Whether you and the girl in question are exclusive partners or just casually dating, there are ways to know if she is done with you.
You just have to look at how she perceives you over a few days and determine her interest in you and reasons for appearing unreceptive, strange, or different.
If she frequently communicates with you, laughs, plans dates, tells you she loves you, makes time for you, and wants to see you, the girl likely still wants to be with you. Her actions show that she thinks highly of you, feels connected to you, and needs you in her life to get the most out of it.
But if she appears hot and cold, uncertain, distant, or strange—and things don’t improve over the next few days even though she’s not going through anything stressful like a death in the family, then it’s probably safe to say that she’s done.
She’s fallen out of love with you and won’t fall back in love any time soon.
When a person avoids you, ignores you, makes excuses not to see you, and shows you that you don’t matter over and over again, it’s probably time to talk to her about it and part ways if no reasonable explanations and solutions are found.
It’s better to get the answers you need as soon as possible because if she doesn’t want to be with you, at least you’ll be aware of it and start accepting it and moving on.
You won’t have to keep suffering and hoping that she slowly warms up to you. A girl you just started seeing probably won’t.
Not unless she’s dealing with something fixable and temporary that she doesn’t blame you for. In that case, you should be supportive and not too clingy and demanding. You should keep in mind that your partner or potential partner is stressed/overwhelmed and needs some time to deal with her issues before she goes back to her normal self.
On the other hand, if your partner (especially a long-term one) expressed or showed a lack of romantic interest, then you can probably deduce that something or someone has changed her feelings.
It might have been her negative thinking patterns or another love interest. I can’t say what made her detach and seek happiness elsewhere because I don’t know your situation. But if she says she’s done, you better take her seriously.
She’s either done or will be done soon. The majority of people who say they’re done but then change their minds and come back tend to keep coming and going until they exhaust themselves and leave for good.
They simply run out of strength and willpower to keep emotionally investing in a relationship with so many ups and downs and so much uncertainty.
Dumpers think things through before they initiate a breakup. They make an emotional decision to leave their ex and refuse to change their view no matter how badly their ex wants to be with them.
Their ex’s opinion and feelings don’t matter to them because they convince themselves the relationship isn’t working and that they’ll be happier without their ex or with someone else.
So if you want to know if a girl is really done with you, observe her behavior. Watch how she treats you and whether she wants to talk to you, make plans, and be with you. If she’s treating you the same way as before but appears to be a bit busy with work, school, or family things, her feelings for you likely haven’t changed.
She still enjoys being around you but doesn’t have as much time and energy to spare.
But if she told you she’s done and/or doesn’t seem to pay any attention to you, then you have all the proof you need that she’s lost feelings and that she doesn’t want to regain them. A girl like that is done with you and wants you to give her space and time.
In today’s article, we discuss how to know if a girl is really done with you.
How to know if she is really done with you?
If you just had an argument with a girl and she said she was done, she probably didn’t mean that. Young and immature people tend to threaten breakups to scare the other person and make him do what they want.
They say they’re done with their partner even though they aren’t and don’t mean it. Such people say things in the heat of the moment and regret it very quickly. As soon as they cool off, they realize they went too far and apologize for their rash behavior.
Sadly, unless their way of resolving problems changes drastically, they will probably soon be done for good. They’ll associate too many stressors and problems with their partner to want to work on the relationship.
But at that particular moment (when they say they’re done), they just want power and control. They want the other person to empower them and make them feel needed.
I don’t know if the girl in question wants to manipulate you into acting a certain way. If it’s been days since she told you or showed you she was done, she probably is done because most people return after a few days of arguing and missing the relationship.
The least likely to return (at least in the short term) are people who don’t run away in the heat of the moment. Those who leave seemingly out of the blue do so because they lose feelings and hope for the relationship.
They determine they don’t see themselves staying with their partner anymore and decide it’s time to walk away and focus on themselves.
Such people are done and may not return for a while. Relief and elation tell them they made the right decision and that they need to stay away from their ex for their own sake.
By staying away, they can pay attention to their wants and needs and forget about their ex for a while.
So if you want to know if she is really done with you, ask yourself how she left. Did she appear cold and disinterested for a while even before she left or did she get angry on the spot and leave?
The former tends to mean that she’d been unhappy for a while and that she wants out whereas the latter may indicate that she’s upset and wants out only temporarily.
Of course, many dumpers also leave their partners in anger. They become impatient, say mean things, and run away from relationship problems. That doesn’t necessarily mean they still love their partner or ex-partner, but that they can’t be around their ex anymore.
Most of the time, (extreme) anger ends a relationship for good. It makes a person resentful and tells her to stay away from her source of unhappiness.
What I’m trying to say is that if she left because of a minor argument, she’ll probably come back in a few days. Most people do because they stop feeling angry and start wondering what their partner is thinking and doing.
If you’ve been seeing a girl for just a short while (let’s say for a few weeks), she either doesn’t think you’re compatible or isn’t ready for a new romantic relationship. Relationships that end in a matter of weeks tend to start for the wrong/selfish reasons (to obtain validation due to loneliness and pain from the end of the previous relationship).
They also end rather quickly because people can’t emotionally connect or stay connected with other people. They can try but they soon lose the enthusiasm to invest in something that doesn’t feel right.
You can’t do anything to change women who aren’t emotionally ready to be with you or who think they’re not happy with you.
You have to understand that they’ve disconnected emotionally and that they don’t want to be reasoned with. If reasoning could change their mind, they wouldn’t have left in the first place because they’d still have love for you.
With that said, here are 7 ways to know if a girl is really done with you.
Don’t get me wrong. Sometimes people come back even after they’ve dated someone else. But they normally do so after they’ve done everything in their power to move on from their ex and replace him. When they fail to replace their ex is when they come back and take accountability for their actions.
So if you want to know if a girl is really done with you, give her a few days and analyze her pre-breakup and post-breakup behavior. If she was cold and distant before the breakup and happy and relieved after, she most likely disconnected emotionally and won’t be back no matter what you say and do.
Her return won’t depend on what you say and do but on what she goes through and how she deals with problems and regrets.
Always remember that you lack the power to change her mind. The girl or woman is in charge of her thoughts, feelings, and decisions and won’t care about you until she starts worrying about herself.
I know it sucks to feel powerless, but I’d rather you accept your powerlessness than take charge of the breakup and try to dissuade the girl from leaving and moving on. One of the hardest things to do is accept that people lose feelings and attraction and that you can’t seek their validation because you feel rejected.
It will take some time, but eventually, you’ll detach and see that your ex doesn’t deserve your attention and love and that you’re better off without her and with someone who wants the same thing as you.
It’s probably too soon for you to think about not being with your ex or being with someone else, but give it some time and your opinion and feelings will change.
When they do, you’ll wonder what you ever saw in this person and probably wish you hadn’t spent so much time thinking about her.
What to do if she really is done with you?
For some reason, this person stopped investing in you, broke up with you, and chose to prioritize her wants and needs. You have to let her be so she doesn’t resent you and blame you (even more) for the breakup. That would make you feel entirely responsible for her behavior and lack of feelings—and cause you immense anxiety.
If you pester her, apologize profusely, and beg her for another chance you’ll make yourself look weak and desperate and make her want nothing to do with you. You’ll show her you need her to be happy and push her so far away that you won’t hear from her for a very long time.
It doesn’t matter if you dated her for days or years. If she doesn’t want to be around you anymore, you have to consider her done and distance yourself from her. Give her the space she needs so she can do the things she wants to do.
You can tell a person (male or female) is done with you when he or she pulls away and does absolutely nothing to decrease the physical and emotional distance. That’s how you can tell the relationship is ending or has ended and that you need to talk about it to fix it or walk away from it.
You used to be very close, so you should feel that a woman is done with you. You’ll know that she’s gone and that you can’t convince her to give you another chance. Her attitude toward you will change completely and show you that she’d rather do nothing than do something with you.
So if you’re trying to figure out if she is really done with you, bear in mind that she’s done when she shows no desire to stop the relationship from falling apart. She’s done when she doesn’t respond, responds late, talks to other people, dates other people, treats you badly, and puts herself above you and the relationship.
The only thing you can do when she’s done is respect her decision and let her be in charge of her life. If she wants to date other people, she can. You can’t and shouldn’t try to stop her. If you do, she’ll ignore you, reject you, or fight back.
Either way, it won’t end well for you.
It’s better to accept that she lost feelings and let her be. Go no contact and show her you don’t depend on her as much as she thinks. She needs to see that you’re not going to chase after her for ages and that you have more respect and love for yourself than you do for her.
This will make her respect you and let you recover as quickly as possible.
Can you think of any ways to tell if she’s done with you? How would you check her love for you? Let us know in the comments section below.
And if you wish to talk privately, go to our coaching page and get in touch.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
I know every scenario and also varies per person. Some of these reasons you mentioned why a woman is done with you is probably legit but my own reasons were a bit more straightforward reasons and of course I was hurt deeply too. And keep in mind it was over 2 years ago now.
When I was trying to slowly get to know a man I knew in a local restaurant for many years, and we were respectful to each other and small talk but never deep conversations in his workplace. I can say I was interested of him, a crush per say but anytime I seen a ring on a man or if I am aware that a man has a wife or girlfriend or if religous reasons then I back off and move on. I guess to clarify I had a long time crush, maybe for a year. I never spoken about it to anyone but just he used to make me laugh and smile everytime I talked to him and it was just brief conversations but respectful at the time. And I assume maybe he does this to his friends and was just being nice.
I know this would take to long to explain the details so will get to the point. I was aware that our communication was not too well developed. I am an old fashion lady because I prefer in person or phonecalls/the actual voice. He loved his cellphone because texting was his comfort zone. So, he maintained his texting but i have issues of being to ‘detail’ with my textes and this is why i don’t like texting due to it lacks the verbal expressions you see in person unless been together long enough and there is no emotional connection if its a texting relationship. I blame myself mind you because i wanted to talk to him but i think he misunderstood this thinking its a breakup when i was tired of texting and wanted more in person. I am OK with texting as a communcation tool but if its temporary long distance then fair enough. We were not that far away from each other, about a 10-15 minute drive between us.
And of course it was my fault for not asking enough questions in the beginning for long he was single. I was deeply concerned when I learned 3 weeks later in our boyfriend/girlfriend relationship that he just broken up with a crazy ex about a month ago, and he was divorced by his wife about 4 years ago. The more uncomfortable part was he still maintained communications with his ex-wife and more so with his ex wife’s family because she got fed up of getting texts or phone calls because she moved on, as I was told but he maintains communication with her mom every year. And continues to call or text his ex-girlfriend.
Plus when he met my parents, my dad and even myself were concern about how much he talks about his ex-wife when they wanted to know him better. There is more and yes I had met his family and friends but some red flags were noticeable that were alarming to me. It may take too long to explain and I rather not be too detailed as I am already are.
So, this is where I began to doubt our relationship and what killed it for me was I wanted to talk in person and he texted like crazy to talk right away. I just wish we talked in person because it felt disconnected and too much work for my fingers to explain in text when he couldn’t hear nor see my body language. He probably assume we were breaking up but I just wanted to express my concerns and see if it could be worked out more slowly. I wanted things to slow down and take a step back, try some couples therapy but this was hard to express in texting for me. He seemed OK with everything we texted about.
The following morning I get a text from his ex-girlfriend. My mistake for thr phone call but frankly I am so black and white that I tend to be a bull dog or I have to act to get answers. I rather not go into extreme details online but I would say this is where my trust shattered with him, how much she already knew me. Too much info that she knew about me, way too personal.
So I broke up with him in text, since this was his way of communication but I regret not just doing a phone call. I did this with 1st relationship by phone but I was angry coward who text on my 2nd relationship. I was very angry to keep in mind and the last thing I wanted to do was blow up on a phone call, about his girlfriend or ex-girlfriend and she knew too much about me which shell shock me why he did this.
I was so angry and shattered that I gave what he wanted, a non argumentative end. Since he explained how hurt he was before with his previous relationships and I was just another person that was passing by it seemed.
We talked a year later, because I had to apologize in person for my behavior. I wished him the best and I truly wanted him to be happy. I know he was better off without me and he still had this expression on his face and how much he seem to be fond of his ex-girlfriend.
The point is, not every ex-girlfriend is out to harm an ex-boyfriend. Sometimes we know when something is not working out base upon your actions. Actions speak louder then words.
I acknowledge that I made mistakes and no one from both sides of any long-term nor short term is perfect.
My 2nd ex-boyfriend was not truly ready for a new relationship while I was ready for a monogamous, serious relationship. He was stuck in the past. And being compared by his exes was too much for me.
I truly did wish him the best because he deserves to be with someone who makes him genuinely happy, and I wish him to be in good health, and prosperous.
I decided to not have a serious relationship since August, 2021. So at 2021 I had to move on, take care of my part tine college education while I worked. I had to take care of my dying grandma who passed away in 2022 but yes we had helps in placed. Graduated at 2023 and now taking care of my mom who has health issues and needs more help in the house.
Despite my struggles, my mistakes and my pain in the past and sometimes it surfaces, I had chosen to improve myself. Getting myself back in a healthy physical state since of April 2023 and have a new job while I take care of my mom. I am grateful and blessed to have a home and have the remaining of my family that I know who loves me regardless.
So, do not despair for those who may had a girlfriend that had lost interest of you. Someone out there may be better for you.
I know it’s painful and yes go through that pain first, don’t jump into a relationship to get a warm body. It won’t take your pain away, process your pain and find hobbies, family or friends who you trust who help you through it. And if you are by yourself, go find new friends with other physical activities or maybe volunteer work if have a spare day to do that. Go to the gym or find ways to bring the gym to your home if able to. Go to therapy or talk to a trusted relative or friend who is not going spout out your private process of loss from a previous relationship.
Otherwise, thanks for this article Zan. I may not understand nor agree with everything but that cause I realized everyone is unquie and there are different reasons why a woman is no longer around with a man. Some are not great reasons and sometimes as I only speak for myself, sometimes we know it is not working out. Of course it may be too difficult to express everything on an article too because there tends to be many reasons that can cause a woman to drift away from a man. And it’s not easy for both sides, depending upon their character of course. Not saying this discredits those who been hurt deeply and they didn’t deserve to be treated poorly.
I think men and women are meant to compliment each other. It just takes a lot of effort and figuring out who wants what in relationship and knowing each other’s values, belief, personalities, hobbies, work, learn to communicate and understand each other. Not going agree with everything you both think, say and belief about but if those core components are similar or can find common ground then sounds like there is something worth to fight for. To clarify, to place in the action, along your words that do match it up.
Sorry for the off topics. Keep up the good work Zan. Thanks for taking the time to write this article. I know these can be time consuming and the experiences to explain possible reasons as to why a woman would be done with the relationship. Take care.
Hi Elaine.
Thanks for sharing your experience.
It seems that you had different communication styles and that you misunderstood each other at times or felt unfulfilled. You couldn’t find a solution that worked for both of you in time, so you developed doubts and disconnected. Learn what you can from this ordeal so your next relationship doesn’t suffer for the same reasons.
Best regards,
Zan
Zan,
Yes, quite have process for years by now so it is all I could do. Had too many important tasks that came first in my life and moved on. Being a temporary caregiver to a dying grandma, along with taking care of other relatives who needed help and transportation, along with work and college doesn’t allow much free time in the physical aspect but it allowed me time to be busy and reflect overtime from my own human errors and what I cannot tolerate for what my ex did to me. Being lied to, mis led into a relationship that he desired then seems he must of been scared of something and ran back to his ex for comfort and had to inform intimate details that we only expressed in person together. I guess not everyone has boundaries when it comes to exes. Truth is, there is a lot of reasons that led to the demise of our relationship. Yes, communication was one part of it but more so that I am not going to express too much here. I already have a difficult time typing on a phone device.
The point I meant is, not every dumper wants to harm a dumpee. Just it was over once I knew he was back communicating to his ex-girlfriend.
So, it was just time to end it. One cannot force a relationship to work, I am not one of those people who demands it just I would appreciate a little respect too. I need a more honest man, who isn’t afraid of confrontation if I were to have another relationship. Also more in common core values. I don’t want to be placed on a pedestal every again because I am human too and not perfect. Yes, I did try to communicate in person but it seem like I was talking to wall or he didn’t listen to what I tried to say. My 2nd relationship did have communication issues but sometimes the facts are that two people are not compatible enough.
Trust me, I had plenty of time to reflect and learn. It is what one should do after a broken relationship.
Not rush back into the arms of an ex(es) or jump into a new relationship to someone, monkey branching is not a great reason and continues to hurt one self and the new partner.
Since I did loved my 2nd ex, it was best to let him go and hopefully his ex took him back. I told him I couldn’t compete with her anyway so his actions spoke pretty loudly of whom he still wanted to reconcile with. And I wanted to be free from the pain so I can learn, process, not get angry towards him and anyone else because it was not meant to be. He made choices and so did I. It’s why I had to improve myself and continue to do so. And honestly, I wanted to be happy, even if that meant I was no longer a part of his life. And this was the case.
Sorry Zan, I am not too good with the phone so I make many typos and autocorrect is a pain at times.
Regardless, thank you for your feedback.
Hi Elaine.
Not every dumper wants to harm the dumpee, but many dumpers do just that. They do it indirectly due to negative perceptions and emotional overwhelm. To not hurt the dumpee, they must be self-aware and emotionally mature.
The guy went back to his ex, that says a lot about his feelings and maturity. It shows he hadn’t procesesed the past and opened up emotionally for a new connection.
Sincerely,
Zan
Sorry, it does not seem I can edit my last paragraph. I meant to say:
“I honestly wanted him to be happy, even if that meant I was no longer a part of life.”
Sorry, I am terrible with cellphones.
Kindly,
Elaine
is so interesting to think about it now that im detached from the situation! its so obvious if you see it in big frane but you are so desperate to make it work as dunpee
mrgank you Zan 🤍
Opinion of the dumper chances when attachment decreases. That’s when we see things the way they are.
Best,
Zan
I never knew my ex was done with me until she actually dumped me. Her demeanor did not change at all, we were still seeing each other as much as we had at the height of our relationship, we were still intimate and we were still doing everything together. In fact we were looking at engagement rings about a month and half before she dumped me. It’s quite sad that someone could make the decision to stop loving you and not even have the courage or respect to talk about it and try to work it out. She just totally blindsided me and didn’t have a care in the world that she was throwing 5 years away. It was the worst heartbreak I ever felt. I made the breakup mistakes in the first couple of weeks, as I begged her to reconsider, but it fell on deaf ears. She reached out twice to me after she dumped me, once when she got rushed to the hospital and she only did that because she needed someone at the hospital to hold her hand until her mother arrived. The second time was to tell me she was moving over an hour away from me to live closer to her mother. Not only did she moved closer to her mother, she moved closer to the guy who quickly became my replacement. 16 months later I still hurt and feel sadness and anger at what she did. She moved on quickly and I still haven’t found someone who I want to be in a relationship with.
Hi Ed.
She probably had a lot of doubts and got cold feet in the end. She wasn’t sure about the relationship and stressed herself out. You couldn’t stop her from leaving because she wasn’t happy. She reached out for selfish reasons, Ed. You should avoid helping her and other exes in the future unless they want you back. As a dumpee, you have plenty of problems—and they’re more important to you than her problems.
Stay strong, Ed!
Zan