Low contact and no contact serve different purposes. Low contact is used when post-breakup circumstances require you to keep some form of communication with your ex. Whether it’s about kids, shared work, personal belongings, or finances, it’s a way to move on by occasionally talking to your ex.
Today, it’s more commonly known as limited no contact.
Ordinary no contact, on the other hand, applies in all situations where you no longer have any ties to your ex. This involves breakups that hurt your self-esteem and feelings and require you to lose hope and get over your ex. No contact, especially indefinite no contact, is recommended to dumpees with no shared obligations and plans to get back together. They should follow this rule because their ex let them go and gave them no choice but to cut their ex off and heal.
Simply put, low contact is for dumpees who can’t cut their ex off right away due to unfinished physical, financial, or emotional business. Some dumpees are still adjusting to life without emotional dependence and aren’t capable of ceasing all contact with their ex. They first need to process the shock and build the strength to move forward without their ex.
Low contact is a temporary solution for exes dealing with anxiety attacks or severe mental health struggles. Of course, it only works if the dumper is empathetic, patient, and willing to help. If the dumper ignores, replies coldly/angrily, or puts all the blame on the dumpee, it’s healthier to start no contact (full no contact) and seek professional help.
As for no contact, it’s for exes who can accept the breakup and focus on themselves and others. Starting no contact, especially right after the breakup, is not easy, but it’s necessary for detachment and recovery. Dumpees heal the quickest when they cease all contact and avoid unnecessary information and reminders. They feel better and think clearer than dumpees who do low contact and continue to rely on their ex for various emotional needs.
If possible, you should avoid low contact and go no contact. Going no contact is far more effective when it comes to healing, as it helps you forget about your ex, whereas low contact keeps him or her around for security purposes.
Do low contact only if:
- Your ex offers to help and you badly need your ex’s help.
- Something/someone ties you to your ex (children, shared vehicles, job, mortgage, or similar commitments).
Zero contact is better than low contact simply because it teaches you to rely on yourself for your emotional needs and helps you wean off your ex. No contact helps you regain your identity and rebuild your emotional independence. The longer you go without interacting with your ex, the more detached you become, and the clearer you see that your ex isn’t your sole reason for existence. You can be just as happy, if not happier when you invest energy and time in non-romantic things such as family, friends, work, hobbies, and things that complete you.
It takes a while (usually a few months) to reap the benefits of no contact, but the rewards are worth it in the end. Dumpees not only detach but also become stronger and wiser. Ask anyone who stayed in touch with their ex for a while, and they’ll tell you they constantly walked on eggshells and felt anxious. Their true healing began when they embraced no contact or did low contact for so long that they got used to the strange dynamics.
Some dumpees don’t have a choice but to do limited no contact. They’re forced to talk to their exes daily or even hourly (typically those who work together). Such dumpees need the longest to get their head in order as they’re constantly reminded of what they lost and need to regain if they want to be happy.
Due to frequent communication, they witness their ex’s frustration with them and happiness without them, and analyze the things their ex said, did, didn’t do, and might do. Analyzing their ex’s behavior becomes their full-time job as it occupies most of their waking hours. Oftentimes, they think or dream about their ex even when they’re asleep.
They do so because they’re obsessed with their ex and crave explanations and validation.
If you have nothing that connects you to your ex, I strongly urge you not to do low contact. Instead of keeping your ex close to you, keep your ex away from you. Physical and emotional distance will free you from the ghost of your ex and show you that you have plenty of good reasons worth living for.
I know it’s hard to let go of someone you spent a considerable amount of time with, but that person stopped seeing your romantic value. He or she left you first and gave you no alternative but to walk away and pick up your pieces. If your ex was still interested in the relationship, your ex wouldn’t have broken up with you and hurt you so badly. Your ex would have expressed the things that bothered him or her and committed to working on them before things got out of hand.
Since your ex didn’t show any interest in working things out, it’s safe to assume that your ex has fallen out of love and detached. You must acknowledge that the relationship has ended and do your best to leave the past where it belongs – in the past. By going full no contact, you’ll slowly regain your focus and understand why your ex decided to leave.
You’ll still miss your ex and desire his or her reassurance, but you won’t think irrationally and be desperate for his or her love and commitment. The power of no contact will work to your advantage as it will decrease your attachment to your ex and put your mind at ease. You have to trust the no contact/detachment process and give it enough time to do the work it needs to do.
Once you’re back to your old, happy self, you’ll realize that going no contact was the best thing you could have done for yourself.
In today’s post, we explain the difference between low contact and no contact—and help you decide which approach to choose.
What’s the difference between low contact and no contact?
Low contact essentially means limited no contact. It’s ideal for dumpees who want to move on but can’t completely separate themselves from their ex. Whether they’re emotionally unable to let go or have obligations that require them to stay in touch with their ex, low contact allows them to hit two birds with one stone.
It helps them detach from their ex (although not at the fastest rate) while addressing their unfinished business. If they need their stuff back, they usually just need to reach out once. That counts as a singular (justified) breach of no contact rather than low contact. Low contact is ongoing communication between an ex-couple who maintains limited interaction.
Oftentimes, they communicate for practical reasons, such as shared responsibilities, mutual friends, or lingering emotional ties. They contact each other when they need to and leave each other alone when they don’t. By doing so, they respect each other’s need for space and healing and create some emotional distance.
The difference between low contact and full no contact is as stark as night and day. Low contact is meant for dumpees who rely on their ex for certain needs or obligations, whereas full no contact is for dumpees who need to prioritize their healing and detachment. Both types of no contact promote healing, but low contact puts unfinished business first.
This can be things such as belongings, debts, signing documents, leases, reservations, or agreements.
Having said that, here’s a comparison infographic between low contact and no contact.
Should I do low contact or full no contact?
If you don’t have any remaining ties to your ex, you should cut off all contact. Go indefinite no contact and show your ex that you’ve accepted the breakup and committed to moving forward. No contact will exude high self-esteem and demonstrate the ability to be happy without your ex. It will tell your ex that you respect his or her decision and value yourself enough not to engage in conversation and pursue a romantic relationship.
As a rule of thumb, always do full/indefinite no contact unless:
- Circumstances require you to communicate with your ex
- You’re hurt, unable to accept the breakup, and feel certain your ex can/will help you get closure
Your ex can’t help you heal from start to finish, but if your ex truly cares about you, your ex might be able to answer your questions and ease your suffering. You must see your ex’s kindness and willingness to help as support, rather than love and eagerness to get back together.
When an ex feels bad or cares about you as a person, your ex might suggest staying friends. Sometimes, it’s a genuine concern; other times, it’s just an offer made out of pity. Your job is to identify your ex’s reasons for staying in your life post-breakup. You can do so by asking your ex directly or observing your ex’s attitude and communication patterns.
If you’re contemplating doing low contact with your ex, remember that this type of no contact is not the most effective in terms of detaching and rebuilding your self-esteem. It can help you process feelings of rejection, but only if your ex answers your questions, treats you nicely, and doesn’t get involved with someone else. If your ex starts a new relationship (and talks to you about it), your anxiety will skyrocket.
It will get so bad that you’ll beat yourself up for settling for friendship/limited no contact and receiving information you were better off not knowing.
Most of the time, it’s much better to cut your ex off and go cold turkey. You’ll suffer for a while, but your health and well-being will gradually improve. Once you feel in control of your body and mind again, you’ll be glad you opted for no contact and allowed yourself to let go. You won’t regret leaving your ex completely alone because you’ll have formed new connections, improved your flaws, and achieved some of your goals.
Ultimately, whether you should choose no contact or low contact comes down to the emotional, physical, or financial ties you still have with your ex. Choose wisely so you don’t stay or get attached to your ex for longer than necessary. The breakup requires you to heal and find your own way in life. The sooner you heal and get yourself back, the sooner you’ll be ready for a new romantic experience.
Healing is not a race. But you can significantly decrease your separation anxiety and pain by following the right no contact rule and following all of its rules, not just the ones you like. Things may seem dark, but you have some control over your healing. Most of it depends on your no contact strategy and ability to occupy yourself. If you focus on yourself instead of your ex, you’ll heal significantly quicker than a person who refuses to do no contact and sees the dumper as his or her savior.
So figure out what kind of no contact applies to you and how you can recover the quickest and evolve the most. You may realize that limited no contact is not necessary and that it would delay your healing.
Every breakup is unique, so take the insights from this article into account and choose the no contact method that feels right for you.
Feel free to share your thoughts on the differences between low contact and no contact in the comments below. We’ll respond shortly.
And if you’d like help deciding which type of no contact is right for you, consider subscribing to personal coaching. We’ll explain in more detail when low contact or ordinary no contact is appropriate.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
