How Does A Man Feel When A Woman Leaves Him?

How does a man feel when a woman leaves him

How a man feels when a woman leaves him depends on various factors.

The most important ones are how emotionally invested (attached) a man is to his partner at the point of separation, how good his self-esteem is, if he has any mental health problems, what his plans for the relationship were, how his partner broke it off with him, whether he considers the separation a personal rejection, and whether he has abandonment issues and fears.

If he loved his partner until the very end, a man usually feels rejected and anxious. He’s in denial because he had no intention of breaking up and was hit with a breakup out of the blue.

The guy was under the impression that the relationship would survive any problem they encountered as a couple and that he would be aware of his partner’s detachment and/or wish to leave before his partner initiated the breakup.

But since he couldn’t detect his partner’s department, he’s now forced to go through the stages of a breakup for the dumpee, starting with the denial and depression stages. These two stages typically last about a month to a month and a half (varies for each person) and are the most difficult for him as he feels vulnerable, incomplete, and at the complete mercy of his ex.

The guy is now extremely obsessed with his ex and is dependent on her for healing because she put him into a world of pain and caused him to doubt his self-worth and regret his mistakes.

If you’re wondering, “How does a man feel when a woman leaves him,” you need to know that he doesn’t feel much different than how a woman feels when she gets dumped. A man may appear thick-skinned and far less emotional than a woman, but that doesn’t mean he copes with breakups any better than her.

He usually just hides it better because he’s not as expressive as a typical woman.

The mistake women make is that they judge a man by what he expresses. They think a man will show pain, anxiety, and concerns the way they tend to show it – by talking about it, venting, crying, and posting depressing stuff on social media.

But not all men do that. Most of them don’t, at least not openly.

Yes, many men cry after the breakup, but they prefer to do it when no one’s around. They consider crying and complaining about unwanted emotions around others a weakness, so they normally refrain from doing that.

This is probably the reason why female dumpers think their ex is already over the breakup and that they can reach out to their ex and breadcrumb him.

Women like to think men don’t understand them, but I think women don’t understand men either. As long as they assume a man will act the way they would act, they’re prone to misperceiving a man and waiting for him to verbally show that he’s hurt and still cares.

But as you know, a man may express love and care differently. In a relationship, he may show that he loves his partner with actions rather than words. This isn’t ideal as women need to hear that their partner loves them, but it’s something you might want to remember.

After the breakup, a man could try to prove his love in different ways.

He could:

Men show their commitment with their actions. Actions prove that they’re in pain and want to reconcile as quickly as possible.

But what about men who don’t take the initiative with their ex after the breakup?

Such men know that they won’t achieve anything by staying in touch with their ex. They know that desperation is unattractive and that it will repulse their ex. That’s why they go no contact with their ex and let their ex think anything she wants.

That tends to make their ex curious and create questions such as, “How does a man feel when a woman leaves him?” That’s the question this article revolves around.

How does a man feel when a woman leaves him

How does a man feel when a woman leaves him?

How a man feels when a woman walks away is not a very hard question to answer. If a man has feelings for his partner, the breakup affects him emotionally in a myriad of ways.

It destroys his happiness and self-esteem, makes him uncertain about his future, obsesses him with his ex, confuses him, makes him blame himself, and gives him hope that his ex will return.

Rejection does crazy things to a man as it hurts him so much that it forces him to visualize the breakup hundreds of times and makes him want to be a better person for his ex. From what I’ve seen, men tend to feel more motivated to learn from their mistakes than women.

Men want to put in the effort and show they’re capable of evolving and being the person their ex wants them to be. It’s hard to explain, but they feel this immense desire for change.

It sucks that many of them don’t get a second chance to showcase all their changes and improvements. Many guys have no choice but to carry their lessons into their next relationship and do better in that relationship.

So bear in mind that a man doesn’t feel good when a woman leaves him. Quite frankly, the breakup terrifies him as he’s scared his ex will find someone else and forget about him. He’s also worried that he’ll stay lonely and miserable and that he won’t find someone as good as his ex again.

That kind of thinking takes a toll on a guy’s perception of himself and hinders his moving on process.

How a man feels when a woman abandons him also depends on what she does after the breakup.

If she monkey-branches to someone else, ignores his texts, tells him it’s all his fault, and refuses to give him closure, she can make him take the breakup very personally and force him to say or do something that gets him rejected and reduces his chances of reconciliation.

A man could get angry with his ex, call her non-stop, guilt-trip her, ask her things she doesn’t want to answer, and make her feel uncomfortable with his words, actions, and presence. He could suffocate her and receive an unwanted response from her in return.

That response tends to make hurt him again and make him even more emotionally dependent on his ex.

A guy who was dumped must keep in mind that he won’t impress his ex by bothering her after she’s made her decision. He’ll just show her he doesn’t understand her and care about what she wants and needs from him.

So if you’re trying to understand how a guy feels when a woman leaves him, know that he doesn’t feel very good about it. Breakups are hands down some of the worst experiences a person can go through. They’re so painful, men and women often have trouble eating and sleeping, focusing on work, and performing their daily tasks.

Breakups shock dumpees so much that they trigger their anxiety and depression and prevent them from forgiving themselves, dating someone else, and moving on with their lives.

Very few dumpees can function properly after the breakup. Dumpees who are okay in a matter of days either have extremely good self-esteem or are detached from their ex and have someone else lined up.

Someone who distracts them and makes them feel excited to love and be loved.

But most dumpers, unfortunately, need many months to process the breakup. They need to go through the detachment process at their comfortable pace and slowly get their ex out of their system.

When they do that, they feel a sense of relief and start enjoying their life again.

Here’s how a man in love feels when his girlfriend or wife leaves him.

How does a man feel when a woman walks away

When a man appears happy after a woman has left him

Oftentimes, men fake that they’re happy after the breakup. They don’t want their ex to know that they’re miserable, so they post happy pictures and sometimes even find someone else to date. Their plan is to appear confident and make their ex jealous.

Although there’s nothing wrong with appearing strong, the problem is that mature dumpers don’t get jealous. They don’t care if their ex is with someone else because they’re over the moon about their relationship ending and don’t want their ex back.

They want to be left alone and focus on people who don’t smother them and make them feel uncomfortable.

Men are good at hiding their emotions as they want to appear that they’re doing well even though deep inside, they’re a mess and are looking for ways to cope with rejection and the end of the romantic life as they know it.

Just because a guy isn’t speaking to his ex, it doesn’t mean that he’s doing fine emotionally. It only seems that way because he’s staying away from the dumper and minding his business. He’s trying to detach and heal because he doesn’t have any other options.

Communication with his ex would make him want to be with his ex even more, so he chose to self-prioritize and give the impression that he didn’t care about his ex and the relationship.

So keep in mind that a guy who gets dumped often seems comfortable with the breakup because he doesn’t want to show that he’s struggling. He knows that his ex is unreceptive to his words and actions and that the only thing he can do is leave his ex alone and focus on himself.

By focusing on himself, he can either make his ex curious/nostalgic about him or just move on and eventually find someone else. To him, indefinite no contact is the only solution to his breakup pain because it helps him deal with rejection and get rid of false hope.

You need to understand that things aren’t always as they seem. Sometimes men suffer in silence even though they appear to be having fun with their friends and other people. Oftentimes, they date someone else but still long for their ex.

This is because they aren’t over their ex yet and want some other person to patch their wounds. Such guys usually struggle to connect or stay connected with their new girlfriend and break up with her when they realize their new partner is not anything like their ex-girlfriend.

So don’t judge dumpees by what they say or how they appear. You would likely need to spend some time with them to understand how they think and feel after the breakup.

Did you learn how a man feels when a woman leaves him? What do you think goes through his mind? Post your thoughts and ideas below the post.

And lastly, if you want to talk with us about a man’s detachment process, subscribe to coaching and get in touch.

13 thoughts on “How Does A Man Feel When A Woman Leaves Him?”

  1. Summarized story:

    – We live in different countries
    – we dated 5 months
    – I dumped her, and then kept her in a “friends with benefits” relationship she did not want and i had sex with other women. She begged for a relationship and i said “no”
    – (after one year of being in that “friends with benefits” relationsip, She met a guy who she started going out with (and had sex. Once i tried to stop her but she did not listen), but after 3 months of dating that guy she friendzoned him and took a plane to see me, i did not take my chance
    – 2 weeks after going back to the country she lives she decided that she is going to date that guy exclusively, i tried to offer to do the things the right way, but she refussed.
    – It’s been four months, and during those four months there have been moments when she has said really confussing things to me “I love you despite being with someone else”, “I miss the times when we were together”, “I wanted to hear your voice, i know it’s not correct but i could not resist to call you”. Se even wrote me 3 months later during my birthday and was the first person to congratulate me and she remembered that she was with me during my past birthday and that we made love. The last time she wrote me was a week ago and also said something confussing “We used to be so close”

    Of course i regret being such an idiot and would have liked to do the things the right way, but now i know she is inlove with this new guy

    I just want to know why she said those things. She forced herself to move on ? she is really in love with that guy ? She is with the guy because she does not want to hurt him ? She refused my proposal because she thinks i did it just not to lose her ? I know actions speak louder than words, but i would like to have external perspective.

    The first month i tried to convince her to do the things the right way, the second month i asked for explanation, but from the 3rd month on, i went no contact, and it’s been her who reaches out.

    I let her now that i understand why things happened, i apologised for how bad i treated her and i wished her the best. And she said that that’s why she still has feelings for me, because “no body has treated her the way i have”

    Thanks for your time and your patience

    1. Hi Aaron.

      You broke her heart and had plenty of chances to do the right thing, so she finds it difficult to accept the breakup and move on. When she detaches, she’ll see that you couldn’t give her what she wanted and that she should continue dating. She wants to love the new guy but is struggling to do that because of the anxiety you’ve caused her and the self-esteem you’ve destroyed. It’s got nothing to do with how you treated her.

      Kind regards,
      Zan

      1. Thanks for your honesty Zan.

        Do you think i should forget about her and lose any hope ?

        I understand what i did, but she said and did things that confussed me a lot, for example the fact of friendzoning the guy 3 months after she met him and taking a plane to come to see me

        Regards

        1. Hi Aaron.

          Yes, you should do your best to forget about her and lose hope. It will take time, but if you work on it, it will eventually happen. I get that your ex did confusing things, but don’t let her confuse you. Look at her actions now, rather than the ones from the past.

          Best regards,
          Zan

  2. Thank you
    I read this after reading the article about him not responding to a break up. I’m certain his feelings are hurt. He told me before if we ended he’d be heartbroken but someone had to pull the trigger. We argued entirely too much over simple things. The communication wasn’t there and no matter how I tried to rephrase I could never get through. I’ve even went to men I trust to help me but when there’s name calling involved, it’s time to go.

    I’ll be taking your advice and focusing on myself. He wouldn’t answer my call so I had to send a text (ewww) to say it was over. He didn’t respond and that’s what led me here.

    1. Hi Eleanore.

      Name-calling and ignoring behaviors are signs that the relationship is unhealthy and that the people involved need to mature. I know it hurts, Eleanore, but one day you’ll be glad the relationship ended. You’ll see that you weren’t happy and that it was time to make some changes.

      Kind regards,
      Zan

  3. clairetheengineer

    Also, my dad used to say “Show me the most beautiful woman in the world and I’ll show you the man who’s tired of fkn her.”

    1. Hi Claire.

      Men and women have the ability to take anything for granted. That’s why they must become grateful for the things they have and by doing so, fight for them when they need to.

      Best,
      Zan

  4. clairetheengineer

    Well said Zan. But it’s one of the main functions of the hormone estrogen as part of the receptor mechanism for oxytocin in the brain, it facilitates bonding. Females naturally make more estrogen. It’s what bonds us to our offspring. It also makes us want to nurture. You’ve mentioned oxytocin many times in your writing. Women have more receptors for oxytocin in their brains. So I’m thinking, most of the time, we just end up caring the most and suffering the consequences for it in terms of outcome. Certainly relationship failures effect women financially far worse than men. In terms of economic potential, the partner who is the custodial parent in most cases suffers more long term damage to their career. I was thinking of this when I commented in the thread that women leave as a last resort. We wait far too long.

    I think the best thing you said once was “The wise person walks at the first infraction.” That way, one demonstrates strength and what one is unwilling to tolerate.

  5. such a good article Zan!
    I think it’s same for both genders, if you have feelings for your partner, the breakup affects emotionally in a myriad of ways.
    Thank you Zan 🤍

    1. Thanks, Linda.

      That’s how it is. Women and men with feelings for their ex need to go through the same detachment process. This process requires them to deal with hope, guilt, separation anxiety, and destroyed self-esteem.

      Kind regards,
      Zan

  6. clairetheengineer

    Zan,

    I’m not trying to be mean or insensitive. But when a woman leaves, it’s often the last resort. You can try to reason until you’re blue in the face but men have to dominate and “win” all the time, to the point they sabotage and destroy whatever faith is left in the relationship. They’re wired that way, not raised that way. I think monogamy in the wild is found only in moles and some birds. The males of higher species always have more options and leverage than do the females.
    All we can do is leave to better our outcomes sometimes. I think maturity wise, because we do the majority of household chores and we are privileged by the grace of nature to do most of the childcare, women are therefore more even handed and mature than men mentally, sometimes by decades. It is what is. It’s how men recover faster from setbacks, and yes, despite a majority of them saying they don’t like drama, they often are the source, thus destroying any erotic connection.

    1. Hi Claire.

      I don’t know about other mammals, but I find it interesting that people tend to assume the other gender has an advantage when it comes to dating. The truth is that the person who has an advantage is the one who doesn’t care. That person appears confident and attracts a more interested individual. This doesn’t, however, mean that people shouldn’t care as such people are incapable of having relationships.

      Ideally, you want to find someone who cares about you, himself, and others.

      Sincerely,
      Zan

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