My Girlfriend Wants A Break: How Long Should I Wait?

Sometimes women in relationships get tired, confused, or annoyed and say they want a break. They tell their boyfriends that they can’t continue the relationship and that it’s best for their and their partner’s health that they take a little break from it.

But what they actually mean by “break” is that they’ve lost feelings and interest and that they want to break up to focus on themselves. The word “break” in their sentence is missing an “up” and is, therefore, nothing but an excuse that says, “I don’t love you anymore. Let’s give it some time and maybe things will improve.”

The sad thing about it is that things usually don’t improve. They can’t because time alone doesn’t make their feelings return. It makes them stay the way they are (missing) and helps dumpers forget about getting back with their ex.

To improve their feelings and come running back, dumpers need to work on improving their feelings – not focus on distancing themselves from their partners and neglecting the things that bother them. Self-work and a healthy relationship mentality are the reasons why couples stay together whereas throwing hands up in the air dooms it for failure.

So if your girlfriend wants a break and you’re wondering what it means, it most likely means that she’s not your girlfriend anymore. She’s your ex-girlfriend because she’s looking for ways to escape the relationship and focus only on her wants and needs.

If you try to reason with her and ask her not to give up on the relationship without trying, she’s going to give up on it even more. This is because you’re going to get in the way of her freedom and force her to associate even more negative feelings with your persona.

The best thing you can do about a girlfriend who wants a break is to not resist her decision. Instead of saying you’re a great couple who can make the relationship work, sympathize with her and say you know how she feels. This won’t make her anxious and want you back right away but it will tell her you’re letting her go so she can do what she wants.

This post is for guys whose girlfriend says she wants a break. We’ll talk about what a break really means and what to do about it.

Is taking a break breaking up?

Let’s start with the most important question. What does taking a break mean? Is it a temporary split – a pause caused by hesitation or stress or does it have a deeper meaning?

Well, from what I can tell, there are only two types of breaks in relationships. There’s a break an immature woman will demand in the spur of the moment to manipulate her partner into caring about her or doing what she wants. A woman like that will crave power, but still be highly receptive and observant of her partner’s reaction.

She’ll want her partner to drop his pride and chase her because chasing will tell her she’s valuable and worth being in a relationship with.

The second type of break is when a woman wants to break up but doesn’t dare to deliver the bad news. Instead of saying she’s done with the relationship, she acts on her guilt and tells her boyfriend that the split is only temporary.

She may not clearly express that the breakup is only for a while, but she’ll covertly make her ex believe there’s hope for reconciliation so that she can soften the blow and stop the guy from overreacting.

You can tell what kind of break your (ex)girlfriend wants by analyzing her behavior. If she keeps talking to you and acting like your girlfriend, things have gone back to normal (at least for now) as she seems to have gotten what she wanted.

This implies she’s going to stay for a while, but will likely say she wants a break again in the future. To outgrow her old behaviors and stop using manipulation tactics, she needs to realize that relationship threats are extremely dangerous for the relationship and disrespectful to you.

However, if after the “break talk” your girlfriend doesn’t keep interacting with you, giving you affection, planning the future, discussing things healthy couples discuss and appears cold and disinterested instead, then it’s probably safe to assume that your girlfriend became your ex-girlfriend.

She had detached emotionally a while ago and will as a result, reject invitations to discuss anything related to the relationship. In that case, taking a break means breaking up.

You’re going through a breakup because your ex was too afraid to lay it on you. Due to the fear of confrontation (which seems to be one of the leading fears among dumpers), she chose to run away from her problems and distract herself with other things.

This is how she intends to avoid feeling like a bad person for quitting and stop your behavior or presence from increasing her guilt and smothering her even more.

What do I do if my girlfriend wants a break?

When your girlfriend wants a break (which is a breakup), she’s not thinking about giving your relationship another chance in a couple of weeks when things settle down. She may have said something like, “Let’s see how we feel in a few months,” but that doesn’t mean she’s going to spend the next few months working on herself and looking for reasons to fall back in love with you.

Dumpers just don’t take breaks to self-improve. They take breaks to feel better. And feeling better doesn’t give them an incentive to return. Failure and pain do. And the chance of your ex-girlfriend failing to the point of getting hurt in just a few months isn’t very high.

For her to fail and regret dumping you, she would have to rebound badly with someone she doesn’t have much in common with and realize she took you for granted.

So try not to take to heart any excuses your ex may have said during or after the breakup. Don’t cling to hope if she said she’s going to consider coming back after a certain number of days. It’s highly unlikely that she’s going to reach out to you when she said she would.

She’s probably going to be enjoying her newfound freedom too much to contact you and come back.

So what do you do when your girlfriend wants a break?

First of all, you need to understand that what your girlfriend told you is nothing but a breakup excuse. We’ve talked about breakup excuses a lot recently, but there are a few more on my list I’d like to cover soon as understanding these excuses can stop false hope from entering your system and allow you to get out of denial quicker.

Once you understand that your ex-girlfriend was a big scaredy-cat, you’ll know what she needs from you to be content. You’ll know she needs exactly what she’s asked for – a break, which means that your relationship with her has ended and that you must stop acting like her boyfriend.

Leaving her alone will take pressure off her shoulders as you won’t give her any reasons to get frustrated with you.

But don’t leave her alone just for a week and then check up on her to see how she’s doing and if anything’s changed. Leave her alone forever because even if she said you’ll talk about the relationship in two weeks, she’s the one who asked for space and needs to come to you.

If you’re the one who contacts her and shows interest, you won’t be able to get back with her because she won’t be ready to get back with you yet.

So try not to see a break as a temporary thing. I know that a break sounds like a pause, but it’s actually just a nice word for a breakup. Dumpers use it to alleviate their guilt and stop their ex from annoying them, begging them, guilt-tripping them, or threatening them.

The best thing you can do about your cowardly ex-girlfriend is to start following the indefinite no contact rule. This rule will give your ex what she’s asked for and show her you’re strong and resilient enough not to chase after someone who’s abandoned you and lied to you.

As always, we have a picture that simplifies what we’ve just talked about.

How long should I wait if my girlfriend wants a break?

If your girlfriend wants a break, you shouldn’t wait for her at all. You should start moving on the moment she says “break” as she’s not planning to return. She’s focusing on herself and is going to keep doing that unless something bad happens to her that makes her regret breaking up with you.

That’s why you shouldn’t wait for her to make up her mind. You just don’t know if she’ll ever fail and suffer enough to run back to you for safety, affection, and validation All you know is that she fell out of love with you and that she’s going to give it her absolute best to enjoy her new life.

It’d be great if she was brave and told you the truth so she could give you closure and for the lack of better words, force you to start moving on. But if she hasn’t done that, don’t worry about breaking the silence now.

Now you know that a break means you guys broke up and that she didn’t have it in her to break up with you by having your best interests at heart.

My advice is not to take her behavior personally. Try to see it as a negative trait of hers that will help you take the blame off yourself and promote your recovery.

Some people ask me, “How long should I wait for my ex-girlfriend to come back? It’s been x months already and I’m losing hope.” I tell them not to wait at all and that losing hope is good. Hope is one of the things that are making them miserable.

So start moving on right away as it will likely take you at least a few months to be able to move on. And while you’re moving on, keep in mind that if a person needs more than a day to decide whether to be with you, you should probably let go of that person. She’s being too doubtful or as we mentioned before, too manipulative (power-hungry) to contribute to your life in a healthy manner.

So again, if you’re not sure how long to wait for your ex-girlfriend to make up her mind, don’t wait more than a day because if it takes longer, something is very wrong. She’s either too prideful (if she comes back a few days after an argument) or not developed enough to maintain a romantic relationship.

My girlfriend wants a break but still loves me

We talked about dumpers still loving their exes in other articles, so we’re only going to mention it briefly today.

When an ex says she still loves you but wants a break, that “but” is everything you need to focus on. It indicates that your ex is not happy with the way she feels and that she’s telling you she still loves you because she wants to make you and herself feel better.

She’s basically confusing her guilt and pain for love (which is something the majority of people in this world do). They think that because they feel miserable, they’re still in love.

Did you know that many dumpers cry during the breakup? Those dumpers feel bad for leaving a good person, but that doesn’t mean they love their partner. Love and tears don’t go hand in hand during the breakup. Especially not when a person feels pressured, depressed, unhappy, doubtful, guilty, and self-pitiful.

Remember that so you don’t think your ex loves you. Your ex may be attached to you and used to you, but that’s not love. She wouldn’t leave if she was in love.

That was probably a hard pill to swallow, but you need to hear the truth. The sooner you absorb this information and come to terms with it, the sooner you’ll get out of denial and recover.

My girlfriend wants a break but still contacts me

When an ex wants a break, aka to break up, you have to remind her what she signed up for. You have to tell her that you’re not going to talk to her now that she broke up with you and downgraded you to a friend. Of course, you shouldn’t tell her this directly in a broken-hearted way because that will make you look spiteful.

But do say that you’d appreciate her not reaching out anymore and that you’d like some time to yourself. This will show her you’ve got a lot going on in your life and that you won’t let her contact you when she pleases.

She needs to see that by breaking up with you, she lost all relationship and non-relationship perks, which include fellowship, advice, support, and validation.

So don’t let your ex breadcrumb you and lead you on. Stand up for yourself and show her you’re an all-or-nothing kind of guy. That you’re a guy who knows his worth and won’t allow himself to get friend-zoned.

Always remember that when your girlfriend wants a break, she wants a break from you because she associates negative emotions with you and wants a permanent break from you. The break might not be forever as some dumpers come back, but she’s in no hurry to find herself and return to you because she’s not afraid you’ll get over her and find someone else.

As a dumpee, you have to prioritize your healing, not your ex-girlfriend. Your recovery depends on what your ex says and does, so take her ability to interrupt your healing away as soon as possible. Do it the moment she reaches out and shows no remorse and interest in getting back with you.

Most dumpees struggle to do that because they have hope for their ex, but if you can be strong and ask her not to reach out, your efforts will soon pay off. You’ll see that not letting your ex stay in your life took courage and that it was the most elevating thing you’ve ever done.

Will my girlfriend come back after a break?

Whether your ex-girlfriend comes back after taking a break from the relationship is anyone’s guess as it depends on whether she:

• thinks that breaking up was the right thing to do
• fails to find happiness
• rebounds or gets involved with someone who isn’t good for her
• gets depressed, hurt, betrayed, or disappointed
• or loses something/anything important to her

So keep in mind that the quality of your relationship with your ex and your ex’s relationship mentality are not the only things that must be healthy. Many other things determine the dumper’s return. And most of those things are out of your control.

Does your (ex)girlfriend want a break and you’re wondering how long you should wait? Do you think you should wait at all? Let us know what you plan to do about her in the comments section below.

And if you’d like to talk about your ex-girlfriend 1-on-1 with us, click here to learn more about our services.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.