Many if not most dumpees want to hear from their ex during no contact. They want their ex to reach out and validate their feelings. They tend not to understand that they might receive breadcrumbs from their ex and that they’ll feel worse than they currently do. Breadcrumbs usually confuse them, give them false hope, and reset their healing.
Because they don’t know that many dumpers breadcrumb their dumpees and that dumpees need days to recover from unsolicited texts or calls, they get their hopes up and think that a reach-out from their ex is better than no reach-out.
Instead of wanting their ex to leave them alone and let them heal, they frequently check their phone for notifications from their ex. They check their missed texts and calls, emails, and social media accounts just in case they somehow missed their ex’s reachouts.
This kind of behavior keeps them obsessed with their ex and shoots their anxiety through the roof when their ex finally contacts them. They think and feel as if the most important person on the planet wants to talk to them and that they may get back together if they play their cards right.
Little do they know that their ex isn’t reaching out to be reasoned with and convinced to get back together. He or she is just checking up on the dumpee, assuaging his or her guilt, or leaning on the dumpee for (emotional) support.
Breadcrumbs are quite common after the breakup. Most dumpees hear from their ex at some point during no contact. Some hear from their ex very quickly days into no contact (usually those who live or work together or have kids or other obligations). Others, hear from their ex weeks, months, or even years after the breakup.
They feel surprised to hear from their ex and are typically a bit less anxious. This is because they’ve partially processed the rejection, attachment, and the need to be with their ex. They still crave their ex’s validation, but they don’t need it as much as they needed it right after the breakup.
Whether they receive breadcrumbs days or months into no contact, breadcrumbs nonetheless affect them. They make them analyze their ex’s words and look for secret meanings and feelings. They believe or want to believe that their ex is hiding his or her true feelings and that there’s more to the reach out than their ex is letting on.
Such thinking makes them hold on to hope and look forward to additional breadcrumbs.
If you received breadcrumbs from your ex during no contact, you’ve got to understand that unless your ex asked you for forgiveness and another chance, your ex hasn’t yet redeveloped feelings. Your ex still thinks of you as just an ex who can’t fulfill his or her wants and needs.
Your ex respects you. Otherwise, he or she wouldn’t have made the effort to reach out and talk to you. But other than respect, curiosity, and probably a little bit of guilt, your ex doesn’t feel the need to converse. He or she hasn’t found a reason to reconnect as partners. Your ex likely needs to experience something painful or unpleasant that triggers a desire for connection and love.
This could be anything that causes a thorough reflection and makes your ex dissociate negative beliefs from you.
Hence, a breadcrumb is just a non-romantic reachout and a waste of time. It shows that your ex lacks understanding of your feelings and wants forgiveness, friendship, support, or something you don’t really care about. As long as you crave your ex’s closeness, you shouldn’t entertain your ex’s breadcrumbs.
You should avoid them to show your ex you’re not interested in friendship and getting strung along. If you tolerate breadcrumbs in no contact, you’ll stay anxious, obsessed, hopeful, and broken-hearted. It will be hard to heal when your ex bombards you with unnecessary information and makes you feel special.
So bear in mind that breadcrumbs are a bad thing, not a good thing. They make dumpees feel used and unworthy of their ex’s attention, love, and commitment. Every time they receive crumbs, they relive the breakup and lift their ex higher up on a pedestal. Their ex’s reachouts trigger their repressed feelings and separation anxiety.
It’s unlikely that breadcrumbs (meaningless conversations) will suddenly make your ex realize your worth and want to be with you. It’s much more likely that they’ll help your ex obtain things from you for free and delay the time it takes to recover emotionally and meet someone who can give you what you need.
Breadcrumbs are dumpees’ worst nightmares. They remind dumpees they lost direction, self-love, motivation, passion, and a support system. If they want to be happy, they’ll have to get rid of these reminders and find ways to rely on themselves for their problems and feelings. They’ll have to resist the urge to rely on their ex to fulfill their unresolved emotional needs.
Dumpees suffer more and longer when they depend on their ex for happiness. They not only need to forget about their ex’s help, but they also need to focus on rebuilding their own sense of self-worth and independence. They must focus on self-care, (self)forgiveness, socializing, and engaging in activities that distract them and decrease their obsession with their ex.
If they keep busy, avoid breakup mistakes, and deal with breadcrumbs effectively, they slowly but surely process the breakup and regain their zest for life. They realize that their ex isn’t the center of their world anymore and that they can do better on their own or with someone else.
In this post, we shed some light on how to handle breadcrumbs during no contact.
How to deal with breadcrumbs during no contact?
It’s important to understand what breadcrumbs from an ex do to you. Understanding their impact on your health and well-being may discourage you from holding onto hope and thinking your ex might come back if you present yourself as an attractive individual. Although you should definitely look attractive, strong, determined, and goal-oriented, it’s unlikely that your persona alone will impress your ex, bring back your ex’s lost feelings, and get you another chance with your ex.
Your confidence may ease your ex’s guilty conscience, but it probably won’t help your ex discover a reason to reconnect. Only your ex can find that reason. He or she can find it unintentionally by failing to create a fulfilling life without you.
So don’t think that your ex has doubts and wants you to convince him or her to get back with you. Your ex is the dumper – the one who left the relationship. He or she must also be the one to express regret, feelings, and desire to reconnect romantically. Your job is to prioritize your health and wait for your ex to make the first and last move – both the initiation and reconciliation.
If your ex only initiates the conversation, it’s not enough. Your ex must also want to be with you.
He or she must:
- contact you directly
- apologize
- express feelings
- bring up reconciliation
- promise to do better and/or present a plan on how to do better
This means you must deal with breadcrumbs confidently. Merely tolerating them does not demonstrate confidence. On the contrary, it shows that you still need your ex and lack self-love and independence. As long as you talk to your ex, your actions show you’re prioritizing your relationship with your ex over your relationship with yourself.
So whatever you do, don’t let your ex breadcrumb you during no contact. Don’t let your ex continue to give you false hope and remind you what you lost. Instead of thinking your ex will come back if you showcase change and growth, cut your ex off as soon as you notice that your ex’s reach out is nothing but a breadcrumb.
And how can you tell your ex is breadcrumbing you and has no intention of being with you?
Pay close attention to what your ex is saying and how he or she is saying it. If your ex is talking about random things and shows no regret, fear of rejection, and desire to get closer to you, it’s evident that your ex is reaching out entirely for him/herself. Your ex likely wants to catch up, deal with boredom, ease guilt, obtain information, or receive support.
If the conversation doesn’t interest and benefit you, it’s not about getting back together but rather about getting what he or she needs to enrich his or her life.
An ex who wants you back won’t talk about unimportant things for long. He or she may start the conversation slowly to break the ice, but when that happens, he or he will jump straight to the point. The dumper will express regret and feelings and discuss getting back together. You won’t have to encourage your ex. Your ex will do everything on his or her own due to unhappiness and a sense of urgency.
If you don’t sense apprehensiveness and eagerness to reconnect, your ex didn’t reach out to talk about reconciliation. He or she reached out to get something from you. Something that doesn’t help you one bit. In that case, you should stop the breadcrumbing and resume no contact.
A good/respectful way to stop your ex from messing with your heart is to say, “I enjoy talking to you, but I’m not ready for friendship. I need more time to focus on myself and process things.”
This response will hint that you don’t want to be friends with your ex but that you may be open to a relationship. It’s better to be a bit vague about what you want than to directly tell your ex, “Contact me if you change your mind and want to be with me.” If you make a statement like that, you’ll tell your ex that you still want to get back together and that you’re waiting for him or her to come back.
The dumper shouldn’t know that you have feelings and wait for him or her to have an epiphany. The dumper mustn’t know how you feel to feel a sense of urgency and redevelop curiosity, respect, and love. He or she must think that you’re doing fine and that you have less to gain by reconnecting as partners.
So if your ex breadcrumbs you during no contact, remember that breadcrumbs won’t lead to reconciliation. Breadcrumbs will get you friendzoned and increase your feelings of attachment and confusion. They’ll keep your ex close to you, but not close enough to fulfill your emotional needs.
Don’t be afraid of telling your ex you don’t want to talk. As a dumpee, your top priority is to get yourself back. Engaging with your ex’s reachouts is not a part of the description of an ex-partner. It’s something hurt, hopeful, anxious, and attached dumpees do.
They don’t understand breakups and struggle to let go of their ex, so they try to keep their ex close to them. This fuels their hope and gives them a small sense of control.
With that said, here’s what breadcrumbing does to a dumpee during no contact.
How can I avoid breadcrumbs during no contact?
You can block your ex, but blocking may be perceived negatively. It’s a disrespectful gesture that may deter your ex from respecting you and coming back if things don’t go according to plan. Hence, it’s better to express your wish not to receive breadcrumbs during the breakup – the closure conversation. Tell your ex you’ll need time to yourself and that you’ll reach out when you’re ready for friendship.
Until then, say you expect to be left alone and focus on things that help you move forward.
Your ex must see that you’re serious and that you won’t talk to him or her as if nothing happened. That’s the only way he or she will respect your need for space and let you heal.
If you already had the closure conversation, then you might want to convey the message that you’re doing okay and that you don’t want to converse. You can do this indirectly by telling your mutual friends you need space and posting positive things on social media. Don’t brag about your happiness by publishing overly happy pictures with other people.
Simply post your achievements and things that keep you busy. Your ex will see that you’re doing great and that he or she needn’t worry about you. Guilt is one of the most common reasons dumpers breadcrumb. If you assuage your ex’s guilt from a distance by showing that you’re focusing on yourself and moving toward other goals, your ex might not feel the need to obtain your forgiveness.
He or she might just focus on him/herself and stay away from you.
Of course, your happiness could also incentivize your ex to reach out and be friends. When you show that you have your emotions under control, your ex could feel safer about reaching out. He or she could think that you won’t cry, complain, guilt-trip, and try to reconcile. If that happens, you need to remind your ex that you’re not open to friendship and talking and that you need more space.
Your ex will probably understand where you’re coming from and respect your decision and need to heal. If he or she doesn’t, reaffirm your wish not to communicate. The next time you receive breadcrumbs, you can warn your ex that you may have to block him/her. That’s how you’ll regain your lost power and self-respect, gain your ex’s respect, and keep healing.
Did you receive breadcrumbs during no contact? Where did you get them and what were they about? Share your breadcrumbing story below.
And if you want to talk about ways to deal with breadcrumbs, subscribe to 1-on-1 coaching. We’ll dissect your breakup and devise a custom-tailored breakup plan.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
