Are Dumpers Afraid To Contact Their Dumpees?

The majority of dumpers are not afraid to contact dumpees.

Dumpers feel tired from the end of the relationship, so they go through the stages of a breakup for the dumper, starting with the relief and elation stage. In these initial stages, they focus entirely on themselves as self-focus allows them to feel comfortable, safe, and at peace.

They haven’t felt that good in a while. Especially toward the end of the relationship because they were forced to think, talk, and act in ways dumpees did.

That explains why dumpers don’t see the point in contacting their exes. The very thought of speaking with their exes brings their repressed emotions back and reminds them that they could suffer the way they did when they were with their exes.

If smothered dumpers were to reach out to their exes, they would risk sending the wrong message to their exes, which is that they still have feelings for their exes and regret leaving them. That message could then encourage dumpees to break no contact and talk whenever and about anything they want to.

This would in return, trap space-deprived dumpers in a very uncomfortable situation and force them to deal with their exes prematurely (way before they’re emotionally ready to face their exes).

So keep in mind that dumpers are not afraid to reach out. They have nothing to fear other than their exes getting their hopes up and making dumpers think they want affection. Dumpees asking them for another chance is much scarier for them than it is for them to reach out and be honest about their feelings.

Dumpers simply can’t be afraid of rejection when they don’t intend to reconcile. They can only be thankful for the breakup and enjoy their newfound freedom and peace.

Therefore, fear is something dumpees experience as dumpees are the ones who feel rejected, hurt, and scared of what their ex will say and do. They are miserable due to their ex’s absence (lack self-esteem and happy hormones) and don’t know if their ex will come back.

All they know is that they haven’t been happy since their ex’s departure and that they must impress their ex and be impressed back. In other words, they hope for attention and a hit of validation.

And they’re prepared to do anything for it – even abandon their pride and self-respect.

You have to understand that dumpers have zero fear of contacting their dumpees. They’re happy, disinterested, and detached and have no expectations of dumpees whatsoever.

And because they have no expectations, they don’t care about them romantically. They might care about them as people, of course, but in that case, they usually reach out just to check up on their ex and appease their guilt.

In breakup terms, they breadcrumb their ex for selfish purposes as doing so makes it possible for them to forgive themselves and move on.

Today, we talk about whether dumpers are afraid to contact their dumpees and what you should do when they finally become afraid.

Are dumpers afraid to contact dumpees?

First of all, dumpers are human beings who are capable of fear and anxiety. They have problems and concerns just like you and me.

But the reason they don’t express them and contact their exes is that they don’t want or need anything from them. Unlike dumpees who salivate for love and apology, dumpers are fine without it. They actually prefer not to hear apologies because they already got closure a long time ago.

They got over their relationship before they even left their relationship.

If you apologize to them in hopes of making them feel good, you’ll most likely make them feel uncomfortable and raise their guard. You’ll trigger their worst emotions almost instantly because they’ll think your motive is to reconcile.

So if you’re thinking of making things easier on the dumper by reaching out to your ex and doing the heavy lifting yourself, know that you won’t be helping your ex but rather making things more difficult for your ex and shooting yourself in the foot.

You’ll be showing your ex you don’t respect his or her decision to break up and that you can’t resist the temptation to reach out. This will significantly lower your ex’s respect and attraction to you and make your ex afraid to contact you (which is something you don’t want).

You can be certain your ex will be afraid of contacting you after you’ve reached out and made your ex feel guilty, disrespected, and boxed in,

Your ex just doesn’t need to know right now that you desire to get back together. Knowing this won’t make your ex think about you in a positive light and force your ex to regret losing you. If anything, it will do the opposite as your thirst for validation will put your ex off.

You don’t need to play mind games with your ex to make your ex think about you. It won’t work even if you try. But if you want to make the best impression that you possibly can, give up on trying to impress your ex with words and deeds.

Give up on doing anything a person who rejected you doesn’t deserve from you and keep in mind that your ex can’t admire you through texts, calls, or in-person meetups. Your ex won’t be ready to see your good traits and feel positive about them on your terms.

Not until your ex processes the breakup and discovers your worth.

And the thing that makes dumpers see their ex’s worth is usually some kind of shocking event that destroys their ego, pride, and false perception of their ex.

For most people, a shocking event is something that opens their eyes to their true worth and makes them afraid for their safety and happiness.

The breakup alone doesn’t make them afraid because dumpers are convinced their ex is the problem. But when they live their lives for a while, get excited, and fall in love again, they unknowingly put themselves in situations where they can get their hearts crushed and be forced to reflect on their previous relationships.

Your best bet is to wait until your ex becomes worried for his or her health and well-being because that’s when your ex will have the highest chance of contacting you and reconciling with you.

Don’t expect your ex to contact you and get back with you just because it happened to someone you know. If your ex doesn’t suffer in some important way, your ex probably won’t learn your worth even if he or she returns. And if your ex doesn’t learn your worth, your ex won’t stay when something bad happens or when someone more attractive comes by.

You need to remember that dumpers need to be a bit afraid of you. They need to be slightly anxious because anxiety tells them they respect you and want love and validation from you. Without anxiety and a fear of rejection, they don’t feel the desire to reconnect with you and take the relationship to the next level.

That’s why you need to analyze the reasons your ex reached out and wants you back before you talk to your ex and/or take your ex back. By analyzing your ex, you can tell if your ex is serious about you and worth getting back with.

Many dumpees skip this part and suffer as a result. They’re in such a hurry to reconnect with their ex that they fail to respect themselves and show their ex they come first.

That’s why the last thing you want to do is show your ex you’ve been waiting desperately for him or her to get back in touch with you and validate you.

On the contrary, you want to show you’ve been doing fine without your ex and that you’re going to be okay whether your ex reaches out or stays away forever. Fear simply isn’t attractive to dumpers who lack space. And neither is low self-esteem, codependence, anxiety, and strong emotional reactions.

With that said, here’s why dumpers aren’t afraid to contact dumpees.

When are dumpers afraid to contact their exes?

Now that you know dumpers aren’t too afraid to contact dumpees, we need to talk about what makes dumpers afraid in ways they need to be afraid.

First and foremost, dumpers are afraid of contacting their exes when they redevelop feelings for dumpees and become afraid of losing them.

When they see that someone else might get a chance to get close to their ex is when they develop a sense of urgency, acknowledge their ex’s worth, lower their ego and pride, and become afraid of being alone.

You need to understand that the only time dumpers are truly afraid to contact their ex is when they get hurt and/or reflect, develop (romantic) expectations of their ex, and feel the want or need to reconcile. That’s when they realize they messed up badly and try to get back with the person they left.

In other words, dumpers are afraid to contact their ex when they see the value their ex adds to their life and don’t want to miss out on that value.

That makes them super anxious and forces them to put the dumpee on the pedestal.

At that point, the breakup flips upside down, transforming dumpers into dumpees and dumpees into dumpers. Dumpees finally get their lost power back whereas dumpers lose the power they hogged for weeks, months, or years and act appropriately.

The power of no contact essentially makes dumpers crave affection so much that they let their ex decide their romantic fate.

Dumpers need to lose control so they can work on their flaws and let their ex guide them. They had control all the way up until they became regretful, which means it’s time for the power to switch and slowly balance itself out.

This can happen only if dumpers hit the regret phase of a breakup and want to feel loved by their ex.

So forget about contacting your ex if you’re still hurting and remember that your ex isn’t afraid of reaching out and that he or she won’t be afraid until something or someone (most likely forcefully) changes his or her perception of you.

When this change of perception finally occurs, your ex will then reach out and be afraid of getting rejected by you.

Do I just wait and do nothing?

As a dumpee, you, unfortunately, don’t have a choice but to wait. You have to let your ex realize your worth on his or her own while you focus on yourself.

There are no magic techniques that will make your ex love you again and want to be with you. No begging, jealousy games, and threats will recreate the sparks that have been extinguished.

If anything can make your ex see that he or she abandoned a person of high value, it’s your own understanding of who you are and what you’re worth.

Your ex may not see your value right now, but that doesn’t mean you should start acting that way. Instead, you should do what people of value do.

Walk away.

Indirectly let your ex know that you’re not going to settle for friendship or anything less than a romantic relationship.

One thing you must understand is that people think and do what they want. If they decide they don’t want to be with you, no one will be able to change their mind.

Friends and family might push them to give it another chance, but if they’re talked into it, they’ll probably give up soon because their relationship mentality won’t be good enough to maintain their relationship.

So until your ex’s mentality changes, forget about changing your ex’s mind. Your words and actions won’t make your ex miss you because your ex will be unreceptive to you and all the changes you’ve made.

Breakups aren’t relationships where couples still value each other and want to be together. They’re breakups—and they indicate that the bond has been cut. The only way for the bond to be restored is for the dumper to restore it willingly.

This means your only option right now is to wait. Wait for your ex to contact you while you do everything in your power to heal and move on. Remember that if your ex comes back, your ex will need a strong person to rely on and be guided by.

What do you think? Are dumpers afraid to contact dumpees and talk to them? Post your comments below the post and expect a reply from us soon.

And lastly, if you’re looking for help with your breakup and want a quicker response, visit our coaching page to book a session with us.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.