My Ex Stares At Me When I’m Not Looking

If you’re trying to figure out why your dumper ex stares at you when you’re not looking, you need to know that your ex feels pulled toward you. Your ex is curious about you and likely feels bad for breaking up with you and putting you through a difficult situation.

This doesn’t, however, mean that your ex still has feelings for you and that your ex wants to get back together with you. All it means is that your ex feels strongly about you in a certain way (again not in a romantic way) and that he or she wants to make things right without speaking to you.

Before your ex can converse with you, your ex has to become emotionally ready to have an uncomfortable conversation with you and lower his/her pride. And that’s something your ex can’t and doesn’t want yet. He or she would rather avoid forced, pretentious conversations and keep things the way they are. It’s still too hard for your ex to smile and pretend everything is okay when it is in fact not.

Pretentious behavior is extremely smothering and energy draining. It makes dumpers feel on edge and makes them want to run away.

It’s usually dumpees who stare at their ex after the breakup. Dumpees are heartbroken, so they stare at their ex and any potential threats their ex may engage with (their ex’s dating partners). By doing so, they look for hope, boost their self-esteem, self-validate themselves, and become stronger in general.

A person’s eyes can tell us anything from romantic attraction, respect, envy, jealousy, fear, dislike, and much more. But the most important thing you need to be aware of is that looking at someone or something intensely depicts interest. And that interest more often than not stems from experiences and emotions those experiences created.

I can’t say what exactly your ex feels and wants from you when your ex looks at you when you’re not looking, but know that your ex feels many heavy breakup emotions.

Your ex probably:

• feels sympathy for you and regrets hurting you
• feels worried and wonders how you’re coping with the breakup
• analyzes your expressions, gestures, and actions to learn if anything’s changed since the breakup
• feels curious about your post-breakup life, but not curious enough to talk to you and find out more

So if you’re wondering what it means when your ex stares at you (especially when you’re not looking), bear in mind that staring empowers your ex. It gives your ex information about you—and that information makes your ex feel a certain way.

• If you’re happy or with someone else, it can make your ex envious, jealous, or assured that you’re doing okay.
• If you’re sad and pitiful, it can make your ex feel guilty.
• And if you’re hard to read, it can make your ex more curious and more likely to stare when you’re not looking.

Remember that the purpose of eyes is to receive information and that it’s highly likely your ex stares at you because your ex doesn’t have the courage, desire, or a good enough reason to speak with you.

In this article, we’ll go into detail about why your ex stares at you when he or she sees you – particularly when you’re not looking.

Why does my ex stare at me when I’m not looking?

We’ve already established that the idea behind your ex’s staring is to obtain information about you. But why only stare when you’re not looking? Why not look you straight in the eyes and act like a grown man/woman?

The reason why your ex doesn’t act mature is that holding eye contact with you would scare your ex as it would send a signal that your ex is ready and interested in speaking with you. It would show that your ex acknowledges your presence and that he or she doesn’t mind having a conversation with you.

And that’s the message your ex doesn’t want to send. Your ex wants to avoid difficult situations while still obtaining valuable information. Information about how you’re doing, what you’re doing, and whether or not it’s even safe to speak to you.

Your ex basically stares because he or she is has been thinking about you. But on the other hand, your ex hasn’t processed the breakup yet (made emotional progress) and mustered up the courage to actually speak with you.

Your ex is still in the early stages of a breakup for the dumper and needs more time and positive thinking before he or she can let go of unhealthy associations and expectations and act normal around you.

The truth is that many dumpers avoid their ex like a plague. They want nothing to do with their ex (usually because they despise their ex and feel uncomfortable being in the same room with their ex), so they completely ignore their ex. Such exes have no idea what to say or do around their ex.

All they know is that they feel lots of unwanted emotions and that they must avoid looking at their ex and speaking to their ex at all costs. Their emotions tell them it’s not safe to approach their ex or be approached by their ex, so they choose to protect themselves from situations they aren’t ready to face.

Dumpees, on the other hand, tend to stare for different reasons. Their reasons stem from anxiety and fear, so they stare to convince themselves that they matter.

Staring makes them feel stronger because the more they learn about their ex, the less anxious they feel. That’s why they often analyze their exes’ social media behavior and do other obsessive things that make them feel in control temporarily and hurt them later when they realize their ex may not care about them as much as they’d hoped.

So if your ex stares at you when you’re not looking, don’t think that your ex secretly has feelings for you and that your ex is pretending to be over you. It’s much more likely that your ex just wants to know how your doing and is too afraid to take the risk to start a conversation with you.

Remember that dumpers who stare at their ex more often than not aren’t ready to converse with their ex. They’re still processing the relief and elation stage of the breakup and haven’t found the incentive to converse with their ex yet.

They could find the incentive one day, of course, but it’s obvious they haven’t found it yet when they avoid eye contact and stare at their ex when their ex isn’t looking.

Whatever you do, don’t think you need to start a conversation with your ex and make it easy and comfortable for your ex to speak with you. The hard truth is that your ex isn’t hoping for you to take the first step and break the ice. Your ex wants the ice to remain solid for the meantime and focus on speaking with people who don’t make him or her feel pressured and uncomfortable.

Here are 5 reasons why your ex stares at you but won’t talk.

Don’t blame yourself for the way your ex feels, though. If there’s one thing I’ve learned since I’ve started studying breakups, it’s that’s every person’s responsible for his or her emotions. If a person doesn’t take care of his or her resentments, fears, and other uncomfortable or self-destructive feelings and emotions, that person isn’t in charge of his or her life.

As long as emotions dictate his or her actions, emotions are in charge.

What if my ex stares at me when I’m looking?

As I mentioned earlier, eye contact, especially a prolonged one shows interest. It proves that your ex is trying to communicate with you but that he or she is a bit apprehensive about it.

Your ex isn’t as apprehensive as he or she would be if your ex avoided eye contact altogether, but your ex is still a little bit uncertain and is probably waiting for an opportunity to say hi to you.

In this case, you can greet your ex and have a short conversation if you feel ready to talk with your ex. Just don’t dig for information that will shatter your hope and haunt you.

The best way to handle encounters with your ex is to be polite and concise. Talk about above-surface matters that don’t hurt you and paralyze you for days afterward.

And remember. If your ex avoids eye contact, you shouldn’t be talking to your ex. A forced conversation with your ex will make your ex feel uncomfortable and you hurt.

Talk to your ex briefly only if your ex looks at you and appears receptive to you.

What if my ex stares at me when my ex has a girlfriend/boyfriend?

The same principles apply if your ex has a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Your ex still feels a certain way about you—and his or her partner doesn’t change that.

Dumpers can be with someone and still feel guilty for hurting their ex. They can be with someone else but still be curious about their ex.

Dumpees, on the other hand, can still crave their ex’s recognition and have lots of things they want to say and learn. They can stare at their ex even though they’re with another person.

So if your ex is with another man or woman and they’re wondering why your ex is staring at you but won’t talk to you, bear in mind that your ex hasn’t forgotten everything that’s happened during or after the breakup. Your ex still remembers it clearly, but most importantly, thinks he or she has made the right choice.

If you already got your closure or if seeing your ex reopens your wounds, it’s best not to talk to your ex at all. You’re not ready yet to converse with your ex.

And neither is your ex and his or her partner.

Let your ex initiate

Whether your ex stares at you or not, your ex isn’t interested in getting back with you. Your ex is interested in his or her own life, which means that you must be interested in yours.

If you initiate when your ex is busy and self-focused, you’ll let your ex know that you’re anxious and unwilling to let him or her go. So before you do something that will ruin your ex’s perception of you and get you rejected and hurt, take a few steps back and wait.

Wait for your ex to initiate the conversation because that’s the only way you’ll know your ex is ready to converse with you.

Don’t think that your ex is too afraid to strike up a conversation with you. You should be more afraid of your ex’s response when you talk to your ex but your ex isn’t ready yet.

That’s because an unreceptive ex could cause your self-esteem to plummet and wound you. So much so that you relive the rejection and become obsessed (or more obsessed) with your ex.

To put it bluntly, don’t embarrass yourself. It’s the dumper’s job to:

• overcome negative emotions
• start a conversation
• apologize
• ask you out
• and tell you what he or she has realized and wants to change

You should not push your ex when your ex is stubborn and unwilling to do what you want him or her to do.

It’s important to let your ex come to you. If you come to your ex instead and somehow get back together, you can say goodbye to a healthy relationship balance. You’ll likely never have a say in the relationship again and will probably get broken up with when your ex gets tired or bored.

You don’t have to play power games, jealousy games, and push-pull games with your ex to make your ex respect you and stay with you once your ex comes back. But you should know that breakups require self-respect and that if you lack it that your ex could take advantage of it.

From what I see, many people do. They treat others the way others treat themselves. So set some healthy relationship and personal boundaries and show your ex that you love yourself more than your ex could ever imagine.

Are you still wondering what it means when your ex stares at you when you’re not looking? Share your thoughts and questions with us below the post.

And also, if you’re interested in getting 1-on-1 coaching with us, click/tap here to visit our coaching page.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.