Typically, guys don’t feel much when they see their ex looking good. Even though they’re visual creatures, they don’t feel jealous and desperate to get back with their ex. They usually just feel curious and wonder why their ex glammed up all of a sudden.
The reason they don’t feel much and don’t care is because they’re emotionally detached from their ex and no longer consider their ex theirs. They’re okay with the breakup and even their ex dating someone else. The thought of their ex moving on doesn’t threaten them because they were the ones who lost feelings and abandoned the relationship.
Dumpees are the ones who usually analyze everything their ex says and does. Dumpees feel scared and anxious and think their ex’s happiness and good looks have something to do with the breakup. Their post-breakup insecurities push them to compare their ex’s new life to the life before the breakup and contemplate competing with the people their ex interacts with.
They can’t help it because they crave their ex’s validation and want to be noticed, appreciated, desired, and loved.
So if you want to know how guys feel when they see their ex looking good, keep in mind that it depends on whether they were dumped or did the dumping themselves. If they were dumped, they tend to hate it and feel insecure as they associate their ex’s attractiveness with their absence.
However, if they dumped their ex, they couldn’t care less. They have better people and things to think about. They’d rather spend their energy and time on productive matters rather than an ex from the past. Their ex looking good doesn’t force them to obsess over their ex or affect them in a way that would change how they think and feel about their ex.
It usually just makes them notice that their ex looks good. But as far as feeling something noteworthy or reacting to it goes, that just doesn’t happen. Not unless they broke up with their ex to manipulate their ex into caring about them and doing things their way. In that case, they probably have control issues and can’t stand their ex looking good.
Every time their ex dolls up, they feel their ex did it to attract someone else and leave the past behind.
Such guys are quick to regret breaking up and reach out. They don’t sit idly and let their ex find a rebound and move on. When they break up just to teach their ex a lesson, they come back when they lose control over the breakup and feel replaced or that they’re about to get replaced.
Mature dumpers and dumpers who fell out of love, however, don’t fear being replaced. Many dumpers actually want their ex to find someone else so they can stop feeling bad for breaking their ex’s heart and triggering his or her fears and insecurities. They’re happy to see their ex is doing well without them.
Remember that your ex doesn’t feel how you feel. You may be terrified of your ex moving on with someone else, but that implies you’re the dumpee and that your ex is the dumper. Your dumper ex is going through the opposite stages of a breakup from you and doesn’t pay attention to every single detail about your life.
Your ex isn’t obsessed with you and desperate for recognition, so expect your ex not to care as much as you want him to. Your ex may notice your new looks, but it’s unlikely that your ex will point them out, feel insecure, or want you back because of them. It’s much more likely that your ex will think you’re feeling desperate and looking for attention from him or someone else.
No matter what your ex thinks and feels, remember that it won’t change your ex’s mind about the breakup unless your ex doesn’t want to permanently break up with you. But in that case, your ex will soon contact you and try to feel in control with your help. When an ex wants you back, he will be susceptible to jealousy and other unwanted thoughts and feelings.
Your ex will want to “possess you” in the sense of making you his or hers again.
The ironic thing about it is that you won’t have to dress up and make your ex feel unwanted emotions. Your ex will feel a sense of loss simply by not seeing you run after him. Your lack of chasing will tell the guy that he won’t feel validated by dumping you and watching you bend to his will. To feel empowered, he’ll have to reach out and put in the necessary effort.
He may be stubborn, but when he feels hurt, he’ll do what he’s been wanting you to do. This includes reaching out, apologizing, promising things, and asking for another chance. The stronger you appear and the less you need him, the harder he’ll try to win your trust back.
In this post, we discuss how guys feel when they see their ex looking good and whether they come back.
How do guys feel when they see their ex looking good?
Guys can feel lots of different feelings when they see their ex looking good. They can feel jealous of their ex, envious of their ex’s success, happy for their ex, scared that their ex has forgotten about them, or relieved that they no longer have to worry about hurting their ex’s feelings and destroying their ex’s relationship goals.
How they feel depends on two things:
- How they perceive their ex.
- How they think of themselves.
If they’re insecure and compete with their ex, they take their ex’s looks and display of confidence and happiness to heart and hate that their ex is doing great (or perhaps even better than them). They expected their ex to feel devastated and lost without them, so they feel invalidated and tempted to play dirty.
Some (immature) dumpers feel so insecure and vengeful that they try to make their ex jealous just to bring a negative reaction out of their ex. A negative reaction empowers them as it tells them they can control their ex’s feelings and actions.
I’ve worked with dumpees whose dumpers tried to make them jealous on purpose. Some posted provocative pictures on social media whereas others flaunted new people in front of them and made sure their ex noticed them. They wanted their ex to see “how happy they were” after ending the relationship and indirectly pinning their unhappiness onto their ex.
Needless to say, most of the people they played jealousy games with weren’t even their partners. They were people they had recently met and wanted to get to know better. Those who were their partners didn’t stay their partners for long as they lacked the maturity to be in a serious romantic relationship. It’s hard to make a relationship work when you use the new person to make your ex jealous.
Jealousy on its own is pointless. It doesn’t do anything beneficial for an ex-couple. The dumpee already feels rejected and hurt, so making him or her feel jealous is downright evil. As for making the dumper feel jealous, it’s extremely hard to do. Most dumpers don’t get jealous. Those who do, don’t get jealous enough to act on it and recommit to their ex.
To recommit, they must have extremely low self-esteem and consider their ex someone who can boost their self-love. When they get back together, they tend to experience jealousy issues, insecurities, and various unresolved pre-breakup issues. That means they often break up again and feel less determined to be with their ex.
All in all, how guys feel when they see their ex looking good depends on the type of memories they have with you. If they have good memories, they’ll probably feel positive feelings and be happy to see you, regardless of how you look. And if they have bad memories or feel victimized, they’ll feel uncomfortable and trapped. They’ll act like they don’t see you and avoid you like the plague.
The worse they perceive you, the worse you can expect them to feel when they run into you.
So bear in mind that guys can feel a myriad of different emotions when they see their ex looking good (or not so good). The emotions they will feel can be hard to predict because it depends on the relationship, breakup, perception of you, and their new life. If they’re dating someone new, they probably won’t be happy to bump into you. They’ll probably feel awkward and disinterested in having a good conversation with you.
Always remember that dumpers need space to stop thinking about their ex for a while. Space lets them feel in control of their life whereas a lack of space forces them to think about their ex and feel emotions they’ve been trying to escape.
With that said, here’s how guys feel when they see their ex looking good.
Do guys ever come back when they see their ex looking good?
I don’t recall any reconciliations where dumpers came back due to their ex looking good. Looks may be important, but they don’t attract an ex after he or she has lost feelings and left. Breakups seldom happen because dumpers find the dumpee visually unattractive.
They occur because dumpers:
- aren’t ready for a relationship (mentally, emotionally, or maturity-wise)
- lack understanding of themselves and each other
- lack relationship skills
- dislike their ex’s personality and/or behavior
- develop feelings for someone else
- feel forced to break up due to pressure from their parents or friends
- feel tired of not having their expectations and needs met
- communicate poorly (wants, needs, emotions, and feelings) and argue constantly or unhealthily
- fear committing or losing themselves
- think they’re incompatible
Some couples also lose physical attraction, but it’s not that common. It’s much more common for dumpers to lose emotional attraction due to a lack of healthy communication and bonding. Many couples take the relationship for granted and act like they’re single. Such couples turn into roommates and break up when they argue or find a more exciting romantic or sexual dating prospect.
So yes, occasionally, guys do come back after seeing their ex looking good. The most insecure and manipulative ones come running back and asking for forgiveness, whereas the more mature ones don’t get affected much if at all. It depends on what their relationship, breakup, and post-breakup relations are like.
If you want your ex to come back, you must understand that your ex needs to process the breakup before he can care about how you look. Your ex must experience a shocking realization and fear losing you and the benefits you provide. When that happens, your ex will become susceptible to jealousy and other unwanted emotions that encourage your ex to come back.
You’ll have a higher chance of reattracting your ex by improving yourself, getting your emotions under control, and leaving your ex alone. High confidence and emotional independence will make a better impression on your ex than your looks and any superficial traits or behaviors you can think of. I encourage you to find happiness on your own so that you can provide comfort and stability when your ex encounters problems and misses you.
If your ex sees that you have your life figured out, he could find you more than visually attractive. He could think of you as an emotionally strong and reliable romantic partner to lean on during difficult times. Of course, your ex might just want you back as a supportive friend, but if that’s all your ex wants, you need to tell your ex to take a hike.
Don’t entertain breadcrumbs that give you false hope. Instead, learn what breadcrumbs mean and how to deal with them before your ex even gets a chance to confuse you. That way, you’ll express your boundaries and avoid letting your ex string you along for his selfish gain.
I hope you’ve learned how guys feel when they see their ex looking good. If you have any questions or a story to share, leave a comment below the post. We reply to all comments.
However, if you’d like to chat with us 1-on-1, check out our coaching services. We help dumpees and dumpers better understand post-breakup behavior.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
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Thank you Zan 🤍
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You’re awesome!
Zan