don’t respect the dumpee, nor care about the dumpee’s suffering. They only care about evading the dumpee and focusing on their new-found happiness.
So if your ex moved on like you were nothing and didn’t help you cope with the breakup, bear in mind that your ex prioritized his or her emotions and neglected yours. Instead of offering support and showing care, your ex triggered your separation anxiety and let you handle it on your own.
While you were doing that, your ex found fun and interesting things to do, which made you feel even more insecure. It not only made you feel all alone but also made you feel worthless.
You expected the person you loved to be sympathetic toward your suffering, but instead, you saw that he or she didn’t care in the slightest. That caused shock and immense pain.
In essence, seeing your ex move on like you were nothing made you feel down as you felt abandoned and neglected both at once. It was a double blow to your ego and self-esteem—and it will now take some time to process it.
I can’t say how long it will take (probably months), but when you detox from your ex, you’ll realize that your ex was even worse than you thought and that getting back with your ex after he or she has ignored your feelings and pain would be a disaster.
It would cause you to fear another breakup and make you doubt your ex’s ability to take care of you.
That said, here’s why your ex moved on quickly and appears to be happy and doing well.
It’s evident that a person who moves on like you’re nothing doesn’t have romantic feelings for you. If your ex also started dating other people, posting happy things on Facebook, and acting like the breakup was the best thing that ever happened to him or her, your ex also doesn’t care about your emotions and the love you still have for him or her.
Such an ex should be perceived as an uncaring ex and must be avoided at all costs. The sooner you start no contact and stop seeing what your ex is up to, the better you’ll feel and the quicker you’ll heal.
Time is of the essence.
What to do when your ex moves on like you’re nothing?
If your ex is happily moving on, I encourage you to ask your friends not to update you on your ex and to also get your ex out of sight on social media. You may be a strong and confident person, but if you keep seeing how happy your ex is, you’ll constantly reopen your emotional wounds and risk slipping back into depression.
It’s best that you avoid keeping an eye on your ex. It will be hard to do that right now because you feel scared and hungry for your ex’s attention and reassurance, but you must do your best anyway. You must resist the temptation to check up on your ex by telling yourself that there’s nothing for you to see.
Your ex has moved on and doesn’t want you back. Until he or she does, it’s in your best interest to keep your distance and work on getting your confidence and power back.
Some good ways to feel better include signing up for therapy, spending time with friends, family, or coworkers, and getting into the habit of journaling, reading, drawing, meditating, praying, or exercising.
What works for others might not work for you. So take the time to discover what works and what doesn’t.
Dumpers who move on fast like you meant nothing to them don’t deserve your attention and affection. They haven’t earned it and must be left to their devices. If at some point in the future, they come back into your life, you should remember that they’re probably breadcrumbing you and merely doing what’s best for them.
When/if they return, the question you should ask yourself is whether their behavior is best for you. If it isn’t, you should stop them from confusing you and messing with your healing.
The best way to do that is to tell them you’re not ready to be friends and that you need more time for yourself.
While your ex is doing who knows what, you have tons of work to do. Not only must you reflect, learn more about relationships, and improve as a person, but you must also detach from your ex and find meaning outside of the relationship.
You can do that by focusing on yourself and your friends rather than your ex. Self-esteem will some time to rebuild. Don’t expect it to magically revert to the way it was prior to the breakup. If it were that simple, dumpees would get over their ex in a matter of days.
They’d say “See if I care, my ex isn’t worth my time” and instantly get their ex out of their system.
Unfortunately, only dumpers can move on after the breakup that quickly. And that’s only because they’ve already detached before leaving their ex. They’d convinced themselves their ex doesn’t understand them and make them happy.
So if your ex moved on like you were nothing and you’re having trouble not taking the breakup personally, remember that your ex lost sight of the relationship and focused on people or things he or she deemed as more important.
This allowed your ex to initiate the breakup and not worry about your thoughts and feelings.
To recover from the breakup, you’ll have to find ways to undo the damage your ex has done. You’ll be able to do that by getting rid of the negative thinking patterns your ex started for you.
In other words, you’ll have to stop thinking that you’re entirely to blame for the breakup and start acknowledging your ex’s mistakes as well.
When you do that, you’ll stop blaming yourself and feeling unworthy of love.
Did your ex move on like you were nothing? How did that make you feel? Let us know in the comments below.
And lastly, if you’d like to talk to us about your ex’s behavior and lack of care in general, sign up for coaching here.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
Re: angry vibes
Ed, not picking up any angry vibes on here from you—but you asked how I sensed you’re angry, so here goes:
You advised you’re not having much luck dating new people…I think the females you match with can sense your disappointment with your ex. Not blaming you or anything, but never, ever mention your ex to these new women you’re matching with. Perhaps don’t scroll through dating apps right now until you get to the “I don’t give a f$&k” stage.
Give yourself a chance to recover.
Hi Claire, I appreciate your reply and clarification. But the main problem is, that I am not even matching with anyone. It’s like I’m an instant swipe left. On the apps that you can message women, I have sent out countless message to countless women and only to get ignored. Out of the few women I actually talked to, the subject of my ex does not come up. I learned that lesson early on with one person I was talking to. So overall I would say about 95% of the women I spoke with, my ex and what happened never came up. But like I said, I have only spoken to less than a handful of women. I had no one match on Tinder yet. It’s been 9 months now and it just kills me because all I want is to find someone else and move on with my life. Yes, it frustrates me to no end that not only my ex dumped me over nonsense that she was able to move on so easily, that kills me everyday that she get rewarded for her actions and yet here I am getting punished like I was the one who did the evil deeds in ruining the relationship we had.
Thank you again for taking the time to reach out and offer your POV.
Zan,
My situation is a little weird in my opinion. I would love perspective on it. My ex and I dated for six months. In the third month, he asked me to be his gf. At that time I wasn’t convinced he knew what he wanted and I told him we should continue to date other people as we were both seeing someone else at that time. He convinced me, and I in turn convinced myself, that we should try being in a relationship because we both liked each other more than we liked our other person.
So, I grew to love him pretty quickly, but in the last weeks of our relationship he became a little distant. He was also having a huge transition in his life as far as living and working. But because of his distance, I assumed he was seeing someone else so when he asked to see me, I declined. I regret not confronting him about my suspicions at that time. Anyway, when I declined he got upset and said we should just be friends and asked for his things back. I said okay. Then he asked me to let him think about it. All of this is in text messages btw. I still returned his things.
The next week, he called and asked me to go with him on a trip but I again declined because we did nothing to make up from our previous argument. He called me the following week also to tell me how much fun he had on the trip. At that time, he didn’t mention seeing someone else but I said “I am confused, you seem like you are with someone else, I don’t know why you are calling me but I’d like to understand.” All he said was he was “I’m sorry for hurting you.”
For the record, I am crying everyday since this break up and I really want to know if he is seeing someone else because he never specifically said but I also never specifically asked, so a day or two later, I flat out ask him. He says yes. I asked if he broke up with me be with her, he said no. I asked why we broke up and he said because we are different. He also decides to tell me about the woman. No it is not the woman he was initially dating when we met but someone from his childhood. Whole time I am crying on the phone but I know I can’t change his mind and I don’t try to but I also regret not trying.
Another week passes then he posts her and him on his FB and announces they are getting married the following week. All of the pictures are of her and him on the trip he asked me to go on with him. They do indeed get married the following week. And it all felt truly surreal.
A month has passed since this happened. I still feel all emotions about it in different intensities on different days. I guess I’m really upset about how much this bothers me. It feels irregular. I don’t believe he is a bad person, but I don’t understand his actions.
I can choose to think he did love me and is acting impulsively which could be to his detriment, which I don’t want. Or I can choose to believe he never loved me and just wanted to use me for a time which, I guess, would only make me a little more sad. Whatever the case I wish I were at the indifferent stage already. I find my self worrying about him still.
Hey Domnique,
Sorry for your loss, this must have been a real emotional roller coaster. This is indeed a bizarre situation; I would not be surprised if this guy got badly heartbroken before meeting you and that he is fleeing his emotions, jumping from one relationship to another to avoid dealing with his emotional baggage. This would explain his hot and cold behavior towards you. His behavior doesn’t look very mature, nor very healthy.
Your feelings are totally legitimate, but I suspect that you are still conflicted about the situation (i.e. “I don’t think he is a bad person but his actions hurt me”) and it gets on your way of recovery. You don’t need to associate your feelings of anger and hurt to him (and thus making him a “bad” person); you can acknowledge that you felt used and associate your emotion to the behavior, not the person.
You look like a very kind person from your message, please take care of yourself 🙂
Best,
Benoit
Benoit,
Thanks a lot for your response. Through bingeing all this relationship stuff, I also got the impression he may have unresolved emotions from a previous relationship. There was one in particular he would not go into detail about but all of them, according to him, were years ago. I will add prior to being dumped I was a bit emotionally immature myself. I will work on associating my feelings towards his behavior rather than him as a person.
You take care of yourself also and thanks again. 🙂
Hi Dominique.
He had been seeing the other woman behind your back. You had every right to be suspicious of his commitment and love. He wasn’t giving you what he was supposed to give, so he made you anxious and insecure. Instead of pushing him away though, you should have talked to him about it so you could have found out quicker.
The relationship only lasted 6 months, so clearly, he had trouble connecting with you. He wouldn’t have met someone else this quickly if he valued you once the relationship got out of the infatuation phase.
Best wishes,
Zan
Zan you are the light in the end of tunnel for all the dumpees. But I don’t want this to be a pressure saying but in positive way your impact and your articles help to us.
I was desperately looking for answers even have read all your comments in the end of articles.
And yes every time reopen my emotional wounds and risk slipping back into depression when I saw my ex on social media. And was so good when I didn’t search anymore for him.
Thank you for the most healthy ways 🤍
Hi Linda.
You were in a lot of pain back then. But when you started doing no contact properly, you healed and got yourself back. Great job, Linda!
Kind regards,
Zan
Oh this happened to me… My ex was telling me she loves me a week before breakup, even saying she loves me only an hour in person before breaking up over text… After 2 years and she moved on or seems like she did like I was nothing… Even is possibly dating someone new… Seems like she was detaching while with me for the last 6 months (judging by some posts she made during that time and talking to friends about how “unhappy” she is).
It hurts like hell, but my question is, is there any way that I could’ve prevented that?
She would discuss issues with me over the course of the relationships but some remained unresolved.
Could’ve I done something or resolved some problems faster to prevent this fallout in the first place?
Is there anything anyone can do to prevent their SO from “moving on” while in relationship and improving things so their partner doesn’t detach during the relationship itself?
Thanks for the info though Zan, this really came in clutch now 🙂
Hi Rasko.
You couldn’t have prevented your partner from falling out of love. She was responsible for talking about her unhappiness to you (not her friends). Because she didn’t do anything useful, she became even less happy and left when an opportunity presented itself.
You also can’t stop her from moving on. Her life, her choice. That’s the sad reality.
Sincerely,
Zan
Ed—oh my yes—you dodged a bullet. Would you rather have been together, qualified for a mortgage, bought a house, lived with her and her son, and I’m thinking she would have insisted on being on the deed with you. Now imagine Ed, her locking you out of the house, because she did monkey branch, and now you’re dealing with her and the new boyfriend living in your house, that you’re still responsible for paying the mortgage for. Guess what? The courts will do what’s best for the child, and she’ll still get the house.
So yes, better that you found out now.
You’ll meet someone, you’re giving off angry vibes and that’s what women are picking up when you try to talk to any. I would consider looking at the fact you’re free—she’s not, and maybe moving away for a while soon. Life is short. Sounds like you are the winner here.
Thank you for your reply. The events you described would not happen as it was just going to be my name on the mortgage. Her credit was not that great and the bank already informed us that if we jointly applied they cannot give us no where nearly as much as they would give to me alone. Her parents were happy with this, but it was not my doing, they need to blame their daughter. I don’t think she would have monkey branched at that point because I would have made her happy as I gave her what she wanted. When she was convinced she wasn’t getting a house from me, that’s when I believe she began to find a replacement for me instead of being a little decent and breaking up with me and then looking. But I guess she can’t be without someone. Regardless the new boyfriend has his own house and it will be more than suitable for her and her son to live in so I bet that will happen as soon as the lease expires on the new place she move to after dumping me. My fear was that more she gets the more she wants. So if I got her the house, what’s next? And what if I could get her that? She would just up and leave and I would be stuck in a house that maybe I could not afford to keep on my own.
May I ask how can you tell I am giving off angry vibes? On this forum, yes I am. I am angry for what she did to me, how she wasted 5 years of my life after I gave her everything I could and was always there for her. I don’t see how women are picking that up from my online dating profile. Even in the remote chance I get a reply, I don’t mention much of anything about her unless the subject goes up. But I rarely get any replies especially compared to the amount of messages I send out. I don’t want to be “free”. I enjoyed my life before and I appreciated what I had and I miss it and them dearly. It just hurts so much that she did most of the wrong, she blindsided me and yet she gets rewarded with someone instantly while I feel like I am the one who is getting punished and for what? She has moved away after dumping me, in a matter of 2 months she moved over an hour away as her excuse was to live with her mother, but she got her own place and it is basically down the road from this guy she is with which proves all the more she monkey branched.
If this is winning, I would hate to see what losing is like.
My ex blindsided me and dumped me exactly 9 months ago today and still haven’t fully recovered. She on the other hand, moved and got into another relationship (I think she monkey branched, but not 100% certain, but there is some reason proof). For 5 years I was always there for her and did my best to give her everything I could and most of all, I was loyal. I was grateful for the relationship I had with not only her, but her son. She wanted us to be a family and that’s what I thought we were. She never would explain to me the reason she dumped me, but I am pretty sure it was because I did get her a house. She became obsessed with getting a house and getting out of her rental place since we decided to go house hunting. Unfortunately, there were a lot of factors in play and we weren’t successful. As soon as she realized that we were not getting a house that year (2022) she dumped me. She only told me she didn’t love me and felt this way for about 5-6 months. How do you carry on for that long and pretend everything is fine and not communicate whatever she thought the issue was? If only she talked to me, I am sure we could have found a solution. But then again if she was really that materialistic and selfish, I guess nothing would have save the relationship. I could not believe how cold she was to me when she dumped me. I was in tears begging and pleading with her, fighting to save her, she didn’t care in the least. It was like I was talking to a stranger. I never once seen her so emotionless. She had zero empathy for me. She made me feel like I was totally worthless and she deserved so much better than me. Soon after she dumped me, she quickly moved and ended up living only a few miles down the road from the guy who is her current boyfriend. She didn’t make that public until a couple months later. I am certain she was talking to this guy before dumping me and once she got him on the hook, she couldn’t get away from me fast enough. I think that may be the reason she waited those 5-6 months before she dumped me as she looked for my replacement.
After all the pain and agony she caused me, I cannot tell you how many times I cried over her, I still miss her and her son dearly to this day. But she doesn’t care about me in the least, I never heard another word from her and I don’t think I ever will and that hurts my heart. She turned my life upside down and destroyed, while hers never skipped a beat, in fact it appeared to get better, as she got out of the house she hated, she moved closer to her family and she replaced me with someone else instantly, like I was faulty lightbulb. I don’t get how she could do all this bad and still get rewarded for her actions and yet, I have been trying to improve, become a better person and move on, but yet no one will give me the day of day let alone a chance at a relationship. People tell me I’m better off without her and a dodged bullet, but I still feel more like that bullet hit me right in my chest.
I’m in the same situation with my sons mum. We have had a on off relationship for the past 4 years but only 4 weeks ago we broke up and she’s slept with someone and moved on with her life on dating sites etc. I can’t comprehend it and we was the same trying to get out of her rented house and I was saving for a mortgage for a bigger house and she literally just ended it with me as I got it. I was loyal honest and so loving to her, I’m so confused heartbroken and lost right now!
Hi Ed.
You feel like a bullet hit you now that you’re suffering. When your wounds heal, you’ll see that the people who support you were right. Your ex fell out of love with you and stuck around for the wrong (materialistic) things. She even replaced you with someone else. This shows she wasn’t committed to you and that she didn’t appreciate what she had with you.
You’ll pull through this, Ed. And you’ll learn some valuable lessons.
Kind regards,
Zan
Thank you Zan. I appreciate your reply as well as all the work you and your team does on this forum to help people like me. She left me 9 months ago and I am still going through the rollercoaster ride of emotions and I am begging to get off. This past weekend has just been really hard for me and I don’t know why it is hurting more again. I want nothing more to find someone who will love me for me, not for what I can do for them.
Thank you again. I am grateful for finding your website, it has helped me a lot over the past few months.
Hello Ed,
The thought of not being lovable for who you are is extremely painful. I cannot be 100% sure you have a false belief associated to it (we are all worthy of love), but if so, I fear it may amplify the post-break-up emotional turmoil you go through when this thought comes to your mind. I had myself to deal with this kind of false belief (not worthy of respect), counseling helped me a lot healing this.
Wish you a swift recovery,
Benoit
Thank you for your reply. The reason I believe I am not lovable because I get proof of it daily. I have been hitting the dating apps hard, contacting women that look very suitable for me and I get next to nothing in return. If this was baseball, I would be batting .100 not 1.000!! To be constantly ignored on these apps hurts my self esteem and makes me feel worthless. I just don’t understand why people just can’t take a chance and get to know me. They are just going off a few pictures and too be honest, I know I am nothing to look at and my pictures do me no justice at all. It’s sad that everything is based off looks on these apps it appears. I am currently in therapy and have been since I discovered my ex moved on with someone else so quickly.
Hi Ed.
Thanks for being a part of the community.
Did you do anything you shouldn’t have that triggered your cravings for your ex? Or was this setback completely random? You will definitely find someone who loves you, Ed. But for now, you need to focus on loving yourself. If you don’t, no person will be able to help you.
Kind regards,
Zan
Thanks for your reply. No, I did nothing I shouldn’t have. I’m still in complete NC and I haven’t as much seen a pic of her. These feelings come on strong at times still after 9 months. I strongly believe the only way I am going to forget about her is having someone else in my life. I am terribly lonely and I know if I had someone else who truly cared about me as much as I cared about them, I would begin to think less about her and forgot about her completely. I know most will argue this is not the answer, but I have been trying everything and the loneliness I endure makes me think and miss my ex even more. I have been focusing on loving myself and I think I am doing a good job of that as well.
Hi Ed.
It may still be too soon for you to be in a seriious relationship. If your ex makes you feel strong emotions, you could miss your ex and rebound. Date someone new only when you’re okay on your own and not lonely. The new person could help you forget your ex.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hi Ed,
Dating apps are mostly crap, forget it. You need to process the following: THIS. GIRL. DOES. NOT. DESERVE YOU. Your thoughts, time, energy, affection, NOTHING. Trust me on this.
Better people will be coming your way, sooner or later .