Getting your man back after a breakup is no easy task. It requires a lot of time and patience, but mostly proper breakup behavior and blind faith. To get a person back, you must first understand what went wrong and what you must change and do differently.
If you get back with an ex when nothing changes, you’ll soon encounter the same issues and break up again. You won’t stay together because you won’t think and feel any differently than the first time.
So make sure to take the breakup seriously and work on yourself. Improve the things that need improving and keep in mind that getting back with someone who’s changed his opinion of you and fallen out of love will be difficult.
This is because he’s developed defense mechanisms that prevent him from bonding and redeveloping feelings.
The guy prefers to be alone because space gives him the freedom to do the things he’s been wanting to do. He doesn’t have to feel trapped and forced to engage in pointless conversations. The breakup relieved him of such obligations and made it possible for him to connect with people he has to try harder to impress.
If you’re trying to get your man back by force, you need to stop. Force won’t make him see he’s lost a valuable person, but that he’s lost someone he can get back with any time he wants to. He can just reach out and probably not even apologize.
Your willingness to forgive and get back together shows that he’s the prize and that you’re at his mercy.
This won’t reattract your ex. If anything, it will kill his sense of urgency and allow him to take you for granted again. The more he sees you need him, the less motivated he will be to reconnect with you and start a new (healthier) relationship. You must keep that in mind otherwise you could come on too strong and make the guy run for the hills.
His disappearance will cause you pain and anxiety and urge you to do even more desperate things. Things that are bound to guilt-trip and annoy your ex beyond belief.
So bear in mind that getting your man back after a breakup will take more than instincts (chasing). It will require you to understand how breakups work and what your ex needs to return. It’s extremely important to change your thinking from “I need to do something to win my ex back” to “I need to chill and let my ex see my worth.”
If you refuse to follow the rules of no contact and act instinctually (on your overwhelming anxiety), your lack of plan will overwhelm your ex and push him further away. Your ex will get so far away from you that you’ll blame yourself for it and feel rejected and unwanted.
Mistakes and pain can be avoided by following the indefinite no contact rule and focusing on things you’re responsible for and that are in your power to control. Things such as giving your ex space, learning from your mistakes, improving your flaws, rebuilding your self-esteem, and presenting yourself as a worthy and equal individual.
If you present yourself as a beggar, your ex will see you as a beggar. He or she will pity you rather than admire you and feel nothing for you. It’s much more likely that your ex will avoid you and let you deal with your self-esteem issues alone.
Your ex will have no reason to treat you well when you don’t treat him and yourself well.
What you give is what you get. If you exude desperation, your ex will find you repulsive and act accordingly. Don’t expect him to be the person he was when the relationship was working. How he behaved when you were together is a matter of the past.
Now that he’s your ex, he has a lot less patience and care for you. He won’t tolerate behaviors that hurt him or make him feel uncomfortable.
He especially won’t do that if he’s dating someone else already and enjoying his new independent lifestyle.
Always remember that he’s an ex, not your partner—and that things could get ugly real fast if you take the liberty to contact him and ask him to take you back.
The guy could show you his impatient and uncaring side and hurt your self-esteem even more.
Most dumpers react emotionally to their emotional dumpees and make dumpees regret reaching out and expressing their emotions and expectations.
So how to get your man back after a breakup?
First things first, don’t do anything you wouldn’t want your ex to do if the roles were reversed. Don’t do anything that makes you look attached, codependent, weak, unhappy, or incapable of moving on and living your life with purpose.
The least attractive thing you can do is show your ex the relationship means the world to you.
This would have probably impressed your ex when he was still with you. But now that he’s not, he shouldn’t hear relationship things and feel like you still want to work on the relationship. The only time you can show him you value him immensely is when you break his trust, get dumped, and hear him say that he wants you to win him over.
You can try to win him back when he specifically tells you to do your best and make him want to be with you. In any other instance, you should accept the breakup and shift your focus from your ex to yourself. Self-focus will slowly ease your anxiety and give your life purpose, which is much more respectable and attractive than denial and any form of begging.
I know you want your man back and that you’re prepared to do anything to be with your ex, but at the moment, your ex doesn’t want you to do anything, let alone everything. Your ex feels relieved (going through the dumper stages) and hopes you give him the space he needs to self-prioritize and enjoy his post-breakup freedom.
He needs and expects you to let him be free and not give him a hard time about the breakup. It was hard enough for him to leave. He doesn’t want to be judged for it and think he’s a bad person.
If you put unhealthy thoughts into his head, he’ll get hurt. And hurt people (especially those with power – dumpers) tend not to allow themselves to suffer endlessly. Normally, they get irritated and get rid of their ex once and for all.
In today’s article, we discuss how to get your man back after a breakup. We talk about things you should do and avoid doing.
How to get your man back?
As you know, getting your man back after the breakup won’t be as easy as messaging your ex and telling him you regret losing him and want to make him happy. A simple apologetic text or call won’t bring your ex back because your ex currently isn’t open to reconciliation.
He’s in the process of enjoying his life and looking forward to people and things that have nothing to do with his previous relationship.
You must understand that you won’t get him back directly through communication or indirectly by playing jealousy games. If getting back together was that simple, most dumpees would be able to change their ex’s mind with a little bit of reasoning and jealousy.
Unfortunately, getting back together with a former partner doesn’t have much to do with what you’re willing to do to make the relationship work. It has almost everything to do with the dumper’s post-breakup life, happiness, relationship mentality, coping mechanisms, attachment style, and ability to let go and start anew.
Some dumpers aren’t capable of letting go of the past. They prefer to resent or dislike their ex because negativity empowers them and helps them stay in control of their life. It allows them to keep thinking of themselves as victims and their ex as the person who forced them to abandon the relationship and seek happiness elsewhere.
Such dumpees are the least likely to come back because their negative thinking reduces their respect for their ex and consequently, their desire to reconnect.
Your ex won’t return until he has stopped feeling pressured and unhappy. Not only will your ex have to stop associating unhappiness with you, but your ex will also have to encounter big issues unrelated to you. Those issues will have to hurt your ex (preferably his self-esteem) and make your ex nostalgic and needy.
He’ll have to see that he needs you in his life as a partner and that he’ll stay miserable if things stay the way they are.
This kind of thinking could help your ex rediscover your romantic value and encourage your ex to lean on you for support and love. Don’t think that your ex will wake up one day and need you back in his life for no reason. It’s extremely unlikely that your ex will miss you just because you’re a decent person.
Dumpers miss dumpees mainly when they’re lonely, scared of being alone, running out of time to settle down, or when they get rejected and realize they’re not as attractive and independent as they thought they were.
Things have to go south for them to appreciate their ex and regret taking their ex for granted. And this goes for your ex-partner as well. Your ex has to see that the life he abandoned was better than his current life.
Now, if you just got dumped, this probably won’t happen anytime soon. The dumper can’t regret leaving when every fiber in his body feels empowered by the breakup and wishes he or she left sooner.
Your dumper ex can want you back only when he runs out of options and considers you the fastest and/or the only path to happiness. If your ex comes back because he considers you good enough but not the best, your ex will likely leave again when he gets what he needs from you.
He’ll get tired of investing in someone he only needs temporarily to boost his ego.
To stay permanently or at least long-term, he needs to think you’re the only person who can fulfill his needs and help him reach his romantic goals. You can’t make your ex realize this yourself because your words and actions no longer carry any weight behind them.
They stopped mattering to your ex when your ex fell out of love and lost interest in making things work.
So give up on “getting your ex back.” You shouldn’t be getting anyone back. The person who left you (your ex) should be reflecting on his actions and showing you what a fool he was for thinking he’d be happier without you.
You must let him come to you, not you to him. If you seek his attention and forgiveness, you’ll make things too easy for him and discourage him from valuing you and putting the necessary work in.
You may be in a lot of pain, but pain doesn’t mean you should ignore common sense and run after your ex. It means that you feel hurt and that you must find a different way to recover. Once you’ve dealt with anxiety, depression, and pain, you’ll see that your ex didn’t want you to chase him and embarrass yourself.
Due to the loss of feelings, your ex wanted you to respect his decision and let him live life on his terms.
With that in mind, here are some basic principles for getting your ex man back after a breakup.
Things to avoid if you want to get your man back
Most dumpees make at least a few breakup mistakes. The most common breakup mistake is begging and pleading Begging smothers dumpers and makes them see that their ex needs them way more than they need their ex.
The difference in interest and power allows them to ignore their ex and treat their ex like a nobody.
Another thing you shouldn’t do after a breakup is contact your ex. Some dumpees think they should stay in touch with their ex, scared their ex might lose feelings or forget about them. They act on their fears and fail to understand that their ex has already lost feelings.
They can’t lose their ex more than they already have. But their actions can annoy their ex and bring an unwanted response out of him.
Any kind of post-breakup communication is bad in terms of reattracting your ex. Your ex (whether he’s a man or a woman) needs to be left alone to understand what life without you looks like. If your ex isn’t given a chance to experience life without you, your ex will friend-zone you or replace you with someone else.
Either way, it won’t end well for you, so you may as well do things properly from the beginning by giving your ex space and showing your ex he has lost you romantically and non-romantically.
Your ex can’t only keep you around as a friend. Friendship wasn’t a part of the deal. It was a relationship or nothing. Your ex must learn to accept it and give you space to recover.
If he doesn’t, you should ask for it. Don’t be afraid of cutting your ex off and doing what’s best for you. Your ex already did what was best for him (he left you). It’s only fair that you establish some healthy post-breakup boundaries and give yourself a chance to detach and be happy.
Also, make sure to avoid talking to your ex’s friends about your ex. If you tell them about the relationship and relationship-specific problems, your ex could think you’re trying to turn his friends against him. He could get angry with you and block you even though you were just looking for understanding, sympathy, and support.
Things could quickly get out of control as your ex doesn’t expect you to mix the breakup with his personal life.
Some breakup coaches suggest sending an acceptance letter, but that’s also a bad idea. Not only does it count as breaking no contact, but it also floods your ex with information and emotions he’d rather not experience.
Letters are meant for couples, not ex-couples. Make sure to keep it that way.
And lastly, steer clear of manipulation techniques such as posting depressing/guilt-tripping things on social media or things aimed to incite jealousy. Your ex will see right through you and want you back even less.
So how do you get your man back?
You get your man back by understanding breakup dynamics, working on yourself, and staying away from your ex. You must give your ex space and let your ex reflect on his decisions and overall happiness in life.
It will take something negative for your ex to engage in reflection and want you back. It will probably take something shocking, hurtful, and self-esteem-breaking. Anything that stops your ex from thinking highly of himself and lowly of you could give your ex a reason to become nostalgic, afraid, and dependent on you for happiness.
Don’t jump the gun and try to “win your ex back.” You can’t win back the heart of someone who isn’t emotionally receptive and open to working together romantically.
When feelings disappear, so too does his willingness to reconnect.
Your ex can’t and doesn’t want to get back together because the relationship makes him feel emotions he doesn’t want to feel. Your ex isn’t you. Unlike you who craves validation, he craves space and time to do what he’d been meaning to do for a long time.
You mustn’t interrupt your ex’s relief period.
You must let him get through it and reach the nostalgia or guilt stage. When he does, he could reach out and apologize, indulge in nostalgia, or express the desire to get back with you. I couldn’t say what your ex will do, but one thing’s for certain.
You’ll either get back with your ex or over your ex. Either way, you’ll come to accept both possibilities because you’ll learn to rely on yourself and your loved ones for self-love. Your ex will lose significance in your eyes when you become the best version of yourself and stop thinking of your ex as your savior.
Give it time and life will be fulfilling again.
Did you learn how to get your man back after a breakup? What do you think is the best breakup strategy? Share your views and questions below. We look forward to reading your comments.
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My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
