Ex Left Stuff At My House! What do I do?

Did your ex leave stuff at your house and you’re wondering if you should break no contact and give your ex his or her stuff back? Are you trying to be nice to your ex and at the same time, look after yourself?

Try not to stress too much.

You may not even have to break the rules of no contact and do something you don’t want to do.

Depending on the cost of your ex’s items and your ex’s interest in those items, you get to decide whether you should return your ex’s items, keep them, or throw them away.

You’re in charge. And you get to do what seems right. Just use your common sense and be considerate of yourself and your ex.

In this article, we’ll explain why exes leave their stuff behind and advise you on what to do if your ex left stuff at your house.

Why do exes leave their stuff behind?

If your ex left personal belongings at your house and you’re wondering what it means, the truth is that the meaning depends on whether your ex is the dumpee or the dumper.

If your ex is the dumper, he or she doesn’t have a secret motive for leaving personal belongings at your place. Your ex doesn’t need it because your ex feels smothered and wants to be alone.

But if your ex is the dumpee who’s in a lot of pain, then there’s a small possibility that your ex left his or her belongings at your house to see you again. Your ex may have thought that not seeing you ever again would be too painful and that he or she needs to speak to you to try to win your love back.

Most dumpees, of course, don’t think that way. Yes, they’re in pain, but they don’t normally leave their stuff behind on purpose. From what I see, they start plotting ways to re-attract their ex when they leave their ex’s place.

So if you’re asking yourself, “Why do exes leave their stuff behind,” know that most dumpees and dumpers simply forget their stuff. They worry so much about the pain they’re in and their lives after the breakup that they completely forget that they still have their stuff at their exes’ house.

My ex left stuff at my house! What do I do?

The first thing you need to do is figure out if your ex’s stuff is important to your ex.

If it’s something like a shirt or a toothbrush, your ex probably doesn’t need it urgently. Your ex can just buy a new toothbrush (if your ex doesn’t already have a toothbrush at home) and use other shirts.

This is because cheap, replaceable items fall under the “unimportant” category. They aren’t essential to your ex (something your ex can’t live without). They’re items your ex probably doesn’t even think about.

But just because your ex doesn’t need them and doesn’t think about them today doesn’t mean that your ex won’t care or pretend to care about them in the future.

When your ex misses you or wants to talk to you, your ex’s abandoned items could quickly become your ex’s greatest weapon. They could turn into a means of reaching out and breadcrumbing you.

So try to discern if you should throw your ex’s belongings away, keep them, or give them back to your ex.

The sooner you decide what to do, the sooner you’ll get your ex’s stuff out of sight and take your ex off your mind.

Discerning if you should return your ex’s stuff back

If your ex is asking for his or her stuff back, you should obviously give your ex his or her belongings back. It’s the morally right thing to do regardless of whether your ex cheated on you or treated you fairly.

You need to understand that your ex’s behavior doesn’t (or rather, shouldn’t) determine the fate of your ex’s belongings.

What determines the fate of your ex’s belongings is:

• whether your ex asks for his/her stuff back
• your mature understanding of whether your ex wants/will want his/her stuff back
• and your personal values

Always operate on a rule of thumb that others’ items belong to others unless they have given them to you or abandoned them over a year ago.

A year of time is, of course, just a number as different countries have different statutes on abandoned property. But do use some common sense on this matter and let moral values guide you.

You can’t go wrong by doing the right thing.

But if your ex isn’t asking for his/her stuff back and you really don’t want to go to the trouble to return something your ex doesn’t need often (something like an umbrella), you can just keep it, give it to someone, or throw it away.

You can consider it your ex’s loss because if your ex needed it, he or she would have asked for it.

What should you give back to your ex?

You don’t need to contact your ex about unimportant items that your ex left behind, but I’d like to say that there are certain items you can (and should) return to your ex even if your ex doesn’t ask for them.

It’s better to do that and be done with it than to give your ex an excuse to reach out to you and bother you later.

With that said, here are 5 things you should give back to your ex as soon as possible.

Before, I used to think that it doesn’t hurt to keep your ex’s stuff for a little while. But now I realize that holding your ex’s items (especially gifts) can have a negative effect on you.

It can make you nostalgic and give you tons of false hope.

Do I have to return my ex’s stuff?

Technically, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do or need to do. But giving your ex his/her things back or throwing them away could give you closure.

It could help you lower your expectations of your ex coming back and allow you to detach once and for all.

I can’t tell you what to do, but if I had a choice to make, I’d give my ex her stuff back immediately after the breakup and start no contact. I’d also ask my ex not to reach out to me anymore and wish her all the best.

This way, I’d cut her off and convey to her that I don’t intend to stay friends and talk about whose mug is whose whenever she feels like it. Personally, I’d prefer to discuss things that need to be discussed immediately after the breakup.

As a dumpee, you need to understand that you owe your ex very little. You only owe your ex that which your ex owns.

If you’re not sure what not to give to your dumper ex, the picture below will make it very easy for you to understand.

One thing people have trouble understanding is that relationships are investments.

We put time, emotions, and money into them because doing so makes us and our partners happy—and raises the value of our relationships.

When relationships end, however, we immediately lose the investments we’d put into them. We keep the experience, knowledge, and memories, of course, but we lose the effort and time we’d spent solving relationship matters and planning for the future.

For that reason, it would be rude, unfair, and manipulative to ask for relationship investments back after the breakup. Sometimes all we can do is accept the unfortunate outcomes and count our losses.

I left stuff at my ex’s house

When my ex broke up with me, I left lots of stuff at my ex’s house. Most of the stuff was unimportant and replaceable, but I did abandon some expensive exercising equipment and food supplements because they were too heavy to carry with me on the plane.

I admit I should have come back for them at a later time, but I guess I never did because I prioritized no contact and enjoyed not talking to my ex more than asking for my stuff back.

In a way, I traded my stuff for happiness.

If I really needed my stuff back, I suppose I could have contacted my ex and asked her to ship them to me.

But I didn’t do that because there was another problem. On the day of the breakup, my ex refused to pay me back for the expensive reading glasses I bought her a couple of weeks prior to the breakup.

She claimed the glasses and other things I paid for were a gift, so I didn’t want to argue with her and just let her have her own way. I don’t remember how much everything cost, but if I had to round it up, I’d say it was around $500.

The point I’m trying to make is that sometimes avoiding arguments by counting your losses is better than arguing and seeking justice. Especially when exes refuse to cooperate.

What personal stuff would be nice to return to my ex?

Here’s an example.

If your ex moved into your apartment and your ex contributed 50/5 to household appliances such as the refrigerator—and you then decided to break up with your ex, your ex obviously won’t be very happy that you’re keeping the stuff that your ex bought with his or her hard-earned money.

Your ex will probably feel at a loss and expect some kind of compensation.

In times like this, you need to talk to your ex and discuss how much an item is worth.

For example, if you used a shared item for a few months, its value has obviously decreased a little. You got something out of that item—and your ex should take that into account.

I can’t say what % of the item you should pay because I have no idea. But if you want to make things right, talk to your ex about it. That way you can both agree on a sensible amount of money you should pay.

Some things the person owing money should talk about and consider repaying are:

• household appliances
• decors
• services
• expensive things the person at a loss paid for during the relationship/just before the breakup

Some things a person owing money doesn’t always need to return/repay (especially when told it’s okay) are:

• groceries
• consumables
• plants
• a single piece of clothing
• and anything a person did out of goodwill

My ex left stuff at my house. How do I give my ex his stuff back?

If you’re in no contact and you’re wondering how to give your ex his or her stuff back, the easiest/most painless way to do it is to give your ex’s belongings to your ex’s friends or family members.

You can do so by contacting those people and telling them you’d like to give them your ex’s belongings as soon as possible. Just say that you’re cleaning up the place and that you have some of your ex’s stuff you’d like to return to your ex.

If they ask you why you’re giving them to them and not to your ex, you can simply say that you respect your ex but that you think it’s best not to talk to your ex for a while. This will tell your ex’s friends/family members that you’re a good person and that you’d like to move on.

The second way to go about it is to ask your friends to deliver your ex’s belongings for you. You can do this by telling them it would mean a lot to you and saying that you’ll help them out if they ever need a favor like this from you.

It may seem cowardly to involve other people in your own breakup, but avoiding a confrontation with your ex (especially if you’re hurt) is highly recommendable. It’s better than coming face to face with your ex and suffering an emotional setback.

The third option is to have your ex’s items delivered by your local courier services. This is yet another approach that requires no contact whatsoever.

The last option on this list is to just contact your ex directly and tell your ex you’re tidying up and that you’d like your ex to collect his/her belongings on a specific day. You can say that your ex can have someone pick up the stuff, and to let you know a bit in advance.

Throwing your ex’s stuff out of your house, therefore, is not an option. If you’re going to move your ex’s stuff, you may as well do it the right way – without causing harm and losing people’s respect.

Did your ex leave stuff at your house? What did you do/intend to do about it? Post your comment below and let me know.

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Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.