My Ex-boyfriend Dumped Me And Is Ignoring Me

Lots of guys dump their ex-girlfriends and ignore them after the breakup. They don’t know how to handle their burdensome breakup emotions, so they do what their emotional maturity allows them to do. They ignore their ex-girlfriend and hope that their ex-girlfriend will take the hint and stop reaching out.

Because men feel uncomfortable and unhappy with the situation that they’re in, they essentially prioritize their well-being over the well-being of their ex-partner. And they don’t just walk away and provide their support as mature, caring men do. Instead, they blame their ex-partner for the way they feel and run away from the situation that they aren’t ready to handle.

By not being ready, I mean that they haven’t developed sympathy, care, maturity, and self-awareness yet. They may have cared during the relationship, but that’s completely irrelevant to the breakup. It’s easy to be nice to someone you care about (your partner). But what about someone who smothers, angers, bothers, or guilt trips you?

It’s the difficult predicaments that determine who a man truly is and what he’s capable of. Difficult times prove if he’s the right guy for you. It’s a shame that most of us meet the real person only when we no longer date him. I suppose we see with our own eyes how our ex treats people he or she is no longer interested in.

Anyway, guys who ignore their ex-girlfriends just don’t know that their ex is going through a much more difficult time than they are. They also don’t care that their ignoring behavior hurts their ex-girlfriends and makes them more dependent on them for self-love.

That’s why they leave their ex-girlfriends to fend for themselves while they dance away and live their dream life. Of course, guys who ignore their ex-girlfriends are miles away from finding their everlasting happiness. But it may initially look that way because they feel relieved from wanting to run away from their ex for quite some time.

The best advice I can give you about an ex who’s ignoring you is to stop reaching out to your ex-boyfriend. It won’t be easy to control your urges because your ex hurt your self-esteem and climbed up on a pedestal. He devalued you and boosted his importance in your eyes. But if you don’t leave your ex alone, you can’t expect your ex to stop ignoring you.

He won’t stop because he’ll never get the space he so badly craves.

So if your ex-boyfriend dumped you and is ignoring you online, by text, or in person, bear in mind that he’s not ready to talk to you. He needs time to process his smothering feelings and improve the way he thinks and feels about you. Only then can he have a conversation with you and try to be your friend.

Why is my ex ignoring me if he dumped me?

You’re probably thinking, “Why would my ex ignore me when he was the one who dumped me? Shouldn’t I be the one who got upset and angry with him?”

If this is what you’re thinking, you need to understand that dumpers are usually the only people who feel smothered by their ex-partners. They develop negative feelings for their ex-partners and a strong desire to get away from them as quickly as they can.

Dumpees, on the other hand, tend to get hurt by their ex-partners’ abrupt decisions and feel desperate for love and connection.

They crave their exes more than ever before because their:

• separation anxiety kicks in
• self-esteem takes a toll
• fear of loss gets triggered
• the supply of love hormones gets cut

These are the main things that break your heart and make you chase after your ex after the breakup. Your ex, however, doesn’t experience these things. He had detached from you a long time ago which is why he’s empowered with emotions of power.

Some of those emotions are:

• relief
• suffocation
• anger
• discontent

Because of these emotions, your ex can’t miss you and want your intimacy right after the breakup. What he wants is quite the opposite. He wants space and lots of time to enjoy his new life.

I know this isn’t what you wanted to hear because you want your ex to stop ignoring you, but bear in mind that your ex has to process the breakup first. He has to enjoy his life for a while, do the things he wants, and only then (when he’s had time to reflect) think about whether he wants to talk to you.

This is how most breakups work as most dumpers find it difficult to communicate with an ex whom they needed to run away from. They can’t just downgrade to a friendship because downgrading doesn’t solve their need for space. For their space issue to go away, they have to disassociate from dumpees completely. And they can do that only by staying away from their ex and doing the things they enjoy.

Any kind of communication (verbal or non-verbal) only reminds them of the past and revives their negative emotions.

Think about it. How would you feel if you felt trapped in a relationship for so long that you’d fantasize about living without your ex? You would probably want to spend some time on your own, right? You’d want peace and quiet.

That’s what your ex-boyfriend wants too. He wants to be left alone so he can enjoy his post-breakup freedom. So let him do that. Let him enjoy himself and don’t take his happiness personally.

I’ve said this in many blogs before, but I’ll say it again. Your ex feels the way he does not because you’re a bad person or because you were inconsiderate of him but because he developed unhealthy associations. Those associations now smother him whenever you try to get emotionally close to him and make it difficult for him to be friends with you.

His associations might change one day, but heed my warning that your ex won’t change the way he feels about you if you keep putting him in an uncomfortable situation. If you keep reaching out, you’ll most likely continue to smother him and force him to think of you as that ex who won’t go away.

You can’t expect different results if you follow the same pattern over and over again. So take a long break from reaching out and wait for your ex to reach out first. It’s your ex’s turn to reach out.

Here’s why your ex-boyfriend is ignoring you when he dumped you.

My ex-boyfriend is ignoring me but I want him back

Even though your ex is ignoring you, you probably still want him back. You don’t care that he’s showing you that you’re not worthy of a reply (respect). You just want him to stop ignoring you and come back. I get that.

But if you want your ex to stop ignoring you and come back, you have to realize that every time you reach out, you not only suffocate your ex but also hurt yourself. You get the message that your ex doesn’t love you—and that you must try even harder to win him back.

That you must get him to care or you’ll never be happy. This is what your anxious brain makes you think. In reality, you can stop feeling so miserable in a week or two. But you need to break this desperate pattern of reaching out and getting ignored.

Every time you get ignored, you basically get rejected. You get told that you’re not good enough for your ex. And that hurts you. So if you want to stop hurting and make your ex want to stop ignoring you and reach out when the time is right, give your ex some time. Let him do what he wants while you do what you want.

Eventually, your ex might reach out and maybe even apologize for ignoring you all this time. But until that day comes, you mustn’t message or call your ex anymore. Don’t send him things and don’t meet him at places he goes to.

Act as if your ex was a friend you stopped talking to and mind your own business. Remember that if your ex improves the way he sees you and wants to talk to you that he will. He’ll find a way to get in touch with you even if you changed your phone number, deleted social media, and moved places.

An ex-boyfriend who regrets ignoring you and wants to get back with you will search for you like a mad person. He’ll do whatever it takes to get back in touch with you and correct his mistakes. All your ex needs is to process his unhealthy emotions and find the incentive to message you/fall back in love with you.

This is something that could take time. Months of time in fact. How long it takes depends on the number of post-breakup mistakes you committed. If you kept annoying him day after day for weeks on end, you could be looking at half a year or longer before he sees that you’re no longer desperate.

But do bear in mind that your desperation will make it hard for him to value you as a person, let alone a romantic partner. So avoid reaching out before he’s ready and as difficult as it is, keep your sentiments to yourself.

Holding back is the most difficult thing you’ll ever have to do, but it’s also the most rewarding one. This is because controlling your temptations will help you gain control over your emotions and teach you how to respect yourself.

It’s normally women who appreciate a guy with emotional maturity, but trust me that guys like a woman who can manage her emotions under difficult circumstances too. It’s very attractive to them because they want to be with a person who handles stressors and difficulties rationally.

What to do if my ex-boyfriend dumped me and is ignoring me?

There’s so much you can do when your ex-boyfriend dumps you and ignores you. I’m going to make things easy for you by giving you some points to follow in chronological order from the moment you get ignored.

1. Acknowledge that your ex isn’t ready to talk to you. He needs time to cool off and realize that he’s ignoring you because he can’t handle his negative emotions.
2. Delete your ex’s number, unfollow/mute him on social media, or block him if you can’t stop yourself from checking up on him and reaching out.
3. Throw away all reminders of him. This includes gifts, pictures, memorabilia, and everything that makes moving on difficult.
4. Ask your friends and family not to mention your ex. Tell them it’s over and that you’d like to keep it in the past.
5. Surround yourself with people who care about you. Your ignoring ex-boyfriend has hurt you and made you, so get help from your loved ones. Consider signing up for therapy as well. The more help you get the better.
6. Journal your intrusive thoughts and emotions. Write down why you’re hurting and what you can do to ease your pain.
7. Distract yourself by doing the things you love. Anything that gets your mind off ex will help you stop reaching out and getting ignored. It can be hard to start prioritizing yourself after a painful breakup, I know. But do keep in mind that it gets easier with time.
8. Improve your shortcomings. Working on yourself will keep you busy.
9. Rebuild your self-esteem. The fact that you need your ex to respond means that you’re emotionally dependent on him for recognition. My advice is to read personal development books. Especially books that boost your self-esteem. Personally, I recommend The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem.

These 9 points will get you started. They’ll heal you to the point where you become “okay” with your ex ignoring you. You won’t care what he does because you’ll know that his actions don’t definite you.

His ignoring actions define him because they make him into a person who ignores those who are struggling to cope with anxiety. Remember this at all times. If your ex ignores you, you may think that you’re not deserving of a response, but the truth is that you are. You deserve it as much as he does.

Your ex just makes you think it’s your fault because he doesn’t possess the skills that would allow him to handle difficult situations.

If he was a mature person with strong morals, he would have replied even if he didn’t want anything to do with you. He’d probably still find it hard, but he’d find a way to overcome his resentment and see if he can help.

I know it’s possible not to ignore people because I broke up with my exes before and didn’t ignore them. One of them threatened suicide and trust me that I didn’t want to talk to her. But I sucked it up and anyway and helped her for a week or two until she was strong enough to stand on her own two feet.

I can only think of two reasons why I didn’t ignore her.

1. I believe everyone deserves a response. Even exes who weren’t meant for me and hurt me.
2. I knew she needed all the help she could get. That’s why I replied to her and politely rejected her requests to meet up and get back together.

Why is my ex ignoring me all of a sudden?

If your ex-boyfriend talked to you after the breakup and only recently started ignoring you, he probably wanted to have a cordial relationship with you and make sure you’re okay. But since you kept using more of his time than he was willing to spare, he realized that you were overstepping your boundaries and stopped responding.

He did this to tell you that he can’t keep up with your speed (demands) and that you’ll have to find another way to be happy. A way that doesn’t involve talking to him.

If your ex started ignoring you all of a sudden, don’t keep reaching out, thinking you’ll get lucky with one of your attempts. Messaging or calling will most likely just trap your ex and limit his independence.

What your ex needs is exactly the opposite of what your heart is telling you to do. Instead of messaging him, apologizing to him, and asking him to reply, cut your ex off and show him you don’t need him to be happy.

Show him strength and he might realize that it’s safe to talk to you again. Show him desperation and codependency, however, and he might get annoyed and block you.

Keep in mind that some exes don’t like blocking their ex-partners. They prefer not to resort to such matters because they find blocking disrespectful. But on the other hand, there are dumpers out there who get irritated very quickly and block their ex out of their life completely.

You don’t want to know what type of dumper your ex is because if you get blocked, you could feel even less in control than you do right now and suffer again. So just leave things as they are. Don’t try to get any closer to your ex and let your ex initiate conversations if he wants to.

So what do you do if your ex-boyfriend dumped you and is ignoring you?

You do nothing. Nothing that would bother your ex—and instead, focus on the present. Focus on yourself and keep in mind that your ex’s ignoring behavior has very little to do with you. It’s got almost everything to do with his perceptions of you and the ability to handle difficult situations.

Is your ex-boyfriend ignoring you after everything you’ve been through as a couple? Is he a person you respect and truly want to be with? Think about that and post your comment below.

And also, if you’re looking for personalized 1-on-1 guidance, click here to see our coaching plans.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Learn more about me or get in touch today.