My Ex Moved On So Fast

When your ex moves on quickly after a breakup, it doesn’t necessarily mean that your ex never loved or cared about you. Instead, it may indicate that your ex had already emotionally disconnected from you and made plans for the future without you.

Your ex had envisioned a future without you and looked forward to a different life. A life he or she was in control and solely responsible for.

If you were together for months or longer, your ex probably had strong feelings for you. He or she enjoyed spending time with you and maintaining the bond. But because your ex’s perception of you changed over time, your ex’s feelings changed as well.

They made your ex disconnect from you and move on very quickly.

It doesn’t take long for an ex to move on. When romantic feelings disappear, things begin to seriously annoy the dumper. Everything the dumpee does bothers the dumper and makes him or her crave space and time.

If the dumper doesn’t get space, he or she may appear irritated and forcefully push the dumpee away.

So if your dumper ex moved on fast, bear in mind that your ex had moved on long before the breakup happened. Your ex had focused on your negative traits and behaviors (things he or she didn’t like) and killed his or her gratitude and romantic feelings.

The breakup that ensued was merely the official confession of his or her disconnection and negative thinking.

Many dumpees ask themselves why their ex moved on so fast and if the relationship meant nothing to their ex. They want to know if they ever even mattered to their ex or if it was all just a game to their ex. Although I can’t speak for every dumper, I can say that most dumpers had good intentions.

They genuinely loved their ex and wanted to make the relationship work. They had high hopes for the relationship until something went wrong and changed their thoughts and feelings. For some dumpers, that something was another person whom they emotionally and/or physically cheated with.

For others, it was stressors at work, depression, lack of space and freedom, emotional unavailability, arguments, unresolved fears and doubts, and a lack of appreciation, communication, and bonding. 

All dumpers I spoke to had a reason to leave and move on fast. Whether their reason can be justified or not, they believed they needed to distance themselves from their ex and search for happiness outside of the relationship with their ex.

You see, breakups don’t necessarily happen because the dumpee isn’t good enough. Even though dumpees assume that to be the case, breakups tend to occur because dumpers take dumpees for granted and want more out of life.

They want to feel stronger feelings than they currently do so they can think their relationship is worth settling down for and that it has a purpose. In their mind, they need to find the perfect partner rather than put the work in and make their relationship as good as it can be.

Dumpers dislike those who don’t have their lives together. They want someone who is a complete package from the start rather than a work in progress. They want a relationship they can benefit from more than they have to invest in.

That’s why they walk away from “incomplete” relationships and look for someone who can make them feel safer or more validated.

Dumpers may say they don’t want a relationship with anyone, but they seldom say no to new opportunities. Most of the time, they say yes to the first person who shows interest in them. That person helps them take their mind off their ex and makes them look like they’ve moved on fast.

As for those who don’t get involved with other people after the breakup, they move on fast simply because they enjoy their newfound freedom and happiness. They like being in control of their life and don’t have to worry about anyone but themselves.

So keep in mind that your ex moved on fast because your ex convinced himself or herself that a relationship with you wasn’t working and that he or she could be happier on his or her own or with someone else.

Your ex prioritized happiness over commitment and obligations and pursued instant gratification outside of the relationship with you. 

This allowed your ex to take his or her mind off the unpleasant past and made your ex regret not breaking up sooner. Had your ex known how empowered he or she would have felt after the breakup, your ex would have left a long time ago.

Your ex would have come up with an excuse for why the relationship wasn’t worth investing in anymore and started to chase the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Look, if your relationship was unhealthy, it probably couldn’t be fixed and needed to end. Ending it helped you both realize your flaws and motivated you to make some healthy changes. But if the relationship was healthy and good, then you could probably have tried harder to fix the issues that plagued the relationship.

Your ex (the dumper) should have expressed the things that bothered him or her and looked for healthy solutions with you. Throwing away a salvageable relationship wasn’t necessary.

All relationships have ups and downs. That doesn’t mean they’re unfixable and that couples should give up on them the moment they get a better opportunity elsewhere.

Commitment and perseverance are virtues. They’re essential for any relationship. 

In this article, we discuss why your ex moved on so fast after breaking up with you and what you can do about it.

Why did my ex move on so fast?

Whatever you do, don’t take your ex’s moving on personally. It’s not just the bad partners who end up being left behind. Good partners get left too. They get abandoned because dumpers stop valuing them and stop wanting to work on the relationship.

They develop beliefs that their exes are responsible for their problems and unwanted feelings and that they’ll be happier without them.

Initially, they’re much happier. They feel immense relief and joy and think they couldn’t have made a better decision. Because they feel elated, they act on their emotions and often do things they previously didn’t do or said they wouldn’t do.

They go on Tinder, make new friends, drink and party, pay more attention to their looks, talk badly about their exes, and post happy pictures on social media. Due to their newfound happiness, they don’t care much about their dumpee ex and what their ex will think about their new life and them as people.

All they care about is moving on and staying happy. The reason they initiated the breakup was because they weren’t happy or wanted to be happier. They wanted to stop feeling hurt or unfulfilled and decided to escape the relationship.

Dumpers don’t expect to be miserable after the breakup—and neither should you. You should expect them to be on cloud 9, contented with their decision.

For a few months, they’ll feel elated and relieved and probably make you think you’re directly responsible for their euphoria.

Before you think you held your ex back, remember that the breakup liberated your ex and absolved your ex of (moral) obligations. It made your ex stop worrying about you and let him or her think about his or her problems, emotions, responsibilities, and ambitions.

Your ex moved on fast and now appears happy because your ex has the right and the time to do what he or she wants. Your ex can watch TV all day for all he or she cares because your ex no longer owes you love, commitment, attention, support, validation, and the benefits he or she provided to you as your partner. 

As a single person, your ex can just mind his or her own business and continue to move on.

It’s hard to say exactly why your ex decided to move on, but it has something to do with unhappiness. Your ex got tired of feeling unhappy or unfulfilled and decided to abandon you to get rid of the problems he or she associated with you.

The breakup let your ex move on immediately without addressing the problems that caused the separation.

This means your ex moved on so fast because it felt empowering. Letting go of pain and focusing on a brighter present and future made sense to your ex. It made more sense than holding on to a relationship that dragged your ex down and stopped your ex from reaching his or her full potential.

So know that moving on fast felt natural to your ex and that your ex would have done it again if your ex went back to the past and broke up with you again. Your ex would have chosen happiness over unhappiness and left you to your own devices.

With that said, here’s why your ex moved on so fast.

Dumpers don’t need months to process the breakup. Unlike dumpees, they’ve already gotten over the breakup and found better ways to occupy their time. Nothing and no one prevents them from focusing on themselves and those who make them feel good.

The stages dumpers go through are completely opposite to the stages dumpees go through. Dumpers start relieved whereas dumpees end their grieving with relief. They detach and heal and realize they don’t need their ex to be happy.

So don’t expect your ex to be heartbroken like you. It won’t happen unless your ex is depressed or has some other personal issue to deal with. It’s much more likely that your ex will feel free and want to keep his or her distance from you for a while.

A few months of space will let your ex process negative emotions caused by the breakup and stop your ex from feeling relieved. That’s when your ex could start feeling bad for hurting you and decide to reach out.

Of course, your ex could also reach out before then. He or she could get curious, bored, or lonely and make his or her problems your problems. If that happens, respond to your ex’s breadcrumbs in a confident, mature, and respectful manner—and go back to no contact.

My ex moved on fast and it hurts

Breakups hurt like hell, but they especially hurt when your ex moves on fast, appears to be happy without you or with someone else, and doesn’t seem to care about you. It’s hard not to get affected by the breakup when you have romantic feelings and expectations of your ex.

So bear in mind that it’s normal and okay to feel hurt by your ex’s moving on. It’s okay to be angry and sad.

You’d have to not care about the relationship and be over your ex to not get hurt and feel affected by the breakup. Most dumpees suffer immensely as they feel rejected and forced to blame themselves for the separation.

They need some time to disconnect from their ex and see that their ex’s happiness and detachment have nothing to do with their worth as partners and that their ex simply stopped caring and putting his or her best foot forward.

One day, you too will stop caring about your ex’s moving on. It may not be tomorrow or even the day after, but eventually, you’ll recover emotionally and be okay with your ex’s display of happiness.

That’s because you’ll stop taking your ex’s behaviors and emotions personally and see that your ex is far from perfect. He or she only looks perfect now that you’re struggling to accept the breakup and/or love yourself.

So don’t let your ex’s ability to move on quickly get to you. Instead, consider it a normal part of the breakup process and continue to move on as if nothing happened.

Make sure to also stop checking up on your ex. You don’t need to know how your ex is doing without you. If you see what your ex is up to and how your ex is doing, you’ll either feel hopeful or get hurt and disappointed.

It’s better to stay away from your ex and focus on healing. That way, you’ll fall back in love with yourself and let your ex think, feel, and do what he or she wants.

The main takeaway from this article is that you shouldn’t worry about your ex moving on fast after the breakup. Focus on things that make you happy and that you can control. It will guarantee the quickest recovery and also make you look the strongest and the most attractive.

Are you struggling to move on from a breakup while your ex has already moved on? Are you comparing yourself to your ex and trying to feel like your ex? Post your experiences, worries, and questions below the post.

And if you want our help understanding the breakup and moving on, contact us after subscribing to coaching.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.