When a woman realizes she lost a good man, she feels regretful, sad, anxious, nostalgic, and desperate to be with him. She sees that her perception of her ex was wrong and that she should have worked harder on herself and the relationship.
Because she didn’t, she starts blaming herself for abandoning the relationship and feels as if she got dumped. This means she experiences separation anxiety, fears of abandonment/the unknown, low self-esteem, and cravings for safety, reassurance, and happiness.
The dumper is prepared to do whatever it takes to make peace with her overwhelming emotions. She’s even willing to communicate with her ex, lower her pride, admit she was wrong, and ask for forgiveness and another chance.
A regretful ex won’t jump up and down in joy and overpower you. On the contrary, she’ll appear anxious, scared, and nervous and will listen to you and try to read your thoughts, feelings, and intentions.
For a few minutes after reaching out/meeting up, she’ll look as if she wants to talk about something important and prepare herself for potential rejection.
If you reject her, she’ll suffer immensely as she’ll see she lost a good man and that she lost him because she couldn’t appreciate him when she had the chance to.
So bear in mind that when a woman realizes she lost a good man, she won’t act like she’s on cloud 9. She won’t breadcrumb her ex for ages (friend-zone him), blame him (hold on to power), and act as if nothing happened (waste her time and the chance to get back together).
A regretful woman will take the initiative but also be careful about what she says and how she acts. She will try to avoid failure (rejection) by presenting herself as a calm, yet respectful and unhappy individual who made the biggest mistake of her life.
A dumpee doesn’t need to do anything to make her realize she lost a good man. If she has already realized his worth, he just needs to wait for her to express regret and bring up reconciliation.
When she does, he can negotiate his demands and take her back on a trial period of a few weeks. It’s important that he tells her his reconciliation expectations otherwise she could take him for granted again.
Dumpers don’t value those who throw themselves at their feet. They want their ex-partner’s value to be as high or higher than theirs. If it’s higher, they become regretful and make it possible for romantic feelings to redevelop.
Therefore, all you need to do during and after no contact is preserve your worth and let your ex realize your worth on her own through failure and suffering. Once your ex gets rid of old perceptions of you and sees you in a positive light, your ex will come to you and try to reconcile very quickly.
She won’t wait long because pain, anxiety, regrets, and insecurities will make her nostalgic and tell her she can avoid pain and feel as safe as she did in the past.
Today, we shed some light on what happens when a woman realizes she lost a good man. We also discuss what needs to happen for her to realize she lost someone great.
When does a woman realize she lost a good man?
A woman doesn’t realize she lost a good man for no reason. There’s a reason for everything in this world—as everything can be explained, including an ex-girlfriend’s motive for wanting a man back.
This motive (or motives) differ per person and may be difficult to discover (especially if you’re anxious and want your ex back) but keep in mind that ex-girlfriends come back because they fail to fulfill their post-breakup expectations.
They expect to find a replacement for their ex and for the problems they had with him, but instead, they find more problems and become even unhappier. This triggers waves of unwanted emotions and stops them from enjoying their life.
The only way they can go forward is to go backward to an ex who provided them comfort, love, peace, and emotional stability. By going back, they can instantly feel validated and receive help with the problems they have a hard time dealing with on their own.
It’s much easier to deal with problems when they know someone accepts them as they are. This is because acceptance boosts their self-esteem and makes their problems seem less important than they are. This is especially true if their problems have something to do with new dating prospects.
Usually, relationship problems, rejections, and breakups make women realize they lost a good man quicker than other predicaments. Bad health and problems in the family can trigger romantic nostalgia and regret as well, but nothing makes dumpers reflect more than problems with new dating partners.
This is because failed/failing relationships cause a lot of pain, affect people’s self-esteem, and trigger nostalgia, comparisons, and reflections. They hit people’s weaknesses and make them want to do something to stop hurting.
As long as they’re hurting, they feel the need to grow and avoid failure and pain.
Dumpers who waltz back happily like nothing happened more often than not leave again. They don’t see a reason to stay because they don’t feel a reason to stay. Emotionally, they don’t care about the consequences of leaving their ex because they think anyone can make them happy.
Such dumpers lack regret and gratitude and can’t be in a successful relationship with their ex. They need to work on themselves before they can value others.
That explains why dumpers who come back out of boredom and other unimportant reasons don’t realize their ex’s importance. They come back just to get something from their ex (forgiveness, validation, financial support…) and stick around for the ride.
When the ride is over, they once again develop doubts, feel uncomfortable, leave, and hurt their ex.
So if you’re trying to learn how a woman comes to the conclusion that she lost a good man, know that she realizes it when things go awry for her. When she gets dumped or experiences something extremely unpleasant and painful, she thinks back and discovers that she lost a valuable/unique person.
In other words, she has an epiphany when negative emotions kick in and tell her that the life she chose sucks and that she was much happier when she was with her ex. That’s when she becomes emotional and starts craving love, reassurance, commitment, and everything she had in the past.
To realize she lost a good man, a woman needs to hit the regret stage of a breakup.
She needs to:
- try to be happy and succeed without her ex
- temporarily replace her ex with something or someone else (usually the latter)
- fail miserably
- get hurt
- reflect
- realize she overvalued herself and underestimated her ex
- look for backup options to end her suffering
Without pain and reflection, it’s unlikely that your ex-girlfriend will return. She’ll probably move on to someone else or return only temporarily to get something from you. I’m talking about some kind of benefit only you can provide.
You need to be aware of that so you don’t think your ex would return just because you got along and had a decent relationship. Dumpers don’t come back solely because their relationship was nice.
They come back because their post-breakup relationship/experience is much worse than their experience with their ex-partner. The bigger the difference in quality and happiness, the bigger the chance that dumpers compare the two relationships and become regretful.
So keep in mind that your ex’s return depends both on her luck (on who she gets involved with) and how developed she is as a person. If her new partner is immature and she has the ability to see you in a better light, she could cave into anxiety and return to you.
This also depends on her coping mechanism (on how she deals with difficulties and pain) and her beliefs. For example, if she convinces herself she doesn’t go back to exes, she probably won’t go back even if she’s in pain.
She’ll probably stick to her beliefs and find a better way to cope with hardships.
With that said, here’s when a woman could realize that she lost a good man.
Always remember that a woman needs to experience life without her ex before she can miss her ex and think about him. She needs to go from disliking her ex to being indifferent toward him. That’s when she can develop romantic cravings and desires to feel safe with her ex.
She can feel that way only if her plans fail and force her to see that she’ll be alone and miserable if things stay as they are.
What happens when a woman realizes she lost a good man?
Anxiety and fear can incentivize the dumper to remember her ex and think about being with him. The dumpee just needs to wait a few days.
That’s how long the dumper needs to realize she lost a good man and that she needs to come back before he moves on and meets someone else.
The dumper doesn’t need much time to think things through. Due to overwhelming pain and regret, she only needs a few days (or less) to realize that she made a terrible decision and that things were easier and better in the past.
However, if your ex-girlfriend doesn’t come back within a few days of experiencing difficulties, this could only mean two things.
- She hasn’t suffered enough and realized your worth.
- She isn’t capable of reflecting and changing her mind about you—and likely won’t come back in the future.
Some exes don’t want to change the way they perceive their ex. They like holding their ex responsible for the breakup as doing so makes them feel victimized and gives them power. It helps them justify the breakup and allows them to ignore the need to think about their mistakes and grow.
Such exes stay as they are and continue to treat their partners and ex-partners the same way.
So bear in mind that your ex-girlfriend needs to have a certain level of self-awareness in order to come back and stay with you. She needs to be able to de-victimize herself and see that she contributed to the end of the relationship.
If she can do that, she can evolve and redevelop feelings for you when the world comes crashing down on her.
If you think that she just needs time, you’ll wait for her and stay hopeful. You’ll refuse to acknowledge the fact that not all dumpers come back. Many dumpers don’t look back because they can’t stop thinking negatively and improve their perceptions of their ex.
But when a woman realizes she lost a good man, rest assured that she’ll come back on her own. She’ll admit that she shouldn’t have left and that she needs to work hard on regaining trust and making the relationship work.
The new relationship won’t be a cakewalk, she’ll be aware of that. But that won’t stop her because she’ll be as desperate to make it work as the dumpee.
Bear in mind that it can take a woman a long time to realize she lost a good man. An inexperienced girl might have to date many guys to realize that one of her exes was way better than her other exes and that she left him because of her immaturity and inability to communicate and deal with difficult emotions.
Some women need years or decades to come back. Since it’s impossible to predict when or if your ex-girlfriend will come back, your only option is to go no contact and start letting go of her. It won’t be easy at first (especially if you have mental health problems and can’t stand the thought of her being with someone else).
But once you accept that the worst has already happened and that you don’t have years to waste on your ex, you’ll understand that getting back with her would be a waste of time. It’d also be risky because your ex could leave again and hurt you.
So give it a few months and your opinion of your ex will probably change. This is because you’ll detach and start seeing your ex as a person who neglected the relationship and broke her promises and commitments.
What do you think it takes for a woman to realize she lost a good man? Do you think something bad must first happen to her to see you as a person of high value? Share your views below the post. We’ll get back to you soon.
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My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
Zan,
It’s going to be a year in December that she broke up with me. She was always with guys that where not good people and after she left me that’s what she went back to. She tried the friendship thing and I rejected her. The last time she and i talked was april and I was not nice to her. First time ever being like that towards her. Time past and I continued to let go and detach.
This week I decided that I did not want to hold any animosity towards her. So with no expectations other than clearing my conscience I reached out and apologized for how I had treated her the last time we talked. She responded and accepted my apology. I was surprised, I did not expect it. She then told me what she did to me was wrong. Then she told me that karma hit her hard. Her life really did do a 360 after the breakup. Her mom had health issues and lost her job and she ended up getting pregnant by her now ex boyfriend. I did not ask her details and I am sure she will tell me with time. But things got really bad and she ended it.
In our conversation she had brought up that she had been thinking about me and wondering how some thing where going in my life. We have been talking ever since the initial conversation.
Like you said she is the one who needs to bring up working things out. I have not been pushing anything and am trying not to have any expectations. I would be willing to work things out. My friend told me that she thinks she realizes she messed up. I know this is a condensed version of almost a year. But what are your thoughts?
Hi Andrew.
It looks like things didn’t go the way she’d planned. She got hit by karma and experienced tons of pain and anxiety. I’m not sure that she wants you back, though as I don’t sense any urgency to reconnect and rely on you. She seems to be doing okay emotionally or okay enough. No matter how she feels, keep your distance and let her come to you. It has to be her idea otherwise she won’t work on herself and make any significant changes.
Best regards,
Zan
Thank you Zan! I needed to hear that.
Andrew
I’m glad it helped, Andrew!
I think this works for two opposite genders!
But yes U think that something bad must first happen to him or her to realize that dumpee is a person of high value. But meanwhile dumpee should live a freely life and find happiness Nd live the life and move on…
That person for sure don’t deserve your time!
And all this thanks to one on one help of yours Zan!! Forever grateful 🥹
That’s right, Linda.
It works the same way for both genders. Both men and women must encounter something bad to appreciate what they had.
Sincerely,
Zan
So in no contact u should not ever reach out to your ex no matter what situation they are going through especially legal troubles?
Hi Jey.
That’s right. You should never reach out, not even if they’re experiencing stressors. They chose to handle life problems without you.
Kind regards,
Zan
I know I had my issues in the relationship but despite being my first ever I think I did okey. I was a bit scared of letting go of the freedom my single life provided me, but I also saw a future with her and we even discussed moving together.
I was her rock in the stormy ocean, I helped her out with practical stuff and even was there when she felt down. One of her kids is on the spectrum and have some difficulties in school so whenever he had some of his tantrums she called me for emotional support. Sometimes I just listened and talked to her, other times I told her I was at work but would come by her place and cuddle her a while before continuing home to my own place.
She isn’t big on cooking so sometimes I came by her place with groceries and cooked something for us, I even tried new recipes since she is a vegetarian.
Her cat and dog loves me and I have a great connection with her kids. A mutual friend told me the youngest one asked about me after our breakup. As I said, I had my issues but it was not violence or cheating.
Her new partner is a long distance, 400 kilometers (250ish miles). He has kids on his own and none of them can move to the other because of their kids being close to their respective parents.
But I can’t stop thinking; maybe this new guy is such a great guy in every aspect (he is better than me where I fell short and is amazing in every other regard as well) that the distance won’t matter to her and maybe they even find a way to move together.
When we broke up she told me one of the reasons was she didn’t want to feel alone in a relationship (since I valued and needed my space from time to time, especially during my stressful moments) but now she is with someone who lives on the far side of the country.
But then, she also told me that she wouldn’t shut the door on us getting back together in the future (before going to this new guy) so I don’t really take her word on that.
Hi Gordon.
I think she wanted more time and bonding, so she left in hopes of getting it with the new guy. I don’t know if she’ll get it, considering they’re long-distance. It might suffice for a while, but since she probably won’t lower her needs, it’s probably fair to assume she’ll feel unfulfilled and want more love from someone else.
Best you can do is give her all the space you need. You weren’t abusive, but abuse isn’t the only reason relationships end.
Sincerely,
Zan
So was I wrong to work it out? Yes it’s been hard and I still hurt bad at times but she has bent over backwards to erase anything of that baggage. Even her daughters have told me how much they support us reconciling. I took her through cancer. They know I was good to her.
I still have doubts but it’s been a couple years and we’re still talking and together.
Now I have doubts again?
Hi DT.
Why do you have doubts? If things are better than before, keep communicating, bonding, and working through things. With a positive attitude and issues of the past gone, you should be much stronger now. That is if you’ve been able to deal with any trust issues that resulted from the breakup.
Figure out what you’re doubtful/scared of and work on it immediately.
Sincerely,
Zan
Zan, we recently exchanged comments on the ‘Karma/Revenge’ article regarding my discovery that my ex’s life and imploded on several levels, and that she was now deeply in debt, separated from her husband for more than a decade, and that they had a deep history of creditors chasing them through the courts, lost a house to foreclosure, and a son recently sent to prison. I was tempted to send a note just to let her know that I now knew of that history. You, wisely, advised against it. I am pleased to report I followed your advice and did not send the note. Reminder: she monkeybranched to another man and we divorced almost 40 years ago. We have had zero communication since.
Last week, my ex-wife posted a highly emotional comment on my Facebook page out of the blue. The first time we communicated in four decades. She apparently was visiting my page secretly, which was then set to Public. Her comment revealed knowledge of a number of my posts, especially as regards my current marriage (we just celebrated our 35th anniversary), kids, grandkids, etc. She went on about how she was pained to see me living such a life without her, but was happy for me. I did not volunteer that I knew anything about her history with the other man and how her life had imploded. Rather, I responded with surprise at the deep emotions she displayed, and countered that her memory about the breakup of our marriage was NOT entirely my fault, even as she went on the describe all the things she misrepresented during our marriage that contributed to its failure. It was very strange. She went to real efforts to assuage herself of any blame. My older friends that knew us back then remarked that she appears to have ‘lost it’. Another first suggested I just walk away, then upgraded that to ‘run away’ as the exchange progressed. My response was to correct her misinformation regarding our history during the breakup, notably her denial that she had begged me to come back home, and that I had finally refused to come back after she demonstrated that she could never be trusted.
Her response was to only dig in her heels and to refuse to acknowledge her part in the final collapse of our marriage. The entire exchange was bizarre. It was so odd to see the intensity of her emotions after four decades of silence. I suspect that she may have had an emotional breakdown after visiting my Facebook page and perusing my posts that include my world travels with my wife and our kids growing up, and now the addition of a couple of grandkids. I am also comfortably well off and retired for several years now.
My guess is that the combination of her failures after marrying the other guy, combined with my successes pushed her over an emotional line, and she struck out at me. She confessed at one point that she wanted to embarrass me, but that attempt backfired badly, as all my friends who saw the post thought she was psycho. I have since deleted the entire conversation, and locked her out of my page, so she can’t repeat that freak show.
There is no chance of a reconciliation here, as I am very happily married to my current wife of many years, and my ex must know this. I thought you might find the updater of interest, as it struck me as highly unusual. Thoughts?
Hi Zed.
Your guess is correct. This person kept failing in multiple areas of her life time after time. This made her crave safety and remember the times from the past. She sees things a bit differently mainly due to her victim mentality. She got emotional because she saw you were doing so well and wanted you to share your happiness and success with her. If you weren’t married, she would probably have come on way stronger.
You should keep enjoying your life without her. If you start talking to her, you could get guilt-tripped and forced to solve her problems for her.
Best wishes,
Zan
Thanks, Zan. No chance of my intervening in her life at all. Period. I did consider if things were different and I was single for one reason or another at this moment, would I consider re-engaging in some form. The answer is a profound ‘NO!’
It was a curious experience that when I saw the old photos of her that started this whole process, I had close to no emotional response. In fact, I was hard pressed to recall what I had ever found attractive about her. No doubt this reaction is colored by our history, but I was still surprised by my own lack of emotion upon seeing those old photos.
Hi Zed.
Stay away from her physically and delete her old photos. Whether they make you feel anything is irrevelant. You’ve got to let go. And that’s the most important thing.
Sincerely,
Zan
I have wondered about this as my relationship which was 10 years strong ended with my ex monkey branching, walking out, then ghosting me all at the same time. She has recently texted me saying that she would like to talk but cannot and doesn’t know when she will be able to for whatever reason. I briefly answered her text then went right back into no contact. Mutual acquaintances have told me that she is stressed out and her life is a mess. She has stopped paying her bills and her very last text she referred to things as “hectic” and “unnerving”. I can’t say I am sad to hear that and I have become indifferent toward her and have slowly started to move on although I went through a breakdown of sorts for over a month after she vanished. If she had this kind of epiphany and came back at some point I am not sure how I would react. I am the second 10 year plus relationship in which she has cheated and the first was with her husband of 19 years and no, I wasn’t the one she cheated with. I came along 2 years after the fact. This article hit home and wish anyone in this situation the best. It slowly gets better and I am living proof of that.
Hi Tony.
Your ex wants to talk about what she did and why she did it. This is for her conscience and well-being rather than to reconcile. She probably had a small realization and wanted help with things she’s going through.
Stay in NC, Tony.
Best regards,
Zan