My Ex Still Talks To Me Like We’re Together

If your ex still talks to you like you’re together, your ex either doesn’t know what he’s doing to you or doesn’t care about it. Either way, he’s communicating with you like nothing happened because doing so feels right to him and is convenient for him. It helps him stay friends with you and keep you in his life so that he can benefit from you in ways that allow him to get the most out of life.

It’s a shame that he doesn’t know he’s hurting you and confusing you and making you wonder why he still talks to you like you’re a couple.

If you’re scratching your head and trying to figure your ex out, you need to understand that dumpers sometimes ignore the fact that they broke up with their ex and caused a lot of problems for their ex. We could say that they live in a world in which they don’t understand breakups and the way breakups affect their exes.

All they know is that their life is theirs to live and that they can live it any way they want to.

Now, I’m not saying that all dumpers communicate with their exes and string them along for ages because many dumpers don’t want anything to do with their exes. Many dumpers just want to walk away as quickly as possible and ignore their exes’ existence.

The ex you’re dealing with may not be one of those dumpers, but your ex comes with a set of different problems. While he’s preventing your self-esteem from plummeting by giving you something to latch onto, he’s also deceiving you and giving you tons of hope. This hope prolongs your attachment and obsession with your ex and makes it harder for you to focus on yourself.

As a dumpee, you mustn’t be naive and let your ex talk to you like you’re still together. As far as you’re concerned, the relationship has ended. Your ex has given up on you and by doing so lost all relationship perks and benefits you offered as a partner. That is what he or she signed up for, and must now experience your absence.

If your ex doesn’t experience your absence and sees that he or she got away without losing relationship privileges, your ex will have the cake and eat it too. He or she will carry on like you’re still together and continue to have the freedom to date other people and benefit from you at your expense.

That won’t just be unfair to you. It will be the worst thing that could happen to you as your ex will continuously take advantage of your generosity and hinder your healing process.

If you don’t want to feel hurt and disoriented because of your ex, you have to stand up for yourself and show your ex that you respect yourself and know your worth. You have to avoid bending over backwards for your ex and stop your ex from playing on your weaknesses.

That’s the only way your ex will stop treating you like you’re still together and perhaps even respect you for saying no to him or her.

Today’s post is dedicated to dumpees whose ex talks to them like they’re still together. We’ll discuss why your ex is pretending everything’s fine when it is not even close to being fine.

Why does my ex still talk to me like we’re together?

Your ex still talks to you like you never broke up for a few possible reasons. The most feasible one is that your ex is oblivious to the fact that he or she is stringing you along and making you anxious. Your ex might think that his or her behavior is respectful because your ex never experienced this kind of treatment as a dumpee.

Therefore, it’s the lack of experience as well as poor self-awareness that causes your ex not to understand that frequent communication (especially about deep topics) makes you bond with him or her and gives you hope that you might get back together if communication stays the way it is.

In reality, though, things likely won’t improve much if at all. Your ex’s feelings won’t return just by talking like you’re still together. At the moment, love is gone and needs a strong incentive to return. It needs your ex to experience shock and have some kind of epiphany.

So while you’re waiting for your ex to hit a snag and regret breaking up with you, keep in mind that your ex wants the best of both worlds. Your ex wants to stay broken up (possibly explore other options) and keep you around for the sake of convenience.

By treating you like you’re still his or her partner, your ex can prevent you from being so anxious that you do something he or she doesn’t like. Something like beg and plead, guilt-trip, and resort to blocking.

Your ex can just friendzone you (not lose you completely) and give you the impression that you’re a great person and that the breakup wasn’t your fault. His or her job is to convince you it was “incompatibility” that split you up and put you in the situation you’re in today.

If you believe that something outside of your and your ex’s control broke you up, you won’t blame anyone for the breakup. You won’t try to get back together either as you’ll accept your fate and keep your ex company.

That’s the idea behind acting like you’re together but not actually being together. The reality though is that your anxiety hasn’t disappeared completely. It’s still there, and it’s preventing you from letting go of your ex because your ex is constantly making you think you can get back together.

It’s the uncertainty and false hope that are driving you insane. They’re constantly empowering you and making you wonder if your ex still loves you and has good intentions.

To be completely honest (probably too honest), your ex’s intentions aren’t in line with your expectations. Your ex has no plans to get back with you because if he or she did, your ex would have already apologized and asked you back. Your ex would have tried to convince you that the relationship can work and that you are his or her ideal partner.

Bear in mind that your ex doesn’t have to have an anxious attachment style to be anxious and want you back. Your ex just has to realize your worth and the quality of life he or she is missing out on. Once your ex has realized it, your ex will stop deceiving you and start investing in you with the intention to receive loving emotions back from you.

Here’s why your ex still talks to you like you’re together.

What if my ex wants to get back together?

It’s extremely unlikely that someone who wants you back is taking his or her time in getting back with you. That is sometimes the case when the dumper is in a rebound/failing relationship and wants to secure a backup plan.

But if your ex is perfectly happy alone or with someone else, your ex is just stringing you along because your ex is afraid of losing you and all the benefits and value you add to his or her life.

So don’t think that an ex who still talks to you like you’re together is slowly getting back into a relationship with you. The man or woman probably just feels bad for hurting you and likes you as a friend.

And friends don’t get back together. They stay friends and support each other, which means that you could hear about your ex’s dating life sooner than later. It’s only a matter of time because dumpers don’t wait long before they start dating again.

Some say “I just want to be single for a while” and “I just want to focus on myself,” but they only say that because they don’t want a relationship with their ex. The moment they get some space from their ex, they usually become ready to date again.

What can I do if my ex talks to me like we’re together?

If you’re not happy with your ex’s behavior, you shouldn’t tolerate it and think it will eventually get better. Yes, eventually, you’ll stop caring about it and become okay with it, but “eventually” could be a long way ahead. You don’t need to suffer for months or years until you get so used to your ex’s behavior that it doesn’t affect you anymore.

What you have to do is think about here and now. Today is all that matters as the future is uncertain.

So don’t let your ex talk to you like you’re still together! Tell your ex that you don’t like the way he/she speaks to you or better yet, say that you’ll be needing some space to yourself to process the breakup. I suggest that you go with the second option as there is no better way to detach and lose hope than to get physical and emotional space from your ex.

Space lets the dumpee stop obsessing about the dumper and encourages him or her to slowly forget about the dumper.

Maybe you won’t forget about your ex as quickly as you’d like to, but distancing from your ex is still the best thing you can do for your health, self-esteem, pride, and well-being. You just need to figure out when and how you’re going to tell your ex to buzz off.

I encourage you to talk to your ex right away. Delaying it is going to affect you, not your ex. So muster up the courage and prove you’re not going to be your ex’s friend who feels like a partner but isn’t.

There are numerous ways you can express this to your ex.

You can say:

• While talking to you, I realized I need more time to process things. Please don’t reach out to me. I’ll contact you when I’m ready.
• I’d like to focus on myself from now on. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t contact me anymore.
• We might be able to be friends someday in the future, but definitely not any time soon. I’ll let you know if I’m ready to talk.
• I’ve been trying to focus on myself but couldn’t because you kept saying one thing and doing the opposite. For that reason, I’d like us to stop communicating and pretending like we’re still together.

You don’t have to explain how your ex makes you feel as you don’t owe your ex that kind of explanation. But if you tell your ex that you’re not happy with how he or she speaks to you and that you need space, your ex should understand where you’re coming from.

If your ex doesn’t understand or insists on staying in touch, then just reiterate what you said and state you don’t want to block or ignore your ex but that you will if your ex leaves you with no choice. Sometimes you have to appear stern so that your ex doesn’t think you’ll put up with things you don’t have to.

Always remember that you’re in control of your happiness and that it’s your responsibility to look after yourself. Your ex probably won’t help you because your ex doesn’t know or care about what’s best for you. Your ex is more interested in making sure that he or she is happy and stays in control.

Only an empathetic, self-aware, and experienced dumper will understand breakup dynamics and do the right thing.

Thanks for reading through the article. Comment below the post and let us know what you think about exes who talk to dumpees like they’re still in love.

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Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.