What To Do When You Feel Like Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Care?

Do you have a feeling that your boyfriend doesn’t care about you anymore? Do you feel neglected and rejected?

If you do, you need to figure out if you merely feel like your boyfriend doesn’t care or if he actually doesn’t care. It’s so important that you learn what he thinks and feels about you before you make any big decisions. If you merely act without thinking and demand care, you’ll likely cause your boyfriend to get hurt and care even less.

You’ll annoy him and cause him to resent you. And that will make it even more difficult for the two of you to patch things up.

So before you mark your boyfriend as an uncaring person, figure out what’s going on with your boyfriend’s life. Is he anxious because of work, school, family, or could he be grieving over the loss of a loved one, feeling unwell, or experiencing financial problems?

You need to understand that if your boyfriend isn’t healthy and happy with himself that he likely won’t be happy with you either. He’ll probably project his unhappiness onto you and make you feel that he doesn’t care about you at all.

That’s why the first thing you need to do is to discern if your expectations are healthy and reasonable. Are you being understanding and sympathetic towards your boyfriend’s situation or do you just nag, condemn, and expect him to do what you want him to do?

The best way to get to the truth is to talk to your boyfriend. Ask him how he feels and if he’s going through something challenging. If he is, that would mean that he’s emotionally incapable of taking care of your needs at the moment and that he will first need to get his happiness back.

But if your boyfriend isn’t going through anything difficult and is just being mean and uncaring, then your hunch is probably right. Your boyfriend likely doesn’t care about you because he lacks relationship knowledge and feels that he doesn’t have to try hard with you.

He can just focus on himself and do what makes him happy.

Today’s topic is what to do when you feel like your boyfriend doesn’t care. We’ll shed some light on how to talk to your uncaring boyfriend and how to make him care about you again.

When you feel that your boyfriend doesn’t care

If you feel like your boyfriend doesn’t care anymore, you need to know that all relationships go through certain stages. They first go through the infatuation stage, also known as the honeymoon stage. In this stage, couples are excited to be with each other and are the best versions of themselves.

They don’t argue or disagree much. They just enjoy the moment and rely on their feelings for the success of their relationship.

But after this stage (a few months into the relationship), their relationship slows down a bit. Couples stop pretending to be someone they’re not and encounter their first disagreements. This is the time when they reveal their mentalities and show how developed they are as people.

They do this by displaying their problem-solving skills, perceptions, and relationship expectations.

Many people think that chemistry in a new relationship is a good indicator of how successful their relationship will be, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Although it’s important that a couple finds each other attractive and has similar values, how well a couple bonds during the initial stages is honestly not that important.

You should know that some couples who aren’t good for each other oftentimes bond extremely well. They feel way stronger emotions than couples who are a good match.

And that’s because they’re:

• heartbroken
• desperate for a connection
• unhappy with themselves
• and have low self-esteem

This isn’t always the case, of course, but the point I’m trying to make is that if your relationship is new, you can’t expect your boyfriend to stay as caring and happy as he used to be when you first met him. Now that he dropped his guards around you, he’s most likely going to show you his true colors.

Your job as his girlfriend is to figure out how you can work with him and encourage him to become the best version of himself.

I feel like my boyfriend doesn’t care

If you only feel like your boyfriend doesn’t care, you may expect or demand too much from your boyfriend. It’s possible that your definition of a relationship is different from your boyfriend’s and that you need to somehow meet each other halfway.

I’m not saying it’s your fault you feel unvalued and unfulfilled. All I’m saying is that you and your boyfriend expect different things from each other and that you must learn how to work together.

The best way to do that is to learn why you feel like your boyfriend doesn’t care. Could it have something to do with your needs not being met or is it possible that you have an anxious attachment style or not a lot of friends to spend time with?

Are you depressed, anxious, sad, overworked, stressed, and want your boyfriend to spend more time with you than others? Is it his attitude that bothers you?

Oftentimes, women want their boyfriends to pay attention to them because they’re laser-focused on their boyfriends. They don’t have many hobbies or friends to spend time with, so they overprioritize their boyfriends, lose themselves in the relationship, and become possessive.

This happens to guys as well, of course. But it tends to affect guys with low self-esteem the most because such guys put their girlfriends on a pedestal and neglect themselves.

If you feel that your boyfriend doesn’t care, you probably want him to:

• understand how you feel
• treat you the way you treat him
• be considerate of you
• spend more time, money, or effort on you
• and be similar to you behavior-wise

The truth though is that your boyfriend will never be you. No matter how much you encourage him to act the way you want him to act, he’ll never reach all of your expectations. That’s why you’ll have to encourage him to change what he can about himself and work on letting go of certain unrealistic expectations.

It’s not easy to ignore your feelings when you feel uncared for or even disrespected, but you don’t have to ignore your feelings at all. All you have to do is express them and learn how to accept the ones that are hurting you and the relationship.

So if you think that you want your boyfriend to fit your needs rather than allow him to be himself, take a step back from the relationship and reflect. Think about whether your behavior is healthy and if it’s okay to keep asking your boyfriend to change for you.

I’m not talking about asking him to change for the relationship (improve flaws and certain unhealthy habits), but to change who he is and wants to be. Some things you just shouldn’t ask or tell your boyfriend to change. You should be accepting and understanding instead.

With that said, here’s what to do when you merely feel like your boyfriend doesn’t care anymore.

My boyfriend doesn’t care anymore

A guy who stopped caring can take you for granted in numerous ways.

He can:

• forget your birthday
• cancel dates
• make excuses not to see you
• ignore you
• hang out with friends all the time
• play computer games all day
• call you names and blame you
• have you do all chores
• stop working/looking for work
• let himself go
• talk to other women
• take criticism badly
• doesn’t help you when you’re sad or stressed
• appears cold and disinterested

If you notice that your boyfriend stopped putting his best foot forward and tends to do what he wants, you probably shouldn’t tolerate neglect. You should talk to him in a way that he understands what he’s doing is wrong, but not in a way that he thinks you blame him for it.

Guys can be more sensitive than women when it comes to criticism. But unlike women who get hurt, guys tend to react defensively. They refuse to take the blame and project their anger onto their partner.

This is why you should handle your boyfriend’s lack of care in a way that makes him feel understood and cared for. If he doesn’t care much, you should first try to talk to him about it. Tell him you don’t want to hurt him and accuse him of being a bad boyfriend, but that you’d like him to try a bit harder when it comes to certain things.

Say that in exchange for his improvements, you’re going to improve something he wants you to change or improve. If he’s receptive to that idea, your relationship likely has sufficient communication and can overcome differences.

But if your boyfriend shuts you down and proves he’s not interested in growing together with you, then you may want to think about whether he’s the right man for you. He may be your boyfriend, but he might not be someone you can settle down with.

Here’s what to do when your boyfriend doesn’t care anymore.

How long does it take for a guy to start caring about you?

If your boyfriend wants to improve his lack of care, he can improve himself very quickly. He can be the person you want him to be in less than a month. This really depends on how badly he wants his wants or needs to change.

For example, if he fears you might break up with him, he’ll likely seek your approval and grow quickly. Being with you will mean a lot to him, so you can expect a guy who’s hurting and eager to improve very fast.

But if your boyfriend doesn’t see things from your perspective and doesn’t want to improve, then you probably shouldn’t expect him to start caring about you any time soon. People don’t grow much or fast enough without a reason.

They grow when they’re forced or inspired to change.

That means that your boyfriend will need a good incentive to change. Unless you can rationalize with him and make him see that his behavior is hurting you, he’ll likely need to get hurt himself and see what it’s like for a person not to care. Either that or he’ll need to get dumped and learn to take you seriously the hard way.

So for now, try to reason with your boyfriend, show him your patient side, and encourage him to care. He might realize he needs to change for the sake of the relationship.

But if that doesn’t work, then nothing you say or do will make him care about you. In that case, you might want to let go of your boyfriend and take some time to heal and get over him.

Figure out what you want

Since you’re not as happy as you’d like to be, you must discern what you want from your partner.

Do you want your boyfriend to change certain things about himself or are you okay with him being the way he is?

Many people in relationships don’t know what they want from their relationship. They don’t have boundaries, so they stay with their partner regardless of whether their partner wants to change or not.

Such people lack self-esteem and personal strength and have a hard time breaking up with their boyfriend or girlfriend. They just hope that their partner will change and stay with their partner even if they aren’t very happy.

It just so happens that such people often get broken up with. And that’s because they expect more from their partner than their partner is willing to give, so they smother their partner and allow him or her to take them for granted and leave.

So set some healthy boundaries and figure out if your boyfriend is willing and capable of being the person you want him to be. If he is, that’s great. Learn how to work together as a couple.

But if he isn’t, then consider breaking up and doing whatever it takes to be happy. Life is too short to waste your time on people who aren’t on the same page as you.

Do you now know what to do when you feel like your boyfriend doesn’t care? What do you think the best course of action is? Let me know what you think you should do in the comments section below.

And if you’re looking for one-on-one help with your boyfriend, check out our coaching options.