How Do I Know If My Ex Misses Me?

Before we talk about how to know if your ex misses you, ask yourself why you want to know the answer to this question.

Is it because you feel rejected and want to feel loved? Is pain the reason you’re looking for reassurance and help from your ex? If it is, you’re playing with fire because you’re hoping to find something positive and hopeful.

If you don’t find it, you might think your ex doesn’t miss you, which would, in turn, make you feel even worse. It’d make you feel that your ex has moved on and that he or she doesn’t care about you.

So keep in mind that looking for signs your ex misses you may not be a good idea if the breakup happened recently and you’re still struggling to love yourself. It’s probably a very bad idea because the chance of finding what you’re hoping to find is very slim.

You have a much higher chance of coming across something that reveals your ex feels relieved and isn’t thinking about getting back with you. Something like your ex posting happy pictures, seeing other people, and moving on.

Most dumpers (especially those who just came out of a relationship) aren’t nostalgic. They’re glad the breakup happened because the breakup created the space they needed to self-prioritize and not care about their ex’s feelings and problems.

Space lets them feel free. And because they feel free, they don’t typically miss their ex.

They may feel bad for causing immense pain and suffering, but guilt isn’t the same as nostalgia. It’s a common feeling dumpers feel in the early stages of a breakup when they realize they treated their ex unfairly and that they need to make things right.

Nostalgia, on the other hand, can happen when an ex stops feeling victimized. Some dumpers stop feeling victimized weeks after the breakup when they realize they lost a good friend whereas others miss their ex when something bad happens to them.

Therefore, if or when your ex misses you is quite conditional and unpredictable because it depends on a person’s experiences, maturity, and perception of you.

If your ex thinks you’re alright and doesn’t despise you, your ex will probably miss you sooner than someone who convinced himself or herself that you’re the cause of all problems and that you wouldn’t make a good friend.

Bear in mind that most dumpees who miss their ex miss their ex’s friendship and support (things they can get from their ex non-romantically). They don’t miss their ex’s love and the relationship itself. 

If they missed the relationship, they would have feelings for their ex and a desire to reconnect as partners.

So don’t think that an ex who misses you always wants to be with you. Many dumpers tell their dumpees they miss them, love them, and think about them, but more than 90% of those dumpers have no intention of reconciling.

They just want their ex to forgive them, be their friend/friend with benefits, and make them feel that they haven’t lost an important aspect of their life.

Nostalgia probably isn’t the main thing you want your ex to experience. If you have feelings for your ex, you want your ex to feel and express regret and pain. These emotions are much stronger indications that your ex’s life isn’t going according to plan and that your ex learned your worth and is ready to put the work in.

Nostalgia, on the other hand, may not mean much. All it could mean is that your ex misses certain (not all) parts of the past and that your ex could no longer feel nostalgic once your ex reached out and talked to you.

Many times, dumpers feel curious and nostalgic, and reach out to check up on their ex. But once they’ve checked up on the dumpee and talked for a while, they lose the drive to converse and bond. They simply get what they want and focus on other things and people.

This tends to confuse dumpees and makes them wonder if their ex even missed them.

From my experience, their ex missed the friendship aspect of the relationship and the way life felt. They didn’t miss their ex enough to regret leaving.

That’s why you must be extra careful if you’re trying to figure out how to know if your ex misses you. You must understand that nostalgia isn’t always romantic and that you could get hurt if you mistake it for love.

Today, we discuss how you can tell if your ex misses you romantically and non-romantically (as a friend).

How do I know if my ex misses me as a friend?

There are a few ways to know if your ex misses you as a friend. These methods require you to observe your ex’s attitude towards you and the things he or she expects from you. Attitude tells you how your ex perceives you whereas expectations reveal what kind of feelings your ex feels or wants to feel.

If your ex is mean, cold, and unreceptive, your ex probably isn’t ready for friendship yet. He or she needs more time to process the separation and miss the friendship. I’m not saying your ex will definitely miss it, but if your relationship was healthy, there’s a chance that he or she will miss it when the time is right.

And the time will be right when he or she sees and cares that you’re gone for good and that an important part of his or her life is missing.

But if your ex reaches out regularly, talks about non-relationship matters, asks about your life and well-being, asks for support, and offers support, then it’s probably safe to assume that your ex misses you as a friend and wants to keep you in his or her life.

Your ex’s behavior says that he or she has already worked through negative breakup emotions and that he or she still values you as a person and everything you did for him or her in the past.

So if your ex is kind toward you, doesn’t seem to expect anything from you, and acts as if nothing happened, your ex is likely trying to get past the breakup and convince you to settle for friendship.

Friendship would give your ex what he or she is missing (a person to rely on and talk to) and at the same time, create some necessary boundaries.

All ex-couples need boundaries after the breakup, Boundaries tell them what they can and can’t say and do and allow them to keep each other in their lives in healthy ways.

The easiest way to learn if your ex misses you as just a friend is to watch what your ex does after he or she has reached out. If your ex isn’t in a hurry to see you and seems unafraid and unemotional, you can tell your ex hasn’t discovered your romantic value and needs something else from you.

This can be forgiveness, validation, or support. If your ex just wants forgiveness, your ex may not even want to be your friend. Your ex probably just wants to see that you’re okay and that you’re moving on. If your ex wants validation, your ex likely values you romantically and regrets losing that part of his or her life.

And if your ex wants your support and a familiar person to speak to, your ex likely doesn’t have many (good) friends and wants your company. He or she feels nostalgic at times and wishes he or she didn’t lose you completely.

Some exes think their ex will be happy to downgrade from relationship to friendship. They don’t understand how their ex feels about staying in touch, so they get shocked and disappointed when they learn their ex wants all or nothing. 

He or she wants romantic commitment or no communication at all.

If your ex wants nothing but friendship, your ex will treat you no better than a friend. Your ex will call you out of the blue, talk to you about random things, date other people, and either not care that you’re in love with someone else or support your new relationship.

Your ex will show that he or she isn’t jealous and that he or she has no romantic expectations of you. Bear in mind that some (insecure) dumpers are jealous even after they’ve lost feelings and abandoned their ex.

Such dumpers don’t want their ex back. They consider the breakup a competition and think their ex is rubbing his or her new relationship in their face. As a result, they get angry, accuse their ex of moving on quickly, and continue to focus on themselves. 

That’s why jealousy isn’t a reliable sign of romantic regret. It’s a sign that dumpers feel threatened and replaced by someone who may be better than them. 

Your ex could also miss you as a friend if he or she doesn’t reach out. But that would probably mean that your ex’s nostalgia is still building up or that someone or something is preventing your ex from talking to you.

Your ex could be following his or her own breakup rules to let you heal and not engage in conversation for selfish reasons. It would take a lot of maturity to do that, though.

Here are 6 signs your ex misses you as a friend.

If your ex wants to be your friend, your ex could try to convince you to stay in touch. He or she could even guilt-trip you and say that you’re being mean and selfish.

This is because many dumpers think their ex owes them friendship and get upset or angry when their ex asks for space.

They don’t understand how their ex feels and that their ex can’t be friends with someone who has lost feelings and the will to regain feelings.

The dumpee may be able to be friends later, but only after he or she has gotten over the breakup and rebuilt his or her self-worth. That’s when the dumpee can reach out and see if the dumper is still open to friendship.

How do I know if my ex misses me romantically?

If your ex misses you romantically, you’ll realize it very quickly. You’ll see that your ex not only misses your presence but also your affection and validation. Your ex will compliment you and express his or her feelings to receive love from you.

An ex who expects love will basically give love. He or she will make sure that you feel good and that you feel a strong desire to be validated. When you feel validated, you’ll ask for more validation and in turn, validate your ex back.

This will go back and forth for a while and mark the beginning of a new romantic relationship. 

So if you want to learn how to know if your ex misses you romantically, watch what your ex says, does, and expects. Romantic expectations and acts of love show that your ex has developed romantic cravings and that he or she isn’t happy without your love.

As a dumpee, you don’t need to be a mind reader to know that your ex misses you romantically. You just need to wait for your ex to express or show how he or she feels.

Your ex will have unmet needs and will make it obvious that he or she misses you romantically.

Your ex will:

• try to meet up with you very badly
• compliment you
• flirt with you (be careful about this)
• apologize
• appear afraid (of rejection)
• try to figure out how you feel
• and ask to get back together

All you need to do is be patient and wait for your ex to redevelop feelings and come back. If your ex wants you back, your ex will put in the effort and show you what it means to miss you and regret dumping you. 

Now, I don’t mean that you should do nothing but wait as waiting will waste your time and prevent you from growing as a person. But you definitely shouldn’t keep watching your ex’s every move and obsess over your ex.

Time is ticking, and you have plenty of more productive things to do.

Your ex could also start missing you romantically slowly when life gets difficult. If your ex is with someone new, your ex could miss you when they argue and feel disconnected. That could make your ex anxious and force him or her to breadcrumb you until your ex decides to return.

So try not to waste your time analyzing your ex’s thoughts, feelings, and actions too much. Try to focus on yourself instead so that you can detach and prepare yourself for a life without your ex.

You can’t predict the future. That’s why your only option is to consider the breakup as final and keep moving forward until your ex expresses that he or she misses you and wants to work on regaining your trust and improving the bond.

Did any of your exes come back? How did you know your ex missed you romantically or non-romantically? Let us know in the comments section below.

And if you’d like to discuss things privately, sign up for private coaching here,

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.