When a guy doesnât want to sleep with you, know that thereâs a perfectly reasonable explanation for his behavior.
That explanation is that he either doesnât think that sleeping with you is a good idea or that he doesnât feel the urge to sleep with you.
To know which it is, the best way to go about it is to take a few steps back and assess the situation from a distance.
Figure out whether the guy finds you sexually attractive, if heâs shy, or if heâs already decided that he doesnât want to sleep with you and have any kind of relationship with you.
The more questions you ask him about his wants and needs, the better youâll understand where he stands with you. Just make sure that you analyze his demeanor and look for reasons why he doesnât want to sleep with you from a rational standpoint.
That way, youâll put your emotions aside and quickly understand why heâs refusing to get physical with you.
This post is for women who are wondering what to do when a guy doesnât want to sleep with you.

When a guy doesnât want to sleep with you
First of all, not all guys are driven by their sexual urges. Many mature guys out there have perfectly good intentions, think with their brains, and look for long-term commitments.
They take their time to determine whether the girls they talk to have what it takes to form successful long-term relationships built on patience, trust, communication, and respectâand only then decide to take things to the second base.
If during the âget to know each other phase,â girls try to rush guys and show them their overzealous nature, guys with some relationship experience quickly perceive their date or girlfriend as too clingy/needy and instinctually refuse to participate in bonding activities such as sex.
As a result, they take their attention away from the girl theyâre seeing and protect themselves from having to give more than they want to give. Itâs their way of retaining their independence.
And of course, itâs not fair that they act this way, but itâs how lots of guys deal with smothering women who ask for too much of their attention.
They feel such an immense craving for space and solitude that theyâd rather do whatâs best for them and reject, deny, and distance themselves than to go against their suffocation.
8 reasons why he doesnât want to sleep with you
Here are 8 reasons why a guy doesnât want to sleep with you. Please note that all the reasons listed either have something to do with a guyâs emotional readiness or his perception of you.
1)Heâs scared of committment because of his past
Instead of finding a woman they can love and grow with, some guys think that they must find their perfect woman and only then commit to her.
Unhealthy, toxic, or painful romantic experiences normally make guys think this way as they make them so anxious that they become overly vigilant with their new romantic/sexual opportunities.
Because of their deep-rooted fears and concerns, guys who get traumatized by an ex usually develop trust issues and remain guarded against all possible threats such as making poor romantic choices that they could later regret.
This, of course, doesnât mean that youâre a bad choice for him. It could just mean that heâs scared of committing to you because heâs afraid of suffering as much as he did in the past.
If you suspect that the man you like has commitment issues, trust issues, or that heâs stuck in the past because of his exes, you donât want to become impatient with him and push him to commit to you.
If you do that, youâll remind him of his traumatic experience/s and probably scare him away for good.
Be patient with someonew whoâs not ready to sleep with you instead and encourage him to let go of the past.
2)He needs to get to know you better
When a guy doesnât want to sleep with you, chances are that he needs more time to get to know you as a person. He might need to deepen his emotional bond with you and feel that you understand him before he completely gives himself to you.
On that note, the cliche that guys are only after sex doesnât apply to all guys. Sure, the majority of guys rush with sex because they want women sexually as quickly as possible, but there are also guys out there who thrive on emotional connection.
Such guys donât want to have sex without feeling emotionally fulfilled by their partner. They need to feel intellectually or emotionally stimulated firstâand feel that they have a meaningful connection with their crush, partner, or lover.
3)Youâre not his only option
If a guy has quite a few dating options and is sleeping with them, he probably knows them a bit better than he knows you as heâs established a deep connection with them already.
Heâs been with them sexually which means that thereâs a high possibility that he likes those girls more than you and that heâs going to continue talking to them for as long as youâre on the backburner.
If thatâs the case, donât expect to become his first and best option right away.
The guy is probably dating another/more women at the same time because he doesnât want to settle for the first woman he dates. He wants to make sure that the woman he commits to is compatible with him emotionally, physically, and sexuallyâand that she has similar interests and strong personal goals.
If youâve come across a guy whoâs talking or sleeping with other women, you probably donât want to stick around and wait for the guy to change his mind about you.
Not only is such a guy looking for an ideal woman who wonât make any mistakes in the relationship with him, but his dating mentality is probably completely different from yours.
While you want him to accept you for who you are and build a relationship with him, he wants and expects you to possess specific skills and traits before you even become a couple.
In other words, thereâs very little room for individuality when you date a guy with many dating options because such a guy probably goes through a lot of women.
He dates them and appears to be on cloud 9 most of the time. But when he encounters problems in the relationship, he disbands it and immediately runs to his next best option.
4)Heâs not over his ex yet
Another reason why he doesnât want to sleep with you could have something to do with his emotional availability. Keep in mind that girls arenât the only ones who can be emotionally unavailable.
And thatâs because guys can also have their hearts broken into a million pieces by the person they love. They may appear strong and resilient on the surface, but on the inside, they suffer just the way girls do.
Sometimes they suffer even more.
And when they do, they often have such a bad experience that they close their hearts off to new romantic opportunities and dwell on the past for years.
If the guy youâre seeing/want to sleep with talks to/about his ex-girlfriend, mentions her often, or appears angry about the way she treated him/dumped himâheâs likely not over his ex yet.
The time he spends thinking about her and feeling emotional because of her prove that sheâs still on his subconscious and that she holds a special place in his heart.
Learn more: How to know if your ex is over you completely. (Please note that it applies only to dumpers).
5)Anxiety and stress
A guy could also refuse sex if heâs depressed, unhappy, tired, angry, or overworked.
If heâs feeling any of the above emotions, you could see him refuse sex on his difficult/busy days when his mind is occupied, but not when heâs relaxed during his off days.
Bear in mind that a guy whoâs prone to anxiety and exhaustion will have days when he feels like he doesnât want to do anything. He will choose to recuperate from fatigue and do something that requires as little energy as possible.
If youâre his girlfriend or someone who wants to have sex with him, observe how this person behaves and what he does in his spare time. Does he rest and watch Netflix all day? If so, heâs probably got a lot on his mind and isnât in the mood for sex.
But if heâs clubbing and meeting new people, then the problem isnât with him but in the way that he perceives you. This takes us to our next point.
6)You demand too much sex
People have different needs â and sometimes these needs are unevenly balanced in romantic/sexual relationships.
Sometimes one partner desires more communication, attention, validation, or sex than the other and unknowingly smothers her boyfriend and makes him feel pressured.
This unresolved pressure (which is a requirement to give back more than he wants) can quickly become overwhelming for the guy and turn into emotional withdrawal.
This in turn hurts the person with higher expectations and causes the pair to desire completely the opposite from each other. The one who feels underappreciated desires more attention whereas the one who feels smothered desires less.
So if youâve been asking for too much sex or very specific things during sex, you may want to ease down a little bit. The person youâre seeing may not have the same libido/sexual desires as you and might want sex less often than you.
7)He doesnât find you attractive
Itâs also possible that he doesnât find you attractive.
8)Medical condition
The last reason why he doesnât want to have sex with you could be that the guy has a medical condition that he doesnât want you to know about. Perhaps heâs self-aware of it and is afraid that youâll think poorly of him.
If you assume that this is the case and youâre a couple, simply tell him that you accept him as he is and non-verbally convey to him that youâre not a judgmental person.
Do this once or twice a day (not just when you want to have sex) and show him that youâre a person with good moral values who can keep secrets to herself.
What to do when a guy doesnât want to sleep with you?
When a guy doesnât want to sleep with you, the last thing you want to do is to confront him about it in a highly emotional manner and try to force him to sleep with you.
Such reckless behavior would quickly kill any remaining physical and emotional attraction he has left for you and make him seek even more alone time than before.
To avoid smothering a guy who doesnât reciprocate your emotional or sexual passion, do exactly the opposite of what your heart tells you to do. Instead of trying to get him to have sex with you, give the guy lots of physical space and distance yourself from him emotionally.
By doing so, you will let him know that you respect his feelings and that youâre not going to overstep your boundaries as someone he doesnât (yet) want to bond with.
Hereâs what you should do when a guy doesnât want to sleep with you.

You must understand that self-sufficient guys with personal goals and ambitions like a little bit of a challenge. They like to pursue girls who are a mystery because such girls donât offer everything they have straight from the get-go.
They keep their urges, passions, and intentions to themselves and in turn, keep guys guessing and thinking about them.
The reason guys like strong, independent so much is that held-back behavior portrays self-respect, self-control, and the ability to make good non-emotional (rational) decisions.
Confident girls essentially reassure guys that they are going to keep their freedom and independenceâand that they will gain more than they will lose.
But please, donât get it twisted.
Despite it being true that guys love challenges, this doesnât mean that guys love to chase evasive women who like to play ungettable games.
The truth is that thereâs nothing guys hate more than chasing after women who treat them poorly, play mind games, and show no romantic/sexual interest whatsoever.
Guys only enjoy the thrill of the chase if they see that girlsâ feelings for them are unclear, the same, or less than theirs. Not knowing exactly how girls feel makes guys curious and allows them to develop strong feelings.
It might be okay to reveal your cards to guys you meet at the bar, but if youâre thinking of attracting a man of high value, the straightforward âmore is betterâ approach is not going to work on him.
What will work is showing him your long-term potential. This includes your ability to communicate, handle difficult situations, be responsible, a good mother to his children, and much, much more.
How to get a guy to sleep with you?
When a guy doesnât want to sleep with you, thereâs nothing you can do and should do to force him to sleep with you. As you now know, forcing him to act against his will is only going to make him feel more of that which he already feels â suffocation.
Heâs going to feel so much of it that heâs eventually going to anchor bad emotions to you and begin to distance himself from you.
Thatâs when youâll start to notice that his behavior is worsening and start to have an extremely difficult time trying to change his emotionally-enhanced negative feelings.
To make a guy sleep with you, make him actually want to sleep with you on his own accord. Back off a little bit, respect his boundaries, and do your best to become more independent.
If this person isnât your boyfriend and you focus on becoming the best version of yourself, chances are that youâll stop feeling an immense desire to bond with him anyway. Youâll accept the fact that heâs not interested or readyâand possibly move on with someone who is.
But if the guy is your boyfriend and youâve noticed a change in his behavior, itâs possible that heâs stressed, falling out of love, or that heâs met someone new. Before you make a rash decision and question his loyalty, find out whatâs going on with him emotionally.
Try to understand his side of the story and only then ask him if he knows that he makes you sad. If the guy cares about you and is somewhat good at communicating, he will express himself and tell you why he hasnât been having sex with you.
But if heâs not a very good communicator or if he perceives you as the main issue, then heâll probably just reflect his repressed thoughts and feelings onto you and verbally or non-verbally let you know that he hasnât been feeling strongly about you recently.
Either way, youâll soon uncover the truth. I encourage you to be patient and self-loving no matter what happens.
Do you agree that you mustnât overreact when a guy doesnât want to sleep with you? Have you tried to rationalize with a determined guy before and got nowhere? Share your thoughts and experiences with us below.

My name is Zan and Iâm the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
WowâŠ..the most incredible article I have EVER read; thankyou đ
Thank you Zan for all your work!
Hi Alice.
Thank you and thanks for reading!
Always the best in every single article! Lucky to have you Zan đ€đđ»
Thank you as always, Linda! Iâm happy to have you too!