Should My Boyfriend Tell Me Where He Is Going?

If your boyfriend doesn’t always tell you where he’s going and you’re contemplating if he should, the quick answer is yes. He should inform you of his whereabouts and where he’s going as often as he can. Such thoughtfulness strengthens trust in the relationship whereas hiding, forgetting, or avoiding telling the truth and arguing about it reduces it.

It keeps making the trust smaller and smaller until couples find the solution, adapt to each other’s differences, or get upset with each other and break up. More often than not, the fate of their relationship is predetermined by couples’ relationship-solving skills and their perceptions of each other.

For example, if a couple knows how to handle differences, they both make sacrifices and change for the sake of the relationship. They care about each other, so they find a solution that works for both of them.

Secondly, if a couple doesn’t know how to handle differences, but someone is willing to adapt anyway, they adapt but they usually still encounter the same or very similar issues in the future. This is because such a couple merely ignores the problem and the need to improve within.

And thirdly, if a couple lacks maturity and reacts with ego, anger, or contempt, they make a simple disagreement into an argument and eventually break up. They just don’t have what it takes to maintain a healthy relationship, so they go separate ways.

That’s why it’s best for your relationship that your boyfriend starts being honest from now on and takes the initiative in telling you where he is going. He needs to do it so that your relationship can redevelop the trust it has lost somewhere along the way and become stronger and emotionally more fulfilling.

The only time you should cut your boyfriend some slack is if he forgets to tell you where he is going because he’s busy or tired. In such cases, your “complaint” could make him feel disrespected and angry because he didn’t forget to tell you on purpose. It was completely out of his control.

Remember that guys hate being accused of being uncaring or neglectful. They especially hate it when they have no control over the situation and feel that they’re being punished for something so “unimportant.” To them, notifying their girlfriend where they’re going can seem unimportant because they don’t understand how it makes their girlfriend feel.

They don’t know it makes her anxious and worried about them, herself, and the future.

So if you’re wondering if your boyfriend should tell you where he’s going, he definitely should. My advice is to approach the topic in a very sensitive, non-judgmental manner or you could make him think that you’re needy, controlling, demanding, or disrespectful—and make him react with fury.

In this post, we’ll discuss whether your boyfriend should tell you where he is going.

Should my boyfriend tell me where he is going?

It’s normally guys who have a difficult time understanding why it’s important to tell their girlfriends where they’re heading. Guys usually think that they’re entitled to freedom and privacy and that they shouldn’t have to report everything to their girlfriend.

In truth, that is only partly true. They are indeed free people and can do what they want, but when it comes to privacy and secrecy in a relationship, there is no such thing. Relationships consist of people who care about each other. And because they care, they must communicate where they go, who they’re going with, and when they’ll be back.

They must do it because doing so eases their partner’s worries and makes their partner feel loved and respected.

So if your boyfriend doesn’t tell you where he’s going, it’s obvious that he doesn’t give you the care and respect you’re looking for from a guy. Conversely, he gives you more worries and anxiety because he doesn’t consider your feelings.

The picture below explains when your boyfriend should tell you where he’s going.

Some guys think it’s emasculating to tell their girlfriend where they’re going as they fear that their girlfriend will have too much control over them. Guys like this are afraid of being completely honest because complete honesty makes them vulnerable. They don’t know that their girlfriend will actually respect them more if they’re transparent and open to suggestions.

They don’t know that she’ll feel more relaxed in the relationship as well and that she’ll get along with them better.

I think this is because many guys think about themselves more than their girlfriend. They don’t understand why it’s important to communicate important (and unimportant) matters to their girlfriend, so they keep it to themselves and get upset or angry when their girlfriend raises a concern.

Such guys should work on developing themselves and becoming more thoughtful and caring. I know it’s hard to make this internal change, but that doesn’t mean that they should give up on self-development and have their girlfriend change because of them. As I said earlier, women can adapt, but even if that’s true, they can’t always be the only ones to sacrifice their happiness.

Sometimes guys have to take the initiative and show the willingness to do what it takes to resolve disagreements too. I’m not saying they need to do everything their girlfriends tell them to do, but they should at least listen to them attentively, share their opinion with them calmly, and consider making improvements.

When people are open-minded, they appear less defensive and solve arguments much quicker than people who immediately shut down all requests and suggestions. They give off a vibe that tells their partner they aren’t looking for a fight and that they’re ready to help.

Is it wrong to ask your partner where he went?

First of all, it’s not wrong to ask your partner where he went. You have the right to know where your boyfriend goes and what he does in your absence. It becomes a problem only when you demand your partner to tell you where he went.

Demands come off as rude and argumentative and make your partner close himself off, rather than open up. They tell him you’re not going to show him respect and that you’ll do what’s best for you instead.

So keep in mind that you’re more than welcome to ask your boyfriend where he went. You are his girlfriend (or boyfriend) and deserve to know where he is. You earned this privilege when your boyfriend agreed to become your boyfriend because that’s when he agreed to act in your best interest.

Rest assured that you aren’t overstepping your boundaries. You’re actually doing the right thing as you’re respecting yourself and maintaining the relationship.

The truth is that couples should tell each other everything. They should tell each other what they think, how they feel, what their plans and goals are, and of course, if they’re talking to anyone else. By communicating frequently, couples form a bond that can’t be separated by internal and external stressors.

This means that they get so close to each other that they’re able to discuss their issues with each other before they let their issues take a toll on the relationship.

What do I do if he doesn’t tell me where he’s going?

As indicated earlier, you shouldn’t blame your boyfriend and make him feel that he’s doing something wrong. Although he is doing something wrong, you shouldn’t make him feel that he’s made a grave mistake. Judgmental behavior is not going to encourage the positive change in your boyfriend that you’re hoping for.

It’s most likely going to make him feel judged, trigger his self-defense mechanism, and bring a negative reaction out of him. If you bluntly tell him he’s treating you poorly, your boyfriend will essentially feel hurt and project his hurt feelings onto you.

So instead of getting into an argument, tell your boyfriend that you’d like to discuss something very important and that you’d appreciate him if he can listen and try to understand your side of the story. Say that you want him to put himself in your shoes only for a few minutes and then tell you what he thinks.

Start by complimenting him and saying you really like that he does certain things right. You probably know what your boyfriend is good at, so start by pointing out his good traits and saying it makes you feel loved. Once you’ve done that, hold his hand, watch your tone, and tell him that you have one small request – one small thing you’d like him to try a bit harder at.

Say it’d make you happy if he would tell you where he’s going when he goes out because would make you feel loved and respected. Ask him if he’s willing to make this small sacrifice for you (and the relationship) and encourage him to speak his mind.

If he’s mature, your boyfriend will undoubtedly melt to this approach. He’ll see that you’re calm (rational) and as a result, consider your proposal. He won’t feel judged or threatened even if he’s been doing things wrongly.

But if he lacks maturity and self-awareness and doesn’t care that you’re hurting, then he’ll probably think you’re attacking him, that you’re ungrateful, that you’re a complainer, and find your relationship suggestion obnoxious. If this is what he thinks and gets angry with you, you may want to consider if it’s even possible to grow with this person.

Think about whether he’s the kind of guy who truly cares about you or if he only cares about you when he gets his own way.

Before you dump him or make some important decision, make sure he really isn’t willing to change for the better. You don’t want to dump him when he’s trying to improve but still makes occasional errors.

Remember that people need some time to change and that you need to be patient with them and support them. Just how you would want your boyfriend to be understanding and kind to you because of something you’re not good at, you need to be patient with him too.

Show him you believe in him and want the best for him.

He should willingly tell you where he’s going

If your partner lives with you, he should obviously tell you where he’s going (even if he’s just going to the grocery store). He’s going somewhere and you’ll notice that he’s gone, so of course, he needs to inform you.

But what if your boyfriend doesn’t live in the same house as you and is in a long-distance relationship with you miles apart? Does he still need to tell you everything he does?

In this particular case, it may not be necessary for your boyfriend to tell you where he’s going every time he leaves the house. It’s nice if he does, but if he doesn’t tell you every single time he goes for a walk, you shouldn’t respond negatively to it.

He should only tell you if he’ll be away (unreachable) for a while. I can’t say how long a while is because every couple has different relationship expectations. Some people have separation anxiety, some have an avoidant attachment style, some trust issues, and others can go for days without talking.

For me, it takes about 2-3 hours before I start worrying about why my boyfriend doesn’t reply. When I don’t hear from him, I worry that something bad has happened to him.

In my LDR, wanted my boyfriend to message me even if I was sleeping after work. I would sometimes get upset with him if he didn’t leave me a message or inform me he was visiting his friends or family for about an hour. But now I know that I didn’t have to get upset with him. I just needed to stop thinking that we have to communicate all the time about everything and that he has his own life to live.

So if you’re in a long-distance relationship and your boyfriend messages you every time he leaves for a short time, I think that’s good. He doesn’t want you to worry. But if you don’t hear from him for hours when you know that he isn’t busy with work or something important, then your boyfriend has no idea how he’s making you feel.

You need to talk to your boyfriend about it so that he can see what he needs to work on.

What if your boyfriend cheated on you in the past?

If your boyfriend cheated on you, you can forget about everything that was said in the previous chapter. Your partner can’t just say that you have a problem and that you need to trust him and love him unconditionally.

You probably did love him uconditionally, but, unfortunately, he destroyed the trust that you naively had for him.

Now, he needs to tell you absolutely everything, starting with where he is going and who he is with. Depending on how much you trust your boyfriend, he should also provide you with his social media accounts (or show you his messages when asked), delete the women you feel uncomfortable with, and do everything in his power to prove his loyalty to you.

Cheating is no joking matter. That’s why a cheater needs to be on his best behavior. He needs to willingly and happily tell you where he is going, who he’s going to meet, and preferably when he’s coming back.

He needs to be transparent about everything he does for a few months. Maybe even longer if he’s not changing fast enough or if you have a hard time trusting him.

It may seem like the problem is with you, but that’s not the case. When your partner cheats, your partner has to put in a lot of work. He has to forget about privacy and a lack of trust coming from you and do what it takes to restore trust. He must be aware of the fact that trust takes years to develop and one mistake to lose.

Do you think that your boyfriend should tell you where he’s going or do you think he needn’t do that because you should trust him and have more important things to worry about? Let me know what you think by posting your comment below.

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