How Soon Is Too Soon To Date After A Breakup?

The best way to know how soon is too soon to date after a breakup is to consider your emotional well-being.

Think about whether you’re happy as a single person and if you’re able to contribute to another person—rather than to just take what he or she has to offer.

You can tell you’re not ready to date if you:

• need your partner to mend your broken heart
• want to be with someone—anyone
• intend to rely on your partner to become happier with yourself
• desire a relationship so that you can receive relationship benefits
• still obsess/cry/hate your ex
• want your ex to notice that you’re dating
• expect your ex to notice your personal improvements
• love your ex and find him/her incredibly attractive

If you notice any of these emotional impulses inside you, you’re far from ready to date again.

It’s not the right time to start dating again as long as you need someone for your happiness.

This is true whether you’ve just come out of a relationship or if you’re unhappy in life in general.

Your new relationships will never work if you expect your partner to help you out with your own internal conflicts.

He or she can help, of course, but your partner still won’t be able to carry your load and save you from your own misery.

You’re the only person who can do that.

So take care of your own emotional well-being before you jump in a romantic relationship with someone whom you’re starting to develop feelings for.

Only then you’ll be ready to commit to someone new after a breakup.

In this article, we’ll talk about how soon is too soon to date after a breakup and how you can tell if you’re ready.

When is it too soon to date after a breakup?

Let’s make something clear first.

Although feeling desired after a breakup can help raise your ego, dating right after the breakup is far from smart.

As long as you’re hung up on your ex and you’re suffering as a result, you shouldn’t try to commit to someone else.

First of all, the person you’re seeing deserves to know that you’ve just come out of a long-term relationship and that you’re still hurting over your loss.

It’s the mature thing to do because your relationship will struggle to survive if it moves at the normal pace that healthy romantic relationships do.

That’s why it needs to progress much, much slower so that the foundation may be properly built.

And second, your relationship likely won’t work when you fail to connect to someone new so quickly after the breakup. It’s nearly impossible when you’re still in pain and crave your ex’s intimacy.

You’ll have an incredibly hard time transitioning from one person onto the next when you still think about your ex 24/7.

That’s why you’ll only end up exhausting yourself as well as your partner and undergo a huge emotional setback when your rebound relationship fails.

The pain from the end of your relationship will hurt you so much, it could take you another month or two to get back to where you were emotionally prior to dating your rebound.

So my personal suggestion is to avoid seeing someone else before you’ve properly dealt with grief.

When is it time to start dating again?

Everyone processes breakups differently so there’s no set amount of time you should wait before you start seeing someone else.

You should, however, wait long enough to be at least 80% over your ex.

So if breakups take an average of 8 months to get over, you should wait at least 6 months before you open your heart to someone else.

It really depends on how much your ex has wounded you and what you’re doing in your free time to get over your breakup.

For example, if you’ve been sitting at home crying for 4 months straight and haven’t been eating properly, you’re far from ready to get back on the dating field.

I know it’s incredibly easy to jump on Tinder and other dating apps these days, but trust me that you won’t do yourself any good if you try to meet someone new too soon.

Just how you’re not ready to break the no contact rule and wound yourself intentionally, you’re not ready to get involved with someone else right after the breakup.

Not when you’re still in the early stages of a breakup for the dumpee and you’re struggling to pull yourself together after your breakup.

You need to understand beforehand that dating another person won’t help you get well.

It can’t when you fail to fulfill your partner’s emotional needs and he or she neglects yours in return.

So avoid rebounding and finding out about how it can hurt you badly.

You’re better off not knowing.

What happens if you date too early?

Dating too soon after the breakup feels strange. It feels as if you’re unable to connect with another person and understand him or her too.

No matter how hard you try to get to know the person you’re seeing—you just don’t feel anything toward him or her.

What you sense instead is an absolute void—nothingness. You experience a lack of positive love-like emotions—so you coincidentally fail to reciprocate them as well.

To you as a brokenhearted dumpee, dating so soon appears meaningless.

It seems pointless, a waste of time, and even annoying at times.

Because you go through one negative experience after another, your attitude toward the new relationship quickly worsens.

When it does, nostalgia immediately resurfaces—and your longing for your ex increases—bringing the pain with it.

That’s why you mustn’t try to rush your healing process by dating another person. You only risk reopening your semi-healed wound which could hurt as much as the breakup did when you got broken up with.

So take my warning seriously and work through your emotions before you start dating again.

It’s truly the best for your well-being as well as for the new person.

How do you know if you’re ready to date?

As we’ve already mentioned, you will know you’re ready to date when you feel ready to date.

Once your obsession, pain, anxiety, and fear of your ex dating someone else vanish completely and you feel happy to be alive, you’re ready to start dating again.

You will know you’re ready when:

• your energy and enthusiasm are back to the way they should be
• you’re able to laugh about your ex or feel nothing toward him or her
• nostalgia and emotional setbacks stop altogether
• you want your ex to be happy even if he/she has hurt you
• you feel excited to enjoy your own life to the fullest again

When your negative emotions toward your ex subside and you feel stronger about yourself, you can be certain you’re on the right track.

Perhaps you’re not 100% ready to give new romance a try—and that’s okay because you don’t need to be.

You must, however, be okay with never hearing from your ex again and, of course, your ex not coming back.

That’s how you know you’re ready to date after a breakup.

When should I start dating again quiz

If you have days when you still think, worry, or obsess over your ex—and you’re still not sure if you’re ready to date here’s a little quiz.

Ask yourself:

• am I over my ex?
• am I losing out on my ex or is my ex losing out on me?
• how do I feel about my life? Am I happy, energetic, and back to my old self?
• can I give the best of me to someone new?
• do I have the energy and willpower to get to know a new person?
• am I still vulnerable and prone to setbacks?
• do I still think about my ex more than I’m willing to admit?
• have I worked on my shortcomings enough so that I don’t repeat the same mistakes?

These are just a few questions you can ask yourself when you’re trying to find out if you’re ready to date yet.

Since you’re the only one who knows how soon is too soon to date after a breakup because of your feelings, dig deep and figure out how you feel toward yourself, your ex, and perhaps someone new as well.

Take some time, go through the quiz and when you’re ready, self-evaluate your detachment.

Measure your feelings

Imagine you have 3 different scales measuring from 1 – 10.

The first one denotes your own happiness toward yourself. The second scale signifies your love and attachment toward your ex, and the last one measures attraction toward your new dating candidate.

Let’s start with the first scale.

If your happiness toward yourself is 8 or higher, and you like where you are in life right now, then you have what it takes to be happy with yourself again. ✅

Moreover, when you think about your ex and he or she doesn’t affect you negatively (let’s say only 2 out of 10 on the imaginary scale), your ex has lost his or her power over you.

It’s a sign that your ex doesn’t control your emotional well-being anymore and that you don’t care whether he or she dates someone else.✅

And lastly, if you feel attracted to your partner and you appreciate your soon-to-be boyfriend or girlfriend (at least 7 out of 10), then you’re likely ready to date him or her. ✅

This particular outcome would indicate that:

1. You’re happy to live your own life.
2. Your ex doesn’t hurt you anymore.
3. You don’t associate the new person to your ex and that you feel attracted to him or her.

The best way to find out if you’re ready to date again after a breakup is to determine your happiness, detachment, and attraction toward someone else.

So take a moment and weigh your feelings toward yourself and others.

You’ll immediately know whether you should date or wait a while longer.

What can I do to be ready to date quicker?

If you’re wondering how soon is too soon to date after a breakup, then chances are you’re a little bit impatient with your recovery.

You probably want to get back out there on the dating scene as quickly as possible, but you’re afraid that you might still have some ex left in your system.

If that’s what you’re thinking, you might be right. You probably doubt yourself and your post-breakup recovery.

And doubt is never a good sign.

That’s why you might need just a little longer to get over your ex.

How much longer really depends on how happy you are right now.

If you barely think about your ex anymore, and you don’t get engulfed in disappointment, anger, or vengeance when you do, chances are you’re nearly (if not already) ready to date again.

However, if your ex makes you feel uncomfortable, angry or very nostalgic, then you’re not.

Think of getting over your ex as a natural process that takes time and hard work. So don’t try to rush your process of detachment no matter how eager you are to get over your ex.

It won’t work if you do.

You can and should, however, focus on yourself and your healing in the meantime.

Focus on the things that you can control in your life.

Go out with your friends and family, sign up for new activities, make new friends, and learn more about yourself.

Do what makes you happy and give your life the passion and meaning that it deserves.

Only then will getting over your ex become much more pleasant and consequently—quicker as well.

Did you learn how soon is too soon to date after a breakup? Did you try to date too quickly and you emotionally regressed? Post your comment in the comments section below.