If you hoped your ex would get nostalgic and reach out during no contact, but your ex unfollowed you instead, you probably suffered a big shock. You realized your ex was distancing himself or herself further from you instead of becoming more interested and getting closer to you.
This hurt you badly and got your hopes for reconciliation crushed.
You got scared and anxious because you’d pinned your hopes on the power of no contact and expected it to reattract your ex.
You must understand that no contact has multiple functions (not just to get your ex back) and that your ex could do many things you’re not okay with. Your ex could become more social, drink and party, get a promotion, upgrade his or her wardrobe, start dating, use new words, and do things he or she previously wouldn’t do.
Your ex could do his or her best to abandon the identity he or she had in the relationship with you and become unrecognizable in the process.
This doesn’t mean your ex is changing who he or she is. Inside (morally, behaviorally, and mentality-wise), your ex is still the same person. Your ex still thinks and behaves the same way. The only things that have changed are your ex’s superficial traits – the things that give your ex external happiness that you can notice from afar.
So if your ex unfollowed you during no contact, the first thing you must remember is that lots of dumpers unfollow, delete, or even block their ex. Some do it because they don’t like what their ex is posting whereas others (most dumpers) mess with their ex’s profile because they’d been wanting to do that for a long time.
They just couldn’t find the courage as they knew it could hurt their ex, bring a negative reaction out of their ex, and/or make them look bad. Dumpers tend to wait a while before they touch the status of their ex’s profile.
They make sure some time has passed so as not to look impulsive, hateful, and self-centered.
Sometimes they unfollow or delete their ex if their ex posts (too much), reminds them of the past, or makes them scared about finding something they’re not ready to find. Unhappy, anxious, or depressed dumpers don’t want to think their ex is having a good time and that they’ve made a bad decision.
They don’t want to doubt their decisions, so they delete or unfollow and push their ex out of sight. By doing so, they control what information they let into their heads and how they feel about the breakup and their post-breakup life.
If you’ve been posting (a lot), your ex probably noticed that you’re still around and that your presence doesn’t make him or her feel good. Every time you post (something he/she doesn’t like), your ex feels suffocated and wishes he or she didn’t have to feel that way.
Because of negative feelings, your ex convinced himself or herself that life would be easier if you were no longer around, triggering unwanted thoughts and emotions. Although you didn’t interact, your ex saw your posts or saw you online (or offline) and forced you out of sight and mind.
You mustn’t take it personally. An ex who deletes or unfollows you does so because he or she associates negative thoughts and feelings with you and doesn’t want to deal with them. You may or may not be partially responsible for how your ex feels, but it’s evident your ex prefers to run away from the past and focus on things that feel good.
Things your ex actually wants to occupy his or her mind with.
So if your ex unfollowed you on social media, know that it was bound to happen sooner or later. Your ex was going to unfollow you when you posted or did something or when your ex thought it was safe for him or her to unfollow you and cut you out of his or her life.
It sucks that you were hoping your ex would contact you and gravitate toward you over time, but your ex had different plans. He or she wanted to increase the distance (rather than decrease it) and not think about reconnecting with you.
Distance allows your ex to continue to self-prioritize and enjoy the breakup on his or her terms.
Although no contact can help you reunite with your ex, it doesn’t guarantee reconciliation. No contact preserves your worth as an ex and lets your ex think things through. If your ex is vengeful and incapable of reflecting and letting go of the past, no contact won’t help you get back with your ex.
Nothing will help you because your ex will think and feel what he or she wants. Your ex will probably blame you for everything and refuse to acknowledge the good things you did for the relationship. In that case, you shouldn’t stop no contact and start begging your ex for forgiveness and love.
You should remain in no contact and remember that your ex could still have an epiphany later. The chances of that happening aren’t very high, but in this world, everything is possible. Your ex could get in a pickle and want you back to boost his or her self-love and work on the relationship.
I’m not saying you should stay hopeful. All I’m saying is that sometimes exes have the grass is greener syndrome (GIGS) and need to spend some time on their own to realize what they’ve lost. Oftentimes, they need to explore other romantic options and fail miserably with them to reminisce about their ex and wonder if they’ve made the right decision.
You can talk to dumpers all you want—and it won’t make a difference. They need to think about you and miss you on their own otherwise your words go in one ear and out the other.
As a dumpee, you can’t make your dumper ex want to keep you on social media and talk to you from time to time.
Your ex or influential (authoritative) people in your ex’s life are the only ones who can make your ex do that. So leave your ex alone and let your ex be free while you work on improving your self-esteem and regaining your strength and independence.
In today’s post, we talk about why your ex unfollowed you during no contact, what it means going forward, and how you should respond to it.
Why did my ex unfollow me during no contact?
The most feasible explanation for why your ex unfollowed you during no contact is that your ex stopped feeling bad for breaking your heart and started caring more about his or her emotions. Your ex decided to prioritize his or her happiness and freedom and let you deal with your problems and emotions on your own.
Since it’s been a while since the breakup, your ex thinks it’s okay to unfollow you and stop receiving updates on your life. Unfollowing lets your ex avoid seeing you and feeling uncomfortable and encourages your ex to think only about things that feel good.
You probably expected your ex to text, call, or send you flowers during no contact, but exactly the opposite happened.
Your ex unfollowed you and showed you that his or her interest in you has decreased. Unless you posted something you shouldn’t have and/or annoyed your ex, it’s not that your ex’s interest decreased, but that your ex stopped pretending to care and no longer wanted to keep you around.
Your ex got tired of seeing what you were up to or being reminded of you. You were probably one of his or her recently spoken-to people on the friends list and made your ex want to stop thinking about you. To push unwanted emotions away, your ex unfollowed you and made you wonder why he or she did that.
So bear in mind that your ex either unfollowed you because you did something wrong or because your ex finally put himself or herself first and wanted to stop thinking about you. By unfollowing you, your ex stopped receiving updates on your life and feeling uncomfortable.
The unfollowing doesn’t mean that your ex moved on and that you missed the chance to be with your ex. In all honestly, your ex moved on long before the breakup happened and merely wanted to distance himself/herself from you.
Your ex thought it was time to unfollow you and enjoy life without any reminders of you.
Mind you, reminders don’t necessarily hurt or annoy your ex because you were a bad partner or because you did something bad after the breakup. They annoy your ex simply because your ex wanted to break up very badly for a while and needed to spend time away from you.
If your ex sees that you’re still around and feels uncomfortable because of it, your ex feels tempted to unfollow you.
Your ex could have deleted and blocked you on top of unfollowing, but for now, unfollowing seems to do the job. It lets your ex avoid unwanted reminders of you and promotes his or her well-being.
If you reach out and persuade your ex to come back, you could also pressure and disrespect your ex and get your ability to communicate taken away from you.
In other words, your expectations could hurt your ex and force your ex to push you away by force.
Always remember that your actions can make your ex do unwanted things. For example, if you post a lot of (relationship/breakup) things on social media, appear sad or depressed, and accuse your ex of being a disloyal partner, your ex could find your behavior rude and decide to “punish” you for it.
This means your ex could say or do hurtful things you aren’t ready for and make it hard for you to reconcile and love yourself.
That’s why if you want to feel better and maximize your chances of getting back together with your ex, stay away from your ex during no contact and let your ex come to you when or if he or she is ready.
It could take months or years for your ex to return or your ex might not come back at all. Regardless of whether your ex returns, you need to give the dumper space and retain your value. Don’t throw yourself at your ex’s feet just because you feel that no contact isn’t working.
With that said, here’s why your ex unfollowed you during no contact.
Whether you did something to get unfollowed or got unfollowed randomly out of the blue, your ex’s unfollowing indicates that your ex’s feelings haven’t changed and that your ex wants to keep his or her distance from you.
Your ex wants fewer or no reminders of you because reminders trigger pain, anger, resentment, or disgust.
What should I do if my ex unfollows me during no contact?
If your ex unfollows you during no contact, your ex doesn’t want to see what you’re up to anymore. Your ex wants a break from you and needs you to give him or her space. Space lets your ex gain control of the breakup and encourages him or her to heal in the quickest time possible.
Your ex doesn’t need to get over the breakup (that’s your job), but your ex does need to avoid you for a while to stop feeling suffocated and enjoy the relief stage of the breakup.
If you prevent your ex from enjoying the relief stage, your ex will probably make you regret it very quickly. He or she will say or do something that hurts you and destroys your reconciliation hope.
To avoid pressuring your ex and getting hurt in return, don’t:
- post too much on social media
- post depressing things
- brag about your newfound happiness
- contact your ex and ask why he/she unfollowed you
- talk poorly about your ex
You’re not friends, so your ex has every right to unfollow and delete you. He or she doesn’t owe you friendship and explanations for unfollowing you online. Your ex must give you closure and help you emotionally if you’re struggling, but that’s as far as your ex’s moral obligations go.
You, on the other hand, need to respect your ex’s decisions and negative breakup feelings. You can do that by staying in no contact regardless of what your ex does and what he or she promised you before, during, or after the breakup.
If your ex promised to come back after a while and then started dating someone else, you must understand that your ex used a breakup excuse and that he or she had no intention of getting back together.
Your hurt feelings probably tell you to reach out and call your ex a dirty liar, but what will that accomplish? It will only anger your ex and make your ex escalate things. An escalation could involve ignoring, deleting, blocking, and getting a restraining order against you.
So don’t react to your ex’s unfollowing and instead, act as if you haven’t noticed it. Show it doesn’t bother you, that you’ve given up control, and that you’ve accepted the breakup.
This won’t make your ex come back, but it will prevent your ex from thinking you’re stalking him or her and trying to force reconciliation.
If you’re posting on social media, keep doing it. Your ex may not want to know what you’re up to today, but this likely won’t always be the case. Eventually, your ex will probably become curious about you and check your profile.
When he or she does, your ex will learn that you’ve been moving on and enjoying your life.
Did your ex unfollow you during no contact? How did that make you feel? Share your thoughts and feelings below the post.
And if you’re looking for personal guidance regarding your breakup, check out our private coaching options here.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
Hi Zan. Sorry for the novel. There’s just not a lot of places to talk and get good insight on these types of things online. We had a great 4 year relationship until the last few months of it, ended due to loss of attraction on her end. I was becoming aimless and depressed, and I stopped courting her and being intimate, so that makes sense. I told her as much and took responsibility for my role in our breakup. She told me she didn’t like that she didn’t feel how she used to for me anymore, but it was the way she felt. We had an incredibly deep connection between us throughout our relationship. She told me I was her closest and really only close friend, but knew it wasn’t fair to ask me to still be that to her. It hurt, but I declined friendship. We wound up being intimate a few hours after the breakup talk with her complimenting me and looking at me how she used to, and I went into by the book NC after dropping her off that night as she hadn’t mentioned changing her mind and I wasn’t going to ask. About 6 weeks later, I’d commented on Instagram account’s posts that I forgot we both followed. Just innocuous things, like someone posting about a restaurant I’ve been wanting to go to, I mentioned wanting to visit as well. A couple days later she unfollowed them, then removed me there and on Facebook where neither of us ever post. Our profiles on both sites are still public, and her Facebook still says she’s been in a relationship since 2019 (which is our relationship, of course). It’s been about a week since then with no change. There’s also a couple of little meme photos on her IG she tagged me in that are still up, she only has a couple dozen posts there. We weren’t the type to really post photos of ourselves on social media otherwise, there was one on her IG but that went down just before the breakup during us having a week of space. We’d just use IG a lot to send cute little memes to each other throughout the week.
I’ve been trying to avoid mindreading, I know for my own healing I should probably still choose to take this as a negative sign instead of getting too hopeful. She wasn’t the type to play social media games so I don’t think this was her trying to prompt me to reach out or anything like that. I guess I’m just wondering if this tends to be the type of behavior from someone who might be beginning to miss the dumpee? I feel like if it was a neutral “moving on” cleanse she’d have adjusted her relationship status while she was in there and removed those little meme photos, and I feel like if someone else was firmer in the picture she would have done that, and made her profiles private. Clearly she was wanting some distance, but that she can make an emotional decision like that could be a good sign? I don’t say this to put her down, but she doesn’t have a car to go out and get her mind off of things, so she may be spending a fair bit of time distracting herself on social media and my silence toward her alongside my occasional activity there may be starting to affect her.
I’ve been doing my best to move forward, and I have been working on myself inside and out. Down 20 pounds and counting, reading up on attachment styles, doing breath work to begin to control my (obvious) anxiety lol. Obviously I haven’t detached as I’ve noticed these things and taken the time to share this here, of course. I’ve had no other indications that most people get. Breadcrumbs, story views, a “hey just wanted to check in” text, etc. There’s just not a lot of good info out there about this stuff in this specific timespan with these specific wrinkles, so if this is potentially marking the gradual transition out of the relief/elation stage from her I’d just like to be ahead of the curb as I still have some work to do. I’m very confident in my ability to slowly re-attract her if she does reach out, even during our breakup talk we were still cracking each other up laughing and again, we were fairly intimate a bit after that. We just have a great dynamic and I sincerely believe we can get back together stronger as the issues truly and genuinely just came from my side. If I look at our situation from the outside looking in, I’m pretty confident I’ll hear from her again. I do hear often that pure NC after a mostly solid, deeply connected relationship often tends to result in a reach out text within a few months. It’s just hard to keep that outlook when fear and anxiety is at play. I appreciate you reading my comment, I don’t have many friends or family with relationship expertise that are acquainted with social media so I wasn’t sure where else to get a second opinion. I’m also broke as a joke so I couldn’t afford reaching out, no hard feelings if this gets wiped or unanswered as I know it’s very long lol.
Hi Brad.
I wouldn’t read into her social media behavior too much if I were you. I don’t see any nostalgia or regret just yet. Eventually, she’ll probably remove her photos with you, but for now, she’s in no hurry to do so. She doesn’t despise you or anything.
Also, give up on slowly reattracting her. You won’t be able to do that on your terms because she first has to process negativity and have her freedom. She’ll come to you when she’s ready. Keep working on yourself and don’t be afraid to detach. You’ll feel better when you stop obsessing over her.
Kind regards,
Zan
Thank you for taking the time to respond. That was the neutral outside look I was needing, I think. Very easy to read into things when you’re in the thick of it and really hoping for a specific outcome. I’ll keep bettering myself in the meantime regardless.
Hi Brad.
I’m happy to help. Sometimes an outside perspective is all we need.
Best regards,
Zan
He only has Facebook, where I never post anything. He unfriended me a month later out of the blue. I don’t use it at all and no one tagged me or anything. Ηe also thinks that I turned our mutual friends against him while they told me that they were hanging out with him just because he was my boyfriend and he also never reached out to them after the breakup. Even while we were a couple I was the one to plan hangouts and he just came along if he could. He said that they didnt text him to listen to his side of the story and they just believed me. I never lied to them about what happened or tell them his secrets. I just explained exactly who did what and they were there when he broke up with me over text on my birthday party! Again, he never reached out to them. If he did they would probably meet him. I also didnt talk about him in front of his best friend.
Hi Ιωάννα.
Your friends are your friends and they have the right to choose who to believe and stick with. It seems that he blames you for their loyalty to you. Try not to mind it, he’ll get over it. As for the unfriending, he probably did it due to resentment or thinking it was time to remove you.
Kind regards,
Zan