If your ex-boyfriend is ignoring you but you want him back, you have to understand that your ex is trying to tell you something. He’s not ignoring you because he respects you and wants you to keep trying to change his mind.
On the contrary, he feels repulsed and annoyed by your persistence and wants you to take the hint.
His ignoring is essentially telling you that your reach-outs are unsolicited and that they’re making him think about you when he doesn’t want to. The guy would rather focus on his new post-breakup life and have you communicate with someone else.
Someone who doesn’t feel pressured into responding and helping you emotionally.
He’s happy as long as you understand his post-breakup needs and give him the space he’s asked for. If you don’t give him the space he needs to self-prioritize, he could continue to ignore you or even block you. You may not be blocked right now, but don’t consider that a good sign.
Many dumpers refuse to block their ex despite not wanting to talk to their ex. They leave their ex unblocked because doing so tells them they’re good people. They’re convinced that ignoring is okay as long as they don’t block their ex.
So if your ex-boyfriend is ignoring you but you want him back (possibly even more because of that), know that the issue isn’t with what you’re saying but with your reach-outs themselves. Your reach-outs put immense pressure on your ex and demand some kind of response that your ex isn’t ready to give.
Every time you contact your ex, your ex feels smothered and wants to talk to you less. If you go a week without texting your ex and then cave in, you ruin the progress your ex made during no contact and show him you’re still around.
You make your ex associate more negativity with you and kill his curiosity, respect, patience, nostalgia, and doubt.
The more you interact with your ex on your terms, the more your ex sees you need him to function and the less he wants to be around you.
Your ex is an ex because he fell out of love. He doesn’t want to be persuaded back into the relationship. Your persistence can’t make him desire you romantically. It can only show him you lack respect for yourself and his decisions and feelings.
I know you want him back and that you want to “fight” for the relationship, but the fight ended when he broke up with you. That was when you needed to find out what went wrong and wish him the best of luck.
You could no longer change his mind because he detached from you and convinced himself he’d be happier on his own.
You have to understand that the time to work on the relationship is when there is a relationship to work on. When your partner abandons you and becomes your ex, though, your only option is to accept the unwanted turn of events and distance yourself from your ex.
It’s not easy to do that because you feel rejected and have a million questions for your ex, but you can’t continue to communicate after your ex has answered your questions (given you closure). You must deal with intrusive thoughts and unwanted feelings on your own or with friends, family, and therapists.
You can ask for help from anyone but your ex.
Remember two things.
- That by breaking up with you your ex told you he doesn’t want to feel romantic feelings anymore.
- And that by ignoring you your ex sent the message that your presence and behavior overwhelm him and make him feel uncomfortable.
You must listen to what your ex is saying verbally or non-verbally (with actions) and act accordingly. Don’t expect him to soften up and give you what you want just because you’re in pain.
If the breakup is fresh, you only want one thing – reconciliation. You don’t want friendship and pretend you’re ready to support him. You especially don’t want to do that if he finds someone else and appears happy with her.
So if your ex is ignoring you and you want him back, know that your ex isn’t ignoring you to test you. Your ex doesn’t want to manipulate you to say or do something that empowers him (he has enough power already).
On the contrary, he wants you to understand that he’s not ready to communicate and that you should take care of yourself and get rid of your expectations of him.
Your ex-boyfriend is ignoring you because he wants to feel independent and obligation-free. He didn’t expect you to rely on him even after he left. The reason he broke up with you was to be in control of his life.
Since you’re preventing him from doing and feeling the things he wants, he now feels that you don’t understand or care about his feelings and that it’s okay to ignore you.
Don’t take it personally, but you must understand that he feels relieved and is going through the breakup stages for the dumper. In the early stages, he’s expected to feel an immense need to stay away from people who stress him.
He prefers to interact only with people whom he perceives as equals.
Today, we dedicate an article to dumpees whose ex-boyfriend is ignoring them. We talk about the reasons why their dumper is ignoring them and what they should do if they want him back.
Why is my ex-boyfriend ignoring me?
When you reach out to your boyfriend, that reach out comes with certain expectations. It may not express your expectations directly, but it nonetheless shows you want certain things from your ex.
Things like time, love, reassurance, emotional support, relationship benefits, and a meaningful conversation.
Your ex may have time to spare but he doesn’t have the energy and will to talk about things you want to talk about. Your emotions and problems don’t concern your ex now that you’re his ex. He thinks your problems are your problems and that you shouldn’t drag him into them.
You should leave him alone and live separate lives.
Simply put, your ex is ignoring you because it feels right to your ex. It gives your ex a feeling of control and independence and allows your ex to keep you at a safe distance.
On the other hand, communication makes your ex feel uncomfortable. So much so that your ex chooses to deal with uncomfortable emotions by avoiding them.
He could always talk to you and ask you not to reach out, but that would likely make you react negatively and say things that hurt or anger him.
Ignoring is his defense mechanism as he thinks it’s safer for him to ignore you and make you go away without speaking to you.
Many dumpers ignore their exes. They lack morals and communication skills, so they refuse to talk about things their heartbroken ex wants to talk about. By doing so, they make their ex feel rejected again and make her want to reach out and obtain validation even more.
If your ex is ignoring you, you need to understand that you’re giving your ex reasons to ignore you. You’re triggering his bad perceptions of you and letting him treat you any way he wants. Because he feels victimized and/or uncomfortable, he deliberately ignores you the moment you start a conversation with him.
I’m not saying it’s your fault your ex can’t have a normal conversation with you, but you are reaching out on your own and making your ex experience unwanted thoughts and emotions. This needs to stop so you can both stop giving each other reasons to react in hurtful ways.
So if you’re wondering why your ex-boyfriend ignores you when you want him back, it’s because your ex doesn’t know any better ways to respond to your expectations, pain, and presence. Your ex thinks you drain him mentally and prefers to avoid you since he can no longer benefit from you.
Ignoring lets him think the thoughts he wants and feel the emotions he wants.
With that said, here’s why your ex-boyfriend is ignoring you after the breakup.
If your ex-boyfriend is ignoring you while you want your ex back, you both want different things from each other. You want him to acknowledge your worth and come back whereas he wants you to accept the breakup and give up on trying to communicate and get back together.
As long as your interests differ, you won’t be able to reattract him. You won’t get back with him because he’ll crave space and push you away. The only way your ex will want to speak to you again and be with you is if you withdraw attention from him and show him you’re not a threat.
There’s no guarantee that your ex will find you attractive and want to be with you, but maybe your ex will want to talk and be friends.
I can’t predict the future, but I know you have to start listening to your ex and giving him what he wants and needs from you. You must make certain your ex doesn’t find additional reasons to dislike you and make your life difficult for you.
What to do when your ex ignores you and wants you back?
First things first, stop what you’re doing because it’s not working. Your reach-outs haven’t had any positive effects on your ex, nor have they shown any positive changes. They only pressured your ex into helping you cope with anxiety and made your ex ignore you.
This means you must take a different approach. An approach that makes you look attractive, mature, and respectful. You must cease all contact as that’s the only way to prove you don’t need him to feel secure and happy.
No contact will show your ex that you respect his premeditated decision and that you love yourself more than your ex. It will exude strength, self-respect, and the determination to carry on without your ex.
Although self-love alone won’t reattract your ex, I guarantee that the lack of it will emotionally drain your ex and prevent your ex from coming back and staying. Self-love and confidence are the most attractive traits you can possess.
Without them, your ex won’t redevelop romantic feelings and see you as a worthy partner.
Even if he comes back, he’ll see that the relationship is more important than your purpose and goals and that you’re incapable of taking care of yourself. So before you start thinking about how to make your ex stop ignoring you, think about how to fall back in love with yourself.
When you love yourself, you won’t need your ex to complete you. Instead, you’ll radiate positive energy and attract even better individuals. You’ll be your most attractive self and will have the highest chance of reattracting the person who dumped you.
On the other hand, if you keep contacting your ex and expecting him to feel bad for you and want you back, his feelings won’t change. You’ll just waste your time and effort because you’ll pin your hopes on his mercy and your ability to make him love you.
Keep in mind that you won’t recreate romantic feelings just by wanting your ex to love you and see your commitment. Love doesn’t work that way. When it’s lost, it needs an external motive to return.
That motive is usually something difficult, shocking, and painful that lowers the dumper’s ego and forces him to seek reassurance and safety from people he’s familiar with.
Until your ex singlehandedly realizes what he lost, your words and actions won’t affect him (positively). They’ll probably have a negative effect as they’ll tell him you still emotionally depend on him for happiness.
So if your ex-boyfriend is ignoring you but you want him back, remember that you can’t get back together with sheer willpower alone. Something (bad) out of your and his control will have to happen before he can reflect on his decisions and redevelop romantic feelings.
If you keep texting or calling him, he’ll feel validated without asking for it and see no reason to reconnect with you. He might even get angry and tell you he found someone else/better.
This can all be avoided by adhering to the rules of no contact and letting him come to you. When he wants you back, he’ll be ready to talk and give you back the power he stole from you. Until that happens, stay away from him and let him do the things that make him happy.
Don’t envy his happiness and busy lifestyle.
He’d have to feel very guilty, have mental health problems, or be forced to dump you to regret leaving you and look sad. You must remember that he’s the dumper and that he’s going through different breakup stages than you.
He’ll feel similarly to how you feel only when he fails and realizes he overestimated himself and took you for granted.
If he doesn’t fail badly and realize your worth, that’s okay too. No contact will still help you detach and regain your independence. It will allow you to enjoy your life again and meet someone who can give you what you want.
Is your ex-boyfriend ignoring you after the breakup? What makes you want an ex like that back? Share your reasons for wanting to be with your ex in the comments below and maybe we can knock some sense into you.
And if you want to talk to us in detail about what to do when your ex is ignoring you, check out our coaching services and get in touch.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
