Can Exes Get Back Together?

Exes can get back together. They can realize they focused on the bad moments in the relationship and made a poor/emotional decision to throw everything away.

But before you get your hopes up and convince yourself you’ll get your ex back if you just try hard enough, you need to understand that reconciliations (especially healthy ones) take a lot of willpower and reflection.

Reflection typically requires a lot of maturity and a (painful/negative) experience. Negative experiences prove to them that their ex isn’t the problem and that they took the relationship for granted.

Immature exes get back together too, but they don’t do it because they reflect and grow. They merely listen to their intuition and return to the abandoned relationship to obtain what they’re missing.

Such dumpers are the most susceptible to breaking up again because they don’t invest in themselves (and each other) enough to prevent the same issues from recurring. Due to their lack of growth, they repeat the same mistakes and leave when they run out of patience and forget why they returned.

So yes, exes can get back together. The mature ones (those who look at relationship problems from their and their ex’s perspectives) can stop blaming their ex for everything and admit their flaws and mistakes. They are capable of abandoning their victim mentality and outgrowing their pre-breakup selves.

Also, emotion-driven exes can reconcile too. They make impulsive decisions to leave a relationship and also make impulsive decisions to go back to them. They don’t put much thought into their choices and actions because they put a much higher priority on their emotions.

You don’t want to get back with someone who hasn’t taken the time to reflect on the relationship and engage in introspection. If you get back together on a whim without identifying your ex’s failures and reasons for returning, you could have the same relationship with your ex and get dumped again.

That would hurt you again (although probably not as much as the first time).

Still, pain is pain. Try to avoid it by asking your ex lots of questions and ensuring he or she understands your worth and wants the relationship for the right reasons.

We won’t talk about how to do that today (read this article instead), but I’d like you to know that reconciliations are possible when both exes want the same thing. If someone wants friendship and the other a relationship, getting back together is out of the question.

The more the person with feelings wants the person with no feelings to give the relationship another chance, the more pressure he or she puts on the other person.

And pressure does not lead to reconciliation. It leads to misunderstandings and resentment.

So bear in mind that you won’t convince your ex to get back together with you with willpower alone. If your ex enjoys the breakup and doesn’t want to be with you, all your begging will do is make you look weak and desperate. It will decrease your value as an ex-partner and a person who can provide peace, happiness, and stability.

Some exes do manage to reconcile with their ex by talking to their ex, but this doesn’t happen very often. When it does happen, the begging person hands his or her remaining power to the uncertain person and makes it extremely easy for him or her to lose interest and leave.

Reconciliations should be balanced in terms of interest. If someone wants it significantly more than the other, the couple will likely experience a power imbalance. This means they’ll have push-and-pull situations during which the more desperate person feels unwanted and insecure.

Reconciliations are never completely 50/50, but if they’re 70/30 – especially in the dumper’s favor, you can forget about having a long-lasting relationship. It won’t happen because the dumper will do you a favor by getting back with you. He or she won’t understand how badly he or she messed up and what you bring to the table.

Consider getting back together only if your dumper ex comes back voluntarily and returns your stolen power. He or she must acknowledge the pain and problems he or she has caused and be willing to rectify them.

When there’s a will, you can not only get back together but also have a stronger relationship. It all comes down to what you and your ex are prepared to do to reconcile and stay together. If you’re ready to listen to each other, make healthy adjustments, and commit to continuous growth, you can do amazing things together.

The problem is that most exes don’t want to work on the relationship.

Dumpers feel exhausted from the relationship and would rather focus on their new liberating life. They may change their mind about the breakup later when they get in trouble and lack the tools and willpower to resolve their issues.

Dumpees, on the other hand, don’t stay hooked on their ex forever. When they process the separation and improve their self-esteem, they take their rose-tinted glasses off and see their ex for the person he or she is.

If they don’t like what they see, they lose interest in their ex and reject their ex even if their ex comes back. They don’t see the point in being with their ex because they associate negative thoughts and feelings with their ex and believe they can have a better life on their own or with someone else.

Therefore, exes must both want to get back together. If someone doesn’t, they move on and find other people to date. That may lower their chances of romantic availability and the desire to work on the relationship when they get back in touch.

In this post, we discuss whether exes can get back together. We talk about what must happen for reconciliation to occur and what you can do to increase the chances.

Can exes get back together?

Ex-partners can get back together if they think about each other and fall back in love. But to fall back in love, unpredictable (usually painful) things outside their control must stop them from enjoying their lives. Things such as breakups, rejections, a lack of dating options, and a loss of self-esteem.

Such things teach them they’re not perfect, irresistible, and incapable of failure and unhappiness.

In other words, they must fail to reach their expectations, find happiness without each other, and learn that they won’t be happy unless they get back together and rely on each other to reach their goals and improve their self-love.

I say “they,” but usually only one person makes the reconciliation difficult. That person is the dumper as the dumper has no more feelings and expectations. He or she is done with the relationship and would rather do nothing all day than do something for a few minutes with the dumpee.

The dumper doesn’t want to get back together because the breakup makes him or her feel relieved and free of moral obligations. Thanks to the breakup, the dumper can finally talk to people he or she likes and do things that make him or her happy.

The dumpee doesn’t concern the dumper anymore.

As long as the dumper is convinced the life he or she lives is fulfilling and better than the life he or she abandoned, the dumper doesn’t feel the need to go back to the dumpee. He or she may miss the dumpee at times, but only non-romantically. The dumper doesn’t miss the dumper’s affection and the romantic things the dumpee did for the relationship.

To miss the romance, many things must go south. The dumper must perceive that his or her life is at a dead end and that it won’t improve unless he or she runs back to the dumpee and recommits. By recommitting, the dumper would instantly resolve some of his or her biggest problems and feel accepted and validated (empowered).

Dumpers (as well as dumpees) often want quick solutions. They don’t want to suffer and live with regrets longer than they have to. That’s why they contact their ex soon after getting hurt and ask their ex for another chance.

Sadly, exes who don’t redevelop feelings but need help tend to just ask for friendship. Friendship lets them lean on their ex in times of need and allows them to use their ex for forgiveness.

Only exes who redevelop love and romantic expectations want their dumpee ex to take them back and give them the love they crave. Such exes don’t breadcrumb dumpee about pointless things. They don’t waste their ex’s time because they’re sad and regretful and badly need their ex to reciprocate their feelings.

They also need their ex to directly or indirectly fix their problems and give them what they can’t get without their ex.

Like it or not, reconciliations are backup plans for dumpers. The only reason dumpers go back to an ex (whether it’s been weeks or months) is because they underestimate their ex and overestimate themselves. They learn they believed they were the cause of their unhappiness and that they’d be happier without their ex.

This shouldn’t be taken lightly. An ex who blames you for the breakup and refuses to acknowledge his or her mistakes and faults not only fell out of love but also associated negative beliefs and feelings with your persona. He or she did that on purpose to justify the breakup and negative post-breakup behavior.

You should forgive your ex for mistreating and hurting you for your own good. But don’t forget that your ex could leave again if he or she comes back for him/herself rather than the relationship.

So bear in mind that exes can get back together. It doesn’t happen very often because many dumpers can’t or don’t want to let go of the past. But when it happens, they’re more than happy to cross deserts for one more chance with their ex. When they understand the breakup is bad for them and that they hurt and pushed away someone who accepted them and loved them, they consider their ex their savior and instantly abandon their pride.

They may be the most stubborn and prideful people in town, but they still apologize for leaving and promise to be better partners.

When they’re in pain, all they care about is getting rid of their problems and pain. That’s why they come running back as fast as a roadrunner, expecting their ex to heal their wounds.

Although exes can get back together after breaking up, this usually depends on how developed dumpers are (can they forgive their ex) and whether they fail to succeed without their ex and realize their ex’s importance.

For example, if they start dating an abusive person and get hurt, they may become nostalgic and improve their perception of their ex through pain and suffering. The more pain they go through, the bigger the chance they’ll one day sit down, reflect, and understand themselves better.

Their coping mechanisms are important too. If they can deal with any problem that comes their way, they don’t need their ex, nor do they become remorseful. They can just work on their issues and continue to move forward with their lives.

Dumpees have an important role to play as well. To maximize the chances of their ex noticing their worth, they must present themselves as confident, strong-willed individuals. That means they must avoid begging and pleading for another chance, guilt-tripping their ex, and pestering their ex.

Their goal should be to preserve their worth and let their ex come to them.

With that said, here’s when exes can get back together.

Can exes be friends and get back together?

Exes can be friends and get back together. However, their chances of redeveloping love from friendship are much smaller compared to exes who stay out of touch for a while. This is because distance helps them process negative emotions, miss each other, and create mystery (interest or attraction).

Space (which dumpers perceive as respect) is crucial in getting back together. Space lets dumpers see that their ex accepts the breakup and has the strength to move on with his or her life. It tells them the dumpee has decent self-esteem and that he or she doesn’t need a relationship to survive.

Dumpees who stay friends after the breakup may not be desperate for love, but they do show they want to hold on to their ex as a friend. They prove they still value their ex and that they’re okay with talking like nothing happened.

Unfortunately, positive communication with their ex doesn’t make their ex see that he or she has left a good person. If anything, it makes the dumper assuage his or her guilt and friend zone the dumpee. The friend zone allows the dumper to get used to having the dumpee around as nothing more than a friend.

It’s much harder for the dumpee to get out of the friend zone than it is for him to her to leave the dumper alone and get back together with the dumper when he or she is ready. And the dumper is ready when he or she reaches out and expresses a desire to get back together.

So don’t torture yourself and hope that your ex comes back to you just because you’re nice and available to your ex. Your ex will respect you, think about you, and miss you more if you stand up for yourself and cut him or her off. You’ll feel much better too if you focus on healing rather than slowly retracting your ex.

When it comes to reconciliations, there’s no such thing as getting back with an ex slowly. If your ex is open to reconciliation, it means that your ex already likes you, finds you attractive, and wants to work on the relationship with you. There’s no need to work on reeling your ex in by tiptoeing around your ex.

It’s better for your health and well-being that you go no contact with your ex and force your ex to stay away from you until he or she has fallen back in love with you.

Can exes get back together after a year?

Exes can also get back together after a year. In fact, they can reconcile after years or decades. Time doesn’t prevent them from getting back together if they’re unhappy without each other and need each other to heal and feel better. As long as they feel regretful and sad, they can get back together after a year or years.

The more time passes, the bigger the chance that dumpers encounter problems they lack the tools to resolve.

So yes, exes can get back together after a year or longer. They can fall back in love and have a better, long-lasting relationship. The real question is whether both parties want to be together when the dumper finally has an epiphany and wants the dumpee back.

If the dumpee improves his or her flaws and self-esteem, chances are the dumpee will move on and attract someone different. The dumpee could learn from his or her lessons and avoid people who resemble the dumper.

You may still want your ex back after a year, but that doesn’t mean you’ll always want your ex back. When you get your happy self back and feel in control of your emotions, you’ll be glad that you’re emotionally done with your ex and able to focus on other things and people.

For now, focus on detachment and healing. A time will come when you stop obsessing over your ex and think about more productive things – things that you have the power to control.

What do you think? Can exes get back together? What needs to transpire for that to happen? Post your thoughts and comments below.

And if you’re looking for help with your breakup, visit our coaching page for information on how to get in touch.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.