How To Ask Your Ex To Hang Out?

As a dumpee, asking your ex out is a big mistake. You should never invite the dumper out after he or she has dumped you and hurt you. It’s very risky because unsolicited invitations to meet will put you in a position of weakness and let your ex reject you and make your self-esteem hit a new low.

You may really want to invite your ex out and catch up, but no matter how anxious and eager you are to reconnect, don’t do that. As long as you’re healing, you need to stay far away from your ex and work on rebuilding your self-esteem and improving yourself.

Those are the most important things you should do after the breakup.

Reaching out to your ex, talking to your ex, and meeting up with your ex isn’t on your “to-do” list. It shouldn’t be because your ex wants space and knows what he or she must say and do in case his or her romantic cravings return. Your ex knows that he or she must reach out, express regret, ask to get back together, and work hard at regaining your love and trust.

No matter why the breakup happened, it’s the dumper’s job to put the work in. The dumper left, so it’s only fair that he or she realizes the dumpee’s worth and takes the initiative. This needs to happen so the dumpee can get his or her stolen power back, feel important, and control the flow of the new relationship.

Don’t convince yourself that time is running out and that you need to ask your ex to hang out and try to make your ex want to be with you. It’s extremely unlikely that you’ll reattract your ex simply by talking to your ex. Talking makes exes become friends. And friendships or friendships with benefits don’t lead back into relationships.

They get dumpees friend-zoned and make dumpers feel better about the pain and problems they’ve caused. 

So if you want to know how to ask your ex to hang out as friends, the first thing you need to understand is that you shouldn’t hang out with your ex if you got dumped and aren’t ready to be friends. You must focus on yourself and keep in mind that you can be friends later when you get over the breakup and no longer need your ex to validate you.

That’s when you can reach out to your ex, show that you’re not a threat, and suggest meeting up. But until then, remember that exes are exes for a reason. They failed to make things work, so they mustn’t try to force friendships or relationships. They have no choice but to go their separate ways and grow as people.

Personal growth, followed by reflection is the only thing that could help them realize each other’s value and encourage them to give the relationship another shot. 

So whether you want to be friends or partners, remember that you need to keep your distance and avoid smothering your ex. Your ex probably needs time to himself or herself as well and must go through the dumper stages of a breakup as smoothly as possible.

By doing so, your ex can forget about the drama or problems that occurred during or after the relationship and feel free and respected.

On the other hand, if you left your ex, then you need to put yourself in your ex’s shoes and ask yourself if talking to your ex is going to help your ex. Does your ex want closure, friendship, or a relationship? If the breakup just happened and emotions are raw, your ex probably wants you back and isn’t ready to be friends.

Your ex is still going through the stages of grief and needs at least half a year (probably way more) before he or she can think about being in the same room with you, let alone being friends with you.

If that’s how your ex feels, you shouldn’t ask your ex to hang out. Seeing you in person will trigger your ex’s anxiety and cravings and make your ex want to try even harder to be with you. Your ex will feel more hopeful than ever and as a result, refuse to let go of you and find his or her own strength to move forward in life.

The only time you can ask your ex to hang out is when your ex is ready to be friends or when you want your ex back as a partner. That’s when you can reach out and suggest meeting up/getting back together.

In this post, we shed some light on how to ask your ex to hang out as a friend and a romantic partner. We give some actual examples of what to say and how to act.

How to ask your ex to hang out as a friend?

Once again, dumpees shouldn’t ask their ex to hang out as friends in the hope of reattracting their ex. Dumpees should or rather can ask for friendship only when they’re over their ex and don’t want their ex back anymore. That’s when it’s safe for them to reach out to their ex and see if their ex still respects them and values them as a friend.

Dumpers, on the other hand, can’t just reach out whenever they want to. They don’t know if their ex is still in love with them and if he or she is going to get hurt and insulted by the friendship offer. Hence ideally, the dumper should leave the dumpee alone and let the dumpee reach out when he or she has no more feelings and expectations of the dumper.

Because breakups are highly emotional predicaments and exes don’t always part ways peacefully and respectfully, there are a few additional conditions you need to consider if you’re thinking about reaching out to your ex.

One of the conditions is that if the dumper cheats, manipulates, ghosts, mocks, and lies to the dumpee, the dumpee shouldn’t ask his or her ex to hang out as a friend.

The dumpee should remember that his or her ex lost respect and behaved impulsively and that reaching out to an ex who was mean and inconsiderate is bad for the dumpee’s happiness and self-esteem. In this particular case, the dumpee shouldn’t try to befriend the dumper. Not only did things end on a bad note, but it’s highly likely that the dumper still feels victimized and views the dumpee in a bad light. 

And if the dumper views the dumpee in a bad light, chances are he or she will reject the dumpee or pick fights with him or her.

If the dumper felt bad and wanted friendship, bear in mind that he or she would have already reached out and apologized. The dumper would have taken the initiative due to guilt and urges to seek forgiveness and maybe even friendship.

Furthermore, the dumper shouldn’t reach out and ask for friendship after the dumpee has asked for space. Every time the dumper ignores the dumpee’s request and reaches out, he or she confuses the dumpee, triggers obsessive thoughts and needs, and gives the dumpee false hope.

Post-breakup communication has an extremely unhealthy effect on a dumpee who got broken up with and feels lost and miserable. It creates a lot of overthinking, anxiety, and pain. In some cases, it even forces dumpees to spiral into depression.

That’s why dumpees need to be left alone for quite some time. I can’t say how much time they need, but if they asked their ex for space or just started no contact, they don’t want their ex to reach out unless their ex wants them back and is ready to put the work in.

When they get over their ex, they might want to communicate again. At that stage, they can reach out to their ex, hang out, catch up, and be friends with their ex. This friendship, of course, needs to have boundaries so the dumpee doesn’t redevelop feelings and that they don’t offend their new partner or future partner.

With that said, here’s when you can ask your ex to hang out.

If you want to ask your ex to hang out as friends, do it in the following ways. First, reach out to your ex via text or social media. Then, build up trust and interest. And once you’ve built rapport, suggest hanging out. Say something like, “Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out. I know it’s a bit early, but if you’re ready, maybe we can be friends. No pressure.”

Once you’ve suggested meeting up only as friends, wait for your ex to reply. If your ex says it’s too soon or that your ex doesn’t want to be friends, don’t pressure your ex into hanging out with you. Instead, say you understand and do your best to accept the situation. From this point on, the ball is in your ex’s court, which means you’ll need to wait for your ex to change his or her mind and suggest hanging out.

You’ll have to wait even if it takes years or decades.

However, if your ex agrees to hang out, then arrange a date, time, and location to meet. Your ex will show up if he or she wants to be your friend. If your ex doesn’t show up or makes an excuse to see you, then avoid suggesting an alternate time. You should let your ex take the initiative from here on out and see if he or she is even interested in rescheduling.

Sometimes exes agree to meet up just to cancel later and/or let things fizzle out. They do this because they don’t really want to be friends. They only make it look like they do so as not to appear mean and disinterested.

Whatever you do, don’t keep asking your ex to hang out over and over again. You should only have to ask once as your ex should be as interested in friendship as you. If that is not the case, you’ll see your ex pulling away, making excuses, standing you up, and showing signs of not wanting to communicate and hang out with you.

So keep things simple. Directly ask your ex to hang out as a friend. Say you’re ready to be friends, that you want to hang out, and that you’re wondering if he or she is on the same page with you. If he or she is, you can fix a date. And if your ex isn’t, say that you respect that and that you’ll give him or her more space and time.

If you left your ex not too long ago, know that your ex probably isn’t ready to be friends. Your ex probably still has feelings or can’t forgive you for hurting him or her. Either way, you’ll have to wait as long as you’ll have to wait.

Conversely, if your ex left you, then your ex may be dating already, resents you, or just doesn’t want to be your friend. In that case, all you can do is thank your ex for being honest and go (back) into no contact. No contact will let your ex self-prioritize and help you focus on people who actually want to be your friend.

How to ask your ex to hang out as a partner and get back together?

As I mentioned earlier, this advice is exclusive to dumpers. Dumpers must discover their ex’s worth, reach out, apologize, and ask to meet up. They must do everything from A to Z and show they’ve learned their lessons and are committed to working on the relationship.

If you regret leaving your ex and are prepared to give your ex power, you can do that by inviting your ex out and telling your ex you had a change of heart. More specifically, reach out to your ex and say you’d like to talk about something important and that you’d prefer to talk about it in person.

You can say you thought about the relationship a lot and that you don’t want to throw everything away. During the time apart, you realized your ex’s importance and now want to grow as a person and invest in the relationship. 

Your ex will then reject you or tell you when he or she is available to meet up.

Your ex could also insist on communicating over a distance. That would indicate that your ex doesn’t trust you enough and doesn’t want to get hurt. The breakup probably put your ex through hell and made your ex apprehensive about letting you back into his or her life.

If that’s the case, tell your ex what you want to say in person and hope for the best. If your ex still has feelings for you and thinks the relationship is worth another shot, your ex will agree to meet up with you and talk about what you need to do to earn his or her trust back.

You must listen intently, take your ex seriously, and show that you wish to make your ex feel secure, valued, and respected.

But if your ex doesn’t want to hang out, then you should know that your ex has accepted the breakup and detached from you. Your ex no longer feels love for you and doesn’t want to talk in person or at a distance. The best you can do is leave your ex alone and do your best to get over your ex.

Don’t resist and fight for your ex’s love just because your ex doesn’t want you back. That will turn you into a desperate dumpee who doesn’t respect people’s choices and feelings. It will decrease your ex’s respect for you and interest in hanging out with you.

All in all, asking your ex to hang out as a partner is as straightforward as it can be. You just need to be frank about it and see how your ex responds. If your ex is interested, your ex will show interest. Your ex will do so verbally and directly as your ex will be eager to see you and reconnect.

Most dumpees feel nervous and hopeful when their ex reaches out. They feel even more hopeful when their ex asks them to hang out. And they feel extremely hopeful when their ex apologizes and says he or she still has feelings and wants to work things out.

Rest assured that if your ex wants to hang out your ex will agree to hang out. Your ex will seize the opportunity and eagerly talk to you about getting back together. The conversation will be smooth because you’ll both want the same thing from each other.

So if you want to know how to ask your ex to hang out as a friend or a partner, don’t overthink it and just ask your ex directly. Say “Do you want to hang out sometime” and don’t make the situation awkward for no reason.

The only thing you need to pay attention to is your ex’s readiness to hang out. Follow the tips in this article and you’ll be okay whether you want to hang out with your ex as a friend or a romantic partner.

Let us know how you would ask your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend to hang out below the article. Your opinion and experience will help those who are trying to learn how to ask their ex to hang out.

Lastly, if you’d like our help with inviting your ex out, click here to check out our coaching services.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.