Missing An Ex Years Later

It’s not unusual to miss an ex for a year or so after the breakup. Breakups cause an emotional shock and make dumpees question their worth and direction in life. They completely shatter their world and force them to idealize their partner for weeks or months.

Some dumpees get hurt more than others, but the time it takes them to get over the breakup and stop missing their ex depends on many things.

Things such as:

• self-esteem
• happiness in life
• new romantic interests
• the way they handle the breakup
• and whether their ex strings them along

Generally speaking, most dumpees miss their ex at least for a few months after the breakup. They need a few months to stop blaming themselves, rebuild their self-esteem, and take their rose-tinted glasses off. Once they’ve done that, they then realize that their ex isn’t worth losing sleep over and that they’ve got better things to do than to obsess over their ex and analyze his or her every move.

They’ve got to get themselves back—and they do just that.

So if it’s been years since your ex broke up with you and you’re still missing your ex, then this is probably happening because you haven’t been following a strict regimen of indefinite no contact. You’ve been in contact with your ex and kept your hopes up.

Or if you have been in no contact, you haven’t been following all of its rules. Rules that would have shut your ex out of your life completely and allowed you to focus only on yourself. The rules of no contact state that you mustn’t check up on your ex, ask about your ex, or in any way, shape, or form learn what your ex is doing and who he or she is dating.

You simply mustn’t know anything about your ex. The less you know, the quicker you heal and move on from your ex.

On the other hand, if you’ve been focusing on yourself but still miss your ex, then you’ve probably been neglecting your emotional health, ambitions, or goals in life. You haven’t given some part of your life enough care and attention, so you should probably figure out what that is. Discovering the reasons for missing your ex is important as it’s the first step towards solving the problem and regaining control of your life.

I encourage you to give self-reflection a try and begin working on things immediately.

Dumpees who stay hooked on their ex for years normally aren’t very happy with themselves. They don’t like where their life is heading, so they need to talk about it with someone (a therapist preferably). A professional can help them realize that they don’t miss their ex because their ex is perfect for them but because certain aspects of their life need improving.

So if you’re missing an ex years later, forget about your ex for a while and figure out what’s going on with you. Are you happy with yourself, your job, ambitions, hobbies, friends, and family? Do you have regrets, anxiety, fear, or a lot of stressors? Write them down so you know what the issue is and how you can begin working on it.

In this post, we’ll talk about missing an ex years after the breakup. We’ll discuss why people miss their exes and what you can do to stop missing yours.

Why am I missing an ex years later?

As you know, there are a number of reasons why you’re missing your ex years later. Your job as a dumpee is to put yourself under the microscope and get to the bottom of your nostalgia and one-sided love. Ask yourself what drives you to put your ex so high up on the pedestal.

Surely, someone who left you shouldn’t be so important that you keep obsessing about him or her for years? Most dumpees get tired of thinking highly of their ex sooner than later because they prioritize themselves. It’s normally those who don’t do anything productive with their lives that stay emotionally dependent on their ex.

I don’t want to sound mean, but such dumpees ignore the need to grow and consequently, feel that they can’t accomplish their life goals without their ex’s love and support. That’s why they stay laser-focused on their ex, wait for their ex, and refuse to detach from their ex.

If you’re one of those people, you need to change your obsessive patterns. You need to acknowledge that having expectations of your ex is bad for you because it’s keeping you in the past and preventing you from finding a better romantic partner.

Although it’s completely normal to miss your ex and want to be with him or her even after 2 years, it’s not healthy for you to stay in love with your ex for years (plural). At some point, you need to gather your strength and decide to cut your ex out of your life both physically and emotionally.

You need to let go of someone who doesn’t love you back so you can create better opportunities for yourself. Opportunities that have nothing to do with your ex.

My advice is to figure out why you feel the way you do and begin working on it. You can sign up for therapy if you want to as long as you learn where your ex-cravings come from. You’ll be able to make a lot of emotional progress once you discover your reasons for thinking that your ex is your savior.

If you can’t figure it out, keep at it until you do. Understanding the cause of your unhealthy thoughts and emotions is extremely important.

Here are some reasons why you might be missing your ex years later.

You’ll stop missing your ex much quicker if you understand why you’ve been missing your ex. You’ll be much happier too because you’ll finally be able to leave the past behind and focus on the present and future. Your ex simply won’t matter to you anymore because you’ll fix the thing or things that have been making you miss your ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend.

Most of the time, it’s not the dumper’s qualities and compatibility that make dumpees miss their dumper. It’s their lack of self-love, self-forgiveness, and happiness as well as beliefs that their ex was the best they ever had. That’s why dumpees must get rid of such notions and adopt healthier beliefs.

What to do when you miss your ex after years?

If you suddenly started missing your ex after years of being apart, the most reasonable explanation is an emotional one. You haven’t been feeling happy recently, so you started craving a person you were (or think you were) happier with.

That person is, of course, none other than your ex. You had a strong connection with your ex, so you wish to once again experience that connection and feel secure and happy. I don’t blame you for wanting to feel happy as every person has the right to be happy.

But you should keep in mind that happiness comes from within. If you rely on other people for it, you’ll be in trouble because your happiness will rise and fall unpredictably, depending on how people treat you. If they treat you the way you want to be treated, you’ll be happy.

But if they ignore you and fail to meet your expectations, they’ll cause you unbearable emotional pain and self-doubt. You should always (no matter who you’re with or who you were with) strive for emotional independence. By developing it, you’ll rely only on yourself for happiness and significantly lower the chances of others bringing you down.

So if it’s been years and you only recently started missing your ex, something unpleasant obviously triggered your sentimentality. Something made you anxious, worried, sad, depressed, or uncertain and caused you to turn to your ex for healing.

Once you’ve dealt with the unfortunate event, you should stop missing your ex right away. You won’t miss your ex anymore because you’ll be back to your cheerful independent self.

But if you haven’t gotten over your ex after years of being broken-hearted, then you should start by analyzing your behavior and asking yourself some important questions.

Have you been making breakup mistakes such as stalking your ex’s social media, reaching out to your ex, and entertaining your ex’s breadcrumbs? If you have, you must stop doing that immediately.

Tell your ex you need time to yourself and that you’ll let your ex know if you want to communicate.

But if you haven’t been in touch with your ex, then you’ve got a different problem. You have unprocessed feelings for your ex, so you’ve got to focus on healing. Sign up for therapy, start journaling, talk to other people, throw away your ex’s gifts/belongings, avoid going to places that remind you of your ex, and work on your shortcomings and goals.

Do whatever keeps you busy and helps you get your ex off your mind.

Sooner than later, your ex will be just a distant memory. At that point, all you’ll need is to find someone else to date as that person will keep you distracted, validated (just the right (healthy) amount hopefully), and give you something better to plan and look forward to.

So stop missing your ex by figuring out why you’re missing your ex and what makes you happy and gives you purpose. I promise that things will get much better when you find something or someone you’re passionate about.

You’ll stop missing your ex if you take charge of your life

When you miss an ex-partner years after the separation, you do so because you’re letting yourself miss your ex. You’re not reminding yourself why the breakup happened, why your ex isn’t the right person for you, and how your ex treated you and should have treated you.

All you’re doing is focusing on the missing part and ignoring the fact that you can do something about it. It’s, therefore, for your own good that you understand you’re in charge of your thoughts and feelings and act that way.

Do that by investing in your lackings and the things you love. That’s how you’ll get out of the self-pitiful state and embrace your new life.

If you continue missing your ex, you could become way too obsessed with your ex and fall deep into depression. That will create tons of new problems that will likely take months if not years to get rid of.

So control your bittersweet feelings by forcing yourself to think and feel differently. Grab a friend, go for a jog, or journal when you feel like your ex is starting to mess with your brain. You simply mustn’t ponder about your ex and wonder if your ex was the right person for you.

This is especially true if your relationship was toxic or unhealthy because in that case, the chances of missing your ex are even higher. You had an imbalanced relationship with your ex in which your ex had the most power and control. This kind of relationship will take more time and effort to get over.

But that’s okay. It doesn’t matter how long it takes as long as you stay in no contact and avoid reaching out to your ex on days when you miss your ex the most.

Are you missing your ex-girlfriend/ex-boyfriend years after the breakup? What have you done to stop missing your ex? Post your post-breakup experience/questions below the post.

And lastly, if you think you could benefit from therapy and breakup coaching, you can sign up for a session here.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.