When A Guy Doesn’t Want To Sleep With You ?

When a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you, know that there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for his behavior.

That explanation is that he either doesn’t think that sleeping with you is a good idea or that he doesn’t feel the urge to sleep with you.

To know which it is, the best way to go about it is to take a few steps back and assess the situation from a distance.

Figure out whether the guy finds you sexually attractive, if he’s shy, or if he’s already decided that he doesn’t want to sleep with you and have any kind of relationship with you.

The more questions you ask him about his wants and needs, the better you’ll understand where he stands with you. Just make sure that you analyze his demeanor and look for reasons why he doesn’t want to sleep with you from a rational standpoint.

That way, you’ll put your emotions aside and quickly understand why he’s refusing to get physical with you.

This post is for women who are wondering what to do when a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you.

When a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you

First of all, not all guys are driven by their sexual urges. Many mature guys out there have perfectly good intentions, think with their brains, and look for long-term commitments.

They take their time to determine whether the girls they talk to have what it takes to form successful long-term relationships built on patience, trust, communication, and respect—and only then decide to take things to the second base.

If during the “get to know each other phase,” girls try to rush guys and show them their overzealous nature, guys with some relationship experience quickly perceive their date or girlfriend as too clingy/needy and instinctually refuse to participate in bonding activities such as sex.

As a result, they take their attention away from the girl they’re seeing and protect themselves from having to give more than they want to give. It’s their way of retaining their independence.

And of course, it’s not fair that they act this way, but it’s how lots of guys deal with smothering women who ask for too much of their attention.

They feel such an immense craving for space and solitude that they’d rather do what’s best for them and reject, deny, and distance themselves than to go against their suffocation.

8 reasons why he doesn’t want to sleep with you

Here are 8 reasons why a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you. Please note that all the reasons listed either have something to do with a guy’s emotional readiness or his perception of you.

1)He’s scared of committment because of his past

Instead of finding a woman they can love and grow with, some guys think that they must find their perfect woman and only then commit to her.

Unhealthy, toxic, or painful romantic experiences normally make guys think this way as they make them so anxious that they become overly vigilant with their new romantic/sexual opportunities.

Because of their deep-rooted fears and concerns, guys who get traumatized by an ex usually develop trust issues and remain guarded against all possible threats such as making poor romantic choices that they could later regret.

This, of course, doesn’t mean that you’re a bad choice for him. It could just mean that he’s scared of committing to you because he’s afraid of suffering as much as he did in the past.

If you suspect that the man you like has commitment issues, trust issues, or that he’s stuck in the past because of his exes, you don’t want to become impatient with him and push him to commit to you.

If you do that, you’ll remind him of his traumatic experience/s and probably scare him away for good.

Be patient with someonew who’s not ready to sleep with you instead and encourage him to let go of the past.

2)He needs to get to know you better

When a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you, chances are that he needs more time to get to know you as a person. He might need to deepen his emotional bond with you and feel that you understand him before he completely gives himself to you.

On that note, the cliche that guys are only after sex doesn’t apply to all guys. Sure, the majority of guys rush with sex because they want women sexually as quickly as possible, but there are also guys out there who thrive on emotional connection.

Such guys don’t want to have sex without feeling emotionally fulfilled by their partner. They need to feel intellectually or emotionally stimulated first—and feel that they have a meaningful connection with their crush, partner, or lover.

3)You’re not his only option

If a guy has quite a few dating options and is sleeping with them, he probably knows them a bit better than he knows you as he’s established a deep connection with them already.

He’s been with them sexually which means that there’s a high possibility that he likes those girls more than you and that he’s going to continue talking to them for as long as you’re on the backburner.

If that’s the case, don’t expect to become his first and best option right away.

The guy is probably dating another/more women at the same time because he doesn’t want to settle for the first woman he dates. He wants to make sure that the woman he commits to is compatible with him emotionally, physically, and sexually—and that she has similar interests and strong personal goals.

If you’ve come across a guy who’s talking or sleeping with other women, you probably don’t want to stick around and wait for the guy to change his mind about you.

Not only is such a guy looking for an ideal woman who won’t make any mistakes in the relationship with him, but his dating mentality is probably completely different from yours.

While you want him to accept you for who you are and build a relationship with him, he wants and expects you to possess specific skills and traits before you even become a couple.

In other words, there’s very little room for individuality when you date a guy with many dating options because such a guy probably goes through a lot of women.

He dates them and appears to be on cloud 9 most of the time. But when he encounters problems in the relationship, he disbands it and immediately runs to his next best option.

4)He’s not over his ex yet

Another reason why he doesn’t want to sleep with you could have something to do with his emotional availability. Keep in mind that girls aren’t the only ones who can be emotionally unavailable.

And that’s because guys can also have their hearts broken into a million pieces by the person they love. They may appear strong and resilient on the surface, but on the inside, they suffer just the way girls do.

Sometimes they suffer even more.

And when they do, they often have such a bad experience that they close their hearts off to new romantic opportunities and dwell on the past for years.

If the guy you’re seeing/want to sleep with talks to/about his ex-girlfriend, mentions her often, or appears angry about the way she treated him/dumped him—he’s likely not over his ex yet.

The time he spends thinking about her and feeling emotional because of her prove that she’s still on his subconscious and that she holds a special place in his heart.

Learn more: How to know if your ex is over you completely. (Please note that it applies only to dumpers).

5)Anxiety and stress

A guy could also refuse sex if he’s depressed, unhappy, tired, angry, or overworked.

If he’s feeling any of the above emotions, you could see him refuse sex on his difficult/busy days when his mind is occupied, but not when he’s relaxed during his off days.

Bear in mind that a guy who’s prone to anxiety and exhaustion will have days when he feels like he doesn’t want to do anything. He will choose to recuperate from fatigue and do something that requires as little energy as possible.

If you’re his girlfriend or someone who wants to have sex with him, observe how this person behaves and what he does in his spare time. Does he rest and watch Netflix all day? If so, he’s probably got a lot on his mind and isn’t in the mood for sex.

But if he’s clubbing and meeting new people, then the problem isn’t with him but in the way that he perceives you. This takes us to our next point.

6)You demand too much sex

People have different needs – and sometimes these needs are unevenly balanced in romantic/sexual relationships.

Sometimes one partner desires more communication, attention, validation, or sex than the other and unknowingly smothers her boyfriend and makes him feel pressured.

This unresolved pressure (which is a requirement to give back more than he wants) can quickly become overwhelming for the guy and turn into emotional withdrawal.

This in turn hurts the person with higher expectations and causes the pair to desire completely the opposite from each other. The one who feels underappreciated desires more attention whereas the one who feels smothered desires less.

So if you’ve been asking for too much sex or very specific things during sex, you may want to ease down a little bit. The person you’re seeing may not have the same libido/sexual desires as you and might want sex less often than you.

7)He doesn’t find you attractive

It’s also possible that he doesn’t find you attractive.

8)Medical condition

The last reason why he doesn’t want to have sex with you could be that the guy has a medical condition that he doesn’t want you to know about. Perhaps he’s self-aware of it and is afraid that you’ll think poorly of him.

If you assume that this is the case and you’re a couple, simply tell him that you accept him as he is and non-verbally convey to him that you’re not a judgmental person.

Do this once or twice a day (not just when you want to have sex) and show him that you’re a person with good moral values who can keep secrets to herself.

What to do when a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you?

When a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you, the last thing you want to do is to confront him about it in a highly emotional manner and try to force him to sleep with you.

Such reckless behavior would quickly kill any remaining physical and emotional attraction he has left for you and make him seek even more alone time than before.

To avoid smothering a guy who doesn’t reciprocate your emotional or sexual passion, do exactly the opposite of what your heart tells you to do. Instead of trying to get him to have sex with you, give the guy lots of physical space and distance yourself from him emotionally.

By doing so, you will let him know that you respect his feelings and that you’re not going to overstep your boundaries as someone he doesn’t (yet) want to bond with.

Here’s what you should do when a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you.

You must understand that self-sufficient guys with personal goals and ambitions like a little bit of a challenge. They like to pursue girls who are a mystery because such girls don’t offer everything they have straight from the get-go.

They keep their urges, passions, and intentions to themselves and in turn, keep guys guessing and thinking about them.

The reason guys like strong, independent so much is that held-back behavior portrays self-respect, self-control, and the ability to make good non-emotional (rational) decisions.

Confident girls essentially reassure guys that they are going to keep their freedom and independence—and that they will gain more than they will lose.

But please, don’t get it twisted.

Despite it being true that guys love challenges, this doesn’t mean that guys love to chase evasive women who like to play ungettable games.

The truth is that there’s nothing guys hate more than chasing after women who treat them poorly, play mind games, and show no romantic/sexual interest whatsoever.

Guys only enjoy the thrill of the chase if they see that girls’ feelings for them are unclear, the same, or less than theirs. Not knowing exactly how girls feel makes guys curious and allows them to develop strong feelings.

It might be okay to reveal your cards to guys you meet at the bar, but if you’re thinking of attracting a man of high value, the straightforward “more is better” approach is not going to work on him.

What will work is showing him your long-term potential. This includes your ability to communicate, handle difficult situations, be responsible, a good mother to his children, and much, much more.

How to get a guy to sleep with you?

When a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you, there’s nothing you can do and should do to force him to sleep with you. As you now know, forcing him to act against his will is only going to make him feel more of that which he already feels – suffocation.

He’s going to feel so much of it that he’s eventually going to anchor bad emotions to you and begin to distance himself from you.

That’s when you’ll start to notice that his behavior is worsening and start to have an extremely difficult time trying to change his emotionally-enhanced negative feelings.

To make a guy sleep with you, make him actually want to sleep with you on his own accord. Back off a little bit, respect his boundaries, and do your best to become more independent.

If this person isn’t your boyfriend and you focus on becoming the best version of yourself, chances are that you’ll stop feeling an immense desire to bond with him anyway. You’ll accept the fact that he’s not interested or ready—and possibly move on with someone who is.

But if the guy is your boyfriend and you’ve noticed a change in his behavior, it’s possible that he’s stressed, falling out of love, or that he’s met someone new. Before you make a rash decision and question his loyalty, find out what’s going on with him emotionally.

Try to understand his side of the story and only then ask him if he knows that he makes you sad. If the guy cares about you and is somewhat good at communicating, he will express himself and tell you why he hasn’t been having sex with you.

But if he’s not a very good communicator or if he perceives you as the main issue, then he’ll probably just reflect his repressed thoughts and feelings onto you and verbally or non-verbally let you know that he hasn’t been feeling strongly about you recently.

Either way, you’ll soon uncover the truth. I encourage you to be patient and self-loving no matter what happens.

Do you agree that you mustn’t overreact when a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you? Have you tried to rationalize with a determined guy before and got nowhere? Share your thoughts and experiences with us below.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.