How To Cope With Breaking Up With Someone You Love?

People may have different views on life, but one thing we all agree on is that breakups are tough. They make even the toughest men and women experience gut-wrenching pain and anxiety and force them to obsessively analyze their mistakes, decisions, self-worth, and ways to get back with their ex. Their goal is to eliminate anxiety, love themselves, and stop feeling hurt over the breakup.

Most dumpees want their ex back yesterday. They’re in so much pain they’re willing to sacrifice their dignity and do anything just to feel loved again. That’s why they often make breakup mistakes that do the opposite of what they want to do. They annoy their ex with emotions, pain, wants, and expectations and overwhelm their ex.

Their ex’s response then hurts them and makes it harder for them to cope with the breakup.

So if you want to know how to cope with breaking up with someone you love, bear in mind that it won’t be easy. Even if you do everything by the book, you will still have setback days when you feel like calling your ex and telling your ex you love (or perhaps even hate) him or her. Hurt feelings on top of separation anxiety will tell you to seek hope or reassurance from your ex through vengeance, begging, apologizing, talking, or reading through old conversations and pictures.

The newer the breakup, the more you can expect the breakup to affect you and delay your ultimate goal, which is recovery.

Healing requires you to avoid interacting with the person who broke your heart and hurt you badly by rejecting you. You need to understand that certain behaviors bother your ex, hurt you, bring out the worst in you, and lower your chances of reconciliation and recovery.

It’s okay if you want your ex back. It’s almost impossible not to obsess over your dumper ex and gravitate toward him or her. The shock your ex has put you through forces you to find your ex extremely attractive and important.

You’ll struggle to see your ex for the person he or she is because you’ll need your ex to validate you and help you cope with the breakup.

Your feelings and opinion of your ex will change when you no longer depend on your ex for healing and self-love. That’s when you’ll finally take your rose-tinted glasses off and acknowledge your ex’s flaws, mistakes, and negative behaviors.

You may feel like you’ll always have feelings for your ex and that you’ll never find someone as magnificent as your ex, but that’s not true. As soon as you pull yourself together and start thinking rationally, your ex’s importance will reduce significantly in your eyes and allow you to see your own worth and purpose. It won’t happen overnight, but the better you get at understanding why the breakup happened and forgiving yourself for the things you could have done better, the more you’ll hold your ex accountable for giving up and not giving you a chance to explain or work on relationship issues.

The good thing about breakups is that they get gradually easier with time. The first few days after rejection are the hardest as they shock, disorient, and swamp dumpees with anxiety and uncertainty. They force dumpees to beg and plead and do all kinds of unattractive deeds that lower their romantic value and chance of reconciliation.

Things get slightly easier (although still ridiculously difficult) the second or third week into the breakup. That’s when dumpees typically realize that their ex isn’t coming back in the short run and that they’ll need to accept it. This is the time when they completely lose control over their wants and needs and fall deep into depression.

They blame themselves for the things they did or didn’t do and refuse to hold their ex accountable. It’s only months later that they recover and see their ex’s true colors and capabilities. That’s normal the time when they start enjoying themselves again and appreciating the little things in life. Things they previously took for granted.

So bear in mind that you won’t be able to avoid pain altogether, but you will be able to reduce it. If you develop the self-control to avoid acting on impulse, you should avoid confronting your ex with your problems and needs and learn to rely on yourself. It will take time to reprogram your brain and convince yourself you don’t need your ex to be happy, but time is on your side.

While you’re struggling to cope with the breakup, you’re also learning important life and relationship lessons. You don’t have much ego as a result of the pain, so you’re able to reflect and grow in ways you need to. Self-improvement is a huge part of the letting-go process. If you outgrow yourself and become the best version of yourself, you’ll disassociate your mistakes from the past with the person you’ve become.

You won’t care about the past because you’ll appreciate who you are more than who you were. You may even thank your ex for forcing you to make some positive changes in your life. I suppose that comes later. For now, you need to learn how to cope with breaking up with someone you love. As you develop self-awareness and perseverance, you should notice the breakup getting easier and that you have fewer emotional setbacks.

Consider these signs of healing and proof that you can and will get over your ex. If you just focus on yourself, it’s not a matter of if but when. There’s no reason why you shouldn’t get over a person who dumped you when you do everything in your power to take your focus off your ex and do things that make a difference in your life.

In this post, we discuss how to cope with breaking up with someone you love and how to recover as quickly as possible.

How to cope with breaking up with someone you love?

To cope with a breakup, you must understand what a breakup is and recognize which behaviors are helpful and which are not. Not everything you do contributes to your health and well-being. Behaviors that seek your ex’s attention risk bothering and suffocating your ex. They could force unhealthy reminders onto your ex and bring a negative reaction out of your ex.

And when your ex reacts negatively, chances are you’ll take it personally and experience more pain and suffering.

That’s why it’s crucial to learn what your ex expects and needs from you before you randomly give it to your ex. Learn more about dumpers and dumpees’ expectations and refrain from acting in ways your ex doesn’t want you to act. This will prevent you from receiving negative responses from your ex and help you cope with the breakup better.

Another thing that will help you with your breakup is an understanding of what went wrong. Understanding why the breakup happened won’t only let you accept the breakup but also encourage you to process it and work on becoming wiser, stronger, and emotionally independent.

So start by figuring out why the breakup happened. Oftentimes, there’s more than one particular event or (recurring) issue that causes a breakup. When you learn the cause of the breakup, you can spend some of your excess time and energy working on it. You can do this by reading some self-help books, talking to a relationship coach or mentor, or signing up for therapy.

When you and others notice your improvements, you’ll love yourself more, be more confident, and have an easier time coping with the loss of your relationship.

Don’t reject feelings and pretend they don’t exist. It’s extremely important to allow yourself to feel negative feelings and pain. Allowing them means you acknowledge them and consider them a part of your healing process. If you reject them and think you’re weak or incapable of letting go, you’ll hurt your self-esteem and make the recovery process a living nightmare for yourself.

Whether you want your ex back or simply let go, you mustn’t think something’s wrong with you for having feelings, hope, and expectations. Someone you know may have felt pain to a lesser degree and dealt with the breakup blues quicker, but that’s because he or she has different coping mechanisms and recovery methods. You’re different people, so avoid comparing yourself to others.

Avoid also talking to people who tell you to “just get over it.” Such people lack empathy or have forgotten what it’s like to feel rejected and worthless. You want to surround yourself with supportive people who understand your suffering and sympathize with you. They will uplift you whereas unsympathetic people will prevent you from expressing yourself and make you feel helpless.

A good social life will help you feel accepted in society and prevent you from feeling alone and lonely.

Hence, I encourage you to avoid those who ignore your feelings or tell you to stop bringing up your ex and the pain you feel. You learn who your real friends are in your worst/hardest situations. If your friends don’t care about you when you need them the most, they’re with you only for the things they can get from you.

Talking to your ex is also a big no-no. If you treat the breakup like a relationship and think you’ll feel better by talking and bonding, you’re mistaken. Talking to your ex in person or over a call or text will give you tons of false hope and slow down your healing. That’s why it’s highly advisable to cut off all contact with your ex (go no contact).

Sometimes, cutting people off is necessary. Breakups are a good example of when talking to a person with different opinions and feelings does more harm than good. It confuses you and hurts you rather than lets go of hope and encourages healing.

So use this time well and find alternative ways to keep yourself busy. Find a hobby, activity, ambition, or another person to spend your time and energy on. It will show you that it’s not the end of the world but rather a new beginning. You may not see the light at the end of the tunnel right away, but eventually, you will. If you do what’s best for you, it’s only a matter of time before you learn how to cope with an unwanted breakup and regain control of your emotions.

Exercising, yoga, meditation, and other relaxation techniques will also do wonders for you. They’ll help you calm your racing thoughts and difficult emotions and teach you to live in the present moment.

It’s not just one thing that will let you gain control over the breakup. Most people find success through a combination of different recovery methods. You must find out what works for you and keep looking for additional ways to cope with the breakup.

I found journaling extremely helpful. Putting down how I felt, why I felt that way, and how I wanted to feel made me express my emotions when I had no one to talk to and lean on. I still preferred to speak about it with my family, but they weren’t always available, so I needed a coping strategy for when I was alone or surrounded by people I couldn’t confide in.

If I could go back in time, I’d sign up for therapy as well. It would help me blame myself less and speed up my self-love and recovery.

You’ll have to detach from your ex, fall out of love, rebuild self-love, and find purpose in your life. These things all take time, so don’t expect to get over your ex in days or weeks. You’ll get over your ex quickly only if you broke up with your ex or got broken up with when you wanted to break up. If you were dumped, however, you’ll have to learn how to cope with the breakup and work on becoming emotionally independent.

With that said, here are my tips on how to cope with breaking up with someone you love.

It gets easier with time and practice

Always remember that you won’t feel as sad, anxious, tired, and worthless as you feel right now. Soon, you’ll adopt various coping techniques and gain better control over your thoughts and feelings. I couldn’t tell you when that will be, but it will get easier when you accept your mistakes and hold your ex accountable for his or hers.

Most dumpees cope with the breakup better 3 or so months after the breakup. They heal enough to understand they aren’t solely to blame for the breakup and that their ex is no angel. That’s when they stop obsessing over their ex 24/7 and looking for ways to get back together.

They learn that reconciliation lies in their ex’s hands and that they must preserve their value if they want their ex to respect them and be with them again.

Breakups hinder the flow of happy hormones and make it beyond challenging for dumpees to see the big picture. Don’t expect to see it mere days or weeks into the breakup. It will probably take you months just to start enjoying your life again and see your purpose outside of the relationship with your ex.

Despite feeling tempted to break no contact and pour your heart out, trust the detachment process and stick to the rules of no contact. Show your ex that you respect his or her decision and that you won’t reach out just because you were rejected.

Your strength and resilience will convey the message that you have your emotions and life under control and that the breakup hasn’t broken you. If you were to beg for another chance, your ex would see that you’re dependent on him or her and that you don’t love yourself.

In all honesty, it doesn’t matter what your ex thinks. What you think and feel is much more important. Your thoughts and feelings determine your happiness, health, and long-term success. I encourage you to focus on healing rather than what your ex thinks and feels.

Self-focus will help you cope with breaking up with someone you love and decrease the time it takes to get yourself back. You may not notice it because healing is not linear, but every day gets a bit better. If it takes 8 months on average to heal, each day accounts for approximately 0.4% of your healing process. Try to remember that even when you’re missing your ex like crazy and wondering if you’ll ever be happy again.

The truth is that you will. You just have to detox from your ex and fall back in love with yourself. As long as you leave your ex alone, you can expect to stop caring about your ex and feeling hurt by his or her words, actions, and inactions.

How do you cope with breaking up with someone you love? What coping methods do you use or used when you got broken up with? Share your tips and experiences below the post.

However, if you’re looking for post-breakup advice or therapy, check out our coaching services. We provide various forms of communication and support.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.