How To Turn The Tables On A Breadcrumber?

Breadcrumbers string people along by giving them a tiny bit of attention and validation. They make sure their victims are in love with them, so they can get what they need from them while they look for new people to connect with and benefit from.

Even though they know they’re keeping people around for selfish reasons, they don’t want to distance themselves from them and let them move on with their lives.

If they were to let go of them (break their hearts), they’d hurt their feelings, obtain a negative response from them, and lose all the benefits they received from them. They’d basically have to find someone else to get the things they need.

Things like:

• friendship/friendship with benefits
• validation and safety
• support
• backup plans
• financial benefits (money, accommodation, vehicles…)

Not only would they lose relationship benefits by ending their breadcrumbing, but they’d also have to deal with the hurt person’s feelings. Depending on what the person they breadcrumb is like, they could get confronted by him or her and suffer the wrath of their immoral actions.

You see, breadcrumbers are afraid of their victims’ response to their breadcrumbing behavior. They fear their victims will pick up on what they’re doing and tell them the truth (that they’re using them and scared of doing the right thing – leaving them).

Of course, victims of breadcrumbing are also afraid of breaking up (or not ending up back together if they already broke up), but despite that, they stick around and hope their potential partner or ex-partner will change his or her mind.

They wish the breadcrumber will be more attentive, caring, and affectionate, and fully invest in them.

Sadly, a full investment tends not to happen because the breadcrumber is not fully satisfied with the person they’re crumbing. It’s not that there’s something wrong with the person they’re crumbing, but that they have other things or people that pique their interests. They want to make sure they pick the right person before they fully commit.

Some crumbers have other sources of entertainment, feel doubtful, and don’t want to settle down, so they keep people close to them, but not too close. They carefully control the emotional distance between them and their victim and continue to use him or her for certain benefits. The longer this goes on, the less determined they feel that their victim is the right person for them.

But because they enjoy getting what they need, fear delivering the bad news, and don’t have a replacement option, they keep breadcrumbing and confusing their victim anyway. They don’t care about their victim’s wants and feelings enough to end things permanently and go separate ways.

If your dating prospect, partner, or ex-partner is breadcrumbing you (telling or showing you things that give you hope, but not progressing with the relationship), the man or woman currently doesn’t want to be with you. Something or someone is preventing him or her from connecting with you and taking the relationship to the next stage.

Whether it’s another person, doubts, fears, or a lack of love and attraction, the breadcrumber is okay with the current dynamics (with where you two stand) and won’t have a change of heart anytime soon. It’s much more likely that he or she will continue doing what’s best for him or her even if it’s not good for you.

You’ll have to do something about it yourself or you could get strung along for months or years, depending on what your ex wants from you and when he or she finds a new shiny replacement.

In this article, we’ll explain the motives behind breadcrumbing and teach you how to turn the tables on a breadcrumber.

Why do people breadcrumb?

People breadcrumb because it gives them certain benefits they can’t get elsewhere.

Exes breadcrumb to ease their guilt and shame and check up on their ex. Romantic partners breadcrumb because they’re unsure about their partner and want to figure out their next steps (do they leave, how should they leave, and what should they say and do).

As for pre-relationship people (those who aren’t in a relationship yet), they breadcrumb because they’re not emotionally ready for a relationship, don’t want a relationship (with you), or because they want to explore other romantic or sexual options.

In general, breadcrumbing lets people freeze the situation they’re in and continue to obtain certain benefits until they’ve found someone or something better to spend their time, emotions, and money on.

It’s a spineless act cowards do because they’re afraid of:

• making a life-changing decision
• ending things completely and maturely
• losing all the benefits
• disappointing/hurting the person who adores them
• receiving a negative reaction from him/her

Breadcrumbers are afraid of being honest because they worry their victim will get angry, call them names, tell others about their immoral behavior, seek retribution, and ruin their next relationship. They fear the repercussions of their errors, so they prolong taking action for as long as possible.

Usually, they engage in breadcrumbing behavior until the breadcrumbee (their victim) gathers the strength to get off the emotional rollercoaster and decides to make the job easier on them (leave). That’s when breadcrumbers finally stop bothering the person who wants a relationship.

Sometimes breadcrumbers leave on their own, but this tends to happen when they find someone new or get pressured to commit and invest in the relationship.

Most of the time, their victims have to take the initiative and leave or push them to do something they’re not ready for. When they feel forced to change their behavior and feelings, they tend to act on their urges to run away and attach to/use someone else.

So if you want to know why you’re getting breadcrumbed, bear in mind that you’re currently not his or her top priority. You’re a backup option who continues to provide relationship benefits for free.

It’s not your fault for getting strung along, but you may be too patient and tolerant. You’re likely trying to avoid coming off as needy, clingy, or demanding due to the fear of suffocating him or her and losing what you still have.

Because you’re trying to be respectful and cautious, you’re also giving this person the power, space, and time to do as he or she pleases. Your actions show that you’re happy to wait and receive breadcrumbs and that this person needn’t hurry up and invest in you.

As long as you respond to breadcrumbs, you demonstrate that you’re interested in conversing and things staying the way you are.

I’m not saying you should confront your breadcrumber (people hate confrontations and react defensively to them), but you should understand that you’re allowing the person in question to communicate with you and act as if he or she has romantic interest in you. You’re letting him or her continue to force you to feel anxiety and pain.

With that said, here’s a recap of why a person is breadcrumbing you instead of being honest.

Keep in mind that you’re getting breadcrumbed because this person gets something positive out of it. Whether it’s validation, attention, or someone to talk to in times of need, you’re a reliable source of entertainment and support. You provide him or her with unique benefits that he or she currently can’t get anywhere else.

Once he or she finds a new person to replace you with, you can expect the breadcrumbing to decrease or stop completely. This depends on what kind of person the breadcrumber finds and how capable he or she is at moving on without your benefits.

Obviously, you shouldn’t sit idly and wait for this person to replace you with someone else. No one knows when he or she will find someone else and get tired of you. For all you know, you could get crumbed for years before someone new enters his or her life and provides the benefits you provide.

If you value yourself, you don’t want to suffer for years. You want to avoid getting breadcrumbed so you can heal, move on, and find someone who won’t use you and will actually want to be with you.

So whatever you do, don’t wait for this person to replace you, realize he/she no longer needs you, and discard you. Start turning the tables on the breadcrumber today by learning more about breadcrumbing and standing up for yourself. If you put yourself first, the breadcrumber will respect you more than ever before and become curious about you over time.

How to turn the tables on a breadcrumber?

If you want to turn the tables on a breadcrumber, you must take action and prevent the man or woman from contacting you, inviting you out, and saying confusing things. You must stand firm on your decision and communicate your wants and needs clearly. Do that by expressing that you don’t like where things are going and that you want things to change.

If you’re dealing with a breadcrumbing romantic partner (a person you’re dating), ask your partner if something’s wrong and if he or she doesn’t want to be in a relationship anymore. Your partner’s response will tell you whether he or she sees potential in the relationship and wants to fight for it.

You’ll soon learn what’s going on and what your partner wants because your partner will either tell you the relationship is important to him/her, appear uncertain, or use the opportunity to exit the relationship. If your partner loves you and wants to work on the relationship together with you, your partner will feel motivated to try harder and convince you to stay together.

But if your partner appears uncertain (seems to have doubts), you can tell that your partner is almost if not fully done with the relationship and that it’s not safe to stay in it. Most people who develop doubts about their partner leave because they lack the tools and determination to get rid of them.

So stay with a breadcrumber only if he or she understands your worth and wants to give you the love you deserve. Don’t stay and torture yourself if he or she isn’t certain you’re the right person and/or wants to leave. The only way you can turn the tables on a breadcrumber like that is to take the initiative and end the relationship.

You may not want that (may still have feelings for the breadcrumber), but at least you’ll respect yourself and “dump yourself” before the breadcrumber musters up the courage to leave you (probably during an argument when you’re the least happy).

If the breadcrumber leaves you when you ask him or her about the relationship, you should let him/her. Turn the tables on the dumper by instantly accepting the breakup and opening the door for him or her. Don’t literally kick the dumper out, but do show that you won’t beg anyone to be with you.

Some crumbers avoid admitting to wanting to leave. They’re so scared of confrontation and losing the benefits that they lie about having feelings. If your crumber lies when you ask if he/she wants to stay with you, the crumber will not appear very convincing. He or she won’t believe him/herself and will appear unenergetic and aloof. In that case, you should keep talking to the crumber until he or she admits to being uncertain or wanting to leave.

Moreover, if you’re merely getting to know the breadcrumber (aren’t in a committed relationship yet) but aren’t getting the responses and commitment you want, you should not just watch from the sidelines either. You should also assertively take the lead and initiate a conversation about the direction things are heading.

You may already know that the crumber lost romantic interest and the will to stay with you, but sometimes it’s better to hear that it’s over directly from your partner, potential partner, or ex-partner. Hearing it from him/her directly will hurt like hell, but it will stop you from waiting for answers that may never come.

However, if you’re getting breadcrumbed by an ex-partner, you don’t need to ask or say anything. The breakup and his or her actions already show that the will to work on the relationship is gone and that no amount of talking and convincing will make your ex regret leaving you and come back. Desperation will only make your ex feel trapped and more eager to distance him/herself from you.

To turn the tables on a breadcrumbing ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend, cut the breadcrumbing ex off immediately. Cease all communication right away and prepare yourself for your ex’s crumbs. When they arrive, don’t ignore your breadcrumber (that would be immature) but do tell your ex that you don’t want to be friends and that you need time to yourself.

Your ex may not like that, but your ex will respect it nonetheless. If he or she doesn’t, be more firm and warn your ex that the next time he or she reaches out, you’ll have no choice but to block. That’s how you can show the dumper that you won’t tolerate breadcrumbs and that you respect yourself.

In a nutshell, you’ll turn the tables on a breadcrumber when you do the opposite of what he or she expects you to do. That’s because you’ll take him or her by surprise and show a different side of you. A side he or she hadn’t seen before.

Up till this point, you probably entertained your ex’s breadcrumbs and hoped your ex would see your value. You considered his or her breadcrumbs an opportunity to show your growth and ability to make him or her happy. From now on, things will be different because your life will be about you and your desire to move on and be happy.

It will no longer involve your breadcrumbing, hope-giving, recovery-resetting ex.

You’ll simply cease all contact (go no contact) and let your ex think and feel what he or she wants. That may not bring your ex back in the short term, but it will return your lost power and put you in control of your emotions. If you’re in love with your ex, your top priority is to rebuild self-love and regain emotional independence. The quickest way to do that is to let the breadcrumber know you won’t play his/her games and that from now on, he or she won’t talk to you and know what you’re up to.

The crumber may stalk your social media, but other than that, he or she will have no direct contact with you and will think about you more than if you reach out/get reached out to and engage in conversation.

In conclusion, you turn the tables on a breadcrumber by refusing to play his or her games. When you take your power back and show you have better things to do than to entertain people who don’t want you and deserve you, you not only look more attractive but also boost your healing.

So don’t hesitate to turn the tables on a breadcrumber. Whether the person reaching out is someone you’re interested in, stop communicating and do the opposite of what he or she expects you to do. This will make the breadcrumber think about your reasons for not wanting to talk and make him or her curious about you.

I hope you’ve learned how to turn the tables on a breadcrumber. If you have any suggestions of your own to share, post them in the comments section below. We look forward to hearing your thoughts.

However, if you’re looking for a more personalized approach with a breadcrumber, subscribe to 1-on-1 coaching with us and get in touch.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.