When your ex gets engaged quickly after meeting someone new, your ex shows that he isn’t thinking rationally. He’s thinking irrationally because he’s infatuated with the new person and expects the butterflies in his stomach to last.
Little does he know that he won’t always feel so in love and attracted to his partner. He won’t be able to do it because he’ll get used to being around his spouse and see who she really is. He’ll see her true colors and notice that he rushed the relationship when he should have taken the time to learn if the two of them are even compatible and want the same things from life.
Some couples indeed want the same things and appear to be happy at first, but that doesn’t mean that they’re ready to be with each other long-term. All it means is that they’re compatible short-term and that they have to learn how they can live selflessly and amicably.
The mistake most couples who get engaged and married only months after the breakups make is that they don’t think about each other’s differences. They instead think about the things they have in common with each other and focus on what feels right rather than what looks right.
As a result, they ignore early warning signs of a bad relationship and carry on even though they don’t have any solid long-term plans and a strong basis to build on.
So if your ex got engaged quickly after meeting someone new, bear in mind that your ex is rushing way too much. He’s following his instincts rather than common sense and could fail badly when he and his partner slow down their pace and put their ability to cooperate to the test.
In this post, we’ll go into detail about what it means when your ex gets engaged quickly. We’ll also discuss what to do when your ex gets engaged and what your ex’s chances of success are.
What does it mean when your ex gets engaged quickly?
If your ex got engaged quickly and you’re wondering what that means, it basically means that your ex is either too excited to be with his fiance or too desperate for a connection. Either way, your ex has a lot of expectations of her.
He just met her, yet he already wants to settle down with her as if he already knew everything about her.
If you ask me, that’s alarming because your ex wants this relationship to work way too badly. It’s as if he’s in a race against time—and his happiness depends on it.
If your ex was calm and rational, your ex would get to know his partner first and then make plans with her. But because he lacks patience (and possibly a feeling of safety), he tried to secure a spot in his partner’s heart by proposing.
In a way, he’s proved that he’s committed to his partner and the relationship. But on the other hand, he also proved that something’s not right. Something’s making him move at a very unnatural speed.
It’s no secret that people who promise their partners the world and get married quickly fail the quickest. And the reason for that is that they badly seek help, security, sexual gratification, or happiness and want to be in a relationship mainly for themselves.
Such people rush relationships because they haven’t found inner peace and stability yet. They haven’t developed themselves or healed from the end of their previous relationship yet, so they try to hide their flaws and insecurities and skip the self-improvement phase.
People usually do this because they:
- recently got dumped and crave love and validation
- recently broke up with someone and want to move forward with someone new quickly
- fear that they’re running out of time for marriage and kids (age and societal pressure)
- have low self and think that marriage will give them safety, security, and solve their personal issues
- feel forced to get married by their partner, parents, or their partner’s parents
- have been cheating on their partner or living double lives and already knew they wanted to monkey-branch to their new spouse
If your ex got engaged quickly after meeting someone else, your ex doesn’t understand that healthy relationships don’t just require good chemistry and attraction. They require much more than that, starting with a lot of relationship knowledge, maturity, and time to see if a couple can grow together once it gets through the infatuation phase.
Most couples get through this stage about 6 months into the relationship. But that doesn’t mean that it’s safe for them to propose. All it means is that they like each other and that they can have a successful relationship if they know/learn how to work together.
I can’t estimate how much time must go by before a couple is ready to get engaged because some couples are as incompatible as they can be and still stay together for 5 years or longer. But as a general rule of thumb, they should wait more than 6 months because that’s when they start to see who the person they like is at his worst.
They start to see how their partner reacts when he’s angry, sad, or unhappy and can roughly estimate how happy they’ll be when things go according to plan and how unhappy they’ll be when things go awry.
In my opinion, couples should wait at least a year and a half before proposing so they can fully get to know who they’re committing to, learn what they want from life, and make some long-term goals with their partner. If they get engaged before that, they’re practically gambling as they’re committing to strangers.
They should get engaged only when they’re:
- mature and ready for a relationship (not reliant on it)
- (financially) independent
- emotionally healthy
- free from drugs, addictions, and unhealthy habits
- equal in terms of power, effort, and commitment
- done with certain responsibilities
- and ready to take their relationship to the next (more serious) stage
Couples should basically get engaged when they discover who they are as people and who their partner is. When they have a clear understanding of themselves and their partner, they can safely propose because that’s when they can be certain that their partner not only wants the same as them but is also ready for it.
What to do when your ex gets engaged quickly?
When your ex gets engaged quickly, you mustn’t interfere with your ex’s decision. Your ex knows what’s best for him (or at least thinks he does), so you must let him stay in charge of his life.
If you’re friends with your ex and still talk to him, by all means, congratulate your ex. Say that you want his relationship to be full of happiness and laughter and stand by his side.
But if your ex recently broke up with you and you still have feelings for your ex, don’t assume that your ex and his new partner will always be as happy as they appear to be on social media. What you see online isn’t a true depiction of their relationship.
It’s merely what they allow you to see.
So if you want to know how to deal with your ex getting engaged a few months after the breakup, rest assured that your ex won’t have a perfect relationship just because he got engaged so quickly. If anything, he’s much more likely to fail because couples who rush things often burn themselves out.
They rely too much on emotions, and as a result, face incompatibility issues when rationality kicks in months later.
With that said, here’s what to do when your ex gets engaged quickly.
Will my ex be happy if he gets engaged quickly?
Most of the time, couples who get engaged quickly after breaking up with their previous partner don’t get engaged because they’re ready to get engaged but because they need to get engaged. They need to ease unwanted emotions such as fear, anxiety, and low self-esteem, so they do what calms them down and makes them feel good.
They step on the gas and try to cut corners.
Such people often stay together for a while but break up if they can’t overcome the issues that made them get engaged so quickly.
However, some couples who get engaged quickly do stay together. They may not be the happiest of all couples or as happy as they thought they would be, but they still stay together because staying together is safer and more convenient for them than getting a divorce.
If they were to divorce, they’d have to start from scratch and find someone new. That’s why they’d rather just settle for their partner and live their lives the way they’re used to.
So if you’re wondering if your ex will be happy in his new relationship, the truth is that it depends on how emotionally ready, developed, and compatible your ex and his new partner are. If they’re heartbroken or underdeveloped as people, they likely won’t have a very successful (happy) relationship.
They’ll probably get upset or frustrated with each other frequently rather than work together.
But if they communicate efficiently and find out how to work together, they may be able to overcome their differences and grow stronger even if they initially weren’t ready for a serious relationship.
Couples can become ready if they really want to be with each other.
What does my ex need to have a good relationship?
Unlike couples who discuss relationship matters such as kids, jobs, beliefs, goals, friends, etc, your ex and his partner will have to talk about these things later, possibly when they’re forced to talk about them.
It could take them some time before they stop prolonging the elation period, but eventually, they’ll run out of things to feel overjoyed about and take their rose-tinted glasses off. That’s when their relationship will put their personalities and relationship skills to the test.
It will test them for commitment, perseverance, emotional strength, communication, goals, understanding, and much more.
If they’re ready and willing to adapt to each other quickly, they’ll accept each other and live happily. But if they struggle to deal with their emotions and perceptions and have no idea how to resolve differences peacefully, they’ll slowly drift apart and risk breaking up.
What your rushing ex-partner needs to be happy in his relationship is a lot more than just emotions. He also needs to be prepared to maintain his romantic relationship through good and bad and continue to work on himself. This is the only way he’ll be able to grow with his partner and make sure his relationship doesn’t wither with time.
What do you think the right thing to do is when your ex gets engaged quickly? Share your opinion below.
And if you’d like help coping with your breakup, click here to get in touch.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
Hi Zan,
Thank you for the article.
Its’s been 5 months since my ex broke up with me.When it started getting serious he broke up. He said he can’t see a future with me.He wanted to get married by the age 27-28 as its was a right age to marry according to him.I’ve asked him if he has family pressure but he said there are no pressure.He started using dating apps after 3 weeks of our breakup.I didn’t contacted him since then neither did he.After 3 months he blocked me on instagram even though we don’t follow each another, and after 4 months he blocked my number as well. After 3 months he started seeing this girl to whom i think is about to be engaged as he wanted to be married by next year as all his family members follow her and has liked all her pictures.
I feel devastated even after 5 months.I am trying not to stalk him to feel better but it’s really hard but I ‘m trying my best to move on.
Do they even regret by doing such things?
Hi Ananya.
Your ex is or has just stopped feeling infatuated with this person. He first felt relieved from the breakup and then got empowered by his new girlfriend. You should unfollow him or delete/stop using social media for a while. What you see on there is the best of him, which is an unreal representation of his character and the relationship. If you want to heal, you have to do what’s best for you. And what’s best for you is to shut him out of your life. Stay off social media and tell your friends not to talk about him. Thins will get much better when you go weeks without receiving any updates on his life.
Hang in there!
Zan
Hey Zan
My ex started dating someone a month after the breakup (honestly eh was probably talking to her longer than that). Not even a year together and they are engaged. She’s 21 years younger than he is.
I don’t get it. He is doing everything with her the complete opposite of me. And always said that he could never be with someone that age because he’s old enough to be her dad. So wtf.. where did this complete turn around from? I’m trying not to compare and take it personally but it so hard not to.
Hi Marie.
People often say one thing and do something else. When they say it, they look at it rationally. But when they actually do it, they develop feelings and change their perception. I’m not saying this to give you hope, but the age difference is probably too big for them to make it work. How old are they?
Best regards,
Zan
Thank you so much for responding. I love reading your articles. You’re upfront and honest that’s why I thought to comment on here.
Oh trust me, there’s nothing you could say to give me hope. He’s shown a side that you can’t come back from and I have zero desire to have him in my life.
He is 49, she is 28.
Hi Marie.
Thanks for reading and commenting. I know I’m a bit too straightforward sometimes, but I’d rather be honest than deceitful. Their relationship probably won’t work. They aren’t on the same path, considering the age difference.
I wish you all the best!
Zan
My wife and I had only been divorced for 6 months and she blindsided me with her new relationship. The worst part of this was after we got divorced we were still hangung around one another, and even entertaining the possibility of reconciliation. Fast forward to a couple weeks ago, I found out from a 3rd party that she is now engaged to her partner that she hasn’t even been with for a year… and she still hasn’t told me herself that she’s engaged. My heart is shattered and I find myself feeling jealous and bitter at times. I’m still single and working on myself until the right one comes along, but damn this hurts. One day at a time I suppose… pray for me please
Hi Nicole.
I’m sorry you had to go through such a painful separation. Take this valuable time to improve your self-esteem and improve yourself. You’ll find the right one when the time is right. Mark my words.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hello,
My ex and I were together for 3 years. It was amazing the first 5-6 months. It was amazing overall, but I got a new job that required me to drive far so I was always gone majority of the day and I was exhausted from it. COVID happened, my grandma passed due to COVID and it seems throughout our 3 year relationship between 2019 – 2022, a lot of obstacles came our way. That included me struggling with anxiety and depression and it was my first time dealing with it along with being in a relationship. My partner did encourage me to seek therapy which I’m grateful for, but once I started attending therapy, issues from my childhood came up all over again and affected our intimacy. My ex couldn’t understand why I couldn’t be intimate. They felt as if I didn’t want them or desired them and did everything in their power to seduce me. It was never them, but I always felt as if my anxiety, depression and me going to therapy wasn’t going to resolve itself overnight. I felt as if my ex did guide me to therapy but they didn’t try to be more patient. I tried to communicate with them and ask for help around the house, but they always seemed so angry with me because I couldn’t be intimate. This forced my ex and I to talk about other possibilities. We decided to open our relationship and she met someone else. After they shared their first kiss, I immediately expressed I no longer wanted that and they failed to stop talking to this new person because they were too involved by this time. I met the new person and I tried to understand. This new person was polyamorous and introduced the lifestyle to my ex. My ex decided they wanted to explore polyamory. Again, I tried everything for my ex because I didn’t want to break up, but we decided we didn’t want the same things. We loved each other and decided to go our separate ways and we expressed maybe it just wasn’t the right time. She went and moved in with her new connection, the polyamorous person after only knowing one another for 3-4 months. It’s now been 9 months of them living together. They went from trying to be polyamorous to now being engaged! I know things change, but how could my ex move on so quickly? Move in with someone else, explore polyamory but end up engaged to the same person who stated their lifestyle was strictly polyamory? It’s confusing as to why my ex wasn’t patient with me. Why they didn’t try harder. Why it was so easy for them to move in with someone else only knowing them 3-4 months. Why they told me our relationship wasn’t over but our breakup needed to happen in order for us to heal, but they just got engaged. I’m having trouble comprehending how it was so easy for my ex to find/build a connection with someone else so easily. How can they get engaged to someone only knowing them for a year? My ex also suffered from anxiety, depression, had issues with their parents, didn’t have many friends. So a lot of my friends tell me my ex is doing this out of convenience because they don’t have a big support system. A lot of people tell me my ex doesn’t know what they want. That my ex is lost and will soon find out it’s not all rainbows and butterflies, but even if that does happen, where would that leave me? Of course I still love and miss my ex. Do I want them back? That’s a hard question I ask myself until this day. We don’t talk. How was it so easy for them to move on? Why didn’t they realize we had a good thing?
Hi Yvette.
Your ex tried polyamory because she wasn’t happy with the relationship. This was her attempt to feel sexually satisfied. But unfortunately, it made things worse as she developed feelings and urges for the new person. Your ex had been losing feelings for you for a while. It didn’t happen as quickly as you think. Today, your ex is focusing on the bad things (on the things she didn’t get). That’s why your ex is focusing on new things rather than talking to you.
Your ex should have been more understanding of your problems. Because she wasn’t, the breakup happened.
Stay strong!
Zan
Hi Zan,
Love this write up. Can you please provide advice as I am struggling.
My ex and I broke up last April and I we were together 3.5 years. From the very beginning I had said I wanted marriage and at first he was all for it, but then the excuses kept happening. He wanted to be financially stable, we disagreed on baby timelines etc. after 2 years together he moved away but we decided to do long distances. I broke up with him after a year of that because he wanted me to move with him and I wouldn’t without a proposal. He asked if we could get back together and I said only if and we did couples therapy with the intent to getting engaged.
After about 6 months of that he said he still was unsure so we broke up. I found out shortly after we broke up he immediately had a girlfriend. I was hurt and thought he’d string her along like he did me well not the case. Just found out he got engaged this February (10 months after our breakup) and according to their wedding website he actually met her and started dating her 3 months before we broke up ( while we were in couples therapy talking marriage working on communicating etc) Not to mention they are quickly getting married in May
I am crushed he spent all that time dragging his feet with me just to rush into it with someone else. They are going on all these trips he seems more affectionate all these things I begged for. This seems so out of character from the person I knew. I am working on getting through this I am in therapy but was I just stupid and let someone use me why they found their wife or is this rushing to the alter.
Could you edit comment to remove my last name I didn’t realize
Done.👍
Hi Megan.
Many exes do this. They rush to the altar because they ride the infatuation wave. They feel great, so they act on their emotions and try to get as far as they can. This doesn’t mean you weren’t worth marrying, Megan, but that the guy wasn’t ready to take the relationship to the next stage. With you, he needed to overcome his problems whereas with the new person, he could just go with the flow.
It seems that he cheated on you and felt so relieved and infatuated that he’s rushing the marriage. This isn’t a good sign as they’ll have to discuss important relationship topics when they’re married.
Kind regards,
Zan
So this is kinda baffling me. My ex and I were together for a year. Had some amazing memories and chemistry. She was single 12 years prior to me. She hinted at marriage half way though our relationship. She was starting to kinda push it on me. She’s an extremely emotional girl. Anyway, at Christmas(2021), I just walked away and she knew we’d take a break of sorts. I know I took her for granted. She craves quality time all the time, and she knew ii am in school and it occupies a lot of time. She never really understood that too well. It smothered me.We talked a bit here and there. Well, In March, she started seeing someone at her church. 2 1/2 months after that, they’ve bought their rings and there engaged now. He just got divorced from a 4 year marriage 3 months prior. I saw her for the first time last month since we split. All she could talk about was “he’s my world now” and “he’s treated me the best ever and this is the happiest I’ve ever been”, but them she would reminisce about all the good times we had, and in detail. It’s
Like a flip flop. She mentioned us being amazing friends, and still loves me, but couldn’t act on those feelings. She name drops this guys name to me all the time. Some new pics are popping up on social media of them, but strangely, mine are still right there, still. This guy is the exact opposite of me. She even told me she can’t hold conversations with him like she can still do with me. We ALWAYS have a great time together. She even admits that. Anyway, I told her I own my mistakes and regret what I’ve done. She was astounded I admitted this to her on my own will. Told her I’m happy with or without her now. The whole night, she cried over us numerous times, but would bounce back to talking about him. I still do love her, but I know I’m good with out her. I’ve been in NC for 12 days now. Trying to get to the best version of me ever. I hope she’ll notice that one day
Hi Patrick.
You probably had a better connection with this person, but they get along better. The problem was that you wanted to take a break which means you got tired of her. She saw that as an opportunity to detach and reattach to this new person. You must let her be now so she can give her relationship a shot.
Best regards,
Zan
Thank you for that. It just seems excessive to get engaged when you don’t know someone that long
You’re right Patrick.
Some people are in a hurry for various reasons. Some think their time is running out and some just act on feelings of excitement.
Best,
Zan
Thanks for the reply. She actually reached out to me and told me she was going through some spiritual and emotional problems. She told me that she trusted me with everything in her. She wants to meet for coffee next week. Wants to catch up. She loves to reminisce of our memories together. She slipped and called me “baby” tonight. Didn’t mention that. Thought it was sweet. She admitted to her faults in the relationship. I know she still has feelings. Just the tone of her voice and how she calls out my name. It’s passionate. Not jumping into anything,’but does tell me that nobody can make her laugh like me and she cannot talk and hold a conversation with anyone better than me. I’m just joyous that she hasn’t cut me out of her life. Maybe there is a future for us and maybe there isn’t. Also,’she’s mentioned she’s noticed how I’ve grown in the in the past 6 months. I did tell her I changed for me only and she’ll get to see the best version of me, even better than when first met. Today was good
Hi Patrick.
Did you meet for coffee? The things she tells you are nice, but unless she deals with her problems and sees you as a part of the solution rather than a problem, she’s just breadcrumbing you. Her actions have to match her words in order for the words to count.
Sincerely,
Zan
Hi Zan,
I love your articles. They have helped me get through some rough times. My ex broke up with me almost a year ago (and started dating someone 2-3 months after that is 20 years younger) and I’m still struggling to deal with all the emotions. They have only been together for 9-10ish months and are engaged. He treated me like crap and did a complete 180 with everything. It seems like he’s a completely different person…I’m trying to focus on myself and heal but this was just a huge gut punch. I’m struggling with how much he changed and he’s treating her 1000 times better than he ever did me. Any advice (other than move on) would be appreciated. I’m struggling right now.
Hi Mary.
He’s not changing her much differently. He just has to get to know her first, and then his true colors will come out. Also, what you see isn’t a real representation of their relationship. Don’t believe just what you can see and hear. You would have to be with him in a relationship to know what it’s like.
Best regards,
Zan
My ex announced that one the 28th she is going to get engaged. The bf told her he got her ring and that he had a surprise for her on December 28th. My friend told me everything and I was heartbroken. Still am. But at the same time, this article confirms what I figured. Sure, my ex claims to be in live with the guy and is constantly posting “exciting” things as if this is a done deal. This new guy has a good job, is looking for a house, and is all set to settle down. My ex was looking for that.
Here’s the time frame. They met in August or September (while she was still with me, and she refused to say anything about me to him). Fast forward to November when they start getting close, and my ex openly admitted she’ll happily leave me for him. Hearing that, we mutually broke it off. Not too long after, they’re a couple, and now they’re all set to get engaged as if it’s a done deal.
There’s a slight problem though. They’re going too fast from what I’ve seen. Sure people seem happy for them on social media, and while I can see the wedding happening, I also see it crashing and burning. They’re quick to just move on with their lives as they see marriage as a necessity. My ex wants to get married by 30, which she turns 30 in March, and she’s desperate to have children before her mother passes away due to pancreas problems.
Bottom Line: The guy seemed desperate for a wife and my ex is desperate to get married. I’m not sure if it’s going to work. Sure the guy may have the necessities, but they haven’t known each other that long. I only see a 50% of this working.
Hi Rhys.
I’m not sure if they’re going to last, but they definitely are rushing – making decisions while still in love with each other and can’t see any incompatibilities. You have to remember that your ex cheated on you (emotionally at least) and that she’s not as great as you may think now that you’re hurting. Give it some time, work on detaching from her, and you’ll soon see that she betrayed you badly and that she doesn’t deserve your thoughts and feelings.
Best regards,
Zan
Interesting perspectives, and I will offer my own experience from many years ago. My wife and I got engaged after only SIX WEEKS…astoundingly fast…but we were both mature adults (30+) who learned from our previous relationships (never married or engaged). We both knew what we wanted and needed in a lifetime partner far beyond any short term infatuation and communicated well.
The engagement was still over nine months long with cohabitation…plenty of time to live together and experience practical daily compatibility, families, etc. We also completed pre marriage counseling with scored survey questions. Been happily married for 32 years with grown children.
So while I agree that such haste is not usually the wisest path, it can happen with the right partner and lead to a wonderful life together.
Cheers
Hi Greg.
Thanks for your comment. It seems that getting engaged quickly worked for you and your wife as you’d done the work on yourselves prior to getting in a relationship. That’s how you became compatible and had less to figure out later.
I’m glad it all worked out for you!
Best regards,
Zan
My ex pretty much cheated on my with someone he just met in June/July and got married to her 2 days ago. He tends to rush and think later. I am hurt but I am also glad I dodged that bullet. He may have told me I was the bad one, but once a cheater always a cheater, she can deal with his abusive ways now.
Hi CJ.
He got married way too quickly. He doesn’t yet know his wife, so he’s in for a surprise when he meets the real woman he married. I’m not saying they’ll be extremely incompatible with each other, but they’ll have a lot of things to figure out much later after the infatuation phase.
Best regards,
Zan
I was actually just starting to feel better and like I could really let go and then I just found out that my ex got engaged today. I don’t know which way to feel. She broke up with me a year and a half ago, and then not even a month after(27 days) after the break of she got in a relationship with a guy she started talking to while still being in a relationship with me. The reasons she gave me for the breakup was because I displayed codependent behaviors and that we’ve grown in different directions. I find some truth in that but also I feel like there was a lot more that she just didn’t say, which I understand from the dumper’s perspective.
Since then she reached out to me to just wish me a happy birthday a day after my birthday, and I’ve slipped up one time with no contact and reached out just to apologize for the way I showed up and behaved in the relationship. Trust me when I say whatever response you think you’ll get you won’t, and that they most likely haven’t grown to understand that it’s a two-way street in addition to you feeling like an idiot. Basically she downplayed the relationship she had with me, and that she’s not angry at me but sad, while also justifying the way she went and behaved about breaking up with me because of her feelings. I understand that feelings are valid and that if you feel a certain way it’s an indication that something is going on or needs to change. Since then I also learned that just because you can justify doing something doesn’t mean it’s okay for you to do it even if you feel a certain way about it, basically using feelings as a technicality for bad behavior or to treat others poorly. Obviously there is exceptions to this. I have the biggest problem with it because it feels like emotionally cheated on me with her current partner and can’t even admit that what she did was hurtful.
That all being said… part of me feels like the relationship between her and I did not matter because she expressed to me in great detail how she would love to have married me when we were together, but now after finding out about the engagement I just feel like that was a lie and she doesn’t care really who she gets married to just as long as she gets married.
She’s she’s been dating this guy for a year and a half now, but doesn’t it take longer to really get to know somebody?
Thank you for this article!
It’s been hard to move on from my ex.
He tore my heart apart in jan.
He said it wasn’t for another girl.
But later on i found out it is and she already had ‘in a relationship status’ on her fb.
Him and I dated for 1 yr 3 months
Yesterday I found out they just got engaged.. its hasn’t even been a year since him and I broke up.
He also lost his father this year.
Towards the end of our relationship He got very nasty to me amd didn’t like if I stood up for myself. He became controlling.
Obviously this girl was around while him and I were dating.
Also stings as we work in the same industry. She knew of me and we were social media friends.. she knew him and I were together from my posts..
It has been tough for me to digest all of this..
I guess he needed a mouse like doll to control.
I truly love this man and he knew that I wanted to marry him..
I know it is what it is… and to accept.. but it truly stings!
I do think it is insane for them, or even anyone to be engaged in less than a year.. straight from another relationship and no time to grieve from the loss of his father..
Just seems odd to me.
This article has helped.. thank you!!
But… he is the one who got away for me.
Hi Heart broken.
It definitely is strange for your ex to get engaged in less than a year. It doesn’t mean that they’re perfect for each other, but that they were rushing it. Maybe they were afraid and needed to feel secure. Or perhaps they acted on their infatuation without thinking. Whatever the case, they have a lot to figure out, so don’t think that they’re living a fairytale.
Best regards,
Zan
If it makes you feel any better. There’s a woman at work who kept posting pics of herself that weren’t NSFW for attention and tried to equate that with the love someone gave her she wanted to be with and ruinned the mans life.This plastic chick did the same thing your ex did by being real nasty towards someone since she lost a family member then married someone new right after. Like not a year later, RIGHT AFTER. We can’t control what people do but in both cases neither parties were honest and have that abandonment issue. It’s one thing to be open and say things aren’t working out I want to be with someone else, but to openly lie and cheat on someone when diseases are real and to just be with someone you can control in order to not being alone is wrong. It definitely is strange for your ex to get engaged in less than a year but you deserve someone way better who doesn’t have issues like that. Your ex wouldn’t have been happy if you did that to them but thinking it’s ok to do that to you makes them a bad narcissist with abandonment issues.They do nothing but bring pain to themselves and the people around them.
I enjoy all your articles, thank you. It’s light in the dark.
My ex “break” up with me two months ago “claiming he needs time and is overwhelmed by work” (and other accusations on me of course), then this week I found out that he has been monkey branching his new bf 2 months prior we “break” up. They met up for the first time (while I was in quarantine), and decided to be together, because they have things to chat about and are from the same area, have something in common.
TBH, his new bf is 14 years older than he is, a bear, which gives him a lot of sense of security. Now my ex is traveling to see him every weekend, and talking about moving in next year.
I can’t deny I secretly wish they will fail, but I also feel like his new bf gives him a lot of security. I don’t know how to calm myself down.
Lastly, he texted me happy bday after radio silent for a month or so….but pretty neutral though.
Hi JL.
I understand that you’re going through a difficult time right now. But you have to be strong and see who your ex is as a person and what he did to you. You have to heal and detach so you can see that he cheated and branched and that he doesn’t deserve you. A person who cheats doesn’t have a lot of respect for you, let alone himself, so focus on changing your opinion of him.
Once you emotionally understand that he’s far from being your ideal partner, you’ll likely feel angry for what he did. That’s when you should do your best to forgive him so you can prepare yourself for new opportunities.
Best regards,
Zan
Such a good article! This tells a lot about that person. How he/she process unwanted feelings. And we sa dumpee we should just walk on our way and try our best and obviously to be in indefinite NC… as you always said to me ♥️
Hi Linda.
The indefinite no contact rule is the way to go!
Zan
That’s irrational behavior, and speaks to an insecurity in the person, a fear that if they don’t get engaged to the new partner that they might lose them. That, and infatuation. Not a good base for a sustainable relationship. That said, sometimes you just click with someone like you never have before.
Hi Doug.
That’s right. Getting engaged when emotions run high isn’t a wise idea. More often than not, it ends badly. When I say “ends badly,” I don’t necessarily mean that couples separate and despise each other. I mean that they have to address their issues later on in the relationship and that they often aren’t able to. That’s why so many couples get stuck in a relationship that isn’t very good for them.
Sincerely,
Zan
I cant sleep right. One of my former colleagues did this to a friend of mine and it doesn’t sit right with me. Just because the guy she was seeing at work was black, the racist owners said this man was someone harassing this woman and he lost his job and so much more after only for this woman to parade her new husband around 2months after she broke it off with my friend. Everyone knows she contacted him before getting married and lied about how she felt just because she assumes men are supposed to chase after women. Why would a man with options chase after somone who treated him like crap?
Hi JG.
Men get attached and later (after the breakup) their egos and self-esteem destroyed. They chase because they’re in pain and want to get validated and make themselves feel better.
Best,
Zan