How Long Does It Take For No Contact To Work?

Many if not most dumpees use no contact as a means to impress their ex and reconnect with their ex. They don’t see it as a tool to wean off their ex and fix the things that need fixing. Because of that, they put their faith in no contact and convince themselves it’s only a matter of time before no contact changes their ex’s mind about the breakup and brings their ex back.

This conviction forces them to put their life on hold for their ex and stay obsessed with their ex for months to come. Some dumpees stay hung up on their ex for years. They keep thinking their ex will miss them and return almost for no reason, so they refuse to let go of hope and move on.

If you’re one of those dumpees and keep wondering how long it takes for no contact to work, you need to understand that the effectiveness and duration of no contact vary from person to person. Some dumpees are luckier than others and only have to do no contact for a few weeks or months. Such dumpees reconcile with their ex because their ex makes bad post-breakup decisions and realizes that he or she was wrong and still has feelings.

They run back to their ex to feel loved and needed.

It’s impossible to predict when or if no contact will work (make the dumper want to get back together) because reconciliation doesn’t entirely depend on no contact. It depends mainly on the dumper’s personality and character, coping mechanisms, beliefs, self-awareness, maturity, decisions, opportunities, and luck.

If the dumper gets involved with an incompatible, unempathetic, manipulative, or abusive individual, he or she is much more likely to return than a dumper who dates someone caring, loving, and respectful. A bad relationship can make the dumper compare his or her post-breakup life to life before the breakup and realize that life was better with his or her ex.

For that to happen though, the dumper must engage in reflection, forgive and let go of the past, change unhealthy beliefs, and be willing to improve his or her perception of the dumpee. Once the dumper stops blaming the dumpee for his or her problems and mistakes, the dumper can get back with the dumpee, act more maturely, and have a stronger relationship.

It’s not just a bad relationship that can bring the dumper back; it can be anything painful. But a bad relationship followed by a breakup tends to cause the most pain. You may already know this, but pain is the biggest catalyst for reflection. Without pain, your ex is unlikely to stop thinking of him/herself as a victim and remember your good qualities.

Many dumpers feel extremely relieved and blame their ex for everything. By thinking negatively of their ex and refusing to take responsibility, they feel empowered by the breakup and remain in control of it. They essentially prevent themselves from feeling guilty, nostalgic, and regretful.

So if you want your ex back and want to know how long no contact takes to work, the simplest answer is that it takes as long as it takes. For no contact to create the results you want, it will take something unpredictable and painful to knock your ex off his or her high horse and reflect. I’m talking about something that hurts your ex deeply and makes your ex want support, love, and security.

Most of the time, dumpers need to get rejected and experience a painful breakup. They need to suffer immensely and be forced to improve their self-esteem. When they lose control over their thoughts and feelings, desperation takes over and urges them to prioritize feelings of safety. Such feelings relieve their insecurities and anxiety and make them feel in control of their life.

Don’t expect your ex to wake up one day and suddenly miss you to the point of wanting you back. Your ex needs a reason to miss you and want to talk/be with you. He or she needs to lack something, want something, and feel a desire to be close to you. Before your ex develops this desire, you can forget about getting back together. It won’t happen because your ex won’t feel the sense of urgency to reconnect emotionally and see him/herself with you.

Your ex will question his or her decision to abandon the relationship only when he or she hits a snag, gets hurt, becomes unhappy, and does some serious thinking. That’s when your ex will take the initiative and let you know how badly he or she regrets leaving and hurting you.

Keep in mind that you can’t help your ex discover your worth quicker. You may want to speed up your ex’s maturing process, but sadly, you don’t have any control over it. It’s something your ex must complete on his or her own by living his or her life without you. If your ex has high expectations and encounters problems he or she can’t resolve without you, your ex could quickly process negative breakup emotions, dissociate stressors from your persona, and adopt healthier relationship views.

This means your ex could rediscover your value and want to be a part of your life.

While your ex is minding his or her own business, you must give your ex total control over his or her life. You must follow no contact diligently and give your ex as much time as he or she needs. I know it’s scary to leave your ex alone and risk losing your ex (especially to someone else), but you won’t lose your ex more than you already have.

You’re not competing with anyone. Your main task is to avoid pestering your ex and giving your ex new reasons to dislike you/feel repulsed. The point of no contact is to give up the need for control and demonstrate the ability to resist the temptation to communicate with your ex. If you can do that, you won’t cause any more damage to the broken relationship.

On the contrary, you’ll let things cool off.

So again, no contact can work in weeks, months, years, or never. Its success rate depends on many factors, most of which are out of your control. If you try to control them by refusing to do no contact, you’ll soon learn that it was a mistake because you’ve appeared desperate and pushed your ex further away.

There are several types of no contact. Every coach on the internet seems to advocate a different one. My version is the indefinite no contact rule. As the name suggests, it lasts indefinitely or until your ex learns his or her lessons and gives you something to work with. If your ex doesn’t reach out and apologize for leaving, you mustn’t reach out yourself and show that you’re still around.

You must hide your feelings and expectations instead and let your ex have the freedom and control he or she craves. That’s the only way you’ll respect your ex’s decision to leave and avoid annoying your ex. Don’t forget that your goal is to present yourself in a positive light and that you can do that by exuding acceptance, confidence, self-love, and detachment.

Initially, many dumpees think they must show care and affection—and try to win their ex back with determination and consistency. They don’t realize that their ex broke up with them because he or she felt overwhelmed and space-deprived. When the dumper wants space, he or she must get it. It’s the only way the dumper can process the breakup and respect the dumpee.

Most dumpees make a few breakup mistakes such as texting, calling, and begging. A little bit of desperation is understandable and acceptable. However, annoying your ex day after day and expecting your ex to fall back in love with you is not. It shows you’re deep in denial and that you don’t care about your ex’s decisions and happiness.

If your ex sees that you don’t care, your ex won’t care about your feelings either. He or she will probably respond instinctually and push you further away. That will make you feel rejected and shatter your self-esteem.

As long as your ex is incapable of accepting and reciprocating relationship-exclusive emotions, the best thing you can do is leave your ex alone and focus on things that are in your power to control. Things such as your family, friends, and hobbies.

In today’s post, we discuss how long no contact takes to work and what factors determine its success.

How long does it take for no contact to work?

If you expect no contact to bring your ex back by a certain date, you may be in for a surprise. The chances of your ex returning on your timeline are slim, especially if you hope to reconcile on your or your ex’s birthday, anniversary, or some other special event. Exes don’t come back on special days because they don’t get nostalgic or nostalgic enough to run back to their ex.

Most of them come back when they fail at something important. Something like maintaining a new (potential) relationship or friendship or raising children. When they believe that they’re not good/strong enough or capable of taking on certain responsibilities, they indulge in recollections of past events and learn new things about themselves and their ex.

They learn that they overestimated themselves and underestimated their ex and his or her importance. When they understand they won’t be happy without their ex and that they have made a terrible decision, they quickly get back in touch with their ex and try to get back together. They fear that the longer they wait, the bigger the chance that their ex will detach and lose interest.

This is true. Dumpees eventually get over their ex. Space lets them distance themselves from their ex and helps them regain their emotional independence. Eventually, they redevelop self-love and stop feeling rejected. No contact basically patches their wounds and proves they can be happy without their ex.

That means no contact is a surefire way of being happy after the breakup. You’ll either inspire your ex to come back after your ex has faced some major failure or crisis, or you’ll restore your relationship with yourself and get through the breakup. You won’t be disappointed when your ex validates you or when you take your ex off the pedestal and validate yourself.

You may not be ready to let go of your ex yet, but that’s okay. If you stay in no contact and your ex lets you keep healing, you’ll gradually establish routines independent of your ex and stop caring about your ex. You’ll probably still like your ex, but you won’t be in such a hurry to reconcile. You’ll fully accept the breakup and put your ex in control of reconciliation.

Right now, it’s hard to do that because you have regrets and blame yourself, but you won’t always feel this way. One day, you’ll get your ex out of your system and realize that your life has gotten way better since the breakup. Not only has it helped you learn your lessons, but it also made you stronger and happier.

No contact can change your perception of your ex, but most importantly, it can improve your perception of yourself.

So stay committed to it, especially on your bad days when you feel like picking up the phone and contacting your ex. Remember that no contact is working one way or another and that you’ll soon get your life back on track.

No contact will achieve the results you want if you give it enough time. Don’t rush the process and try to get back with your ex by force. “Force” will only frighten, threaten, overwhelm, and anger your ex. And depending on your ex’s personality, your ex might take it personally and decide to punish you for it. He or she might respond negatively and show that he or she doesn’t care about you.

Hence, it’s in your best interest to stay in no contact until your ex reaches out and shows interest in getting close to you again. Your ex’s actions will make it clear when it’s time to change your tactic from waiting for your ex to actively working on repairing the broken relationship.

Always remember that you need to take a passive approach with someone who has lost feelings, trust, and commitment. You need to let that person feel free and relieved and run into problems he or she lacks the will to resolve without you.

A lack of willpower and happiness could get rid of resentment and bring back old feelings.

Having said that, here’s how long it takes for no contact to work.

How long does it usually take for no contact to work?

Usually, it takes 3 – 4 months of strict no contact for dumpers to improve their perception of their ex and reach out. But it takes an additional 2 months or so for them to get hurt and want their ex in their life again. Whether or when they want their ex back depends on how lucky, successful, and happy they are.

If their life is going according to plan, they tend not to miss their ex and want to reconcile. On the contrary, they keep doing what they’re doing and keeping their distance from their ex. Distance lets them avoid feeling guilty and ashamed and allows them to enjoy their life to the fullest.

You shouldn’t put all your eggs in the no contact basket. Remember that no contact doesn’t guarantee reconciliation. It may be the most effective post-breakup regimen, but it doesn’t mean that your ex will rediscover your worth and want to be with you. You may want to keep that in mind and work on creating your own goals, purpose, and happiness.

Don’t put your life on hold and over-rely on your ex for your emotional needs.

Your ex can’t help you right now and won’t help you later if you come across as needy and codependent. Your ex will probably lose additional respect for you and be glad that you’re his or her ex. In other words, your ex will see that you don’t respect yourself and that he or she needn’t respect you either. Your ex won’t have to do that when he or she knows that you’ll tolerate anything just to feel loved and in control.

So keep in mind that no contact takes different amounts of time to work, depending on the dumper’s personality, maturity, and experiences. If your ex can’t find happiness and live the kind of life he or she expects to live, your ex will come back when he or she determine that you played a significant role in their well-being and happiness.

But if your ex finds a quality partner, feels happy, and is capable of taking care of him/herself, then your ex is likely not going to come back anytime soon. No contact or not, your ex will continue to focus on things that make him or her happy and refuse to acknowledge the value you added to his or her life.

If that happens, try not to blame yourself. Some dumpers are bitter, vengeful, and unwilling or incapable of repairing their ex’s image in their eyes. They want their ex to be the “bad guy” so they can continue to self-victimize and avoid taking accountability. Such people aren’t worth waiting for and obsessing over. They can’t change their way of thinking and grow together with you.

Not as they currently are.

You should remember who they are and let them go. They’re of no use to you when they have a negative view of you and the world. Let them close to you only when they learn your worth and decide to work with you.

What’s your opinion on how long it takes for no contact to work? Share it in the comments area below.

And if you have questions or concerns, consider subscribing to 1-on-1 coaching. We’ll help you understand your ex’s behavior, get closure, and improve your chances of no contact affecting your ex.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.