How To Deal With Your Boyfriend Going Out?

If you want to know how to deal with your boyfriend going out without you, forget about your boyfriend for a minute and learn why him going out bothers you.

• Does it make you envious that he’s going out with his friends and not you?
• Does it make you jealous that he might meet some other woman and spend time with her?
• Does it upset you that he doesn’t call frequently?
• Or does it give you separation anxiety and a fear of the unknown?

Learning how you feel and why you feel that way is the first step to dealing with your boyfriend going out. It’s the prerequisite to your insecurities or worries because him going out might not even be the problem.

His choices and behavior make you feel a certain way, but that might not be the main issue here. Not unless your boyfriend is going out a lot, talking to other women, hanging out with them, and ignoring your calls and texts.

If he’s doing that while you’re at home worrying and crying, know that this isn’t what a healthy relationship looks like. A healthy relationship should provide you with a feeling of calmness and safety and not make you doubt your worth and spot in your partner’s heart.

This means you have a lot to figure out, starting with whether your boyfriend is being respectful and mindful of your feelings. Is he aware that him going out without you bothers you or hurts you or does he just call you jealous and insecure and tells you to deal with it on your own?

How your boyfriend handles this matter is very important as it shows how mature he is and how much he cares about your health and well-being.

He might just be hanging out with friends and not doing anything wrong, but his attitude toward this matter still shows how ready he is to help you deal with unwanted emotions and do what’s right.

So before you do anything, figure out if your boyfriend is aware of the problem and cares about it. If he cares, calmly talk to him and see if you can meet each other halfway.

But if he doesn’t care and puts the blame on you, then your boyfriend might not be the most suitable person for you. He could be too closed-minded to understand that he’s responsible for easing your pain and worries.

In this post, we’ll discuss how to deal with your boyfriend going out. We’ll talk about how to communicate with your boyfriend and feel calmer.

Why is it important to do something about your boyfriend going out?

Dealing with your boyfriend going out in the evening can bring out your worst fears, give you overwhelming anxiety, and prevent you from enjoying your life.

That’s why it’s important to you solve this issue as soon as possible. Don’t delay it because it won’t go away on its own. It will just increase in size and become harder for you to cope with.

You should never just put up with things that hurt you or make you feel uncomfortable for the sake of love. Love is about strong communication and compromise. It requires both parties to be open with each other and ready to do whatever it takes to be happy.

Anything within reason of course. There are some things you shouldn’t demand from your partner such as telling him to change jobs and cease contact with his friends and family, but even if you say something he doesn’t agree with, your boyfriend should always be mindful of your anxiety.

It doesn’t matter if you have trust issues from your previous relationship and can’t stop worrying that something bad will happen when your boyfriend goes out. If your boyfriend loves you and wants the best for you, he has to do something about it.

He has to look for a solution with you and give you something you can work with.

From what I see, many guys don’t understand this concept. They aren’t self-aware and emotionally intelligent enough to understand that their girlfriend is having a difficult time with them going out and that she needs empathy rather than criticism.

That’s why so many guys get defensive, criticize their girlfriend, and make her feel even less safe than she was before she expressed herself. The reason why guys do this is very simple. They don’t feel what their girlfriend feels. Unlike their girlfriend who is emotional, they’re rational, so they try to solve disagreements logically.

This makes it hard for them to communicate and makes them feel misunderstood.

Also, it might not be you who’s oversensitive about your boyfriend going out. If your boyfriend is going out almost every night and doesn’t tell you where he’s going, he’s not being very considerate of your feelings. He doesn’t know how to communicate and what his responsibilities are and therefore, lives as if he was single.

In this case, you need to tell your boyfriend that in a relationship, everyone needs to have the same rights and the same amount of power.

So now that you know why it’s important to open up to your boyfriend about the things that bother you, let’s discuss how to deal with your boyfriend going out.

1)Let your boyfriend know how you feel

If your boyfriend’s nights out hurt you, you mustn’t keep your pain to yourself. You must express your discontent to your boyfriend and let him know how you feel when he’s absent.

Talking with your boyfriend can make you feel understood and valued and make it easier for you to cope with him going out next time. So talk to your boyfriend about it and see if he understands how you feel. If he does understand, ask him what going out with his friends means to him and make some plans on how you can feel more relaxed.

Your happiness or the lack of it is not just your concern. It’s your boyfriend’s as well—and your boyfriend needs to help you with it. He needs to be the first person in line to help you whether you’ve got low self-esteem or if he has a history of cheating and can’t be trusted.

You and your boyfriend basically need to lower each other’s anxiety and make each other happy. You’ve agreed to join forces and be a couple, so now is the perfect time to put your commitments and willingness to work together to the test.

Talk about:

• what your boyfriend will do to make you more comfortable
• and what you will do to await your boyfriend’s return calmly, patiently, and productively

With that said, let’s talk about what to do when your boyfriend goes out without you.

2)Suggest more calling and texting

When your boyfriend is out with his friends, one of the best ways to keep separation anxiety under control is to engage with him a bit more. Ask him to message you or reply more often than before because doing so will reduce your anxiety and fears and make you feel respected and cared for.

Say that you don’t need him to talk to you all the time – that you know he wants to spend time with his friends, but that messaging you (every so often) will give you some control over the situation and give you both what you want.

To you, it will relieve pain or unease and to your boyfriend, it will give him an easier time when he gets home later.

It’s a win-win for both as long as you let each other know where you are, who you’re with, how you’re doing, and what time you’ll be home.

I can’t say how much texting or calling you should do with your boyfriend because every person has different wants and needs, but perhaps your boyfriend could start by responding to you every 30 minutes and gradually increase the time he goes without texting you.

The more you see you can trust him, the fewer responses you’ll require from him.

3)Get rid of your trust issues, build up your self-esteem, allow your boyfriend to be free

If you’ve made plans to communicate with your boyfriend, it’s time for you to start working on yourself. The first thing you should do is figure out why you don’t like your boyfriend going out without you.

Did someone cheat on you before? Did you get abandoned as a child? Or is your discontent related to your low self-esteem and a lack of social life and happiness?

If you understand why you feel uncomfortable when your boyfriend goes out in the evenings without you, you’ll also understand how to deal with your boyfriend going out.

You’ll know that your boyfriend can make you feel better if he’s more assuring and texts you more, but that there are also certain parts of your anxiety that your boyfriend can’t help you with.

For example, your boyfriend can’t help you feel more confident in the relationship if you don’t trust anyone. Personal growth and trust issues are your responsibility whereas assuring you and supporting you is your boyfriend’s.

So figure out why you can’t trust your boyfriend or why it bothers you that he’s out with friends and become more calm and unsuspicious.

Remember that your boyfriend deserves to be happy as much as you do and that his happiness is your happiness too.

4)Learn to relax and exercise

One of the best ways to deal with your boyfriend going out is to practice relaxation techniques such as yoga, meditation, deep breathing, etc. Relaxation techniques will help you stay in control whenever you panic and expect the worst.

It might take some time before you learn to let go of unwanted emotions, but if you keep at it, you should slowly accept that your boyfriend’s social life is important to him and learn to relax.

Another very important thing that will enable you to stay in control of your thoughts and emotions is physical activity. Doing moderate-intensity activities such as running, swimming, or dancing won’t just keep you occupied when your boyfriend is out but also make you feel more relaxed because your brain will reward you with happy hormones.

It will force you to feel less emotional and make you too tired to wonder who your boyfriend is talking to.

So remember to exercise and practice relaxation techniques and you’ll soon be able to control your thoughts and fears.

5)Spend time with people you care about and get busy

When your boyfriend is out, you have a great opportunity to focus on your friends and hobbies. You get to spend some time alone—and that’s good. A little bit of time away from your partner can make the heart grow fonder and bring you closer to your partner.

Especially when interesting things happen to you because that’s when you get to share them with your partner.

So if you’d like to bond better with your boyfriend, don’t think that you must always stay by his side and know everything that happens to him. The chances of having a well-balanced relationship will be much higher if you fall in love with spending time alone and do what makes you happy.

If you don’t know what makes you happy, then that’s the reason why you focus on your boyfriend so much. You don’t have a lot going on in your life, so you expect your boyfriend to help you fill that void.

Trust me that you’ll be much happier if you take your boyfriend off the pedestal and put yourself first.

6)Don’t keep waiting for him

While your boyfriend is out with his buddies, you should get busy and do the things you want to do. You can spend time with your friends, invite your family over for dinner, read a book, or do something that you enjoy.

Staying busy will make time go by faster whereas looking at your phone every 5 minutes will only make you worry.

My advice is not to wait for your boyfriend to text you or come back home. Instead, put your phone away, do the things that give meaning to your life and you might even forget that your boyfriend’s out with friends. You could have too much fun to notice he’s not present.

So if you want to learn how to deal with your boyfriend going out, there is no easier way to deal with it than to grow your self-esteem and enjoy yourself while your boyfriend is gone. You were self-sufficient before you’d met your boyfriend, so surely, you can be independent again now that you’re in a relationship with him.

You just need to focus on yourself a bit more and do something fun.

To reiterate and conclude this article, here are 6 things to do when your boyfriend goes out without you.

How do you deal with your boyfriend going out without you? Do you check your phone a lot or do you keep yourself occupied? Share your thoughts and tips in the comments below.

Also, if you’re looking for 1-on-1 guidance with your relationship or breakup, check out our coaching packages for more information.