Why Exes Ruin Relationships?

Sometimes, exes cause problems for their ex-partners and ruin their relationships. They aren’t happy with their lives, so they don’t want their exes to be happy either. They want their exes to suffer the way they’ve suffered and drag their exes down with them.

They normally do this by warning the person their ex is dating of all the horrible things their ex is capable of. By doing so, they intend to instill fear and doubt into their ex’s partner’s mind and watch the relationship fail.

Failure brings joy to their lives as it makes them feel that they’re not the only ones suffering. Their ex is suffering with them and, therefore, making their miserable, vengeful life feel and appear better. It’s through comparison that vengeful exes measure their success and feel joy in life.

That’s the way they are because they haven’t learned that helping others feels much more rewarding.

You need to understand that most people don’t sink so low that they try to ruin their exes’ relationships. It takes a very immature, hurt, and vindictive person to meddle with their ex’s relationship and try to ruin it. Such a person usually feels stuck in life and has very few hobbies, goals, and friends to distract himself or herself with.

Due to a lack of interest in life, he or she thinks about destructive things and tries to bring negative energy to people who are thriving and seem happier than him or her. A person like that is jealous and envious by nature and will try to uplift himself or herself by putting others down and causing problems for them.

We call such people narcissists and/or extremely undeveloped people. They think the world revolves around them and that they need to punish people for their wrongdoings. Because of such beliefs, they do bad things and constantly get hit by karma as their very own karma is the negativity they create and the lack of happiness they feel on a daily basis.

From time to time, they get punished by people when they cross their boundaries, but for the most part, their karma is their very own thinking patterns and the way they feel because of them.

Such self-destructive people have become an example of a self-generating, doom-fulfilling prophecy. Attitude is the word they’ve never given much thought to as they’re convinced they’re okay and that others have work to do on themselves. Others should improve their attitudes and adjust to them rather than vice versa.

This is why they keep waiting for people to understand them instead of first trying to understand themselves and then others.

Not only do they think of everything and everyone as competition, but they also think that the world is against them and that things haven’t been fair for them. You’ll hear such people say, “Others have it way easier than me. I always had to work hard for the things I have whereas others had luck, were given things, or didn’t have to put any work in.”

They get what they expect out of life. And because they expect their life to be miserable, they get just that – lots of misery and problems that misery creates.

So if you’re wondering why exes ruin relationships, bear in mind that they aren’t happy with themselves. They think poorly of others, feel envious of successful people around them, and lack morals, self-control, and a healthy attitude.

This post is dedicated to answering the question of why exes ruin relationships.

Why do exes ruin relationships?

Pain is the simplest and biggest explanation for why exes ruin relationships. They don’t like hurting (no one does). But unlike people who deal with their pain by talking about it, they sit on it, turn their pain into anger, resentment, and power and do despicable things with it.

Some exes message their ex’s new boyfriend or girlfriend, some exes spread rumors and try to ruin their ex’s reputation, and others log onto their profiles and post their ex’s pictures and make sure that others know their ex’s secrets, flaws, weaknesses, and insecurities.

They try to completely strip their ex of value so that the people their ex interacts with see things the way they do and isolate their ex. Isolation would further discredit their ex and prove to them that they were right all along.

In essence, vengeful people look for assurance that they’re right and that their ex has ruined their lives or caused them a lot of pain. If they feel supported by others and see their ex wincing in pain, they can regain control of their lives and start from scratch like their ex.

You have to keep in mind that people who have nothing to lose tend to seek revenge the most. They aren’t afraid of being judged by the people they respect because they respect themselves above all others. They have no parental figures in their lives who would tell them to take their ego down a notch and worry about their reputation.

So if you’re looking for explanations on why exes ruin relationships on purpose, they do it because they have an “if I’m not happy, you won’t be happy either” mentality. They can’t stand seeing their ex move on while they’re hurting and feeling miserable and disoriented.

They’d rather take control of their lives by getting enraged and ruining the relationships of those they can’t benefit from anymore.

In all my years as a breakup coach, I’ve seen many angry and argumentative exes. I’ve seen exes who took their frustrations out on their ex and exes who tried to ruin their ex’s relationship (directly or indirectly). Those exes had hidden agendas as they didn’t want their ex to succeed romantically and be happy without them.

They wanted their ex to fail and benefit from their ex.

They could benefit by:

• seeing their ex get hurt and be sad like them
• getting another chance with their ex
• or watching their ex run back to them so they could reject their ex and boost their ego

Therefore, exes ruin relationships to feel more important than they are and feel. They wish to get a kick out of ruining relationships so they can destroy their perception of their ex, cut the past off for good, and move forward with someone else.

That being said, here’s why exes ruin relationships.

Exes with a poor attitude become a magnet for problems as they willingly or unwillingly attract all the wrong things into their lives. They attract people who tolerate them but also people who take them head on and make them feel victimized even more.

If your ex is trying to ruin your relationship, know that it’s not normal for an ex to do that. You may have handled the breakup badly, but that doesn’t give your ex a reason to take matters of justice into his or her own hands.

In this world, police and karma take care of people who go beyond the limits of what is morally, socially, or legally acceptable. Your job is to make sure not to react and stoop to your ex’s level.

While you’re doing that, figure out if you did something to bring such a strong reaction out of your ex. Did you cheat, humiliate, monkey-branch, manipulate, physically harm, or lie to your ex? Oftentimes people react strongly because of rejections alone, but sometimes they feel devalued and hurt by others’ actions and lack the ability to control themselves.

I’m not saying they have the right to hurt you back, but if you treated your ex in a wrong and unacceptable way, you got your dose of karma as well.

What to do when your ex tries to ruin your relationship/s?

If your ex doesn’t like that you’re dating and wants to destroy what you build, you’re dealing with someone who hasn’t accepted the end of the relationship or the way the relationship has ended.

Your ex probably doesn’t appreciate the way you treated him or her, and for that reason, feels a strong need to warn your new partner/partners or your friends of imminent danger.

The best thing you can do is to remain calm! Don’t start defending yourself and saying what your ex was like. That will make you look bitter and no better than your ex. So instead of objecting to your ex’s claims, tell the people you associate with that you have no idea what made your ex think that way or do those things.

Say you wonder if you did something to upset your ex and that despite everything your ex is saying or doing, you wish your ex nothing but the best. Your partner and friends will respect you for handling the situation maturely and will probably tell your ex what you told them.

You needn’t be afraid that they’ll abandon you. Your partner has a connection with you and his or her own understanding of who you are as a person. An ex won’t be able to change that. As for your friends, the ones that truly matter won’t pick sides.

They’ll stay out of the drama and remain unbiased.

My advice is to improve and maintain healthy communication with people (especially with your partner) and ignore everything your ex says and does. Feel free to block your ex or get a restraining order if things get out of control.

You don’t need to give people access to your life when their life purpose is to get in the way of your relationships and mess with your happiness.

Exes can ruin relationships in other ways too!

You’d think that an ex can only ruin your relationship directly – by communicating with your partner and trying to get into his or her head. But actually, there’s another (more common) way exes (especially dumpers) affect or ruin their ex’s relationship.

They can ruin it by reaching out to their ex and being friends with their ex. Friendship can make their ex’s partner uncomfortable and insecure (depending on how they communicate) and cause disagreements and arguments between them.

Exes tend not to know that they’re causing problems for their ex. They oftentimes don’t care about it because they just want to keep their ex around for selfish reasons. They don’t consider their ex’s partner’s feelings and back off out of respect for their ex’s relationship.

That’s why they stick around for as long as their ex tolerates them and fails to do what their partner wants.

It goes without saying it’s wrong to stay friends while you’re in a relationship.

It doesn’t count as cheating (unless you have feelings for your ex), but it’s wrong because:

• the dumpee needs to heal (mustn’t get tempted to reconcile)
• the dumper needs to forget about the dumpee for a while
• and the new person shouldn’t have to worry about any lingering exes

Some people (usually guys) tell their partners to respect their ex and not be jealous, but such guys don’t know how their partners feel. They have no idea that talking to an ex makes them feel disrespected and undervalued.

All they know is that they get along with their ex and that they could and should continue to maintain their friendship with their ex.

So if you’re afraid that your ex is ruining your relationship by trying to be your friend, don’t keep in touch with an ex now that you’re in a new relationship. Get rid of your ex immediately! Your focus should be on your partner, not on a person you used to be intimate with.

Besides, your responsibility to your partner is to show that you care about his or her emotional well-being.

If communicating with your ex scares your partner or makes him or her feel uncomfortable, your only option is to distance yourself from your ex and prioritize your partner.

It doesn’t matter if you and your ex go back a long way. If your partner doesn’t like it, you shouldn’t be okay with it.

To cut your ex off for good, tell your ex you have something important to discuss (that’s how you prepare your ex for what’s to come). Once your ex has your full attention, say that your relationship needs more space to grow and that you can’t continue talking to a person you used to be in a relationship with.

Say that it’s not fair to your partner and that you’d like him or her not to reach out anymore. If you want to sound polite, you can add that your ex can reach out only if there’s some kind of emergency

I hope you’ve learned why exes ruin relationships deliberately and indeliberately as friends. If you have, save this article for a future read and comment below. We’ll respond shortly.

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Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.