If you’re going through a breakup you didn’t want, you probably want your ex to contact you and make you feel respected, desired, and needed. You want your ex to show you that he or she still thinks about you and wants you in his or her life at least to some degree.
Although most dumpers eventually contact their ex, this isn’t true for all dumpers. Some dumpers don’t reach out because they create a life independent of their ex and associate unhealthy beliefs with their ex that they can’t break free from. This means they don’t feel the need to talk to their ex because talking scares them and makes them feel uncomfortable.
They think and feel so negatively that they can’t trust their ex with their safety and happiness.
Of course, this applies only to extreme cases. Dumpers capable of reflection, logic, and reason tend to eventually realize that their ex wasn’t as bad as they made him or her out to be. They stop feeling victimized, pressured, and stressed and become curious, nostalgic, bored, or guilty. Their new (healthy) emotions let them process the past and urge them to talk to their ex.
Whether your ex will contact you again is hard to say because it depends on many factors, such as relationship dynamics, coping mechanisms, and the reasons for the breakup. If you broke up and stopped talking because you were abusive to your ex, you might not hear from your ex again. Your ex might decide that contacting you is unsafe and that it’s better to leave things as they are.
Your ex is also less likely to reach out or reach out again if you kept begging and pleading for ages, threatening, or showing up at your ex’s work or house unannounced, and making it difficult for your ex to enjoy his or her post-breakup freedom. If you pestered your ex and hoped to make your ex love you by force, you probably triggered your ex’s anxiety and anger and destroyed your ex’s respect for you.
Because you lost your ex’s respect, your ex will likely keep his or her distance and instead communicate with people he or she deems worthy and likes talking to.
When or whether your ex will contact you is a difficult question to answer because reaching out also depends on your ex’s personality and character. If your ex can let go of the past and forgive you for your mistakes, your ex will likely reach out at some point. This could be when your ex has thought about you for a while or when your ex gets in trouble and needs a familiar person to lean on.
Oftentimes, exes reach out impulsively. They feel anxious, scared, confused, or drunk, so they reach out to their ex and say what’s on their mind. The conversation is mainly about them, but they reach out nonetheless. I suppose they want help with some problem or emotion they lack the will to resolve on their own.
Moreover, if your ex believes that talking to exes is dangerous or a waste of time, you might not hear from your ex. Not until your ex changes his or her belief voluntarily or by force. Some dumpers become more open-minded when bad things happen to them.
That’s when they typically want validation and compassion from an ex who understands and cares about them.
For such exes, it’s a matter of what they learn and how much they grow. The more they evolve, the bigger the chance that they get rid of unhealthy beliefs and acknowledge their ex’s bad traits.
As you can see, it’s impossible to answer the question of whether your ex will contact you ever again.
The best you can do is look at your ex’s patterns and estimate your ex’s chance of wanting to talk. If you learn that your ex stays friends with exes or is impulse-driven and unlikely to stay happy and feel safe for long, your ex will probably contact you when things go awry.
He or she will reach out under the guise of missing you and wanting to catch up. This will be an apt representation of breadcrumbing.
So keep in mind that your ex’s feelings, personality, and post-breakup experience determine whether he or she will contact you ever again. Your behavior matters too, of course, but it’s not as important as the things we just mentioned.
If your ex doesn’t reflect and see your importance, nothing you say and do after the breakup will change your ex’s mind. You’d probably like to think that you have the power to control the breakup, but the only thing you can control as a dumpee is to avoid making things worse. You can keep your distance from your ex and let your ex feel respected and free.
No contact can be effective as it can make a better impression on your ex than reaching out and explaining yourself. That’s because it gives your ex time to enjoy life and puts your ex in charge of his or her thoughts and feelings. When your ex processes the past and hits a snag, your ex might reflect and find a reason to converse with you.
He or he might even redevelop feelings and romantic expectations.
You need to focus on things you can control and wait for your ex to want your help with something. That’s when you’ll know your ex has processed the breakup and made changes in his or her thinking.
In today’s article, we shed some light on whether your ex will contact you ever again.
Will my ex contact me ever again?
If your ex contacted you once or twice already, your ex will probably do it again. He or she will continue to think and feel the same way and find a reason to reach out. I couldn’t say what the conversation will be about, but it will likely be similar to the previous reach-out(s).
Many dumpees fear that their ex will stop contacting them. They think to themselves, “This will be the last time I hear from my ex” and convince themselves the communication between them and their ex has ended for good. That’s why they’re surprised when their ex reaches out weeks later and shows them he or she is still around.
Unfortunately, such dumpees receive breadcrumbs, feel anxious, and get strung along. They stay obsessed with their ex because their dumper ex doesn’t know how breadcrumbs affect them. All they know is that talking to their ex feels good and that it gives them what they need.
Such dumpers usually want to stay in touch with their ex and get relationship benefits for free. They stop using their ex when their ex asks for space or when they meet someone new.
So if you’re wondering if your ex will ever contact you again, know that he or she probably will if your ex contacted you before. Your ex will also likely reach out if he or she can get rid of unhealthy breakup thoughts and emotions and considers you a respectable individual, capable of giving your ex what he or she wants.
When exactly your ex will reach out is impossible to say because it depends on your ex’s maturity, growth, post-breakup problems, coping mechanisms, and personality. But do keep in mind that most dumpers reach out 3 – 4 months into the breakup when they feel a bit better and have a reason to talk to their ex.
Many times, they have no intention of working on the relationship and getting back together and just want to catch up. When they’re open to getting back together, they already know that they miss their ex romantically and want to give the relationship another chance.
Thus, it’s important to understand that communication doesn’t guarantee a reunion. More often than not, dumpers reach out just to chat as they don’t feel the need to get close to their ex. They want their ex close to them when they fail at something important and realize they wouldn’t have failed and gotten hurt if they were with their ex.
If your relationship ended on good terms, it’s probably safe to assume that your ex will contact you when he or she becomes nostalgic and wants to see how you’re doing. That’s when your ex might reach out and completely avoid talking about the relationship (things you actually want to talk about).
If that happens, remember that your ex wants friendship or something that doesn’t benefit you in the slightest.
You need to ask yourself what kind of person your ex is. Does your ex process negative emotions healthily or does he or she resent people and blame them for ages? How your ex deals with negative thoughts and emotions is an extremely important factor when it comes to communicating and getting back together.
If your ex has a bad attitude toward life in general, your ex probably won’t take responsibility and reach out. Instead, your ex will continue to blame you and enjoy his or her space and privacy.
Your ex might reach out if you have unfinished business to discuss. Business such as kids, mortgages, shared bank accounts, personal belongings, shared items, etc. If you have things that tie you to your ex, you can expect your ex to want to talk about them when negative emotions subside and tell your ex to disconnect from you.
To recap, here are 8 factors that determine whether your ex will contact you ever again.
What are you expecting to hear from your ex?
If you want your ex to tell you he or she regrets leaving you just days after the breakup, you probably expect too much too soon. You need to remember that your ex must first go through all the breakup stages and process the breakup. Once he or she has done that, your ex must find a reason to talk to you.
Don’t expect your ex to reach out just because the relationship wasn’t toxic and had plenty of good moments. If your ex is unwilling to give you the credit you deserve, your ex could keep his or her distance even though you were a good romantic partner.
Your ex will reach out only when he or she has something to gain from it.
Whether it’s forgiveness, validation, friendship, or a person to talk to when he or she is bored, don’t expect to hear from your ex before your ex wants or needs to talk to you. Expect your ex to think of himself or herself as a victim and blame you for his or her unwanted thoughts and emotions.
In the meantime, ask yourself what you want to hear from your ex. Are you okay with just a friendship invitation or a little bit of talking? If you’re okay with breadcrumbs and friendship, it’s okay to look forward to the day your ex contacts you. It shouldn’t cause you any harm.
But if you’re still in love with your ex and need your ex to validate you, then expect the reach to affect you deeply. Expect it to make you highly anxious and desperate for love. When you’re highly emotional, you’ll probably say or do something that pressures your ex and pushes him or her away.
You’ll likely overfocus on your ex and expect your ex to act in ways he or she isn’t ready to act.
So bear in mind that a reach-out from an ex isn’t necessarily a good thing. The dumper could give you tons of false hope and anxiety and complicate your recovery. You could keep your ex close to you and waste months or years of your life.
What you want is for your ex to let you heal, think about the breakup, rediscover your romantic worth, and fall back in love. You don’t want the man or woman to contact you and talk about unnecessary things before he or she is certain you’re the right person for him/her. If your ex reaches out just because you haven’t spoken in a while, he or she will likely overload you with information, reset your emotional progress, and make you obsessed or more obsessed with your ex.
Try to see the cons of your ex reaching out, not just the pros. When you see them, you’ll refuse to settle for friendship with your ex and anything that delays your recovery.
You may really want to talk to your ex, but you must realize where this need to converse comes from. You must understand that you’re hurt and that you want your ex’s closeness mainly because you’re still attached to your ex. When this is no longer the case and you feel a bit better, you’ll want your ex to leave you alone unless he or she has an epiphany and wants to reconnect as partners.
It will take many months to reach this detached emotional state, but when you do, you’ll stop seeing your ex as your savior but rather as someone who can cause unnecessary suffering and confusion.
Your ex should reach out only if he or she wants you back. Friendship and meaningless conversations shouldn’t concern you. You can be friends with an ex only when you’re over your ex and don’t want your ex back.
So try not to obsess over your ex reaching out. Instead of thinking that your ex will want you back when he or she reaches out, consider the possibility that your ex will just want to talk for a while. Your ex will likely want something only you (no other person) can give. When you give it to your ex, your ex could disappear and make you feel disoriented.
While it’s okay to want to talk to an ex who left you, remember that you may not like what your ex says and does. Most dumpees don’t because they learn their ex is doing okay and that he or she doesn’t want them back. The dumper just wants to bury the hatchet or see how the dumpee is doing. Once the dumper obtains what he or she wants to obtain, the dumper often disappears and makes the dumpee feel used.
Keep that in mind if you can’t stop wondering whether your ex will contact you ever again.
Let us know what you think about this topic in the comments below. We look forward to hearing your thoughts.
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My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
