What To Text Your Ex-boyfriend When You Miss Him?

You’re probably in a lot of pain right now and miss your ex-boyfriend like crazy. You want him to know that he’s been on your mind a lot recently and that you don’t like the way things ended between you and him.

But no matter how much you miss your ex and how miserable you are without him, don’t text your ex-boyfriend things like, “I miss you, I think about you all the time, I wish we could give it another chance because I can’t live without you.”

The moment you text your ex something like that, you’ll give your ex all your remaining power and make your ex feel responsible for causing you pain and anxiety.

This doesn’t mean that your ex will happily help you deal with anxiety and encourage you to get over him. Your ex will probably be taken aback by your actions and find your words repulsive. So much so that he ignores you, changes the topic, or gets annoyed with you and does something you don’t like.

Sure, your ex might also say that he misses you too (which is what you want to hear), but if he says that, don’t get your hopes up. Keep in mind that he’s the dumper and that he doesn’t miss you romantically and nearly as much as you miss him. While you’re nostalgic and aching for connection, your ex feels relieved and is glad the relationship is over.

He might (big emphasis on might) occasionally have moments of doubt and nostalgia, but he quickly snaps out of them and goes back to enjoying his life right after.

It’s why he broke up with you. Don’t expect him to say he misses you and loves you—and actually mean that. Dumpers who say things like that lack breakup knowledge and are usually just afraid of being honest and bringing a bad reaction out of their ex. A bad reaction is any reaction that pressures, guilt-trips, and makes them feel uncomfortable.

You have to understand that a person who left you doesn’t want to hear that you miss him and struggle without him. Such words put expectations on him and smother him. What he actually wants to hear is that you’re focusing on yourself and that you’re doing okay. Only narcissistic and selfish dumpers get offended when they learn you’re focusing on yourself as they’re competing with you and want you to be less happy and successful than them.

But such dumpers aren’t worth your time anyway. They’re too self-centered and competitive to contribute to your life in healthy ways.

In this article, we’ll talk about what to text your ex-boyfriend when you miss him like crazy and want him back.

What to text your ex-boyfriend when you miss him?

When you miss your ex-boyfriend and want to text him, the first thing you should remember is that your ex is in a completely different emotional state and doesn’t want to be texted. He’s still processing the breakup and doesn’t need nor want to hear that you’re thinking and obsessing about him, dreaming about him, blaming yourself, and praying to get back with him.

The guy is trying to stay distracted and likes doing what he’s doing (self-prioritizing) because it gives him a sense of freedom and control over his life. It tells him he can do whatever he wants with whomever he wants and that no one has the right to tell him otherwise.

People who go against his wants and needs box him in and risk making him react in ways that they don’t want and aren’t used to.

That’s why the moment you reach out and express your longings, know that you’ll overwhelm your ex with your fears, anxiety, and expectations, remind him that he can’t be free, and make him want space more than ever before. You’ll basically make him lose more respect for you and allow him to feel less attracted to you.

So if you’re wondering what to text your ex-boyfriend when you miss him, don’t text him anything that reveals how you feel about him. Don’t tell him that you’re disappointed with his decisions and behavior either because what he does or doesn’t do is no longer your concern.

It stopped concerning you the very second he left you and showed you his love was completely gone.

Keep in mind that it’s normal and okay to miss your ex-boyfriend at times. Most dumpees feel rejected, lack happy hormones, and have moments of weakness where they question their worth and think they need their ex to feel fulfilled in life.

But just because they feel hurt and want their ex to validate them, that doesn’t mean they should act on their anxiety and confess their feelings. Doing so more often than not backfires on them because their ex rejects their feelings, ignores them, or sometimes even blocks them and makes fun of them.

I can’t tell you what your ex-boyfriend will do if you tell him you miss him, but I can tell you that it won’t make your ex feel good. To feel good about it, your ex would have to perceive you in a way that your recognition and love mean the world to him.

And since your ex isn’t with you, it’s extremely unlikely that he has that kind of connection and reliance on you. He’s probably enjoying his post-breakup freedom and hasn’t yet found a good reason to restore the connection with you.

That implies that texting him will bother your ex, have no effect on him, or be counterproductive for you. You have to understand that your ex would have texted you already if he regretted breaking up with you and wanted to tell you something important (that he loves you).

He would have cracked under anxiety and stress and done everything in his power to weasel his way back into your life.

Texting your ex-boyfriend because you miss him won’t suddenly make your ex feel that he’s missing out on everything you have to offer. Love can’t be sparked that way because your ex’s perception of you has changed (worsened). It became so bad that something as simple as a text won’t affect him in the right kind of way.

Only something unpredictable and painful could do that. But that something doesn’t involve you. Your ex will have to get hit by karma and learn things the hard way with experience.

So what do you text your ex-boyfriend when you miss him?

When you miss your ex-boyfriend so much it hurts, it’s extremely important that you persevere and don’t text your ex-boyfriend anything. If you decide to reach out when you’re sad, anxious, depressed, and unhappy with the breakup, chances are that you’ll say or do something you shouldn’t and unintentionally make your ex want to avoid you like the plague.

Even if your ex is okay with speaking with you, you shouldn’t show your ex that you’re dying for attention and validation. Doing so will make your ex see that you’re having a difficult time staying away from him and moving on, which will further decrease his attraction to you and make it harder for him to miss you.

That’s right, his ability to miss you can be strongly influenced by your display of confidence and self-esteem. If you don’t value yourself and rely or over-rely on your ex for self-love, your ex could pity you rather than appreciate you and see your value.

In turn, your ex could think that you should get help rather than message him and try to get back together.

So avoid texting your ex at all costs. If your ex isn’t texting you, texting him is probably going to make your ex feel uncomfortable and hurt you when your ex doesn’t respond the way you want him to. I know you miss your ex very badly, but your ex isn’t the person to rely on emotionally.

He broke up with you to avoid investing in you and feeling overwhelmed, so forcing him to do these things now that he’s free of commitment won’t make him very happy. It will probably make him feel trapped. And people who feel trapped tend to react impulsively (badly).

My advice is not to text your ex anything when you feel a strong urge to send him a message. Instead of texting him, remember that texting him prematurely on your terms will most likely trigger his resentment or negative perceptions and cause him to respond to them in ways that he usually responds to pressure.

If that doesn’t stop you from texting him, delete his number. And if you’ve memorized his number, turn off your phone and spend time with friends and family until the urge subsides. You have to do whatever it takes to get him off your mind and focus on yourself and your loved ones.

I know the title of this post is what to text your ex-boyfriend when you miss him, but I want you to understand that you can’t text an ex just because you miss him. Strong emotions create expectations and a need for reciprocation. Meaning, if your ex doesn’t respond with love and care (there’s a high chance that he won’t), you’ll feel rejected, unworthy, and crave him even more.

How to not text your ex when you miss him?

There are lots of things you can do to stop feeling the need to text your ex and pour your heart out. One of the best things you can do right now is to get extremely busy. Grab a friend, visit a family member, engross yourself in work, start learning a new language, and do anything that keeps your mind engaged.

That may not fix the problem right away, but it will help you stop feeling sorry for yourself and slowly prepare you for a life without your ex. Every time you refuse to give way to anxiety and message your ex, you’ll strengthen your self-control and stay more determined to stick to the rules of no contact.

Another thing you may find helpful is journaling. Writing how you feel, what you and your ex did wrong, and why the breakup happened will allow you to find answers to your burning questions and help you become the best version of yourself.

Essentially, it will let you get along with people better.

And if none of the mentioned tips work for you, then consider signing up for therapy. Expressing your problems to a therapist could help you feel understood and not blame yourself for the demise of the relationship.

All in all, many people are in a lot of pain after the breakup but stay in no contact no matter what. They know that reaching out to an ex who doesn’t want them would achieve the opposite of the desired results.

It’s safe to say that dumpees with low self-esteem and high separation anxiety tend to break no contact the most because they have suicidal thoughts and think they’ll never find someone as good as their ex again.

But as time goes on, they normally realize that they were severely attached and that there are many people out there who leave their ex in the dust in terms of loyalty, affection, humor, understanding, and overall compatibility.

When should you text your ex-boyfriend?

Don’t take this as an excuse to reach out whenever you miss your ex because in that case, you’ll be reaching out all the time. But it should probably be okay to contact your ex if your ex told you to contact him when you’re struggling and need closure. This is probably the only time you can reach out and put your trust in your ex as your ex will most likely stick to his word and do his best to help.

It’s not okay to contact your ex, however, if it’s your ex’s birthday or if you learn your ex got a promotion or is dating someone new. Reaching out just because you think your ex will appreciate it is a bad idea. It’s actually a horrible idea as you have no clue how your ex will take the reach-out and respond.

All you know is that you’ll be playing with your health and happiness.

It’s much safer for you to stay in no contact and avoid communicating with your ex unless your ex shows you or tells you that you’re welcome to vent and ask relationship-related questions. No contact is the solution to your problems as you don’t need your ex to get over him.

You just need to stay away from your ex long enough to detach, rebuild your self-esteem, and become interested in your own life again. When that happens, you won’t care about what to text your ex-boyfriend because you won’t miss him. You’ll do fine without him and will have plenty of better things to do and people to talk to.

So be patient and have faith in your healing. You won’t always feel the pain you feel today.

Are you very anxious and want to know what to text your ex-boyfriend when you miss him? How do you usually stop missing him and wanting to text him? Post your tips in the comments section below.

And finally, if you’d like to talk about your breakup, ease your anxiety, and devise a breakup plan that applies to your unique situation, get in touch with us by signing up for a coaching session.