Difference Between Radio Silence And No Contact

Most dumpees have heard of no contact and radio silence. They understand that post-breakup silence is necessary for growing, detaching, and reattracting their ex. Not all dumpees, however, know that there is a difference between radio silence and no contact.

The difference may be small, but it’s important to be aware of it so you don’t get confused and do something you shouldn’t do.

Some coaches advocate radio silence as a technique to get back with an ex-partner, but I don’t agree with it. I prefer the no contact rule. No contact is a much more powerful technique as it encourages the dumpee to stay away from the dumper forever.

It helps the dumpee clear his or her mind and prevents the dumpee from ruining his or her image and falling into depression.

Therefore, no contact is permanent whereas radio silence is temporary and riskier. Radio silence encourages dumpees to reinitiate conversation on their own terms and usually creates unsatisfactory results because it demands attention from an ex who may not be ready to give it.

Some versions of radio silence suggest that one should disappear completely. The dumpee shouldn’t post anything on social media or respond to reach-outs with the intention to make the dumper feel intimidated, invalidated, and curious.

The dumpee should ignore calls and texts and teach the dumper a lesson. A lesson that the dumper needs the dumpee to be happy and fulfilled. Once a lesson has been taught, the dumpee can then reinitiate contact and guide the dumper back into a relationship.

According to various radio silence coaches, the dumpee can begin to reel the dumper in the moment the dumper reaches out.

Sadly, disappearing or disappearing for a limited period time doesn’t do much for the dumper. The dumper emotionally disconnected from the dumpee and couldn’t care less if the dumpee disappeared for a few weeks.

The time after the breakup feels very empowering to the dumper. So much so that the dumper doesn’t pay any attention to the dumpee. He or she doesn’t worry about where the dumpee is and what the dumpee’s doing.

The dumper has plans that don’t involve the dumpee. And the dumper is prepared to realize his or her post-breakup plans no matter what. In the dumper’s mind, it’s finally his or her turn to self-focus and be happy.

No contact, on the other hand, suggests that silence should be permanent. The dumpee should stay in no contact indefinitely, publish on social media as much or a bit more than before, and avoid checking up on the dumper. He or she should respond to texts and calls but also refuse to entertain the dumper if he or she doesn’t want to reconcile.

The difference is that in no contact, the dumpee retains his or her value and lets the dumper do all the work. This includes the dumper reaching out, coming up with conversation topics, inviting the dumpee out, and asking to get back together.

The dumper is the one who left, so the dumper is the one who should fix what he or she broke and regain the dumpee’s trust. If it’s the other way around (the dumpee doing all the work), there’s a big chance that the dumper will keep his or her power and lose interest again.

That should be avoided by understanding that radio silence lasts only for as long as the dumper is staying away and that it could scare the dumper away when he or she reaches out to check up on the dumpee.

Both no contact and radio silence are about regaining respect, creating mystery, healing, and becoming more rational. But since radio silence is the most aggressive of the two approaches, it often backfires as it instructs the dumpee to guide the dumper back into the relationship before the dumper has processed the separation, failed to find happiness, and become nostalgic.

Radio silence gives dumpees hope whereas no contact encourages them to let go of it. Although most dumpees want to feel hopeful, the truth is that hope delays recovery. It prevents dumpees from letting go of the relationship and becoming emotionally independent.

Radio silence makes dumpees experience the illusion of action – a feeling that they must do something to reattract their ex. The breakup makes them feel powerless, so they think they should do something to both impress their ex and validate themselves at the same time.

As a result, they often say or do desperate things and push their ex away. They fail to bring their ex closer because they follow their instincts and hurt feelings rather than breakup guidelines.

In this post, we point out the differences between radio silence and no contact.

Difference between radio silence and no contact

There are a few differences between radio silence and no contact. NC and RS may have the same purpose – to heal, give the broken relationship space, and reattract an ex, but the approaches are very different. One advocates permanent silence and is passive whereas the other requires initiation and can be considered aggressive.

The passive one (no contact) is much harder because it’s based on the premise that the dumper needs to discover your value on his or her own rather than through initiation and conversation. The dumper needs to stay away from you until he or she has failed miserably and realized that life without you won’t be as gratifying as life without you.

When that happens, the dumper will contact you and take care of everything. You won’t need to lift a finger because your ex will experience a switch of power and have no choice but to apologize, self-invest, and gain your trust back.

If your ex doesn’t do these things when reality hits, your ex will be forced to suffer and regret making a bad decision.

The good thing about no contact is that the dumper either makes plans to work on the relationship or isn’t allowed back into your life. He or she can’t string you along with friendship, guilt, favors, requests, and confusing statements.

You won’t let your ex do that because you cut your ex off the moment your ex starts talking about things that don’t interest you. As a dumpee, the only thing you want to hear is that your ex is sorry and that he or she is prepared to work on the relationship with you.

That’s when you can take your ex seriously and figure out if your ex has learned some important lessons and fallen back in love with you.

Radio silence, on the other hand, is much more tolerable. It allows dumpees to communicate with their ex and feel hopeful and anxious about reconciliation. It supports and encourages stalemates and gratingly slow reconciliations.

I’m not a fan of radio silence due to the uncertainty this technique creates. There’s just no telling how conversations with the dumper will go. The majority of dumpers don’t get affected in ways you want them to.

They don’t have an epiphany and realize they were foolish for leaving you. Conversations can’t fix their deep-rooted resentment and/or negative perceptions of you. Perceptions can only be erased when there’s an incentive to erase them.

And an incentive can be found when something outside of the relationship shows them they won’t be as happy as they’d thought.

So frankly put, I don’t see a reason to do radio silence. I don’t see why anyone would talk to their ex when their ex needs to fail to find happiness without them.

No contact and radio silence are often used interchangeably because they initially leave the dumper to his or her devices. But dumpees usually don’t know how long the silence should be and what the dumpee should do when contact has been initiated.

Due to conflicting information on the internet, dumpees get their hopes up and do all kinds of relationship-preventing things.

They:

• reach out after a pre-set number of days (usually after 30 days)
• befriend their ex
• brag about their new life
• beg their ex for another chance
• invite their ex out
• argue with their ex
• give their ex ultimatums
• wait for their ex to be vulnerable
• and overwhelm their ex with emotions and demands

They refuse to acknowledge the fact that they lack influence over their ex and that they can’t make their ex want to be with them by force. If they try to make their ex feel something for them, they tend to regret it very quickly because they notice that their ex still doesn’t care about them romantically, nor want them back.

Seeing their ex enjoying life and moving on hurts their self-esteem and triggers another emotional setback. It makes them feel worse than how they felt when they stayed away from their ex and let the power of silence do its thing.

That being said, here are 7 major differences between radio silence and no contact.

Should I go radio silent or no contact?

Now that you know the difference between radio silence and no contact, you need to decide what you’re going to do. Are you going to take a passive or a more aggressive approach?

If you take the aggressive approach, know that you could smother and overwhelm your ex and increase the emotional distance between you and your ex. In turn, you would give your ex more power and make your healing extremely slow and painful.

This doesn’t leave you with any other option but to start no contact and wait for your ex to change his or her opinion of you. I’m not saying your ex will definitely see you in a better light, but if he or she does, it will probably happen when your ex gets space and feels that you no longer want a relationship.

It’s your lack of interest and affection toward your ex that makes your ex curious, nostalgic, and afraid. You shouldn’t expect your ex to want you back just because it’s you. If you keep talking to your ex like a friend and giving your ex a relationship without commitment, your ex will see that he or she can get attention and relationship benefits from you practically for free.

Your ex will see that you still value and crave him/her despite the relationship ending and showing no signs of a new beginning.

So if you’re contemplating reaching out and/or talking your way back into a relationship, bear in mind that your ex isn’t waiting for you to take him or her back. Dumpers who fall out of love don’t want that. They’re done with the relationship and focus entirely on moving on.

Those who want you to reach out want you to give them power and control. They don’t want to break up, but they want you to admit fault and change. Such dumpers refuse to change anything about themselves and as a result, keep breaking up until one of the breakups is a final breakup.

So no matter how badly you want to communicate with your ex, apologize, and ask for another chance, don’t make the job easier for your ex. Your ex doesn’t want things to be easy. He or she wants to value and respect you and feel a strong urge to invest in you.

Your ex will want that only if you show you deserve to be invested in. And you’ll deserve that if you respect your ex’s decision to be single and question your ex’s motives for coming back when he or she comes back. That’s the only way your ex will see you’re okay without him/her and work for your love and recognition.

Nobody (especially an ex) should get everything handed to him or her on a silver platter. People need to work for your trust, forgiveness, love, and recognition. There is no such thing as unconditional love. Every love story has unwritten conditions.

If you break them, you’ll have a hard time keeping a relationship together or getting back with an ex.

Some of the things you should never do in a relationship or when a relationship ends are:

• lose meaning and purpose in life
• lose the will to live
• think lowly of yourself
• let go of yourself
• put others before you
• let others use/abuse you
• neglect personal hygiene
• over-rely on others for your pain and problems
• stop interacting with people
• stop working on yourself

Breakups, followed by depression tend to bring out these tendencies in dumpees. But despite that, dumpees mustn’t reveal them to the ex they wish to attract. They’ll never guilt-trip and pity their ex into loving them.

It’s impossible because their ex will find himself or herself indirectly responsible for causing pain and feel pressured to do something about it.

This will make their ex see that they’re looking for attention and force their ex to lose even more respect for them.

So if you want to be with your ex, change the way you perceive breakups. Convince yourself that the person giving up has always been and always will be the dumper and that the dumper should ask for another chance rather than the dumpee.

The dumpee is already in a position of weakness, so begging for another chance would turn him or her into a beggar. And beggars aren’t highly respected in our society. They’re seen as people who take from society.

You don’t want to be seen as someone who expects things from the dumper. You want to appear detached and preoccupied with other things. A life outside of the relationship will make you look much more attractive or at the very least, less repulsive.

Always remember that your ex will respect you more if you show you don’t need him or her to exist and be happy.

Did you learn the difference between radio silence and no contact? What method are you going to devote to? Let us know in the comments below.

And if you want our help in finding the right approach, sign up for coaching with us and get in touch.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.