Why Is My Ex-boyfriend Buying Me Gifts?

Receiving gifts from an ex-boyfriend can be both suffocating and confusing. It really depends on which side of the breakup you’re on.

If you’re on the side that got dumped, you’re probably scratching your head right now, wondering why your ex would send you gifts all of a sudden. You can’t figure out why he’d invest money in the relationship when there is no more relationship to invest in.

But if you did the dumping yourself, then receiving gifts probably feels strange, to say the least. If feels like your ex doesn’t care about your needs and is trying to buy his way back into a relationship with you.

Keep in mind that your ex’s reasons for sending you gifts differ depending on the emotional state your ex is in. And the emotional state your ex is in likely depends on whether your ex is the dumpee or the dumper. I don’t want to generalize by saying that all dumpees send gifts out of desperation and fear of losing their ex, but oftentimes, this is the case.

Dumpees tend to send gifts to “win” their ex back whereas dumpers send gifts to redeem themselves and ease their guilt. They want to forgive themselves for ending the relationship and hurting their ex, so they send gifts that strive to make their ex happy even though they usually just end up sending their ex bucketloads of false hope.

Another thing you need to understand is that exes who send gifts usually have a hidden agenda. They either want their ex to feel love and reciprocate it (dumpees) or they want to give something to their ex to show they care and make their ex forgive them for what they’ve done (dumpers).

Very few people send gifts after the breakup out of selflessness. This is especially true for people who stopped talking to their exes and are following no contact.

So if you can’t stop thinking to yourself, “Why is my ex-boyfriend buying me gifts,” know that there are a few possible explanations for his behavior. Let’s first talk about why dumpers buy or send gifts and then discuss dumpees’ motives for doing that.

Why is my ex-boyfriend buying me gifts?

First of all, guys tend to buy gifts for their exes way more often than women do. This must be because guys think that (expensive) gifts will make their (neglected) ex-girlfriend feel valued and respected. But all their gifts do is show her they don’t respect her need for space, quiet, and privacy and cause her repressed emotions to resurface.

Sometimes women send gifts back and say they can’t accept them, sometimes they thank their exes, sometimes they tell them to stop sending gifts, but most of the time, they just ignore them. They don’t know what to say or do because thanking their exes doesn’t feel right to them. It feels forced, unnatural, and pretentious, so they choose not to respond at all.

Guys who send gifts, on the other hand, seldom feel that sending gifts was the right thing to do. When they don’t receive the kind of reaction they were hoping for, their hopes get crushed and so does their self-esteem. That’s why they start feeling rejected and humiliated and become even more emotionally dependent on their ex.

In all honesty, sending gifts to exes after the breakup is never a good idea as it doesn’t depict love and care. It shows that the donor is in denial, struggling to accept the breakup—or that he or she thinks a consolation gift will repair the damage he or she has caused.

An ex-boyfriend could send you many types of gifts after the breakup.

Here are just a few of the more common ones I can remember:

• Thoughtful gifts: collectibles, flowers, your favorite chocolates
• Invitation gifts: tickets to concerts or restaurants
• Reminder gifts: postcards, photo albums
• Bank checks and money
• Friendship gifts: letters and gifts that intend to put you guys back on speaking terms
• Consolation gifts: items you need or want that could help you feel better about the breakup
• Personal gifts: gifts your ex thinks will help you remember him
• Random gifts: something your ex thinks you’ll appreciate

If you receive gifts from your ex via mail, you shouldn’t encourage your ex to send more, get angry at your ex, or ignore your ex. If your ex is the dumpee, you should understand that your ex has put a lot of hope in his gifts and that shutting him down cold-heartedly could cause a lot of problems for him.

It could give him overwhelming anxiety and force him to do something impulsive again. Something like sending you more gifts or showing up at your place unannounced.

With that said, let’s now talk about the reasons your dumper ex-boyfriend is buying you gifts.

Why is my dumper ex buying me gifts?

If your dumper ex is buying your gifts and you’re feeling optimistic about it, try not to get your hopes up too much. Dumpers sometimes act like they’re still in a relationship because they want to make their ex feel good. They want to show that they can be of use to their ex even though they can’t give their ex what their ex truly wants – a relationship.

Most of the time, their presence and behavior can only confuse the dumpee and make things worse for him or her. This is because caring behavior makes their brokenhearted dumpees think that they are cared for romantically.

Romantic feelings, however, aren’t there anymore. They are long gone and tend to stay gone for a while. They don’t return before the dumper finds reasons to respect and admire the dumpee.

This means that your dumper ex isn’t buying you gifts to project his feelings onto you and manipulate you into reciprocating his feelings. He’s doing it so you would feel better/happy and appreciate the non-romantic effort he’s putting into the companionship.

In other words, what your ex wants is friendship—as he can’t keep you in his life as a romantic partner. That position is reserved for someone else. For someone your ex wants to get closer to and develop an intimate relationship with. But despite him wanting to move forward with someone else (possibly with someone he hasn’t met yet), he still has some room left for you in his life. The only problem is that that “room” is located in a place called the friend zone.

It’s where your ex keeps all his friends and people he doesn’t feel romantic feelings for.

So try not to get ahead of yourself if your ex-boyfriend is buying/sending you gifts. Your ex may be buying you gifts simply because he’s used to buying them and/or wants to keep your anxiety under control. He may consider gifts to be a caring gesture and a peaceful method for transitioning from a relationship to friendship.

Gifts probably do the talking for your ex as they show he hasn’t forgotten you and that he cares about you as a person.

To your ex, the act of buying gifts eases his post-breakup worries and concerns as it reassures him that he’s a decent person for not abandoning you on impulse.

The picture below answers the question of why your ex-boyfriend is buying you gifts.

A guy who buys you gifts after the breakup has no idea that he’s leading you on, distracting you, and making it hard for you to forget about the gifts he’s given you. That’s why you need to tell him to stop buying you gifts, or better yet, stop talking to him and putting yourself in a situation where he can buy you gifts.

Why is my dumpee ex sending me gifts?

I’ve seen many male dumpees buy their exes gifts after the breakup. And from what I could tell, most guys invested in their ex with the intention to make their ex invest back in them. They used a simple validation-acquiring tactic that attempted to make their ex happy and give them love and recognition back.

Unfortunately, though, most dumpers didn’t take the bite. They saw it as a weak, desperate move that not only pressured them but also went against their moral principles. It made them think that their ex is trying to buy their love even though they had made it clear that they wanted to separate themselves from their ex completely.

Their dumpers didn’t want to keep receiving texts and gifts. Especially not the ones who’d asked their ex for space or those who’d blocked their ex.

I suppose some dumpees just don’t understand their ex’s needs.

They’re so hurt, they think they must win their ex back by showing a more caring side to them. Little do they know that care is not what their ex needs to want them back. Getting back with an ex starts with self-respect and ends with the dumper reflecting and realizing the dumpee’s worth.

The reason why your ex is buying you gifts, therefore, is because your ex is in a lot of pain and wants to impress you. He wants you to see he’s trying to change and that he can be the reliable person you always wanted him to be.

Unless your ex is over you, of course. In that case, he’s just being his people-pleasing self.

What to do when your ex buys you gifts?

Whether you’re the dumpee or the dumper, the first time you receive a gift from your ex is when you should thank your ex for it. Doing so will reassure your ex that you’re grateful and that you have no hard feelings towards him.

But once you’ve thanked your ex, it’s time to get serious and say that exes shouldn’t send each other gifts. They should first get some emotional and physical distance so they can process the breakup and regain their identity.

If your ex keeps sending you gifts after you’ve told him not to, consider taking a bolder approach. Instead of thanking your ex, say you appreciate the gift but that you can’t keep it because it’s not right. Once again, tell your ex that dumpers and dumpees shouldn’t exchange gifts right after the breakup because it’s making things more complicated for both of them.

That’s when you can return your ex’s gifts directly back to your ex or his friends and family. You need to show that you’re not going to keep accepting, opening, and using your ex’s gifts just because you used to be in a relationship. Especially not if you’re with someone else already because that would be disrespectful to your partner.

Your ex needs to see that you’re serious about not wanting the gifts and that you don’t want to string him along (or be strung along if you’re the dumpee). Someone basically needs to do the right thing so that both parties can recover in ways that they need to.

My advice is to keep the gifts your ex bought you in person. But if he keeps sending you things and confusing you or your new partner, tell him that can’t accept them anymore and send them back. Your ex will probably get a bit hurt, but that’s okay.

Just try to be sympathetic while remaining set on your decision.

Are you still wondering why your ex-boyfriend keeps buying you gifts? Let us know whether you’re the dumpee or the dumper and how receiving gifts makes you and your ex feel. Post your story below the article.

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