My Ex-girlfriend Has A New Boyfriend

The thing dumpees are the most afraid of is not their ex moving on but rather their ex dating someone else and being happy with that person. They worry that someone new will take their role as a romantic partner and have a better long-lasting relationship than them.

They don’t want to think that someone else is more compatible with their ex and doing a better job than them, but sadly, that’s the impression they get. They see their ex happily doing things he or she didn’t do before and think they weren’t interesting enough for their ex to do all those things with them.

The truth is, their ex doing fun things has nothing to do with them. Their ex is elated mainly because he or she just got out of a restricting relationship and entered the love stage of a new relationship.

This love stage makes them want validation and bonding more than anything.

It makes them want to forget the past, impress their new partner, and stay infatuated forever. Of course, they can’t stay infatuated forever. As soon as they get to know their new partner and get used to him or her, they stop acting impulsively and decrease the pace of the new relationship.

That’s when their relationship finally stops being a fairy tale, starts getting serious, and begins to experience its first problems. Typically, the first problems consist of communication errors, unmet expectations, and unprecedented emotional reactions to stress.

Sadly, dumpees take things very personally. They blame themselves for the breakup and their ex’s post-breakup happiness, see their ex’s new partner as a competition, and compare themselves to him or her.

They examine the new person’s looks, communication style, personality, work, dating history, living situation, children, and everything that helps them understand their ex’s partner.

They look for anything that could boost their ego and sense of control and give them an advantage in being with their ex. Dumpees usually know that digging for information after the breakup gives them hope and makes them anxious when they discover something they don’t like.

But despite being aware of it, they can’t stop themselves from checking their ex’s socials. They feel anxious or depressed and think they need to keep an eye on their ex to control their pain. 

Pain is the main reason dumpees become obsessed with their ex and their ex’s new partner. Because of pain, they stalk their ex online and ask their friends for information on their ex’s new life. They do everything in their power to gain hope and ease their separation anxiety.

If your ex-girlfriend has a new boyfriend and you’re in a lot of pain, know that you won’t feel any better if you investigate the new guy and look for things you’re better at than him. If you find something you’re better at, you’ll only give yourself hope and think there’s a chance your ex will choose you over him.

Likewise, if you find something he’s better at (or appears to be better at), you’ll feel hurt and want to keep looking for ways to be better than him.

You must understand that the new person isn’t competing with you. If your ex is the dumper, your ex chose him because she lost feelings for you and wants to build a strong foundation with him. She wants to invest in him and reach certain goals with him.

He has nothing to do with you because you’re no longer a part of her goals and dreams. You’re her ex and must act like one.

This means no stalking, talking, and fighting for recognition and another chance. You had your chance when you were with your ex. Now it’s the new guy’s turn to show her what he’s got. If he or your ex messes it up, they’ll break up and look for other ways to keep themselves busy.

They could go back to their exes or move on to other people.

I know it’s hard to accept that your ex-girlfriend has a new boyfriend (especially if the breakup just happened), but remember that most exes don’t wait very long before they start dating. Most exes jump back into the dating pool right after the breakup.

Some even secure a new person before they officially break up. In breakups, we call it monkey-branching. The about-to-be dumper loses feelings for his or her partner due to (emotional) cheating and neglecting the relationship.

As a result, he or she prioritizes feelings over morality and abandons the relationship to chase the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Often, the dumper hides the new relationship for a while before revealing the new love of his or her life.

So if your ex-girlfriend has a new boyfriend quickly after the breakup, there’s a big possibility that she met her current boyfriend before she properly ended things with you. She might have gotten attracted to the new guy and made sure he wanted her before she decided to dump you.

If she didn’t meet him while you were still together, then she should have waited a while out of respect for you and herself before getting into a new relationship. She should have taken time to reflect and improve instead of focusing on feeling validated by someone new.

People who rush into new relationships don’t grow as people and partners. They make zero changes and as a result, encounter the same problems with their next partner.

This happens as soon as they get out of the infatuation phase and feel comfortable.

In today’s post, we discuss what it means and what to do if your ex-girlfriend has a new boyfriend.

When your ex-girlfriend has a new boyfriend

If your dumper ex-girlfriend got a new boyfriend, she obviously likes the guy and doesn’t have feelings for you. She’s fallen out of love with you and developed feelings and cravings for the new person.

The new guy makes her want to invest in him and be with him long-term.

It could also be that she’s not looking for anything serious, but if that were true, they probably wouldn’t be boyfriend and girlfriend. They’d be titleless and would appear much less interested in each other. 

Hence, it’s much more likely that they’re in a serious commitment and that she’s trying to leave the past behind. The past reminds her of negative experiences whereas the present and the future excite her and give her hope.

You must understand that the relationship ended even before she got into a new relationship. The moment she lost feelings and decided not to do anything to regain them, she gave up on working things out with you and started looking for new ways to keep herself busy.

At first, she probably went out a lot and spent time with friends and family. But when she met the guy she’s currently with, she fell for him and started getting to know him on a more personal level. 

You may not be okay with that, but you must accept that the relationship between you and her has ended. Accept that she’s not thinking about being with you because she:

1. Ended things with you.
2. Started dating someone else.

The girl is focusing on her new life and doesn’t want to return to you. This might change in the future, but right now, she’s happy the relationship ended and feels loved and needed by someone new.

Her actions tell you that she’s moving forward with her life and that she doesn’t regret breaking up with you. The only thing she regrets is not leaving sooner. Had she left sooner, she would have received the guy’s love and attention sooner. 

You probably don’t want to hear this, but your ex wanted this to happen. She may not have actively looked for another person to date, but she was open to the idea of dating someone else. She was open to it because she detached from you and felt ready to start a new relationship right away.

Unlike dumpees, most dumpers feel ready to start dating. They can get into a new serious relationship (and not rebound) because they don’t feel connected to their ex. They feel free and relieved and as a result, take any romantic opportunities they get.

Romantic opportunities boost their egos, distract them from feeling bad for their ex, and give them something positive to look forward to. Something that only a romantic partner can make them wish for.

So bear in mind that your ex-girlfriend’s new partner indicates that your ex is ready to move forward and invest in someone new. She’s not just ready, but also eager to deepen the connection and take the relationship to the next level.

You mustn’t try to stop her from dreaming and investing or you’ll look controlling and get branded as a desperate ex-boyfriend.

Will their relationship succeed?

Without knowing your situation, it’s difficult to tell if their relationship has long-term potential. It’s especially difficult to know what their relationship will look like in the future if they just started dating and appear infatuated.

New relationships tend to have good beginnings because couples don’t know each other yet.

Couples are still learning new things about each other and enjoying the get-to-know-each-other phase. They don’t yet see each other’s shortcomings and unhealthy traits.

Or if they do see them, they usually don’t take them seriously because they live in the moment and feel empowered.

They tend to get serious months into the relationship when they stop feeling validated and reveal their true colors. That’s when they show how they deal with problems, emotions, stressors, and temptations.

If they deal poorly with them, they argue and break up if they don’t find a way to break unhealthy patterns and fix the bond. And if they handle them maturely, they stay together, at least for a while.

Every relationship has different problems, but couples who monkey-branch or start dating someone new without reflecting and improving themselves tend to experience the same problems and deal the same way with those problems.

Eventually, they either overcome their problems or break up over them.

I can’t predict what the future of your ex-girlfriend holds because I don’t know her. But if she’s the impulsive type who blames others for her flaws and mistakes, she’ll either be unhappy in her relationship or break up with her boyfriend when she’s had enough.

Either way, you probably don’t want to be with someone who can’t evolve. You especially don’t want to wait for her to have fun with the guy and want you back just because she can’t make the relationship work.

You want the girl to understand your worth and want you because you’re a good person and partner, not because her ex-boyfriend failed to meet her needs and expectations. If she wants you back just to patch her wounds, she’ll leave as soon as she feels better and takes you for granted again.

So make sure she wants you for you and not just because you’re her security blanket. 

It’s probably too early to tell if their relationship will be successful. You probably just found out about them and have no idea how compatible they are. All you know is that they appear happy together and that they get along – for now.

This might change when they test each other out and encounter issues.

With that said, here’s why your ex-girlfriend has a new boyfriend.

On the other hand, if your ex is a dumpee and the breakup happened less than half a year ago, then your ex probably started dating to replace you and ease her separation pain. Her top priority is to invest in someone new and avoid dealing with the breakup blues.

Unfortunately, she can’t invest in someone new when she feels hurt, thinks about you 24/7, and wants you back. She can only rebound and suffer twice as much; once for the breakup with you and once for failing her new relationship.

It sucks, but dumpees are 100 times more likely to rebound than dumpers. Dumpees have feelings for their ex whereas dumpers (or most dumpers) don’t. They feel ready to open their heart to someone new and start a brand-new relationship.

Dumpees, on the other hand, can’t do that. As long as they love their ex and struggle to love themselves, they continue to seek validation from their ex. No other person can heal their wounds other than the person who rejected them.

That’s why they need to avoid dating other people and focus on improving their self-esteem. 

If your dumpee ex-girlfriend has a new boyfriend, she may not be handling the breakup well. Regardless, be happy that she wants to move on. Don’t contact her and confuse her just because he new boyfriend makes you feel a bit insecure.

Contact her only if you regret leaving and want her back.

What should I do if my ex-girlfriend has a new boyfriend? 

If your ex starts dating again, remember that she’s interested in getting to know the new guy and that you shouldn’t try to stop her from moving on. If you tell her she’s making a mistake and that you can make her happier than the new guy, you won’t only look insecure, but also demanding and disrespectful.

You’ll tell your ex you don’t respect her choices and feelings and that you want her to do what’s best for you, not what’s best for her.

This will, in turn, make her feel pressured and guilt-tripped and force her to reject you and push you away. Another rejection will then hurt you and destroy your self-love.

So don’t fight your ex’s decision to date someone new. Don’t show her your happiness and self-esteem depend on the attention she gives you. If you put her in charge of your happiness, you’ll pressure her and push her closer to her new partner.

You’ll make them team up against you and make it even harder to love yourself and/or get back with your ex.

Whether you want your ex back or not, you have to let your ex and her new boyfriend be. Let them do what they want while you do what you want. Self-focus will tell them you’ve accepted the breakup and found the strength to move on and enjoy your life.

If you stay away from them and focus on self-growth, your ex could contact you when she starts thinking about you or wanting to be with you. She could break up with her boyfriend and want you back for security purposes.

If you want to be happy with or without your ex, I encourage you to preserve your worth as a dumpee. Avoid breakup mistakes and things that show you’re attached and need something from your ex.

The less you need your ex and the happier and more self-reliant you appear, the bigger the odds that your ex will respect you and want to rely on you when life gives her lemons.

Do exes ever come back after dating someone else?

Exes come back after dating someone else. In fact, they usually come back because they dated someone else (and failed). They compare their new partner to their ex and realize they were happier when they were with their ex.

To come back, they need to convince themselves they were much happier in the past and that they have a small window of opportunity to be with their ex. Limited time scares them and urges them to reconnect with their ex as quickly as possible.

The reason why exes come back after dating someone else is that the new failed relationship teaches them a valuable lesson. It affects their self-esteem, showing them they overestimated their importance and underinvested in their ex.

When they believe they abandoned a happy stable life for a life of chaos and uncertainty, they run back to their ex to feel secure. They wish to rely on their ex to fix their self-esteem and get what they need to feel secure.

They don’t hesitate because they know their ex can provide them with reassurance and instantly take their pain away.

So yes, exes do come back after dating someone else. They come back when they fail to find happiness with someone else and hit a dead end. That’s when they engage in reflection and want their ex to forgive them and make them happy.

There’s no guarantee that your ex will want you back even if her new relationship fails. Your ex could just move on to someone else or breadcrumb you for a while. To avoid getting strung along, learn how to respond to breadcrumbs and create a purposeful life without your ex.

Does your ex-girlfriend have a new boyfriend and it bothers you? Are you trying to get back with her? Share your thoughts and feelings below the post.

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